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A Memorial for Dawnie Saxton
I have been asked to write a memorial for Dawnie Saxton. this is my attempt to describe and honor a truly great person with mere words:
I sat before a computer, nervously checking out a new site I had just found. I was confused, frustrated and I felt alone. I have been dealing with my gender dysphoria all my life and I desperately needed to find some outlet for it. This wonderful site I had just found was Crossdresser Heaven. It had articles that helped explain the things I was feeling and the confusion I had about myself. There was also a chat site where other CDs and Trans ladies could share their struggles and more importantly the successes and victories they had achieved. There were others like me there but there was one voice, a friendly supporting voice, that help calm and assure me I was not some freak but another beautiful person who was lucky enough to be able experience both genders in one life. That voice belonged to Dawnie and I will be forever thankful that we became friends. Does this story sound familiar? I know it does because I have heard many ladies repeat it.
I have observed that many grow larger and better in their death than they actually were in life. The wife beater becomes the loving husband, the cheap miser will become magnifically charitable. In Dawnie's case there is no need to justify her life, her life and love are manifested by the friends and family she leaves behind. She like all of us had faults, but the gift of humor and wisdom she had and shared overshadowed her faults and in the end of the day it was her love and gentleness you were left with.
For those who didn’t know her well, Dawnie worked hard all her life, doing many jobs, the job she loved the best was the job she retired in, a Union Truck Driver. She worked her way up from working the docks, to driver, then to a Teamster shop steward. She was married to one wife who gave her 2 lovely daughters who in turned gave her 3 grandsons. Her wife died after a long illness though which Dawnie cared for until her death leaving her a widower who continued to take care of her youngest daughter who lived with him until her death. Her oldest daughter made her a grandfather with 3 grandsons ages 17, 7 and 1. She was elected a planning commissioner for the City of Donald and became the first openly trans woman to hold an elected office in that city. She was an avid photographer who loved to take pictures of aircraft which was another interest of hers. These are a few highlights of a fulfilled life
Dawnie was instrumental in fulling my journey and transition, without her I know it would have been a much bigger struggle and I may not be as far or happy as I am now. She opened her heart and house giving me a safe place to dress and start my first steps out. Herein is another passion of my friend; helping other girls find themselves giving them a helping hand getting out dressed up for the first time. She was willing to meet anyone in drab if it made the other girl more comfortable any time. The first time we met we were in drab meeting Ellie May who was going through a very hard time and Dawnie helped council and befriend her. The list of girls who Dawnie has helped is extensive, I can think of at least 7 girls where she had helped out for the first time. She had an open invitation to any girl who wanted to meet up and I continue to extend it that is the least I can do in honor of my friend.
Dawnie and our road trips were a central part of our relationship as road trips are a safe way for CDs to begin exploring the world around us and at our age, they are easy on the joints. Some of them became legendary in chat not so much for what we would do but Dawnie's ability to tell ability to tell a story with humor and fun. She never fabricated anything about them but she never hesitated to embellish them a bit. As I sat by her for the last time, all those times we had rolled through my mind and over and over scenes from those trips came forward each bringing a smile to me. Her knowledge of this area and its history made her a joy to travel with. She was a true truck driver though and though; I could tell how well she felt by the vigor she had when she would cuss out the car in front of us.
I realize this is a memorial but a memorial is not the way I chose to remember my friend. Dawnie's passion was that others not suffer the things she did because of her gender. Like many of us she knew at a young age who she was but because of family constraints, her dad beat the crap out of her when he found out, and societal pressures, being trans was illegal when she was growing up, she like many of us denied, hid and suffered for years simply for being us. She was determined to help other ladies avoid things she went through and allow them to flower into the beautiful women they are. So instead of a memorial, I propose that we become a testimony for her, by living our life free and happy with who we are. Let's continue to help promote trans and CD issues and themes and reach out and help other ladies blossom. Dawnie knew that for every lady who steps out and lives free would tear down a board in the wall of oppression we face, allowing younger ladies to live their life free. That would be a life Dawnie would approve of and would be the best testimony we can leave her.
What a remarkable woman she was. I am so sorry for your loss.
Beautiful April, thank you for sharing. She was one of the first faces to greet me here as I sat at my computer - in much the same way as you described. Couldn’t have asked for a friendlier, more encouraging welcome. I loved hearing about your travels with Dawnie in chat and seeing from afar what a positive impact she had on you in particular and how she helped you grow. You in turn we’re another who became a friendly, welcoming and encouraging face to see in chat - I thank you both for everything you’ve done for us.
I will really miss seeing her around and can’t imagine the hole she has left to those who knew her personally.
Sending love
Rip Dawnie x
April, you did fine! And like Dawnie, we should continue to help others who are struggling with who we are. One of her Legacy's! She was the first Girl I talked to in chat. Which was a blessing. If not her, I may not have come back. Though you were the second to greet me here. Couldnt have had 2 better first contact's! And if I close my eye's , I can see the photo's she posted. Your first time out. Guns and Grocerie's, the Garden. The Mountains and the Beach. And her Whiskey Tango Fox t-shirt. I hear her stories, and advice. Dawnie is sorely missed, but never forgotten! Miss you... Thank You April, for everything
My first interaction with Dawnie was her coming to my defense when another member was verbally attacking me for my chosen presentation. She didn't know me yet, but she had my back. This wasn't the first time that I had been attacked for how I chose to present, and I could hold my own. But Dawnie was not someone who would let any of us face our troubles alone. And I knew at that moment that I had found a kindred spirit.
Dawnie and I shared many a conversations over the brief span of our friendship. We did not always see eye to eye or agree with each other. No true friendship ever does. But we had a deep respect for each other. I had hoped one day to meet face to face, and to see they fiery spirit that burned in the heart of such a wonderful person. But alas that was not to be.
The world is a darker place without Dawnie. However, I know there or many who stand ready to pick up the mantle in her place. After all, the debt we owe Dawnie is one that we can only repay by paying it forward.
God speed, Dawnie. I wish you fair winds and following seas on your continued journey.
MacKenzie Alexandra
Amen. Such a kind soul. I remember talking to her a few weeks before her passing. Her attitude was always positive and she was a joy to chat with. I somehow thought that she would get better fooling myself with that fib. The day I heard of her passing hurt … why does a kind giving soul like her have to end her journey so soon. Maybe it was to inspire us like April wrote, I’m almost in tears writing this but I’m going to stay strong and help others just like Dawnie did. Rest In Peace Dawnie. You did great things! Love u !
we loved her dearly and will miss her.
thank you April for writing this
Touching memorial, April. I never knew Dawnie, but your words convince me I would've been a better person if I had. And now it's too late.
RIP Dawnie. May we eventually meet en femme in the spiritual crossdresser Heaven.
April, Very well said and so true. I had the "pleasure" of chatting with Dawnie a couple of times, and each time she was all in on everything. She had just started hospice and was still worried about resigning her position properly on the board in a timely fashion. Her commitment to everything was unmatched by others. Her joy she had experienced in life came through in everything she did. I remember her saying she was glad to be in hospice since she could be herself. I know she left this world happy and fulfilled in what she accomplished and all of the lives she has touched. Including mine, she will be missed.
Oh wow....I had a number of conversations with her years ago and she was very sweet and loved to share about what was going on in her life any time I was on chat. I'm sorry to hear that she's passed 🙁
Done VERY well April
Well said April. Dawnie was a lifesaver for me as I was what the medical profession would refer to as "suicidal with intent" three years ago. I loved Dawnie and understood her pain of losing her wife of many years, a wife that accepted her for her true self, a rare find indeed. I met her for lunch one day and we talked for several hours and made a deep connection. We three shared many memories together: Rose City T-Girl dinners, Holly's coming out dinner in Vancouver, Halloween in Portland, but the most memorable was the night after Dawnie and you helping me move into my home and going to the dance club where Dawnie was hit on by two or three lesbians on our way out. I believe that the best way to honor Dawnie is to "be there" for the new girls just coming out. I am so glad to have known and loved her. She will be missed.
April, reading your tribute to Dawnie, you expressed how much you love her and and the feelings were mutual…we should take to heart how much Dawnie meant and touched to all of us during our journey…thank you April
Thank you April for this post. Dawnie was a special person and we should all honor her memory by simply being kinder to each other. No matter where on the spectrum we are, we are all existing under the same umbrella and should make every effort to make others feel better about themselves. I know Dawnie always did that and it’s the least we all should do to pay it forward! Ty April
Oh I had.not heard of her passing. She was a good friend and we had a many great chats. She was one of the first girls to reach out to me when i joined CDH. I am sad i never got to meet her in person. I shall miss her. April, you wrote such a great celebration of life for Dawnie. Truly lovely.
Hugs
Danielle
