Hello to all the fantastic ladies that live inside this beautiful platform.
I ask for your patience and understanding as I ramble on a bit about a topic that has been on my mind. I have been grappling with my feelings about meeting and possibly even dating men. The more I have been gravitating towards womanhood, the stronger those feelings have become. I could see myself with a boyfriend or maybe even something deeper. I’m definitely attracted to men.
It started many years ago, as a much younger version of myself when crossdressing was more of a fantasy or a fetish. The thought of being in women’s clothing was exciting and exhilarating enough. I remember the thrill when I wore a dress or skirt, a bra with a pair of sexy thigh highs, and heels, even though I was clueless as to what I was doing. Looking at myself in a mirror, woke the feelings inside that I was probably repressing most of my life.
It led me to want to know more, to learn more, and to try new things more. At the time, I was functioning as a heterosexual male dating women but could feel this other side of my brain constantly knocking on the door of femininity asking to enter. Confusing, conflicting, OMG yes, to say the least! No matter how much I tried to put those feelings in a closet, no pun intended, they were always there, and like my shadow, whispered into my ear asking to surface.
Six years ago, in 2015, I was living part-time in New York for work and mostly alone. Well, that’s when I went crazy and started shopping. I learned about makeup, hair, nails, and overall beauty. After a while, I felt comfortable enough to go out on very selected occasions to test the crossdressing social scene waters (meeting some like-minded people and so forth.) I went to the Stonewall Inn a few times as well. It was heaven, just like this place. I hadn’t considering transitioning yet, but my mind began to broach the option.
What would it be like to go on a date dressed as a woman? I was too afraid to try, but the questioning never faded either. So, I relegated myself to simply dressing up, applying makeup, watching YouTube videos on how women walk, carry themselves, and to gather up beauty tips, etc. This was my life for a couple of years or so.
Then in 2018, back in SoCal, things returned back to normal, and my transformations were limited. They needed to be planned out as friends and family were unaware of my lifestyle. Most of my wardrobe that had been collected in NY was gone. I still had a few pieces to dress up with, and still, that question kept poking at me.
In the latter part of 2019, I decided to take a chance and go on a date with a guy. It felt freeing that I had finally committed to exploring this possibility! Where do I start? What is my type? What am I looking for in a guy? It was harder than I thought. We understand that most men tend to start with physical appearance and then emotional attraction, whereas women tend to value other qualities first like chemistry, humor, and sensitivity before the physical part.
I found myself thinking along those same lines. I’m not sure if you ladies have done this, but I started studying guys all the time to see what attributes they had and if I was attracted to them. Tall, short, athletic, stocky, older, younger, cocky, humble… I jumped on a few CD dating sites. I was disappointed that they were mostly about “Hook-ups” and singular desired focuses. I could write another article about the men on those sites and their fantasies with girls like us? It drove me back to a self-relegation for not spending hours to get ready for a 15 minute, non emotionally rendezvous; it definitely was not appealing.
Then COVID, ugh, everything came to a grinding halt and my notion had to be shelved. It was disheartening to finally get enough courage to put myself out there only to have a global pandemic dismantle my aspirations. It did, however, gave me time to reflect.
As we find some sense of normalcy, I can start anew. Yet, I’m still faced with the same dilemma, how does a girl go about meeting a nice guy that is comfortable with me on his arm while we walk down the street to a movie or restaurant? I’m not naive, I know that the whole “passable” issue looms large in this conversation, but I hope it’s not an impassable gauntlet that kills any chances of happiness. Men are weird about this stuff, I get it. If regular women struggle, is there any hope for girls like us?
This is the first time in my life that I’ve felt comfortable airing my feelings and exposing my heart. It’s a testament to the women here who have made me feel like a family member that I can bare my soul and know that I will receive honest and loving feedback.
As my girl, Gwen Stefani says, “I’m just a girl, little ‘ol me, guess I’m some kind of freak cause they sit and stare with their eyes”
Just looking for a good man who wants to hold my hand.
Love,
Brianna Rose ❤️
Seems to be an evolution of events but the feeling of being with a man is so complete and fulfilling for some of us. I love being out on dates and public events with a male companion and holding hands and being romantic. The secret is finding such guys and the easiest way is tg events and clubs where the admirers are looking for such girls. Sure many are just looking for a one nighter but there are many looking for romance and companionship too. Then there is meeting friends through their friends that are interested in our lifestyle. So… Read more »
Thank you Deborah for your comments. Yes, I would agree TG events could be a great place to meet guys that are admirers and comfortable, great suggestions and I appreciate you wishIng me lick on my journey. Warmest, Brianna
Hi Brianna, like yourself I am finding that that the more I let my feminine side breathe the more appealing being with a man seems to become.
Never before, in my life would I have even considered the possibility! Where this leads me, I don’t know, haven’t a clue, I have no idea where I want it to lead. I’m just hanging on for the ride.
Hugs, Jillian
Hi Jillian, You know, I feel the same way, like I’m hanging on for the ride, no clue where it will take me. Both exciting and terrifying at the same time! I guess like finding your own unicorn in life. Hoping to find someone while safeguarding yourself is hard but I also hope rewarding someday. Here’s to both of us having a wonderful ride down the path of future romance! Hugs, Brianna
I suspect you will find it difficult if not impossible to find what you are looking for unless it’s a “one night stand" kind of thing. Most admirers are looking for the one thing only a CD can give them. For anything else you are competing with 50% of the population.
Hi Celeste, yes and that’s what I’ve encounter too many times but still want to hold out hope. I try to never say never but not naive of our lifestyle situation either. Warmest, Brianna
Thank you for sharing your story. I knew I was bisexual at puberty and have admired men all my life but hardly acted on it. I understand the search for a handsome man who respects us and treats us like ladies is the goal. Unfortunately as you have found those types are few and far between. Men are basically pigs who only want to satisfy their needs and then move on. I think as CD’s we get even less respect than GG’s do. The only advice I can give you is to keep looking and vet each person carefully before… Read more »
Thank you Michelle for you kind note and wishes. I hope we all find our soul mate no matter how challenging and yes, we know how men can be for sure. Brianna❤️
I think when we dress, it gives us permission to do the forbidden..I am going though the same thing and one time, acted on it..My first time out to a club dressed, I went outside for a smoke with a couple friends. I felt someone touch my bottom and reached back. He pulled away but I reached back to place his hand back on it..It felt so exciting. I turned around and he placed his hands on my hips and by instinct leaned in to kiss him..I felt his face stubble then felt a rush that I have never felt… Read more »
Hi Gina, Wow, I know exactly how you feel, the first time a guy made a move on me I was like part frozen and part excited. I too kiss him and felt his face stubble but I didn’t have friends to pull me away, I was on my own to control the situation, I did but the pure sexual desire was so strong I almost couldn’t control myself. The one thing that I kept in my mind was BE SAFE Brianna, you don’t know him…Well, I was able to kinda tell him that we could meet again and call… Read more »
Brianna, I can SO RELATE. Your post was reminiscent of my early days of dressing. Your words haunt me – in a nice way of course: “…to take a chance and go on a date with a guy." I went out on a date (different than “dating") a couple of times years ago. It was both fun and disappointing. FUN – he treated me with respect, made me feel gloriously feminine, and I felt fulfilled. DISAPPOINTING – I wanted it to last forever. Please write more and let us know how it goes. Wishing you the very BEST OF LUCK!… Read more »
Thank you Nancy for the kind words. I will keep writing about my experiences and life adventures. If you ever want to share more about you, would love to hear more. Here’s to us finding what we’ve always desired! Warmest, Brianna❤️
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Brianna. I loved your article, thank you so much for sharing. I too am attracted to men and I wrote an article last year on the subject. I feel there is someone out there for us and all we have to do is keep looking and have a positive attitude. You are going to have a lot of disappointing dates but don’t give up. My right is out there girlfriend. Hugs Jenna ❤
I’m one of those guys that likes Trans woman and is respectful and wanting more. I’d love a nice relationship, most trans dating sites are a horrible experience. Most of the girls are married! So thats a deadend, I’m in KS and this lifestyle is not understood and makes it even harder to find one another. I was glad to see this topic, as it seemed most here were “straight" and GG focused.
How very sweet ❤️
boy—-This is really complicated for someone like me–(how to be a Girl) What example to follow—My late wife & I were swingers from shortly after we started dating–& that’s a different world– A world where women can & do become Dominate when it comes to sex–She (Alice) behaved more like folks expect a man to act–A stranger groping her in public was fine (even desired ) by her way of thinking– but it looks like the Majority of women would never accept this behavior — For us it was just “Normal" –I have a strong desire to become the Woman… Read more »