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I have never written an article during my time at Crossdresser Heaven nor had I experienced anything like the event I briefly attended last week. Attending the Keystone conference has changed my perception of our community, and my place in it.
I made the decision to attend this event based on a need to finally meet some CDH members with whom I forged friendships with over past year. I told my SO my intention and eventually, after some tough conversations, reluctantly she gave me the ok to go.
The trip was a few hours drive and I felt like a condemned man watching the clock tic down before his execution. The closer I got the more nervous I became. Even as I arrived, I drove in circles around the building before realizing I had come this far and I needed to go inside to at least say hello to the people I had spent the last year baring my soul to.
Sitting in the lobby in male mode waiting to meet a friend I felt like an intruder, but I could see a diverse crowd of people simply going about their business without anyone taking notice of me or each other, besides offering a kind smile as they passed.
Eventually I was greeted by some Crossdresser Heaven friends, only one of which I ever met in real life before, however, I immediately felt a degree of comfort. One of which was kind enough to give me access to her room so I could prepare. I had a lunch appointment and only about 30 minutes to get ready, so I hurriedly did my makeup and got dressed, I didn’t look my best, but I knew I was among like-minded people here, so maybe I was going to be ok.
My outfit and makeup were specifically chosen because I was going to dinner that night in public for the first time and I wanted to blend as best I could. I received a few compliments on how I looked and this put me even more at ease. A half hour after being amongst the crowd, I realized some things. At first I felt that all eyes were on me, as if someone was going point out how cheap my wig looked. The reality is at something like Keystone, it’s ok to present how you like to present yourself. No one is going to criticize you, even if inside you feel you don’t quite measure up. The shocking thing to a newbie like myself was the lack of reaction I received from others. I could look them straight in the face and introduce myself without feeling self-conscious about my appearance.
After lunch I attended the CDH meetup which was wonderful. I enjoyed meeting the members of our site, especially the administration personnel who do the thankless job of keeping us safe here on CDH. My only regret was not taking pictures and not talking to everyone in attendance.
Once again I was welcomed and made to feel like I belonged by everyone I encountered. This was becoming a trend. Next was checking into an offsite hotel and I was already dressed so why not just check in as Melanie? So I did, and I had no issues with the clerk or anyone else I came across. This was a big first for me as it is for any cross dresser. It was scary but I survived unscathed, and frankly proud of myself.
I returned to the Sheraton just in time for a bus trip to dinner. I had a nice time speaking with some lovely Crossdresser Heaven ladies. We simply exchanged stories and enjoyed each other’s company. All the while I was becoming more and more comfortable with myself and the people around me.
After returning to the hotel, I sat in the bar for a couple of hours striking up conversations with some truly awesome people. I felt free to ask them questions about themselves. I felt free to express myself and the best part was the fact that I felt safe enough for the first time to be Melanie outside of my home.
The next day I returned to attend a presentation by a an author whose book helped me accept myself as a non-transitioning cross dresser. It was enlightening and I enjoyed it but by this time I needed to get on the road to return home. I was physically exhausted and emotionally spent. So I said my good byes and sadly packed Melanie away and returned home.
I am going to treasure my first time at Keystone because of the people I met and the acceptance that was given to me. Of the many things I learned during my twenty-four hours at Keystone one stands out in my mind. You will be accepted at something like this, regardless of where on the journey you are.
If you have ever felt alone or wondered if you had a place where you could feel at home, without being judged and are willing to let your hair down a bit, Keystone might just be what the doctor ordered. As a Crossdresser Heaven friend told me, “Meeting others and expressing myself is my therapy”. For a first timer like me I found that statement true more than I can possibly explain.
Thank you for taking the time to read my article about my first cross dressing event attendance at Keystone. Please feel free to send in any responses to either my article and my questions posed to you below:
- Have you ever been to a cross dresser convention and was your experience similar to mine?
- Would your wife or SO not allow you to go to a cross dresser event like Keystone and what would be their reasons for you not going to one of these events?
- Would you have those reluctant feelings of not entering the hotel or building where the event was held like I had and could you overcome those feelings and finally just walk right into the building where the event was held?
Sincerely, Melanie
Thanks for this wonderful post Melanie! I'm so glad you mentioned the article. I loved reading every word. You really have me thinking outside my little box and thinking that something like this could be a possibility for me too. I'm pretty sure I would not have said that before coming to CDH and reading about such great experiences like yours. Thank you!
Denise
❤️
Ty Denise, when I first joined I heard of stuff like this and thought it sounded impossible for me. Boy was I wrong! I could do it, I could have friends and experiences safely as Melanie and so can you. I just attended my third last week and to be honest it keeps getting better and better. Hope to see you there someday.
@melanieelizabeth Great article Melanie! I attended The Erie Gala last November for the first time. My wife actually encouraged me to go and experience Maive in public with likeminded others. It was an amazing three days and I have found that there was no judgement by others only acceptance. After arriving at the hotel and getting dressed opening that door and getting on the elevator were the most difficult times. Once past that I had a wonderful time. It is definitely a huge step. Thank you for sharing.
@maive I’m so glad you got out and experienced an event. I’ve heard great things about Erie, sounds similar to keystone only smaller more intimate. Good for you, maybe we will cross paths there later this year.
Thank you for sharing this experience. I have yet to do something like this but I really hope I can attend an event like that sometime where I won't be afraid to be myself.
Love, Liz
Elizabeth I can’t express enough how great it is to meet others and to simply exist as our femme selves in a safe, accepting atmosphere. I sincerely hope you get the opportunity some day soon.
Hi Melanie girl it was a pleasure to meet you at Keystone as you it was my first time out from my home ever as i mentioned to you there .. As for meeting you and the rest of the ladies there having my wife there with me was like the best week in my life to be free as Stephanie in the world with no inhabitions .. Myself and wife arrived at Sheraton on Tuesday night about midnight from flyin from Montana checked in in drab mode went to room un packed a little and crashed was a long flying day .. As for Wednesday morning got up early still tired but excited jumped in shower and made preps for Stephanie to make her entry into the outside world all ready looking good he he wife looked me over and said that i looked just fine.. So here we go open door and walked out wife was exspecting to have to kick me to get me to leave the room but no i was confident and ready .. So we headed down to lobby to meet up with Stephanie Flowers and wife Yvonne then a bliss from there so happy to meet everyone hugs to you Melanie ..
Stephanie bass
Sounds like you had a similar experience to me steph. It was so nice to meet you in person!
Well girlfriend yes we did and hopes to you to make it again next year yea ..
Stephanie
Hi Melanie,
I enjoyed your article! I would like to attend an event like this someday. I have not asked my SO, but I think that they would not like me attending. Time will tell.
<3
Amy
Ty for your comments. My wife hated the idea of my attending this as well, she is concerned about my safety to a fault. After explaining to her what this event is really about and showing her the list of activities planned she gave me the ok. Ask yourself what is safer? going out to a random bar or club dressed by yourself, or attending an organized event with hundreds of other like minded people. Even the off site dinner trip was well organized with a bus taking us back and forth to the hotel, with a whole group of folks. There is safety in numbers.
Mel,
This is so well written. I could feel your nervousness as well as the building confidence. I'm so happy you got to experience that. You've given me a lot to think about. And you've given me a lot of confidence already. Thank you for being you.
Hugs,
Erika
Erika If I could change one thing about this experience it would be my confidence level. Confidence has a way of making others feel more comfortable around you. I would suggest simply enjoying who you are and throw caution to the wind. At something like this you will not be alone and you will be accepted, trust me!
What an absolutely wonderful article Melanie! You really did provide so many readers with the actual experience of how welcoming these events are. My first event was BE-ALL many years ago and I too could only attend one day but it was a very pivotal event in my life. In fact, I probably wouldn't even be writing here if it wasn't for that first event. I really liked your pic and I hope that there are many more events in your future. Marg
I can’t agree more Marg. This event has changed me. Even I as a cd had preconceived notions of what this was going to be like and some of it was negative but I learned how wrong I was first hand. It is a group of people who are just having fun being themselves, meeting others and learning about the joys of self expression. I made good friendships even better and learned I have a place in this community.
Thank You Melanie for writing your personal experience and yet so inspirational at the Keystone Conference…. Inspirational yes, like me and others, who are on the fence as “newbies” expressing themselves en femme for the first time.. I think, like, you I could overcome the”butterflies” and just walk in.
especially knowing like minded friends would welcome me… ladies here at CDH are so supportive and I cherish their friendship..
To all and you Melanie Warmest regards, Leonara
Thanks for the kind words and I hope you can attend someday Leonara. The cdh folks I met were so kind to me. As a newbie I don’t think I could have attended without their support and love. I walked in with a built in support group I can’t thank them enough! I feel I owe a debt that I can only pay back by extending the same to the next group of first timers!
Melanie, thanks for the great story about the conference. I so want to go to one soon. Finacinally I need to keep to one big adventure a year. SOOO for this year I am planning to go to my HS class reunion as Cassie. After I got the idea in my head I can't hardly think of anything else most days. It should be quite an adventure as it is small town Iowa and my youngest brother lives in the same town. He shouldn't have much problem with the idea since his trans child lives in his house. Things going through my head like getting my my nails done (maybe red, white and blue?). And getting my hair colored (with purple highlites?).
In my head the night goes so many ways.
. Cassie
So happy for you, Melanie.
Melanie, sorry I missed you at the CDH meetup at the Sheraton. Unfortunately, I arrived late and didn't get to meet everyone there.
As a first-timer at Keystone, I too had a feeling in the beginning of not belonging, but that soon went away as everyone there was so accepting of all the other CDs.
For me, the Conference was like a fantasy come true! I will remember it forever.
I’m sorry we didn’t cross paths camryn! Totally agree with your sentiments. Being closeted for so many years I never felt that I could be Melanie in public. It really felt like a fantasy come to life!
Hi Melanie,
I have been to two CD events here in Oz, both of which were marred by "circumstances beyond my control".
1/ Seahorse Society Ball, Sydney NSW 2014. Had a very good night and felt very comfortable dressed in "like company" but a rubbish professional?? make up job took the edge off the night. I also won the "lucky door prize", shoes with skyscraper heels and far "too young" for this "old chook", (trans.. chicken)
2/. Transformal 17, Katoomba NSW. (Blue Mountains,west of Sydney) Went as "Scarlett O Caty", red curly wig and full on Civil War replica ball gown. (See my article on here "Transformal was great, but I wont be going BACK!) Great professional make up job, (she is a friend of mine) but the night before the formal I wrecked my creaky old back on the staircase where my Scarlett photo was taken. Missed the bra firring and modelling session cos I drove miles looking for a chiropractor..
As oft posted here, I told my beloved where I was going, but her attitude to it all can be summed up by the fact in my whole four days away she never took one phone call or answered one text message.
I guess I was lucky to make it when I did, "TF" died two years later, tho "post Covid", the Seahorse Ball is on again this year, (up at Katoomba as well). But sadly, this "old chook" is past such events. I stick to regular overnight charity volunteer trips and get my "Caty kicks" when my lunch volunteer meetings are over.
Happy dressing and "Go again to Keystone for me"
Caty.
PS I've been shopping and been out to dinner as Caty several times. Now post Covid I'm trying to set this up again.
Ty for sharing your story Caty! While you don’t plan on going to another big event I’m glad to hear you haven’t given up on enjoying some femme time again! Oh btw I’m definitely going again and I will think about all the other well wishers who can’t attend for sure. Ty
Hi Melanie, it was great meeting you at Keystone! I was apprehensive too, since I hadn't done anything to work on my voice. The moment I entered the hotel, I was so relieved to find it didn't matter. I actually voluteered to help assemble the attendee packets on Tuesday afternoon and I think that really settled me. Everyone was happy just to BE and enjoy each other as humans; not as crosdressers or transmen or women. I instantly felt perfectly at home, as you seemed to feel as well.
It was such a special week, and the entire area is very affirming, especially that week. Hopefully we'll continue having positive experiences going forward.
Hugs,
Brie
It was a pleasure having dinner with you Brielle. You were one of the people I loved meeting most Brielle, I really enjoyed your story and hope for nothing but the best for you moving forward!
Hey Mel,
Yep. At my first convention, I was very nervous. I was so afraid of being "read", but it all went very smoothly. Checking in, I was addressed as "ma'am". Men treated me like a lady. My favorite parts were the pool parties & clubbing with other girls. It was wonderful & it's only gotten better. My confidence now has no limits. I'm not one bit hesitant to go anywhere or do anything as my true self.
I've never been to Keystone, but have been to Southern Comfort. My work schedule, mostly, precludes me from attending most such events. My wife would not be happy if I were to go away to a week-long event. She likes to be with me to "protect" me, so she'd worry. But the big thing would be the expense & taking off from work (I'm self-employed. If I don't work, I don't get paid). I don't think I could justify it to her.
Glad you had a great time.
Dawn
I had such a good first experience dawn! Glad to hear you did as well. I’m still working on my confidence but I’m getting there. You really should attend this event Dawn, I’m sure you would have a blast!
Congratulations Melanie! Thank you for sharing your experience. I'm glad you had such a wonderful time. I wish I could have been there too.
Oh, and your picture looks great!
Thanks Sarah! The picture isn’t my best but I wanted people to see me as I presented at keystone. I believe the reality of the imperfect image could help others feel less stressed about how they present at an event like this. Thanks again and I’d love to meet you there someday!
Melaine;
It sounds like you had a trlly wonderful time there, and I'm sorry I wasn't there. I had wanted to go this year, but with the border crossing restrictions that were still in place I didn't.
To try to answer your questions, first I've never been to anything as large as Keystone, but have been to some events here in Canada. My feelings attending my first one was much the same as yours, part fear, part exhilaration, then total job once I relaxed and was able to simply enjoy being me.
My wife is extremely supportive and may very well attend along with me at an event like Keystone, as she has at ones here in Canada.
The feelings of fear leading to reluctance I'm quite familiar with. In my case it was the first time I went out femme to meet some other CD's, then my first trip into a busy mall solo. On the mall trip I sat in my car and considered just starting up and driving home, but knew I would be very annoyed with myself, so I got out, head up and just walked into the mall, like all the other women I saw do the same!
Amy
Amy you are so lucky to have a supportive wife! Life is so much more difficult with out that support. As far as having cold feet, I think most of us have been there. As cds we are our worst critics in regards to presentation, if only we knew that others had the same feelings, Maybe we’d stop making area makeup artist wealthy through our own insecurities! I still haven’t gotten a pro makeover but I can’t wait to, I must confesss. Hopefully as life gets back to normal, we can meet next year! Ty for your response Amy.
