Hi everyone!! My name is Bren. I want to introduce myself and share my crossdressing story.

My journey began at age five, 53 years ago. My best friend was the girl who lived next door. We played together all the time and I would wear her ruffled black dress in our backyards. We planned to get married when we grew up; she wanted to be the groom and I would be the bride. (How I wish she was in my life now!).

As I entered into puberty, I did a lot of experimenting with my mom’s clothes and makeup. I loved the way silky lingerie felt against my skin. Around 13 or 14, I’d already acquired my own pantyhose, high heels, bra, and a 2 piece outfit—skirt and halter top. I began practicing with makeup, but never mastered it to look good. I would go to the local park and dress up in the woods where I would walk around outdoors, and it felt great! It was so exciting and free.

Slowly, I gathered my courage and began walking closer to the road where I could be seen. I was very skinny, about 130 pounds and had very long blond, thick curly hair. I’m sure I didn’t look like a girl up close, but I loved doing it. Once, an older man approached me and propositioned me. I admit, I considered it, but declined.

One night, while my parents went to dinner, I went all out and got dolled up and sat watching TV in the living room, where I ended up falling asleep. The next thing I knew, my folks came walking through the door and freaked out. They made me sit at the kitchen table in my dress, heels and make up while they screamed at me. My older brother and sister listened. My Dad, he was a he man, beer drinking, bar fighting Construction worker. He called me a fag, and that he wasn’t raising me as his daughter. The banter went on for what seemed like hours.

I was so humiliated; I began thinking something was wrong with me. I cried for hours. They made me go see a shrink, who also said that something must be wrong with my chemistry. I hated him and finally refused to go anymore, telling my parents I was cured. But I wasn’t. I learned to hide my secret better.

When I was 23, I told my live-in girlfriend my secret. I wanted so badly to let my inner female out and share it with someone. At first she objected, but I used my dressing up as a way to spice up our sex life. Soon we were dress shopping together, and she planned her weekend dates with Brenda. We loved garter belts, stockings, and lacy bras. We’d wear matching Victoria Secret lingerie to work. It was a great time in my life, but eventually we broke up.

I went through a short period of time were I began to think I might be gay. Brenda “dated” a couple guys. It was fun, but I found out that I am truly attracted to woman. My next live-in girlfriend found out my secret right away. I took the same approach with her, explaining that it would spice up our sex life. My biggest mistake was in allowing her to film me dressed with no makeup or wig. A couple years later, after we split, she showed the film to everyone we knew out of spite.

Once again, I was humiliated, feeling as low as low as one could go. You must understand, I lived at a time when crossdressers were considered to be sexual perverts, something weird that was not acceptable. This is what I’d been told that by my parents and the shrink. We had no internet, no Jenner, no outlet to express who we really were. Although there’s still a lot of stigma attached in being a crossdresser, things are so much better now. Thank God for this website!!

I stuck Brenda in a closet for the past 23 years, but she’s knocking loudly on the door, wanting to get out and express herself. I’ll be back to share more of more story; thanks for reading!

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Breanna Leigh

First, my real, legal name is now Breanna Leigh West, I used the name Brenda for many years but decided to change it for a fresh start when I went to court to legally change my name. Unfortunately, the website does not allow us to change our user names so please, accept my apologies if there is any confusion. Now, I knew when I was just 5 years old that I was a girl in a boy's body, but when I told my parents, they did not understand and scolded me for wearing the neighbor girls dress. By the time I was 15 years old, I was fully transforming myself into a girl on a regular basis. I felt much more comfortable presenting as a female and had no male interests and few friends. I would dress up and walk around my neighborhood after dark and eventually, my parents caught me en femme and sent me to a psychiatrist, thinking I was becoming a "Sexual deviate". The psychiatrist was an older man who also had a negative, stereotypical attitude about people like me supporting my parents narrow minded thinking. I was placed on medication and forced into counseling sessions that never went well for me. I was told by my parents that it I continued my behavior I would become a transvestite child molester. What a thing to say to a very confused, young kid with gender issues and not sexual issues!! I knew I liked girls but I was very curious about boy's and often fantasized about them. Eventually I lied to my parents, telling them it was only a phase and that I was cured. It was just what they wanted to hear and I was able to stop the medication and counseling sessions. I learned a lesson, be descrite!!! I bought my first car at 16 and started accumulating a new female wardrobe, keeping it in a box in the trunk of my car. I soon started going to XXX Movie theaters & bookstores where I found that there were men who liked young, cute, feminine CD's like me. Next was gay and CD bars using a fake ID since the drinking age was 18, where I began experimenting with sex with all genders. I moved out of my parents home in Michigan moving to Florida where my cross dressing soon became living full time as a girl. I always had low testosterone levels so I could not grow facial hair until I was about 25. My thick, blond, long, curly hair had grow to my butt and was styled very feminine and my body was small. I easily passed as a girl and loved going to clubs with my then transexual girlfriend who accepted me as I was. We loved wearing tight, short dresses with heels, hitting the dance floor watching all the guys drool over my girlfriend and I. We had a lot of fun and my sexual experimentation became more intense All good things come to an end and we eventually broke up leaving me lonely and broken hearted. So I started hitting straight bars near my house looking for fun and I met a cute guy who showed interest in me. Us trans girls often go with anyone who shows us attention, even when we know we shouldn't!! I ended up going with him to a old house back in the Florida swamps where 3 men beat me to within inches of my life. When the beating ended my skull was cracked open, nose and jaw broken, broken ribs and right arm, my pelvis was cracked and my right lung punctured and collapsed due to a stab wound. They dumped my lifeless body in tall weeds next to the bar making it look like I got jumped leaving the bar. A young couple found me and called the police and I can still remember hearing the cop say, " Dressed like that, he got what he desearved". I spent a couple weeks in the hospital and moved back to my parents house in Michigan where the rule was, no dressing as a girl. I decided during this time to run and put my all into being a tough male so I would never get beat up again. Anger, alcohol, drugs testosterone and steroids fueled my male life. I had purged, cut my hair and started living as a male. I started lifting weights and quickly began injecting testosterone and steroids to build muscle mass. With all the hormones racing thru my body I also became very aggressive and started getting into bar fights often times beating the hell out of some poor guy for no reason. My misery introduced me to heroin and we had an intense relationship for several years. After some time I settled into a comfortable life of shooting dope and alcoholism. I was very big and defined and was recruited to join a local motorcycle club, which I did. . I made a lot of poor decisions during this time in my life not understanding why I felt so miserable I really thought the whole girl thing was behind me, knowing all the time that she was there tugging at me. I eventually met my life partner, Nancy, who turned out to be my Savior Angel!! She Loved me so deeply, never passing judgement on me or placing unreal expectations to be anything but myself. We ended up moving to Arizona for a fresh start where I opened my plumbing business, bought and played for my house and all seemed to be going well for us, until, we found Nancy had terminal liver disease. It was about this time I came across CDH and met some great Marie's who helped me sort out some questions I had for myself regarding my past cross dressing. So I told Nancy about my past and my desire to th again to see if I could again pass as a woman. We went shopping and within two weeks I was going out both with Nancy and by myself. Everything was happening so quickly and I decided I should see a gender therapist to sort things out, and did I !!! I finally came to terms with the fact that my original feeling at age 5 was right, I should have been born a girl. So Much time wasted!!! And I cannot get it back!! All because my parents, and society did not understand what a trans person was when I grew up. But I cannot harbor any anger or resentment, there has been far too much of that already!! What I can say is that I finally found peace within myself And, I now live, work and dress as a girl!!! I never found the act of cross dressing sexually gratifying in itself, looking back, it was an expression of who I was. So, I don't consider myself a cross dresser any longer. I am a pre op transsexual woman who is on HR T and very soon to have breast augmentation to replace my tiny boobs created by hormone therapy I recently lost my life partner, Nancy, who lost her battle to liver cancer in the end. I admit, my heart is broken as she was my complete family and support system, always supporting me to express my authentic self and not live a lie. But this time will pass and a whole new chapter in my life now begins. I know people are afraid of rejection but to hide your cross dressing from your spouse only creates the appearance of deception which brings rejection!! Honesty is the answer ladie's and if someone requires that you live a lie and not fully express yourself, I don't think that is a healthy relationship. People tend to stay in unhealthy relationships out of insecurity and fear, two terrible, very negative emotions to live by, I know!!! So, Now, I live alone with Jasper, my beautiful, little Shih Zue dog in my home and run my plumbing shop and do nails as a woman from my home. I live, work and dress as a woman 24/7, 365 days a year. I am now happy expressing myself, I am pleasant and respectful to others. I am very social, able to speak to anyone and everyone without coming across like a lion. Female hormones have done a lot to "calm me down", but I too played a big part in my transition. Girls, in my experience, Confidence is the key to passing as a female!!, Make up, clothing, your mannerisms and walk are secondary. You Must be confident!! Because someone helped me I volunteer, free of charge to help anyone with any problem they may be facing as trans or CD woman. I have both college and worked as a inpatient therapist and can help with most issues. However, I am not a replacement for a professional gender therapist. I have successfully helped several girls by phone and in person from the site, so don't be shy, just ask.

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Fiona-Ann Moss
Active Member
Fiona-Ann Moss (@fiona06)
1 year ago

Oh Bren, nice story. You sure have had your ups and downs, but you have fought through it all. Dressing femme is a thing which never goes away, sure, some people can supress it for a while, but the desires keep coming back and why shouldn’t they? they are part of you, after all. It was rather unfortunate falling asleep and your mum and dad finding out the way they did but maybe these thing happen for a reason, to make us stronger and more determined perhaps. Your girlfriend showing the film to everyone was a cruel thing to do,… Read more »

Lucinda Hawkns
Active Member
Lucinda Hawkns (@dlgeb275)
1 year ago

hello Bren, thanks for sharing your journey. sorry to hear all the dis appointments in this journey. yes back then x dressing was not allowed, or never heard of. but know we see it on T.V. the internet{ thank God got the internet } society is not willing to accept the x dressing for some reason. but we hear about woman getting married to woman and men marring men, we see it on T.V men wearing female cloths, men are gay, { i hate that word } but we see it on a daily basis. woman wearing men clothing and… Read more »

Sofi
Member
Sofi (@sofi)
1 year ago
Reply to  Lucinda Hawkns

Hi Lucinda – apologies for busting in an your chat but my situation has a little resonance with you and Polly, I am of similar age and love everything you said about the feel of our clothes – nylons in the wind, what a treat it is to be able walk freely outside, even if it’sin the dark on a very quiet lane where I live 🙂 My wife, who was the first person I came out o a couple of years ago can’t handle it at all – funnily enough though it’s taken her two years to process it… Read more »

Member
Rochelle Mooney
1 year ago

I Love your story, it is all so familiar. Hugs Rochelle.

melissa la quinta
Duchess
Trusted Member
melissa la quinta (@melissa-la-quinta)
1 year ago

Yes, many elements of your story resonate with my own memories. I hope you’ll soon be able to get dolled up and proudly join other CD’s and Trans women for an event, even if it’s just an informal Girls Night Out. It’s so important to have the support of other gurls. God luck sweet Bren!

Micah Dean
Member
Micah Dean (@micahdean)
1 year ago

Touching story Bren. I am of your era and have found myself dressing more and and more of late. Agreed, it is an inner struggle to understand your own sexuality. I ask myself as you do l, am I gay or straight, but I see my wife and how beautiful women are and know I am heterosexual. I helped my wife a lot today pick out some new make up today. Little does she know I work on my own technique through her trials and tribulations. In any event the world has changed since we we were young. You were… Read more »

Micah Dean
Member
Micah Dean (@micahdean)
1 year ago
Reply to  Breanna Leigh

Thank you so much. I have never been out in female mode. Just not sure where I stand and what awaits me out there. . If I did go out for the first time it would not be in a short skirt. Maybe some plus fours and a fun top. I’ve worked hard on my look and your support is gratifying. Anyway, stay in touch. Micah

April (Pacific Princess)
Ambassador
Active Member
1 year ago

Bren – I can so relate. I suppressed my crossdressing for over 30 years, from my mid 20s until my late 50s. I’m 61 now and have been dressing again for the past 2-1/2 years. It has been a blessing to finally be able to be myself. I don’t dress all the time, but it is nice to be able to dress when the urge is there. My wife is understanding to a point, and for that I am grateful, but it would be nice to have a partner that wants to be a part of April’s life. I hope… Read more »

skippy1965 Cynthia
Ambassador
Trusted Member
skippy1965 Cynthia (@skippy1965)
1 year ago

Bren-thanks for sharing your story. I’m a few years behind you (I’ll b 54 soon) but still remember those pre-internet days well to. My parents weren’t abusive when they discoverd me but could tell it wasn’t something they were happy about. Cyn went underground and (I thought/hoped) disappeared when I got married but it was less than a year before my wife caught me dressed. She almost left but stayed after I begged and promised to stop. Didn’t happen of course so after holding the marriage together for another 12 years we split. Cyn took a bit to come out… Read more »

Erin Hastings
Erin Hastings (@erin24)
1 year ago

Thank you Bren, I am so sorry about your pain. I cant imagine a video outing at the hands of a vindictive soul. I am almost 50. Been dressing since I was 9. Started on a dare from an older sister. Little boys dont turn down dares. I too have had periods of neglecting my sexy side. About 5 yrs ago I went thru some personal trials (divorce). Found myself wearing my girlfriends things when she was working. Then I discovered internet shopping! Oh boy! Or girl. I have a huge wardrobe now. Way more female clothes than male. My… Read more »

Sofi
Member
Sofi (@sofi)
1 year ago
Reply to  Erin Hastings

SO happy that your Girlfriend at least lets you ‘get away with it’ so long as it’s not in her face, I’m going to have to move into a caravan in our garden to give my wife the space she needs to process what I admitted to being after 28 years of marriage at age 56!
She’s super-angry and upset (who can blame her, really) but I still have hopes we can be friends again, best wishes to you and good luck from the best part of the UK – West Wales 🙂

Chrissie Cross
Member
Chrissie Cross (@chrissie-cross)
1 year ago

Hi Bren and thank you for sharing your story. Mine isnt exactly the same, but it rhymes! I hope to submit it for publication soon and I hope you will give it a read.
All the best,
Chrissie

Gail Bingyi
Member
Gail Bingyi (@gbingyi61)
1 year ago

Hi Bren it was lovely to read your story adn in certain parts we could swap Bren for Glenda and it would read my life story as well. Like you I had a massive hiatus where Glenda was denied for a long time but she is here and a part of me so I have to acknowledge her. My SO has found me out in the past and like you I have told her it was all a phase and past history but and some will think me evil but I live Glenda when ever I can sometimes in private… Read more »

Sofi
Member
Sofi (@sofi)
1 year ago
Reply to  Gail Bingyi

Eek – I worry about that approach to your SO Glenda but it is what I (almost) wish I’d done with mine: instead I came out completely and hoped we’d be able to survive the emotional turmoil… We didn’t but I am STILL hopeful that if I can give her space (by moving into a caravan in our garden) she will be able to re-adjust and see me again as the soul mate, and friend if not lover, that I still am – even after breaking the dreadful XD news about two years ago… What I am saying is, it’s… Read more »

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