I’ve been dressing in femme clothes since I can’t even remember. Sheer pantyhose, satiny slips, and pretty panties had a hold of me since way before puberty. Always in private, closeted. Until I met a partner who allowed me to explore this part of my life, understanding me, and giving me the courage to feel and think and try on new clothes and new ideas.

Well into adulthood, I’ve had many chances ultimately to be “out,” and even meet up with others, and that has been always exciting. To be seen by others for a part of myself that doesn’t normally get to see the light of day has been affirming and has allowed me to understand these other dimensions to my life.

Still, my default was always simply, “I’m a mostly closeted crossdresser,” thinking that I was basically male and the dressing up would be something I did from time to time because I liked it. Usually in private, sometimes in public, sometimes on these weird social media hybrids where we’re sort of public, but always behind a screen.

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But I’ve hit a point where I’ve been able to reflect on my life a bit more (and had some really good input from others) and realize that it’s not just about clothes. Or, rather, as Mark Twain and many others have stated, “The clothes make the man.” Er, well, in this case, the clothes make the woman. The clothes aren’t just an appendage and tossed off at will but have deep connections to our inside.

I’ve become (or, maybe, always have been) more than a man dressed up like a woman. I am sometimes a man, such as in my professional life and around family members. But I am also sometimes a woman, in private and sometimes public. And then too, I’m also often somewhere in between, or beyond, or in some place that doesn’t fit easily within the binary.

So, with this writing, I’m declaring that I am genderfluid, as that feels like a good enough label to use for now. (I could do all the blah, blah about how labels don’t mean anything, and we capitalists demand our power of individuality and choice, but I’m a pragmatist and the words we use can be a help. I think it’s about how we use the terms, and not letting the terms use us.) And while “nonbinary” (NB) is the term many are using, I just dislike the lack of lyricism in that term, much less the way it creates its own binary (there’s binary and there’s non-binary). Genderfluid just sounds right.

For now, it fits.

Thanks for reading. Love to hear responses, even though I’m just writing this for me to be out there.


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Active Member
21 days ago

Thank you for Sharing your very thought provoking and articulate article with which I can definitely identify as gender fluid..
I may be the first to comment but I am sure I won’t be the only one.
thank you again. Regards, Leonara

Connie Malone
Active Member
21 days ago

Non-binary just sounds, to me, like a stubborn stand against gender conformity. Gender fluid is better, I suppose, but I can’t help but think of it sounding like brake fluid – or, much worse, tr***y fluid. I have been hearing Bi-gender a lot, lately, but that implies going, back and forth, from one gender extreme to the other (Bi-binary, if you will – but I’ll bet you won’t). I might be called either trans-binary or a Binary Transgender Woman, but I’ll only answer to my name, Connie.

Denise Trainer Lip
21 days ago

Hi Stefani, I have come to the same conclusion. I am also gender fluid. I find if I attach myself to either end of the gender spectrum for any length of time, moving forward with my life becomes difficult. So I start moving toward the other end of the gender spectrum and find it helps me cope.

Jessica Powers
20 days ago

Wow!! Just wow! this really hit home. Thank you for putting it like this. I always wonder if maybe we’re labeling ourselves into boxes so much so that we are afraid to let these little pieces of ourselves out.

Amanda Littrel
20 days ago

I loved your article. I have been telling a few people close to me about coming out and they have been supportive. I went shopping for the first time in a long time. It felt so normal shopping for women’s clothing. I never felt so happy before.

Kianna Matthews
19 days ago

Thank you so much for sharing this. Very touching and very inspirational. ❤

Lucinda Hawkns
Active Member
19 days ago

you look absolutely lovely enjoy the fem side as much as you can you only life once {Y.O.L.O }

Brandy B
Brandy B
18 days ago

Stefani: Love your post. You are pretty amazing!

Robin Snow
16 days ago

Hi Stefani, I find your article quite timely. Over the past several weeks I’ve been reflecting on where I sit on this wonderful spectrum. The more I thought about it the more I realized genderfluid best expresses who I am and how I feel. While I a completely comfortable in either mode of travel, I generally move about my day in a hybrid mode. Some days leaning more feminine while other days more masculine.


16 days ago

Great feed back thank you for sharing . Brittney.

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