Finding Community
I knew my time in California would never be enough. I had crossed the Rubicon and coming back was simply not an option. Over the next several months I understood just how profound the joy of my complete self turned out to be. I had denied ‘all of me’ to myself and that ceased to be an option.
Things had to change.
It took some time, but by the late summer/early fall of 2023, I decided to shift my online attention and ditched some of the troublesome and darker online spaces. After closing those accounts, I looked for something better. I no longer felt like I was just a cross-dresser and felt this was simply nothing like a phase or fetish.
I found TransgenderHeaven.com; a wonderful community but somehow, I was not gaining enough connection. When I learned about CrossdresserHeaven.com, I thought it too may not be a good fit, but thought I should give the site a try as someone at TGH convinced me that CDH had a more vibrant atmosphere—and from day 1 that was proven to be true.
On my arrival at CDH — from my intro post, to entering the chatroom — I was blown away with everyone’s welcoming and kind nature. I became a regular visitor to the chat room, a few times a week, and got to know some of the other regulars ‘virtually’. For the first time, I felt like I could engage in dialogue about anything. The site and chat are so well monitored that the fear of someone sharing a nasty image or some other tawdry element just would not happen. The shift was profound for me. I felt like I just became whole each time I logged in.
It was not long before I learned that many of the CDH ladies attended an event called Keystone Conference in Harrisburg, PA. They mentioned that this would be a real opportunity to spend time as my true self in a safe environment and learn a lot about the topics, and of the issues we face, in the trans community.
That still elusive ‘complete self’ was calling and I recognized the desire and need to start building something in the real world offline: making friends and connections with people who would know all of me; could it be as simple as attending this conference?
I discussed it with my wife and she was supportive of my attendance. She concurred that meeting others and making friends would be vital and I should strongly consider attending in 2024. Getting support and feedback from the ladies at CDH proved that it was a great opportunity for me to start building on the success and warmth I felt from my trip out west.
And so — after getting to know the names in chat at CDH — I found myself at the bar in the Harrisburg Hilton in March of 2024, face-to-face with some spectacular ladies. I could not have found a better group of people. Was it simple luck or something else? Whatever it was, I took full advantage of an incredibly kind group of ladies who provided support, advice and time. My eyes were opened even wider in this bright new moment. The entire experience of the conference left me understanding my true self in ways I could only have dreamt of as that gawky kid 40 years earlier.
By the time summer was winding down, I began taking my journey to new places.
This past March of 2025, I made my second visit to Keystone. As I arrived on the Tuesday prior to the conference, I came to see just how much I had changed and how comfortable I felt. I connected with my friends from CDH and made new ones. I found myself so familiar with so many ladies; I couldn’t go down for a quick cup of coffee without it turning into a wonderfully extended 45-minute dialogue, then running into someone else with whom I had connected either at the conference last year, or at CDH. With the pace of the conference, I know I missed out on meeting so many other ladies from CDH. I am already looking ahead to 2026.
I had really started building a vibrant community for myself that I desperately needed. It was peaceful, immersive but mostly, it was all so ‘normal’ — and it has changed my life for the better.
I look ahead, and God willing, I remain healthy and can make many more Keystone Conferences to come. To get to know many more of the ladies of CDH and TGH through chat and perhaps other events and meets.
Some might be bitter or angry. “You could have had this all sooner in life,” they might say, “why didn’t you address your gender identity earlier in life?”
While it has not been in my nature, I choose to be positive — perhaps part of the emerging ‘new’ me? I choose to understand that I had to be ready for the journey. I had to understand what I needed to do, and be ready to take on the fear I was feeling and defeat it. Forcing something like this was never going to yield a positive result, and could do more harm than good.
One could spend a lifetime lamenting about a past they cannot change or they can live in the present they can change, while preparing for a future yet to be discovered. I choose to live for a brighter, more vibrant and complete future.
Here’s to tomorrow.
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Dear Andrea,
“To everything Turn, Turn, Turn
There is a season Turn, Turn, Turn
And a time to every purpose under ‘HEAVEN'"….
Sincerely and With Love at nearly 70.
Only begun not much older than 60.
Better Never Late
But as You State
Better Late than Never
Thea OX
Thanks for reading and for the support.
Oh how we wish we could do it earlier but life isn’t like that for us is it? Had someone asked me if I could change when young the answer would have been ‘Yes’ without hesitation. It is what it is and now older it is good when the time and conditions change where embracing ourselves becomes real. Support is vital and here at C.D.H. it offers support, friendships and experience that can make you part of a community and also offer the chance to attend events or just a meeting with someone who is close to your area.… Read more »
Thank you, Angela. I too focus on what can be in the present and future. Lamenting that I did not act earlier is just too dark and just becomes circular. Best to focus on today and tomorrow.
Thank you Andrea for an informative and for me an inspirational article… inspirational for me because of your positive experiences at Keystone’24 and Keystone’25 .. I have been eyeing and encourage to go but could not schedule due to certain obligations… and probably coming to grips with my”gender identity”..with my attendance, as you mentioned, an opportunity to express my true self. 💁♀️ … Hopefully, I will be able to thank you in person ..
Warmest regards, Leonara
Tomorrow is never guaranteed, Leonara. I truly hope you find a way to make it in 2026.
I didn’t get to come out until after I was 70. Yes, it was late but I’m just glad it happened. You’re younger and have many wonderful years ahead of you to enjoy life as Andrea. Move forward at a pace you’re comfortable with and enjoy!
I look forward to seeing you next March.
Indeed — better late then never. Thanks Fiona. Looking ahead to next March and beyond.
Dear Fiona, I feel as if I’ve just been promoted to YOUR TEAM. I too am up in years. I can’t ‘get around’ on the fast ball as I once did. But, I promise to practice hard, and TRY TO do the things I could have if I sported a younger body and younger face. Misery loves company BUT STRENGTH and ENCOURAGEMENT LiGHTS a FIRE IN THOSE no matter how OLD THEY ARE. I may not be in today’s starting lineup, but the game is 9 innings. WHO KNOWS if and when Thea may be NEEDED. I could still help… Read more »
@Thea Patrick ❤️ ❤️ ❤️
Another lovely and informative article, Andrea. One could spend a lifetime lamenting about a past they cannot change or they can live in the present they can change I’ve said, more than once, Oh, how I wish I could have been this happy much earlier. Maybe I wasn’t ready, maybe I was too scared to look in case I didn’t like what I might see. Maybe, maybe maybe.. On a recent visit to my local Health Centre (I wrote about this already), I “came out" to the two nurses who were administering the test I was there for. I did… Read more »
There is a lot of truth to what you have said here Allie. I think one has to feel some sense of confidence, and some inner peace about the kinds of decisions we make — particularly something like this. I am where I need to be right now. Tomorrow looks so much better because of it.
Andrea,
Some of us girls just get started late in life. I sure did. Sounds to me like you are making great strides! Enjoy your beautiful journey!!
Lara xo
I agree Lara. As others have mentioned — we have to be mentally ready for the journey. Thanks for reading.
Thank you Andrea for sharing this with us. Looking at where I am now, I often lament not getting here sooner but I also consider that younger me might not have had the maturity or the wisdom to handle it as well older me. There is an element of “right timing" in all of this and we must choose to make the most of what we have in front of us and not worry about whats behind.
So right Michelle. I feel as though I was precisely in that situation.
You have such a positive attitude about your journey, and I love how you feel the CDH community was welcoming and instructive.
Hi Donna,
it has been an amazing group here at CDH and TGH. I cannot say enough positive things. I have long felt its best to build a more positive attitude even with the down times because life is just way too short for the toxic negativity. There is so much of that as it is in this world. No need for me to add to it. Thanks so much for reading along.
Thank you Andrea for sharing this with us. I am approaching 70 and have been an “on and off” crossdresser for over 50 of these years.
It is only in the past year that I am finally realising that crossdressing is a very important part of what makes me who I really am.
What you say is really inspiring and makes me wish to embrace more fully my feminine side…God bless you, I wish you love and happiness on your journey.
Wendy
Thank yo so much Wendy. I am thankful for your well wishes and blessings. I am glad to have provided any insight. May you find joy and happiness as well.
Thank you Andrea 🙏❤️
Thank you for sharing! As somone who has just recently started taking steps to accept this side of them that was pushed down for so long, this truly gives me hope and inspiration. ❤️
There is always hope if you allow there to be. Stay positive. There are so many resources available here at CDH.