Hi everyone!! My name is Bren. I want to introduce myself and share my crossdressing story.

My journey began at age five, 53 years ago. My best friend was the girl who lived next door. We played together all the time and I would wear her ruffled black dress in our backyards. We planned to get married when we grew up; she wanted to be the groom and I would be the bride. (How I wish she was in my life now!).

As I entered into puberty, I did a lot of experimenting with my mom’s clothes and makeup. I loved the way silky lingerie felt against my skin. Around 13 or 14, I’d already acquired my own pantyhose, high heels, bra, and a 2 piece outfit—skirt and halter top. I began practicing with makeup, but never mastered it to look good. I would go to the local park and dress up in the woods where I would walk around outdoors, and it felt great! It was so exciting and free.

Slowly, I gathered my courage and began walking closer to the road where I could be seen. I was very skinny, about 130 pounds and had very long blond, thick curly hair. I’m sure I didn’t look like a girl up close, but I loved doing it. Once, an older man approached me and propositioned me. I admit, I considered it, but declined.

One night, while my parents went to dinner, I went all out and got dolled up and sat watching TV in the living room, where I ended up falling asleep. The next thing I knew, my folks came walking through the door and freaked out. They made me sit at the kitchen table in my dress, heels and make up while they screamed at me. My older brother and sister listened. My Dad, he was a he man, beer drinking, bar fighting Construction worker. He called me a fag, and that he wasn’t raising me as his daughter. The banter went on for what seemed like hours.

I was so humiliated; I began thinking something was wrong with me. I cried for hours. They made me go see a shrink, who also said that something must be wrong with my chemistry. I hated him and finally refused to go anymore, telling my parents I was cured. But I wasn’t. I learned to hide my secret better.

When I was 23, I told my live-in girlfriend my secret. I wanted so badly to let my inner female out and share it with someone. At first she objected, but I used my dressing up as a way to spice up our sex life. Soon we were dress shopping together, and she planned her weekend dates with Brenda. We loved garter belts, stockings, and lacy bras. We’d wear matching Victoria Secret lingerie to work. It was a great time in my life, but eventually we broke up.

I went through a short period of time were I began to think I might be gay. Brenda “dated” a couple guys. It was fun, but I found out that I am truly attracted to woman. My next live-in girlfriend found out my secret right away. I took the same approach with her, explaining that it would spice up our sex life. My biggest mistake was in allowing her to film me dressed with no makeup or wig. A couple years later, after we split, she showed the film to everyone we knew out of spite.

Once again, I was humiliated, feeling as low as low as one could go. You must understand, I lived at a time when crossdressers were considered to be sexual perverts, something weird that was not acceptable. This is what I’d been told that by my parents and the shrink. We had no internet, no Jenner, no outlet to express who we really were. Although there’s still a lot of stigma attached in being a crossdresser, things are so much better now. Thank God for this website!!

I stuck Brenda in a closet for the past 23 years, but she’s knocking loudly on the door, wanting to get out and express herself. I’ll be back to share more of more story; thanks for reading!

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Breanna Leigh

First, my real, legal name is now Breanne Leigh, I used the name Brenda for many years but decided to change it for a fresh start when I went to court to legally change my name. Unfortunately, the website does not allow us to change our user names so please, accept my apologies if there is any confusion. Now, I knew when I was just 5 years old that I was a girl in a boy's body, but when I told my parents, they did not understand and scolded me for wearing the neighbor girls dress. By the time I was 15 years old, I was fully transforming myself into a girl on a regular basis. I felt much more comfortable presenting as a female and had no male interests and few friends. I would dress up and walk around my neighborhood after dark and eventually, my parents caught me en femme and sent me to a psychiatrist, thinking I was becoming a "Sexual deviate". The psychiatrist was an older man who also had a negative, stereotypical attitude about people like me supporting my parents narrow minded thinking. I was placed on medication and forced into counseling sessions that never went well for me. I was told by my parents that it I continued my behavior I would become a transvestite child molester. What a thing to say to a very confused, young kid with gender issues and not sexual issues!! I knew I liked girls but I was very curious about boy's and often fantasized about them. Eventually I lied to my parents, telling them it was only a phase and that I was cured. It was just what they wanted to hear and I was able to stop the medication and counseling sessions. I learned a lesson, be descrite!!! I bought my first car at 16 and started accumulating a new female wardrobe, keeping it in a box in the trunk of my car. I soon started going to gay and CD bars using a fake ID since the drinking age was 18, experimenting with sex with both genders. I moved out of my parents home in Michigan moving to Florida where my cross dressing soon became living full time as a girl. I always had low testosterone levels so I could not grow facial hair until I was about 25. My thick, blond, long, curly hair had grow to my butt and was styled very feminine and my body was small. I easily passed as a girl and loved going to clubs with my then girlfriend who accepted me as I was. We loved wearing tight, short dresses with heels, hitting the dance floor watching all the guys drool over my girlfriend and I. We had a lot of fun and my sexual experimentation became more of an obsession. All good things come to an end and we eventually broke up leaving me lonely and broken hearted. So I started hitting straight bars near my house looking for fun and I met a cute guy who showed interest in me. Us trans girls often go with anyone who shows us attention, even when we know we shouldn't!! I ended up going with him to a old house back in the Florida swamps where 3 men beat me to within inches of my life. When the beating ended my skull was cracked open, nose and jaw broken, broken ribs and right arm, my pelvis was cracked and my right lung punctured and collapsed due to a stab wound. They dumped my lifeless body in tall weeds next to the bar making it look like I got jumped leaving the bar. A young couple found me and called the police and I can still remember hearing the cop say, " Dressed like that, he got what he desearved". I spent a couple weeks in the hospital before going to a friend's house where I stayed to heal. I vowed never to get beat up again and my anger fueled the next 23 years of my life. Once I was well, I purged, cut my hair and started living as a male, again putting everything female behind me. I started lifting weights and quickly began injecting testosterone and steroids to build muscle mass. With all the hormones racing thru my body I also became very aggressive and started getting into bar fights often times beating the hell out of some poor guy for no reason. My misery introduced me to heroin and we had an intense relationship for several years. After some time I settled into a comfortable life of shooting dope and alcoholism. I was very big and defined and was recruited to join a local motorcycle club, which I did. I was living back in Michigan by now and no one knew anything about my feminine past and I truly felt I was completely cured of everything girl. Soon I was involved in a lot of illegal activity and caught a case going to prison with two life sentences. I thought my life was all over!! However, the good Lord shines on us sometimes when we least expect it. My father hired a lawyer for me and I got a new trial and evidence that convicted me and that violated my amendment rights had to be thrown out of court and I was released. I retired from the club, (named withheld for obvious reasons), on good standing never turning states evidence against anyone, and went to work in my chosen trade. It was not long before I found myself being harassed by the local police department as well as the feds so I ended up moving to Arizona for a fresh start where I opened a successful business. In 2015 I began thinking about my past and by 2017 I could remember the wonderful feminine feelings of my youth. No longer was I clouded with alcohol and drugs that I had used for years to numb myself. By November 2018 I found CDH and after a couple of posts discussing concerns I had, I came out to my SO of 23 years and hit the stores buying. By December 2018 I was going out en femme and by February 2019, I started therapy with a gender therapist and immediately so many memories I had suppressed came racing back into my mind. That's when I realized that transition is an absolute must in I am to ever live a normal life free of my gender dysphoria.. In April 2019 I began HRT and soon after I consulted with Dr Ley at the Meltzer Clinic about surgery. I want to give the HRT a year to start working before breast augmentation and I must save funds as I have no insurance to pay for my surgeries. I have been living as a woman 24/7 since April 2019 and am very comfortable and confident finally living as my true self. So many wasted years, so much wasted energy spent because I did not understand who and what I was, and am, as a child. So much chaos and heartache could have been avoided. And, this is a brief summary of my experiences as there is not enough room here to tell the whole story. I do not allow negative life experiences to affect who I am anymore. Today I love helping people when I can, I love hearing other people's stories and I absolutely Love all forms of life. I am a certified, practising shaman associated with The Foundation for Shamanic Studies and The Four Winds Society and I also have 3 years credits towards my psychiatry licensing but I make my living from my plumbing business. No longer do I hide who I am and it's a great feeling!!!

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Fiona-Ann Moss
Lady
Active Member

Oh Bren, nice story. You sure have had your ups and downs, but you have fought through it all. Dressing femme is a thing which never goes away, sure, some people can supress it for a while, but the desires keep coming back and why shouldn’t they? they are part of you, after all. It was rather unfortunate falling asleep and your mum and dad finding out the way they did but maybe these thing happen for a reason, to make us stronger and more determined perhaps. Your girlfriend showing the film to everyone was a cruel thing to do,… Read more »

Lucinda Hawkns
Lady
Active Member

hello Bren, thanks for sharing your journey. sorry to hear all the dis appointments in this journey. yes back then x dressing was not allowed, or never heard of. but know we see it on T.V. the internet{ thank God got the internet } society is not willing to accept the x dressing for some reason. but we hear about woman getting married to woman and men marring men, we see it on T.V men wearing female cloths, men are gay, { i hate that word } but we see it on a daily basis. woman wearing men clothing and… Read more »

Sofi
Member
Member

Hi Lucinda – apologies for busting in an your chat but my situation has a little resonance with you and Polly, I am of similar age and love everything you said about the feel of our clothes – nylons in the wind, what a treat it is to be able walk freely outside, even if it’sin the dark on a very quiet lane where I live 🙂 My wife, who was the first person I came out o a couple of years ago can’t handle it at all – funnily enough though it’s taken her two years to process it… Read more »

https://www.crossdresserheaven.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/11/woman-gray-1.jpg
Guest
Rochelle Mooney

I Love your story, it is all so familiar. Hugs Rochelle.

melissa la quinta
Duchess
Active Member

Yes, many elements of your story resonate with my own memories. I hope you’ll soon be able to get dolled up and proudly join other CD’s and Trans women for an event, even if it’s just an informal Girls Night Out. It’s so important to have the support of other gurls. God luck sweet Bren!

Micah Dean
Lady

Touching story Bren. I am of your era and have found myself dressing more and and more of late. Agreed, it is an inner struggle to understand your own sexuality. I ask myself as you do l, am I gay or straight, but I see my wife and how beautiful women are and know I am heterosexual. I helped my wife a lot today pick out some new make up today. Little does she know I work on my own technique through her trials and tribulations. In any event the world has changed since we we were young. You were… Read more »

April (Pacific Princess)
Ambassador
Active Member

Bren – I can so relate. I suppressed my crossdressing for over 30 years, from my mid 20s until my late 50s. I’m 61 now and have been dressing again for the past 2-1/2 years. It has been a blessing to finally be able to be myself. I don’t dress all the time, but it is nice to be able to dress when the urge is there. My wife is understanding to a point, and for that I am grateful, but it would be nice to have a partner that wants to be a part of April’s life. I hope… Read more »

skippy1965 Cynthia
Ambassador
Trusted Member

Bren-thanks for sharing your story. I’m a few years behind you (I’ll b 54 soon) but still remember those pre-internet days well to. My parents weren’t abusive when they discoverd me but could tell it wasn’t something they were happy about. Cyn went underground and (I thought/hoped) disappeared when I got married but it was less than a year before my wife caught me dressed. She almost left but stayed after I begged and promised to stop. Didn’t happen of course so after holding the marriage together for another 12 years we split. Cyn took a bit to come out… Read more »

Erin Hastings
Lady

Thank you Bren, I am so sorry about your pain. I cant imagine a video outing at the hands of a vindictive soul. I am almost 50. Been dressing since I was 9. Started on a dare from an older sister. Little boys dont turn down dares. I too have had periods of neglecting my sexy side. About 5 yrs ago I went thru some personal trials (divorce). Found myself wearing my girlfriends things when she was working. Then I discovered internet shopping! Oh boy! Or girl. I have a huge wardrobe now. Way more female clothes than male. My… Read more »

Sofi
Member
Member

SO happy that your Girlfriend at least lets you ‘get away with it’ so long as it’s not in her face, I’m going to have to move into a caravan in our garden to give my wife the space she needs to process what I admitted to being after 28 years of marriage at age 56!
She’s super-angry and upset (who can blame her, really) but I still have hopes we can be friends again, best wishes to you and good luck from the best part of the UK – West Wales 🙂

Chrissie Cross
Lady
Member

Hi Bren and thank you for sharing your story. Mine isnt exactly the same, but it rhymes! I hope to submit it for publication soon and I hope you will give it a read.
All the best,
Chrissie

Gail Bingyi
Lady
Member

Hi Bren it was lovely to read your story adn in certain parts we could swap Bren for Glenda and it would read my life story as well. Like you I had a massive hiatus where Glenda was denied for a long time but she is here and a part of me so I have to acknowledge her. My SO has found me out in the past and like you I have told her it was all a phase and past history but and some will think me evil but I live Glenda when ever I can sometimes in private… Read more »

Sofi
Member
Member

Eek – I worry about that approach to your SO Glenda but it is what I (almost) wish I’d done with mine: instead I came out completely and hoped we’d be able to survive the emotional turmoil… We didn’t but I am STILL hopeful that if I can give her space (by moving into a caravan in our garden) she will be able to re-adjust and see me again as the soul mate, and friend if not lover, that I still am – even after breaking the dreadful XD news about two years ago… What I am saying is, it’s… Read more »

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