Communication for Crossdressers

Here in Australia we have an expression: ‘beating around the bush’. It means to be saying things without getting to the real point of the conversation.

How ironic then was it for me to find that I had to go out into the bush in order to be able to stop beating around the bush?

Over the last couple of months I have been trying to find a way to broach a very difficult subject with my wife. Just like I was about my crossdressing I have been constantly putting off saying anything for fear of hurting her, yet I was too blind to see that exactly as I was when keeping my crossdressing a secret, becoming morose and unhappy from bottling things up was hurting her just as much. Finally, a few days ago, like the cork in an over-pressurised bottle, I popped. I told her how I was feeling and why.

As I suspected she would be, she was hurt, angry and dismayed but not particularly because of what I said. Whilst that was somewhat difficult for her to hear she was most upset because I had not said anything before now. As she said, I can communicate with “strangers on the internet” yet I can’t do so with her. The evening finished on a very low point and I was at a loss what to do.

The next couple of days were, to say the least, awkward, made worse by the fact that I did something that made it seem I had not listened to a word she’d said about communication. I’d created the pile we stepped into so I had to fix it. Thus yesterday we found ourselves bushwalking (hiking) in the beautiful bush around where we live. Our goal was to hike to a high point on a nearby mountain. Once we got there the beautiful, tranquil view and the solitude and privacy gave us the chance to really open up and say what we were feeling. Some home truths on both sides but in the end the realisation that we both needed to talk to and listen to each other.

The most amazing thing of that whole discussion was the fact that trying to protect someone else’s feelings isn’t always the right way to go about things. Sometimes honesty and openness is the best policy.

How does that translate into our transgender world? I discovered that exact same fact when I told my wife I was a crossdresser eight years ago yet I failed to see it applied to the rest of my existence. Two halves do make a whole, but only when both halves are honest and open in their dealings with those we really need the support of.

Saying what needs to be said at the time is far better than saying nothing until it all builds up to something larger than it needs to be and the subsequent fallout. So there’ll be no more beating around the bush, for me at least.

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  1. Jayme Gulyas 2 years ago

    Dear Vanessa :

    I’m sure the crossdresser heaven chat forum works, because I’ve seen it work, but it doesn’t work for me. I’ve joined your site thousands of times, and I can’t seem to get anywhere.

    You brought up an interesting topic: BEAT AROUND THE BUSH.

    You would not believe how many THOUSANDS of people, on crossdressing websites, will sit in front of their computers and beat around the bush and LIE to me, and about ME, and I’m sick of it.

    So, print a website where REAL people ACTUALLY talk to each other, or don’t. It’s up to you, this is your program, I’m just here to try and learn from it.

    • Vanessa Law 2 years ago

      Hey hon, please click ‘contact’ below at the bottom of the page and send me a note with details of the account you used to sign up and I’ll take a look.
      Crossdresser Heaven chat had a few bumps last week, but is up and running again.

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