I’ve been blessed to be your Managing Editor for over two years. Believe me when I say, “I’ve read it all.” I’ve enjoyed my time being in the background, helping to give voice to so many of you that have important stories to tell. I created the Hodgepodge column to publish those articles that aren’t the usual introduction to how we got to this point in our lives. The Media Review showcases our presence in movies, books, and online. Hope and Light is about sharing a positive message about our community. Your weekly Reset tackles the deeper issues surrounding us and our place in the world. One could spend countless hours going back through the archives and find tips and tricks, heartbreak, successes, hope, uncertainty, and everything that is special about our collective group. Which leads me to…
Brina’s corner is going to be my special little place where I’m going to share my insights (much of which has come from all of you) on what it means to be a crossdresser, or in my case as it is with so many of us, being slightly more. There are others on this site that offer guidance on transitioning for those seeking that path. You can also head over to our sister site Transgenderheaven.com to learn more. I think of them as the big sister with the responsibility to look out for and protect us. They’ve been there and done that. You’ll find many of us frequent both sites as they are both similar and distinctive. Personally, I’ve been something more for a long time. I’m not sure I’ll ever arrive at the answer to what my more really is, and that’s ok. I have found (MY WAY) to exist within the world that I live. A wise person once said, “There is a vast difference between wants and needs, be careful that you don’t mistake one for the other.”
To be honest, I came here looking for my own answers. The main one: Why am I this way? While I’ve found many answers to that and other concerns, what I really found was a safe environment filled with others like me and not so much like me. We are a large collective that have assembled under the umbrella of “Crossdresser.” If I ask you, “What is a crossdresser?” I’m sure that the answers would be as varied as the makeup of our site. I have an analytic side to my creative one that could build a spreadsheet to show the who’s who of our site and it might surprise many of you.
It reminds me of being back in school. We’re a collective of little cliques that carve out their own little niches within the CDH universe. And just like the real world, they don’t always see eye to eye. I was one of those people in school that traversed multiple cliques and never completely settled into one, thus, I was mostly a loner with a few close friends. I played sports successfully, I was a top student, I did band and chorus, I was involved in clubs and church, and (I also knew how to party…) Such is my life as I examine my crossdressing experiences, I’m still dipping a painted toe into many of the pools within our site.
That loner part of me has carried through my life as I tend to champion the underdogs and hate labels. I understand their need, (The world can’t seem to survive without them) but I see the world more simply (some call it seeing the bigger picture) and respect those who feel the need to use them. Labels have given power to those who wield them as much as they’ve been used to tear others apart. Our world has become a reflection of the politics, religion, and of a culture that utilizes labels more than ever before. Enough said on that point as I will surely come back to it down the road. My point for today; we are one, we are many, and we are in this together. If we are going to embrace the term Crossdresser, then we must also accept all the subheadings that go with it, whether it conforms to our little clique’s set of parameters or not. But herein lies the problem. If you search online for a clear-cut definition it will most-likely show the antiqued labelism that plagues us today. Wearing the clothes of the opposite sex.
Raise your hand if you are comfortable with that. That belief is only acceptable to a purely heterosexual person (goes both ways MtF and FtM) that believes in the stereotypical gender defining that has been forced upon us, and wears those distinctly and anointed items of the opposite of where they identify as. The longer my life has gone on the harder it is for me to define myself. Maybe I just like to dress as me, whatever that means. The fact that I have to hide it because the world isn’t ready to accept new definitions as to what being human means is more their issue than mine. We are always going to see race, people with handicaps, whether they’re tall or short have tattoos or piercings, dress differently, speak differently, and so much more. What we don’t have to see is the imaginary label that floats above their head and is so prevalent in our own thoughts—mine included.
How can we be tolerant of the right to be individuals if we can’t even tolerate each other’s uniqueness on this site. I don’t know what a crossdresser is, but I’m sure it isn’t something that can be clearly defined, (nor should it) because if it were, then in excess of 80% of our membership would be required to leave. Every one of us touches other outlying segments of the crossdressing universe. I refuse to define what crossdressing is because it just doesn’t matter. What does matter is leaning to be inclusive and painting over the labels to see our brothers and sisters as human, and to see them for their heart and not in judgement. There will always be subjective guidelines that our site must follow to maintain a protective environment for all, not just some. I don’t have the answers, but what I strive to be is accepting and compassionate. I’m far from perfect but I will continue to learn and adapt. I hope you will too.
See you next time in my little corner of the world…
More Articles by Sabrina (Brina) MacTavish
- The Sound of Footsteps
- A Matter of Perspective
- A Place to call Home
- Bits and Pieces
- That Ship has Sailed