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I used to go to my aunt’s house every Thanksgiving. Those days have passed as she, my mother, and their brother have all moved on to the fabulous banquets above. I went as a kid, an adult, with my children, and then as a grandfather. As my parents aged, we used to go to Village Inn on Thanksgiving and then to a movie. Now, I spend Thanksgiving with my youngest daughter and her family. My world is shrinking. Gone are many of the festivities and family relationships. Some of the blame can rest on me; I am a deep introvert who needs a reason to get out. If I didn’t bowl, golf, or belong to a service club, I would be perfectly happy staying at home, albeit in my dress and accessories. What would my world be like if I integrated the two? How would my daughter react if Brina showed up this year at Thanksgiving?
I wouldn’t do that to her… or me. I run from conflict not create it. It would need to be discussed first and agreed on, and something for down the road possibly. I know that for some of us, being out in the open is the most important thing. It doesn’t matter if we blend in, but more so in letting it be our way of acceptance. Those, like me, instead look for self-acceptance and the most required sense of peace. It would be a super Thanksgiving to me if I had another individual to share my deepest and most intimate side with. This big house (although I love the quiet) isn’t the same as it was when my parents were quibbling upstairs or my mother making some of her favorite casseroles—a real midwestern church lady through and through. It would be great to share my true self with another.
The holidays sans Halloween can be tough for many individuals, especially crossdressers. I so envy the beautiful dresses at parties on the women who take pride in their presentation. I admit, as a kid, I never wanted to be in the kitchen with the women—give me the football on TV. Today, I’d be joined by my daughter and all of her children as we all share the love of sports (even the awful Hawkeye offense!) We do have Caitlyn Clark and women’s basketball to look forward to, and for that, I’m extremely Thankful! I get to a football game once a year—my daughter is now my season ticket holder. We’ve been going to games together for over 30 years. I would love to dress as she does and as many of the other women at the games (it’s no longer old fat guys that go but full of kids and females) do! This is what I have noticed in myself over the last few years and now recognize as glaring signs throughout my life. I don’t just admire women but wish to emulate their spark! It is one thing to dress like the woman I wish I were and a completely different thing to truly walk in their shoes.
The more I put into my dressing the more I am Thankful to be around women. They deserve more than our adoration. I think that only a crossdresser or one who is transgendered, maybe the occasional empathetic male can understand the sacrifice, courage, and determination that rests within most women. What looks so easy for them—is but a dream desire for us to replicate. They would scoff at us for wanting to be them… many do. As Betty once said to me, “You only want to replicate the glamorous parts and ignore the rest.” She’s right. We should be Thankful that we can take off the presumption of womanhood and revert to our “Man State” to mix back out in the world. Maybe we truly have the best of both worlds.
Someday, hopefully, before I become unable to do so, I am going to find a way to encompass my love of service to others with my state of being (whatever that may end up being) and be a more positive role model in the world that is becoming ever more cynical. A Crossdresser's Thanksgiving meal at the local Food Bank or church. How about a Christmas giveaway of slightly worn Crossdresser clothing to those in need—I could fill it by myself. I’m sure a few of them would love to have our dresses, wigs, jewelry, shoes… I know we are so ready to do it, but… I know… the world for the most part isn’t. Yes, it could happen within the confines of an LGBTQ promotion in certain areas, but I want it to happen and be accepted (or tolerated) by those in my area. As a writer, I’ve shied away from editorializing in my local paper or doing a blog, sticking to my novels and poetry. It could be my way to combat inequitable thinking, provide another and hopefully sane rationale for being better individuals, and dispense with groups and labeling.
So… I am thankful to have this platform and be a vital part of this wonderful site. I have been here for more than 10 years, many in the role of Managing Editor. You might wonder how I got this gig. A very wise individual, the Captain, asked me if I’d be interested in being an editor after I penned my second article. I said, no, they persisted, and here we are. I am so thankful that I said yes. What I share in my words and with all those whose articles I’ve helped along the way, have given me more meaning to my life. I encourage you all to find some small way to say thanks for the gift that we have all received in becoming who we really are. It is most assuredly a gift and one that I will forever be thankful for.
Until next time…
Be happy in the moments that you share with family this Thanksgiving Holiday. Hug a coworker, acquaintance, or friend, and give them a smile that offers reassurance, even if you have your own issues that you are dealing with. We know what stress and worries are, so much more compounded by what we face internally and externally at who we are. The act of giving a smile and hug can be so impactful—for all of us!
Happy Thanksgiving!
Brina
Hi Brina, what a great article. You really touched me with it. For those of who live alone, it is a great comfort to know that we all have caring friends and family that love us. I’m most thankful for all of them. I’m also thankful that I live in a country where I can express myself freely, and be whoever I want to be. But like you, I’d never risk my personal relationships with friends and family by outing myself to them. I’m happy with the way things are now.
Thanks, Jennifer for the comments! The grass is always greener, and the water is deeper somewhere else. It's perspective. We need to find our own way and be our own person. My only concern is that we try to be and do good while we're at it.
Brina,
I so enjoyed this article, I can relate to all of it and I agree. I am so glad, I am in the position I am in and have the ability to dress when I want to, plus I don't give a rip what others think any longer.
Rebecca
I'm also less concerned with others and what they may think. If outed... so be it and I'll deal with it then. Thanks for the comments!
Hi Brina, thank you so much for sharing your Thanksgiving story with us, it's so good for all of us to feel connected as sisters. We already celebrated our thanksgiving holiday a month ago on Oct. 9th, up here in "The Great White North". We're actually being told to expect a possible dusting of the white stuff this weekend.
I am truly thankful for many blessings over the past year. Being able to live as the woman I always knew I was, and finding out that I am an intersex person, and truly a biological woman! That knowledge has brought my spouse and I back together, which is something I had given up hope for. We separated 15 months ago and I moved into a condo that I share with a room mate. My spouse and I are seeing each other again, and doing things together on a regular basis. We talk to each other every night, and she is now supportive and accepting of who I am, and totally comfortable being with me, knowing that I am actually a woman. She always has advice to share with me, and gets very protective and quite indignant if somebody misgenders me. We share clothes and even wear the same type bras, although mine are slightly larger, LOL.
We never divorced and have no desire to do so, and if we eventually resume living with each other, it will be her call.
I am also thankful for the many true friends who have remained in my life through this journey. Thankful to have a church to attend where I am "just another lady in the congregation." And very thankful to have an amazing job to go to every day where I was, not only accepted, but am encouraged, affirmed, blessed, and viewed as, and treated as, a woman.
Brina, I wish you and all of my sisters here on CDH a very happy and joyful Thanksgiving.
Hugs,
Ms. Lauren M
Thanks for sharing! I wish you great conclusions as you work through things with your wife. Oh... you can keep all the snow... don't send it my way...
Brina -
Thank you for your article. I can relate to how you would like to celebrate Thanksgiving with your daughter as Brina but won't to avoid conflict. It is great that you are able to attend football games with her, I'm sure those are fun days for both of you.
This past Easter I was helping my wife prepare dinner for the two of us and she said it is a shame that people don't dress for the holidays anymore. As the conversation went on she said I should dress for dinner. I asked if she was sure and she said she was. I got dressed in a pretty floral dress that she had given me along with pantyhose and heels. I also put on some make up, wig and of course the appropriate undergarments. It was a fun day.
XOXO
Suzanne
Great story! That would be one of those envies that I carry... sharing this side of me with the right person. Who knows... I still have time. Thanks for the comments! 🙂
Thanks so much, Brina, for your wonderful article. I love how you can show how we are all at different places in our comfortably in our fem selves.
Since I am out to almost everyone important to me, I will be going to my family Thanksgiving celebration as Cassie. I do have one brother who doesn't approve, but most of the rest are accepting/tolerant. AND THIS IS IN PELLA, IOWA.
Hoping you have a blessed Thanksgiving!!!
Cassie
Awesome story about how you feel deep inside. Its a beautiful story from a beautiful person.
Brina, I love all your articles and this one is no exception. I try hard to bring a smile to those I come in contact with and I do this not as a crossdresser but as a human being. It's important to be kind to others, share a smile, give a hug, hold the door for someone. My going out dressed has only happened very occasionally and then in places were I don't think I'll run into someone I know, I just don't feel it's right to put a friend that has no idea that I dress in a spot like that. So I do care what others think, not out of embarrassment but kindness, there's enough things going on in the world without adding to it. When I read about your father passing I wanted to give you an everlasting hug not from sadness so much but support for where you were going, to be there if needed and so you would know that you're not alone. Thank you for all you do, you have helped me in ways I can't even explain.
I will finish with how I say good by to all I interact with, not with have a good day but instead "do something fun !!"
Do something fun!
Sherri
Thanks for the inspiring comments. I, too, try to be kind to everyone and make small differences each day. I'm not out and around many, but I try when I am. Sometimes, it means doing so with my comments online. I share uplifting and positive things on FB. I never add to the pile of negative things. I do steer away from commenting as it becomes a mess and equates to nothing more than banging one's head on a brick wall. I share your sentiment in how I look at my life. I find enough to make me content and let it take me to where it needs to be. If that means more down the road, I'm now up for it. We'll see. Thanks for sharing 🙂
I love this picture !!
Hello Brina,
Thank you for writing what I feel so very often. That’s one of the things that makes CDH such a wonderful and special place, being able to see your own feelings mirrored in someone else and put into a well written article or forum post. It’s always a welcome reminder that we’re no longer alone in this odd but completely harmless……..need for expression, activity, hobby, way of life? Or however we wish to call it for ourselves.
I would love it if I could introduce Jill to my family, especially my son, and be 100% accepted. But my family is, for the most part, too conservative to accept me as Jill even on a part time basis. My son, whom I love above all others, would most likely be the one who would not go along with my feminine identity. No amount of reassurance would be enough to let him know I’m still just his dad and that I don’t want to transition. It breaks my heart that Jill has to live behind closed doors and in the shadows because of intolerance.
Like you, I run from conflict, I don’t create it. Maybe in time he will learn to be more open minded and accepting of different lifestyles. He’s only 22 so there should be many years for him to grow. But he’s been taught by the other side of his family that anyone who isn’t straight, white and Republican, is someone to be disregarded as beneath him. That some people consider such things as family values is beyond sad.
I hope that someday soon we can both introduce our feminine selves to our families and be welcomed in as if it was no big deal, because it really isn’t.
Have a safe and wonderful Thanksgiving, Brina.
Hugs, Jill
I feel you! 🙂 My daughters would both be fine and who knows to what extreme. But... there are still their husbands and grandchildren to consider. Do I put added pressure on them to defend me? Will it cause problems? I don't know, but I do care. I'm not at a place where I have to for my own sake. I'm comfortable and getting by. That is today; tomorrow may be another story. What I am now is able to accept whatever comes. That stress is no longer eating away at me. Thanks for sharing; it was greatly appreciated! 🙂
I not only enjoy dressing up as a woman. But I wish I could experience everything a woman can and has experienced. For one I would love to know what it's like to give birth to a child and to nurse a child. And everything that goes on with being born a female.
I wonder, too. It's that spark or essence that I referred to. I'm sure women have some of those same feelings in regard to being a man. Thanks for the comments. 🙂
I want to experience everything a woman experiences. Thankfully my SO is up for the challenge
Another wonderful and thoughtful piece - another cry to be the true self to others perhaps? The true self is you as you are, you can change the image but the person is more difficult as underneath is the one who is loving to the family and to others around you the one they know. If you did decide to tell your daughter, who appears to love you unconditionally, a weight will be lifted whatever the outcome, and I suspect it would be positive. You understand and empathise with women so mixing is easier and It can be possible to blend your life and do the things that you wish to do.
After reading many of your articles it seems that you really want to take that step forward and would encourage you to do so as the time and circumstances appear right.
Yeah, maybe, not sure, not yet... That's kind of the point of the articles that I write. Many know with certainty and follow their need. Others, (and not necessarily those who are young or just happened to start) still think of it as more of a fetish, a game or an exciting part of their lives--or not. And... there are the rest of us who realize we have a definite feminine side to us, which is sometimes strong and not so at other times. Here's my thought on that. If I completely transitioned, would I then become a male crossdresser? Yes, women can wear whatever they want, look however they want, and not be chastised (as much if any) as men are. If I chose that road, I need to be sure it is what will make me the happiest long-term. I don't feel a pressing need to do so. I can get by as I am... but... there are certain things that I want, need to be happier if I don't go all the way, that is where I struggle in determining the when and if.
I appreciate your comments and thank you for your insights! 🙂
In having a long life as a male it is difficult to not do some of the things such as your golf. Even if the guys were fine with it the dynamic would change a bit for a while and is it worth the effort, can it be accommodated? I would argue that it can as I can't give up my hobby being able to go out and do what I enjoy it's a separate part of life no one really lives local being across the country so it sits fine. It's a matter of what will make you happy in yourself as getting by isn't really what I see. It's a case of dipping the toe in the water and making the first move. If you completely transitioned it would still be you - no labels required.
Such a good article Sabrina. You write wonderfully and the message is spot on. I believe you touched a nerve in our community with this piece. I look forward to more. Happy Thanksgiving to you. Feliz
Thank you! Hopefully, you mean that nerve in a good way? Happy Holidays to you also.
Happy Thanksgiving, Brina!
And thank you for another of your always thoughtful and thought provoking pieces!
Jules
Loved your article dearheart as I do love reading all your article thank you . Peta
Such a great enjoyable article Sabrina. I thoroughly enjoyed it!Happy Thanksgiving!
