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First… Thank you to everyone who reached out regarding the editing positions. I have been in touch with several and we have two who will be joining and a couple of others who still may.
So… before we can get into more specific details on the “How to be our Ideal Woman” we must first cross the ravenous gap between our fantasy image and our reality. Both are equally important in our journey and our evolution. As I previously stated, we have the Fetish stage, the trial stage, and the “this is me” stage we all typically navigate. This is also what I called, “Girlie,” “Feminine,” and “Woman.” They say men are more visual, but I believe we all see first and then rationalize. Our senses provoke us, remind us, and entice us. The intoxicating scent of perfume, the feel of satin on bare legs, the red painted, manicured nails, the taste of lip-gloss, the sensation of long hair caressing our cheeks and shoulders. These things draw us in, and they also draw our attention when we see them on others.
What is our “A reflection of Image?” As crossdressers, we tend to turn a blind eye when looking at ourselves in the mirror, even when scouring through the multitude of pictures we take. We are captivated by the feminine aspects; the legs in nylons and high heels shout femininity while the further our eyes climb the less feminine we look. It might be our choice in clothing and how it fits (covers) our masculine attributes. Many times, it’s what we wear that showcases (negatively or positively) our feminine wiles. We can be great at makeup and hair, nails and accessories and miss dramatically on the ensemble. I get it. I want to be a sexy supermodel, a stunning mature office secretary, or a provocative socialite. And… I can be in the right image of what I have to work with. We spend a lot of time looking at the pictures of women and other CDs who Look Good! They are our examples to study and emulate. What does a large woman wear and how does she do her hair and makeup to present an alluring version? Here is another thing for us to note. Because of our general characteristics, it is easier for the majority of us to look 10-20 years younger as a female than in our drab mode. If you are 60, you don’t have to look like a grandma (unless that is your desired look.) Our faces are tighter (in general,) our hips smaller, our legs leaner, and our necks thinner. On the other end, our middles are larger and our shoulders and arms broader. This is before considering our hair or general bone structures. Heavier men can pull off makeup more easily and manipulate shape. Thin men can add padding and erase the years but may find their face limiting their makeup or their arms and legs looking bony instead of thin. Wonderful the difference in testosterone and estrogen on the body shape. That’s why utilizing our clothing selection within our “Image” will give us the best presentation.
I adore the sundress or spaghetti strap, but with only my male chest, I come off looking out of proportion when accounting for the broader shoulders and wider tummy. Some of it I can manipulate, but putting breast forms in will most likely end up showing, falling out (if not secured by adhesive), or showing the patch of back hair I can’t seem to reach. Not a problem if I’m only dressing for myself at home and taking pictures. You can wear the breastplate and hide the ends with longer hair and a wide necklace. Masterfully done at many of the “Transformation” studios. On our own… Pairing our outfits is important. If you wear skirts and tops, the best choice is to have one of them be solid and the other a pattern, unless they are a matched set.
Who are you? Me… I like to view myself as the mature hottie; the one who all the wives in the neighborhood hate because she’s always put together and has attention-grabbing legs, chest, and hair. The makeup does enough to make others guess at her true age. I may be 63, but I can pull off 40ish. I have abandoned loose-fitting tops and dresses for form-fitting. I have 5 sets of breast forms ranging from B to E. Sometimes the dress determines which I wear. What fits my padded hips and rear won’t necessarily fit those E forms. I’ve also learned to zip the dress and then insert the forms… if it’s possible. I can exhale on the air and not get that zipper past the trouble zone. You know what I’m talking about. That one spot where it stretches the most. For those of you who have trouble with zippers (I do yoga so I can do my own) taking a metal hanger and straightening it out will help or others use a hook and string. When the dress is zipped, the chest prominent, my heels matching, and the hips yelling out their feminine shape, I don’t even have to look at my face. My reflective image is in the mirror.
I’ve gotten more used to those sleeveless dresses rather than having long sleeves, ¾ or short. The only issue is with my shapewear or bra showing. With some outfits, it is okay and normal, but not with a fitted dress. I may skip the shapewear top and wear the pants style that also does my stomach, utilizing one of my smaller-sized bras to help with keeping my forms in place. When in doubt… I go smaller. It took me a while to get used to seeing “all of me” in the mirror by wearing fitted clothing, but now… it is my reflection, and seeing myself in a top or dress that isn’t tends to get it into the “Sell” or “Donate” pile regardless of how pretty or expensive it is. The best advice is to play around with styles and colors. It makes a huge difference in what your hair color is too. What works for a brunette may clash for a redhead or blonde. The color of nylon can work with one shoe color and not another. Tan almost always works; black is for darker colors (dresses with black in them or skirts). I know they cover up the hair on our legs, but consider buying shiny nylons in tan or coffee. Patterned nylons work better with skirts. It really is a matter of what you are wanting to draw attention to. Is it your legs, face, figure, chest, or hair? We see that first which is our attention grabber. When I see a woman (or CD/Trans) walk by, I see them as feminine, and then my eyes go to their legs and work up. I note (like many women do) the things I think they got right and what might have been done better. I also do my best not to judge based on where I see them—at Walmart, at church, or out shopping. We all have our moments when the only effort put in was to get dressed and to go grab whatever it was we needed. I’m talking about those who put some effort into their presentation. Others might see the eyes first, or the chest. We quickly form an opinion and then substantiate or dismiss it based on the follow-up observation. For me, I see that they are feminine, notice their legs, and then note their overall presentation. This is what will happen to us when we are out in public.
What do you want others to see? What is your reflection of image? What are your strongest attributes? Define those to be the best feminine presentation and that is what others will note. They will help to bypass the lesser things… broad shoulders, big hands, well-defined muscular legs and arms, etc. Why is the trend for women to have long hair? Remember the short and sassy or the tight curl perm? Older women are keeping their hair longer, adding some wave or soft curl. It hides the imperfections. It speaks to femininity and youth.
Until next time…
Be happy in the moments of expression and find the courage to broaden your perspectives; you just might find your true image…
Brina
@bmactavish as a woman of a certain age, I am strive to blend in with women broadly within my age range, and I take this while understanding that doesn’t mean frumpy. I live in a resort community, so it also means dressing in a casual, but hopefully stylish manner.
I have gained a greater awareness and appreciation for the range among women in height, stature and presentation. Today at the coffee shop I visited with a woman a few years younger than me that was wearing shorts and a t-shirt. Her hair was a bit of a mess, but she was friendly and fun to visit with. Although I was perhaps six inches taller, it was my sense that we looked just as we were, two women engaged in small talk as we waited for our orders.
Thanks for sharing the story. There is a knack and an appreciation to finding our individual style... that... what would I look and act like if I were or had been born a woman? Girls get the opportunity to experiment, refine, and then define themselves... not always for the better. Very few people (man or woman) take the time to present themselves at their best regardless of the venue they are at (Walmart vs a gala). As you say... frumpy has become its own style. We are excited by the presentation and go to great lengths to look our best. With our limited time, we don't do frumpy; what would be the fun in that? Give me the designer dress, high heels, and bling...
@bmactavish Thanks, Brina! (auto-correct changed your name to Brian!) This is why I spend time reading about CDs' experiences or insight here. It exposes my weaknesses or areas of expression, reminds me of what more I need to work on.
For example, the comment about tan shoes going with more. I have a couple of pairs of light coloured shoes that, if I wore them outside, they would be like a spotlight on my feet. Most of my other shoes, regardless of style, are black, to help not bring attention to me or what I wear there. I might try some dark brown ones, if I can find some that fit.
Re: getting our legs right but not the rest
I found that legs were pretty easy to manage or simpler to deal with them, partly because I, too, am told that my legs look better than many GG legs, but the upper stuff is way more complicated. There is a lot going on above the knees.
Re: observant people
As usual, when I was in a busy mall, yesterday, I carefully watched where eyes landed when people first saw me. I was wearing different clothes than I usually wear, so I noted where their eyes looked first. Some were lower because of the light, loose pants that I wore, some were on the small bumps on my chest, a couple of sales clerks focused just on my face. Maybe they were trained or learned how to do that.
Re: your picture
Did you tape your breasts, to create cleavage? I can't tell for sure.
Thank you for the commentary. No, I don't personally use tape. I manage with some manipulation and the right dress. This one happened to have some padding, which increased the appearance. I was also a little heavier when this was taken. Nice points on watching others watch us.
Looking sexy hot Brina!
Love the retrospect of your article.
I must confess that I love Looking at legs too. Also I have remark about a cis woman's dress and jokingly tell a friend that I would look better wearing it. But I really ment it.
Over the years I've noticed cis women dress drab. Wearing hospital scrubs and baggy clothes. When I was much younger women and men dressed up to go to town. They wouldn't be caught dead out drab or with curlers in their hair. Maybe we CD's and Trans are leading a Renaissance in dressing!
Stay sexy my love! 🥰 Fran
Thanks, Fran.
I do believe that looking good is inherent in women too. Their lives are much different than the few hours (even days in a row) that we get to put on our finest. We live for it and many of them take it for granted unless it's a special occasion. There still are those women who make it a point to look good, even on a quick errand. As guys, we can get away with dressing down. Thanks for the comments.
I agree, Fran. A lot of women dress in drab a lot of places. I noticed in my Church that a lot of women wore jeans and a bland top along with trainers. But I have been going to my Church wearing a dress since last September. OK during the winter sometimes it was a nice dressy pants and top. Now the last few months I think some women are wearing dresses or a more dressy outfit.
This might be my imagination, but I think it's true.
Cassie
Cassie, I hope you're setting a trend. My step mom's niece is a attorney in Washington, D.C. when she did Probono work for a Trans woman. She said she was out dressed by her. Lol keep dressing my love!
🥰 Fran
What a great article! I feel the attraction towards outfits that I just could not get away with, spaghetti straps, strapless dresses or wrap dresses so outfits I choose are a workaround to try to allow for the male shape.
How many times have I added a dress to my cart and then had to delete it (online) because I knew it was my wish look and not my reality. Once you find your style and color, there are endless variables to buy... I know.... look in my closet...
Interesting article as always Brina.
When I came out of my dark ages where I dressed very little the styling began and your observation led me to that fantasy area, the woman I wanted to be and dressing in a style that was really for indoors or a fancy dress party.
I was lucky to have come out and would be ablr to shop in male mode with a female companion. A lot of purchases came from charity shops so I wasn't spending a lot of money to make mistakes and was also able to show the dressing to someone who would cast a critical eye. Underwear was quite easy and I was lucky not to be oversized anywhere, an average womans size so once I had a better idea of what to wear I gained a style for myself.
What I now see was what I wanted to see a nice woman with a bit of style but not in any way over the top. My canvas, the body has been enhanced to give shape and a stylist who cuts in wigs that look everyday but one or two for special occasions.
It's been a long journey of discovery but now everything bought will suit. I am my perfect image and others appreciate what they see so everything is perfect.
I occasionally wear a sleeveless top but not generally in which to go out. I have a colourful tattoo on my right shoulder and another, monochrome, on my upper right chest area, which I don't think looks very good as the latter is a tattoo of Death, carrying a scythe, and riding a motorcycle—really, not very feminine at all.
Shape-wise, I don't do too badly these days, as after two years of not drinking, I've lost 18kgs (about 40lbs) and have a relatively flat stomach with little surplus fat elsewhere; I am also lucky that, even at my advanced years, I still have a fairly good bum, so I don't need extra padding there.
Am I my fantasy woman? I want others to see as mature and well-dressed. Nothing overtly sexual, 'draggy' or otherwise over-the-top. I like to blend in. If no one notices me in passing, I'm perfectly happy with this; it is what I try to achieve and for the most part, these days, I probably do.
Yes, I am my fantasy woman.
Becca
Thanks for the comments! My weight tends to fluctuate and currently, I'm towards the lowest I've ever been. Still some room to go and toning that I need to do. I can dress to my fantasy without being over the top. I have found my casual look, too, something I didn't even attempt until the last year. It was always about the dress and heels. Now I have several pairs of sandals, shorts, skorts, and tops that I wear. I can still look good and be comfortable. I admit... I do like the wife of the 40s and 50s look.
Thank you Brina for a very insightful and inspiring article. It took a few years of experimenting to find the style that makes me feel good and special. I was very interested in sports growing up so my body, especially my legs, tend to be muscular and I’m also a bit on the hairy side. Luckily not a werewolf though!!! I’ve found that a maxi form fitting dress seems to fit me best. It’s a sleeveless dress that fits over a long sleeve top. I have acquired several different colors and I feel pretty good about them. I’m still pretty much a novice about this lifestyle but it does make me feel very comfortable. Thanks again for the article and also thanks to all of you who have commented on Brina’s article. All the knowledge I can gain is so helpful.
Thanks! That is my hope when I write these types of articles that the added input from all the others help make them a valuable resource for all or are trying to find their way.
I look at that image and I think, yeah here's a lady who's made an effort on all aspects and it looks great, irrespective of age. My only comment would be, that I do see things on the rack that attract me to buy them, but I have learned that they just won't look good on me.
I believe we all (men and women) have a selective eye. A color, style, fabric, etc. that immediately draws our attention. It then becomes a conversation between our rational and hopeful consciousness as to whether or not we buy it. Hope likes to entice us. "It might run small, but if we lose 10 pounds it will look fantastic on us." Rational responds with, "Ha! Even if we lose the weight, we still won't be able to make it look good because..." Even when I know a particular style isn't going to work, I still have hope for it, and that is why I'm buying it, and why my closets are overrun with more clothes than I'll ever need. Thanks for the comments.
As usual Sabrina , another Wonderful article ! Thank you !
I've always seen myself as having a "demur woman" type in my head. Even as AMAB. When I dress now I see myself as a mature librarian. Long maxi skirt, a long sleeve blouse or sweater set. I wouldn't say sexy but just classic feminine. I am introverted so demure appearances work better for me. I have tried a lot of looks over the years but just keep coming back to this style. I am finally being my authentic self. Feels nice to stop masking for society's sake and just be me.
Yeah...sorry. I could only read, "Something something, something something something..." AND OMG THOSE SHOES ARE FABULOUS! 😍
I have another pair that is Pink and gold. I found them on Amazon after page after page searching. Other color options were available and the price very reasonable. They are also wonderful to wear. (mine are a size 12 women's).
An additional *comfortable* pair, you say? And in a size 12?? 🤔
(starts looking for ticket to Iowa) Don't move! I'll be right over!
😉
I'm a full time girl, an intersex female, so I have many natural feminine features, which is a definite asset! I work, as a woman, at the security desk of a government office. I am seen, and accepted, as a woman who is 15 to 20 years younger than I actually am. I am very picky about my clothes, have always loved nice material that is not only pretty, but feels good to the touch. I always dress to blend in but look nice, that does get noticed, as the girls I work with tell me I am a classy lady!
Hugs,
Ms. Lauren M
I believe that many of us would also follow that pattern. We were denied all through our lives and when we get the chance, we do it to a higher level than our generic counterparts. Not a knock on them at all. It's that undying appreciation for femininity. Thanks for commenting!
Hi Sabrina, and my compliments on a great article. I have been a CD girl for a few years and it has been a steep learning curve for sure. But I did pick up on those things you suggested through a lot of trial and error. Taking pics of my outfits in the mirror (hundreds) and comparing to see what works and what obviously did not. One definitely gets to know what works with what. Having linebacker shoulders did present me with a bit of a problem. I discovered that larger breasts seemed to distract from the shoulders. As well stylish but short miniskirts pull the vision right away, a good thing I think. It helps to have nice legs which make miniskirts and short dresses a natural. Thx for a good article.
Thanks for the comments, too! You hit on the main point; use your positive attributes to garner attention and avoid areas that don't. The same is true for women in general. Some are much better at it and are who we should learn from. I've always been a people watcher, but now I study women who I think embody my self-perceptions of who I am.
