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By Mona
A light-hearted look at the trials and tribulations of learning to cross dress based in large part on my first-hand experiences (and maybe yours too?)
Just sit right back and enjoy this tale
of men who love to dress
Most started at a tender age
but why is anyone’s guess
For many it’s a troubled route
spent battling the urge
The lovely clothes we’ve all thrown out
in cycles of binge and purge
Panties, bras and silky slips
how we love the feel of them
Even under drab men’s clothes,
a girl can still feel femme
But lacey satin lingerie
is not made to fit most guys
At online stores we agonize
did we order the right size?
Our butts and hips we must enhance
with pads made of soft gel
We wear enough damn padding
to play in the NFL
When nature calls you will recall
there’s a man bit you must free
But when you’re wearing pantyhose
do you stand or sit to pee?
Cross dressing is laborious
so many things to learn
The work is not so easy
girl’s passing must be earned
Necklaces are nice to wear
but we cuss to beat the band
While grappling with those tiny clasps
made for so much smaller hands
Garter straps that don’t stay tight
and zippers that won’t slide
And blouses with small buttons
that fasten on the wrong side
With lipstick and eyeliner
every girl must find her own way
We aspire to be Beyoncé
but will settle for Doris Day
Overdo your lips or eyes
and you’ll come to see real soon
That you look much like The Joker
or a very ill racoon
Most girls brush on mascara
to emphasize each lash
But touch that black goo to your face
and your look goes in the trash
False lashes are the devil’s work
and you will scream and cry
When you glue the third one in a row
to the middle of your eye
Once your makeup is perfected
‘cause you haven’t used too much
You’ll want to don a pretty wig
as the final crowning touch
Just be sure that rug is good and snug
or in horror you will shout
When it takes flight in a gust of wind
As you’re strolling out and about
In stockings, tights or pantyhose
how we love to show some thigh
Sliding up our just shaved legs
we shiver and feel high
But jagged nails on hands or feet
will quickly spoil the fun
When that pricey pair of sheer thigh highs
is ruined by a run
Let’s flaunt our legs in a tight miniskirt
the girl inside will cry
Like a pricey runway model
she wants to catch your eye
Yes, those models in their lingerie
are so proud to strut their stuff
But a hairy back in a bustier
is a sight that’s pretty rough
Then there’s very pretty dresses
how we love to wear them all
From simple frocks to evening gowns
for wearing to the ball
But be sure a dress can stretch enough
to accommodate your frame
‘Cause twisted limbs and cries of pain
are best left to a rugby game
Once you’ve finally squeezed into that dress
you’ve lost more than an hour
And you’re sweating so profusely
That it’s time for another shower
Yes, it takes many hours to perfect your look
then of course it never fails
You look down at your hands and see
that you’ve lost three press on nails
Lady’s shoes are not like men’s
there’s such a vast array
From platform pumps to Mary Jane’s
it’s hard to find your way
But every girl soon comes to know
when shopping at the mall
Why worry about the choosing
go ahead and buy them all!
There’s thigh-high boots and strappy heels
and stilettos to the sky
To walk in them is quite a feat
for the average stocky guy
You’ve got to learn to take small steps
and be careful not to sway
If you hit the ground you may hear the sound
of an ambulance on its way
A corset is great for achieving the shape
of a woman instead of an ape
Just take a deep breath and suck in your gut
‘til your mouth goes all agape
It will deliver an hourglass figure
some curves that will help you sashay
But lace it too tight and for breath you’ll fight
and your face turns blue by the ending of the day
Who knew brassieres were so complex
they mystify most newbies
Seems you’ve got to have a PhD
to choose the right pair of boobies
A really nice set of voluptuous breasts
is surely the ultimate prize
But too many girls think that bigger is better
and choose an outlandish cup size
Oh the rolls of tape that have been used
for some cleavage to create
But after ripping off that sticky stuff
the pain will take days to abate
So, let’s hear it for us guys who dress
though so many don’t know why
At least we can relate to the girl on date
who hopes to impress her guy
There’s so many ways we can stumble
and I’ve come to see at last
A girl has to strive to come fully alive
so that one day she will pass
To end this tale of angst and woe
let me state without a smirk
That becoming the woman of your dreams
takes a lot of damn hard work!
Alright Girls, now it’s your turn! Please use your own creativity and write us a funny stanza that would perfectly fit into this hilarious poem! We are looking forward to your responses!
Or Girls, pick the one stanza from this poem which directly hit home to you and may have reminded you of a funny short story you would love to share with us!
Thank you for reading this poem and possibly providing us with a funny response of your own……..Sincerely, Mona
Please go all of the way to the bottom of this page to leave your clever and entertaining responses! Thank you!
Mona, I love this poem and it hits home with so many challenges we face every single time we are in the process of getting our total girl on!
I love you Mona! XOXOXO Scarlett
Hey Scarlet my favorite skater sister,
Sorry I’ve been out of touch for a while, sometimes I actually have to spend time at my day job. It’s been hectic the past few weeks. Anyway, thanks for your comments on the poem And all your Help as a fantastic editor. Talk again soon girlfriend you’re the best.
Love and hugs, Mona
Hi Mona, Scarlett here! I've been doing every thing I can to promote your poem in the chat room. I've been asking them not only to read it but to submit a response to it as well.
The responses are starting to finally filter in and I'll be plugging it as long as I can.
My time on here has been limited as well. One reason was our trip to Augusta GA for The Masters and the other is the second week of my wife's vacation and all I'm doing this week is following orders and working on that garage that's as large as anything we've ever lived! We are attempting to get two cars in there and that 56 inch zero turn radius Husqvarna mower in there. The mower when in there several months ago when it first arrived. My new white 2018 Honda CRV has been in there for two to three months now. And now it's time to get my wife's 2015 crotch rocket Honda 2 door coupe. It's a three day project to pull that one off!
I'll stay in touch and if you go on chat, please plug your poem and tell the girls how to get to it!
Thanks BFF and stay in touch! XOXOXO Scarlett
Love it Mona!
Hi Michelle, it's Scarlett. Please let as many girls as possible know that this poem/article is in the Media Review section and tell them how to get here to see it.
I edited it for Mona and picked out the photo that goes with the poem. I'm so glad you loved it. We need more girls to see it and send some responses to it in to Mona!
We were hoping to have it in the Article Section but the bosses thought it would get maximum exposure and immediate exposure here!
Please help to spread the word on this one because it is absolutely hilarious don't ya think?
Thanks a bunch and love ya! XOXOXO Scarlett
So glad you enjoyed it Michelle. It was a lot of fun to write and I’m glad I was able to share it with all the girls here at CDH
Mona, I think you have overwhelmed us with a an all inclusive article. Thank you for the time and dedication! I had some laughs, was nodding in agreement, and just smiling while I was reading.
As you know, I enjoy your humor which can be as silly as mine at times. Life is too short to live it without some joy!
Thank you Mona!
If at some point any of the musses visits me during my sleep, I’ll give it a try to adding up to your work. 🙂
Hugs,
Gaby
Hi Gaby, it's Scarlett and I edited this poem for Mona and we are both trying to get it maximum exposure because it's an instant classic don't you agree?
The boss placed it here in Media Review and I'm not sure girls look in this area very much so please spread the word in the chat room or by PMs to let the girls now where this poem and photo is and what the title of the article/poem is!
Thanks Gaby and see ya in the chat room girl friend!
XOXOXO Scarlett
Come on Gaby, I know you’ve got at least a few lines of brilliant poetry in you. Thanks for kind words on the poem - good to hear that you could relate to many of the things that are described. Or should that be sorry to hear...
Where did you get a picture of one section of my wardrobe (aka Cyn's boutique)? lol
Cyn
Hi Cyn, it's Scarlett and I picked that photo out from Getty's images on line!
Cyn I know about that wardrobe of yours and I thought mine was a killer wardrobe, but I'm simply a start up rookie when it comes to comparing my skimpy little wardrobe to yours girl friend!
I thought the photo fit this poem I edited for Mona and Brina helped me place it into the photo image spot for this piece of hilarious work!
Love ya and now that I'm back from The Masters Golf Tournament in Augusta GA, I'll see ya in the chat room!
XOXOXO Scarlett
Been there, done that,got the camisole.
Just. Freaking. Hysterical! Love you, Mona!
Thanks so much Lorrie - it was a lot of fun to write and so glad to hear you enjoyed.
Dear Mona what a lovely thing
To write in verse on everything
That all of us we hold most dear
Our love of dressing up each year
Your poem was so bright and breezy
It made my laugh! it wasn’t cheesy
O how much of it all rang true
Most of it I’ve been there too
For many years I’ve had this urge
But only once have had to purge
But stealth is still the way I go
Still in my closet and not on show
Although I only managed three
These verses are a gift from me
I do hope others can add more
Oh dear Oh dear now that makes four!
Dear Mona thanks again from me
Lots of love
From Stephanie xx
Ah, lovely Stephanie, you have touched my heart and made my day by contributing your wonderful new verses to this epic tale of angst and woe haha. I was hoping that a lot of this would resonate with many girls here at CDH and I think that it has.
My personal favorite line is about the false eyelashes, although the one that mentions playing in the NFL is also pretty good, IMVHO. Ah well, Sometimes it’s just good to step back and have a laugh about this thing that we do and some of the things we put ourselves through.
Hope all is well with you sweetie and you’re able to find some free time to let Stephanie out. It is always wonderful to see her grace the photo pages.
Love and hugs, Mona
Thanks Amelia. Let’s see a pic of you in that sexy cami!
Mona what a fantastic read, This has hit me in so many ways, it sounded like you have just told all of our stories, thankyou XX
Hi Paula - glad you enjoyed it and thank you for commenting. It was a ton of fun to write this thing.
Dear Mona this poem you composed is class
it explains the problems us girls must pass
so as I finish with words that are true
I enjoyed your words so thank you.
Sorry I had to let out my inner Shakespeare.
Hi Donna, that's a great stanza - you should let your inner Shakespeare come out more! Glad you liked the poem and thank you for commenting and adding your contribution. I think I managed to capture a lot of our common experiences, especially those of us (like me) still on the learning curve.
XOXO Mona
Looking at your pictures Mona your learning fast.
Mine was nothing when compared to your epic poem. You have talent.
Donna x
Mona
So much fun!
Working on a stanza so far have
I just finish en femme should shopping
and on my way back home
Stopping by the bank 'cause
I'm gonna need a loan!
Luv
D
Hi girls!
Mona,
This may be a duplicate. I commented earlier but when I tried to edit a mistake my comment vanished.
Clears throat:
Just finished my en femme shopping
And on my way back home
Stopping by my hometown bank
I'm gonna need a loan!
Thnxoxo for the poem it's so fun.
Luv
D
Hi Deanna - that is a great little stanza you have composed and unfortunately oh so true. I could never really understand why girls/women love shopping so much until I got into this CDing thing seriously in the past year. Now I know.
Thanks for commenting and for your contribution to the fun, girlfriend. Feel free to add some more if the muse strikes you again. XOXO Mona
Loved this expose...just LOVED it. Name of " BYRON ". Is not lost on me. I have published many articles over the past 50 years. I LOVED how you made such sense of our constant sweatting struggle to make ourselves beautiful. Our frustration was well represented in the cascade of comedic poetry.
And topping it all off with. " ...it's just plain hard work..."
Nicely done Mona...I LOVED it.
Dr. T.J.
Hello Dr. T.J. - thanks so much for your comments on the article - I love the fact that you loved it. I enjoy writing of all kinds, but poetry and especially limericks (which this is not, obviously) are particularly fun. And this poem really is based quite a bit on my firsthand experiences - for example, I have literally spent half an hour trying to get a necklace to clasp, and more than an hour trying to put on false eyelashes (and that's just the first damn eye!).
i do enjoy CDing when I have the chance, which is at most twice a month. Like you (I read your profile), I enjoy putting outfits together and trying different looks. Cross dressing has many aspects, but certainly one of them is creative expression, much like writing or painting. I have come to realize that I definitely do not want to be (or dress like) a woman full-time - it really is just too much damn hard work!
I saw in your profile that you're a retired surgeon - like many folks, I have great respect for that and I'm sure your career was rewarding. You mentioned that you've published many articles and perhaps most of those were in scientific realm (e.g., medical journals)? I ask because I am a scientist who has also published articles (but nowhere near 50!), but what's frustrating sometimes is that most of these do not get cited very often. Maybe that says something about the quality of my science but it's also easy for papers to get lost in the general shuffle, I think.
All of this is a VERY long-winded (I told you I enjoy writing) way of saying - I really appreciate getting comments like yours on this article. So thank you again.
Hugs, Mona
P.S. In trying to explain this behavior to my wife, I've pointed out that men who like to cross dress come from all walks of life. So now I can include surgeons among the examples.
P.S.S. I was intrigued by your reference to Byron and so did a quick scan of his biography on Wikipedia. Of course, there's many dimensions to this giant of a man, but this sentence did jump out at me within the context of our conversation here: "Scholars acknowledge a more or less important bisexual component in Byron's very complex sentimental and sexual life." Now this has got me thinking about apples falling from trees, Dr. Byron (joking, of course).
Every turn is right on the money. So thoughtful and well composed. Kisses!
Thanks Khloe - very happy to hear that you enjoyed it! Giggles and Huggles, Mona
