Welcome to Crossdresser Heaven, a safe and welcoming place for everyone in the crossdresser community.
Join Crossdresser Heaven today to participate in the forums.
It was the best of clasps; it was the worst of clasps. Sorry couldn’t help it, I thought of the title on my way to work one day, more on that in a moment…
To start, I have two necklaces that have become symbolic of Michelle. The first was given to me a very long time ago by my mom. I have always liked it but never really spent much time wearing it until a few years ago when I first allowed myself truly to be me. It is gender neutral but something about it has given me a sense of peace and inner strength when worn. The necklace itself is some kind round dark brown bauble with a black stripe on the outer edge on a piece of black cord and has some bead work on it. It’s been worn in many a taken selfies. A smile always seems to appear on my face when I wear it. It was the first piece of jewelry I wore as Michelle, so, it has taken on the meaning of my beginning this journey of self-discovery. Sadly, the necklace’s cord is getting threadbare and I need to find some way to replace it which is not so easy when you are all thumbs.
As for the second necklace, I purchased it around this past holiday season as a way to embrace my acceptance that I am Trans and be proud of it. I have worn it almost every day since it was delivered. The necklace didn’t cost much, it is a stainless-steel chain and disc charm (stamped with a Transgender symbol) which has taken to mean for me the path I am on and gives a reminder to myself that this is who I am. At the time, I wore it openly when not at work, in our town (I am fortunate enough to live somewhere safe to do so) and even sometimes at work depending on the day. At other times, it would pop out from my shirt as if to say I am here and I will be seen. This has happened more than once without me even knowing it. I received a couple of questioning looks but I work in a place where most are polite and work etiquette would keep them from asking. (I am now out in my workplace so wearing the necklace openly is something I do without hesitation.) It brings a lot of peace of mind, though I will say the clasp on it not so much…
Now, I have fumbled fastening the necklace many a time; yet have managed to get it secure. In some way it feels like a small victory. Then one day on my walk to work… The morning was seasonably cold, I was bundled up, went outside ready for another day. Even had the right of way when I got to cross the intersection in town. I got inside the building and into my office, unbundled and then only to notice that my necklace was not there. I thought maybe it came loose I checked my coat, sweater, and even my undershirt. No luck! So, I turned to my boss and said I’ll be right back and began a much slower trek back to the house. I carefully traced my steps looking down all the while just hoping that it was not lost forever. It’s easy enough to purchase another, but that wouldn’t have felt right. As I kept looking my anxiety was rising as well as some superstitious thoughts. Maybe this was a sign that I was not on the right path and the universe was telling me something. Or maybe subconsciously I am self-sabotaging. As I drew closer to home, the thoughts persisted making me feel low and pretty grumpy all the while, still no sign of it anywhere. I opened the gate and walked down the path to the stairs and porch continuing this narrative. As I got to my door, keys in hand, I just happened to look down and there hanging out on our welcome mat was my necklace. I pocketed it, turned around and walked back to work. Funny thing, all the negative thoughts vanished the moment I had it with me again. Once at work, I took a moment, cleaned it up and struggle with the clasp but successfully got it on. It made me realize just how scared I am sometimes with this journey but also not willing to give up on finding myself despite the doubts. Like my necklaces, I may need to be picked up, cleaned up, fixed up and fumbled with, but in the end I will be there.
Thank you for taking the time out of your schedule to read my article. Please feel free to leave a comment pertaining to my article or to answer one or more of the questions I’ve posed to you below:
1) Do you have a piece of jewelry which has a special meaning attached to it?
2) If so, what type of jewelry is it and what is the meaning attached to it?
3) Where do you purchase most of the fashion jewelry you wear?
Much love,
Michelle
Hello Michelle. Lovely article. One of the first necklaces that I purchased was a silver chain with a miniature acorn attached. It is a very delicate piece and to me the acorn represents renewal and growth.
Awesome, finding something that becomes a positive symbol is definitely uplifting in my opinion. And an acorn is a great representation.
Wow, I got anxiety just reading your account of that event!! So happy you found your necklace!
Recently I bought my first jewelry for my feminine self, it was a name necklace for "Christina." I love it. Just got it on Amazon and was not expensive. I love seeing MY name around my neck in the mirror. I wear it as often as I can. It is very validating for my inner soul. I wear it in guy mode too, but do not have it displayed, just hiding under a t-shirt. But just knowing it is there feels wonderful. I can touch my neck, feel it there. Makes me happy.
Having things that symbolize our inner selves and our journey means a lot. Very validating.
-Christina
Thank you! Absolutely, symbols can give us comfort when we may not be in the position to be ourselves. Even though now I am me to the world around, I still will touch my necklace to make sure it's still there.
Hi Michelle. I know jewelry can be a powerful item that means so much to us but little to others. Sometimes I wear a little 3D gold puffed heart necklace that I happen to find in a thrift store one day. Its on a thin gold chain that I can hide inside my shirt or leave it out for others to see depending on my mood of the day. Its a small thing but I always feel so feminine wearing this piece. I also have some silver bangle bracelets I wear at times too. I'm always in male mode but no one has ever said anything about either although I've seen some women have noticed.
High Michelle thanks for the read, My wife is a jeweler, lucky me, but my favs are the first necklace she gave me, a very nice string of stones (cant recall what they actually are, spendy though) with a matching pair of earrings and a matching ring.
Firstly-great to hear your journey is going well and that you have accepted and acknowledged yourself.
Answering the three questions you posed:
1) yes
2) A bracelet with the inscription- She believed she could and so she did. It was given to me by the lady who is captain of my league pool team after I told her about Cyn and let her read the article I wrote https://www.crossdresserheaven.com/forums/topic/christmas-time-a-lament/
3) Mostly Amazon and Walmart
A side comment- it struck me as I read the part of losing the bracelet, retracing your steps while doubting yourself, and finding it on the welcome mat at home.... perhaps that was God or whoever's way of telling you that your feelings are genuine and welcoming you as you begin the transition to wherever your life is heading now? Just my thoughts...can't wait til I can visit again and go out in your town with you presenting as your true self!
Cyn
Hi Michelle,
I wanted to cry when I read your article. You see, for me, I find your article had a much deeper message than the necklace. It reminded me of my lifetime of struggles with who I am. The lost necklace somehow symbolizes how I question myself over and over. Meanwhile, finding the necklace always makes me feel like I am; "centered and at peace". The difference is, you wear your necklace for all to see and I am afraid to show mine to everyone. Perhaps someday...
Thank you so much for taking the time to pen your thoughts for others.
Hugs,
Vanessa
Wonderful article Michelle
Michelle -
Very happy for you that you found your necklace. Your story does have a deeper meaning as has been said by others.
1- Yes
2- I have a number of pieces with special meaning, some were my mothers, others are pieces my wife gave me.
3- My jewelry is either things I inherited, purchased at craft shows or various stores or that I made myself.
I wear earrings 24/7, usually studs or small hoops when out and about although sometimes I'll wear small dangling ones. At home I'll wear dangling earrings when dressed.
XOXO
Suzanne
The necklace on the left that your mother gave to you has a special meaning to me as well. It is what we call a hamburger bean or just burger bean and thought to bring good luck to those that find or wear them. We are avid beaners and we have a collection of all kinds of sea beans or drift seeds and we are leaving in about 3 weeks for one of our annual beaning camping adventures. We take our RV twice a year to the coast and hunt beans. We carry a little field guide to identify them. We make jewelry from them as a hobby and give them as gifts to friends and family. I will usually wear one of our necklaces while combing the beach and if someone talks about it I will give it to them. Your mother may have found it and had a necklace made from it or possibly purchased it in her travels.
The Mucuna sloanei is the most common of all the sea beans. The seeds have a very hard seed wall that protects them on their journeys overseas and can float on the ocean current for 5 plus years before washing up. The seeds originate in South America, but grow nowadays also in Africa, Asia and islands in the Pacific Ocean. The seeds can often be found on beaches, and are used to make jewels because of their decorative appearance
