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I have been dealing with gender dysphoria for years. Started dressing at 12. Through adolescence and adulthood it has come in waves, but over the last 3 to 4 years it has become a tsunami. Now I am making minute changes that are in the open. I am not 24-7 femme, but I do want this. I know it is a process. So what I started doing was little changes so it does not shock the social circle I am in while at the same time coming out as trans and having open conversations to a few more people. Now I am wanting to come out to everyone, but I think I am on the right path. Little by little. Step by step. A few years ago I started doing my toe nails. At first it was black, a color that even the most masculine can rock. Since then the feet have become more femme. Now it is a sparkly orange. Today I am doing my fingernails. Not coffin nails, well yet. But a nice colored manicure. Another step. Always do my eyebrow threading. Clean shaved. Body waxing. Started using perfume instead of cologne. I love pretty and beautiful things. I have not told my family. My mom is an active Mormon so it will rock her world. I am excited, scared and have so many emotions all at the same time. But the realization that I have found the real me makes me so happy. My body is ringing with a sort of beautiful poetry that I can feel. At the beginning of 2022 I want to start HRT, but until then I am going to make these little changes and gradually come out dressed as Autumn to the world. Not sure if others are going through the same stuff. But I am curious if they have the same feelings as I do.
Absolutely LOVE this article! Just what I needed this week.
Well said, beautiful sentiments!
Excellent article. Very helpful. I am learning to accept and embrace myself for who I am, Jennifer
Oh this is so true. So often over my life have I gone thru the cycles, the hiding, the shame, the purges, only to start accumulating again. We can fight our true nature, but we will never win. About 6 months ago I met a man who was able to convince me to leave the safety of my cocoon and venture out to see him. I see him just about every Saturday evening now, he's only even seen me as Jennifer, accepts me as Jennifer, and when I'm with him I feel entirely Jennifer. I love it, it seems the acceptance of others helps us with our acceptance of ourselves. I can see a downside though, probably depending a bit on where you live and the prevailing values of the community. Like the genie in the bottle, once the woman inside has been left out, she never wants to go back. Her drive to be set free grows stronger and, if we do have to return now and then to the so called "normal" world it becomes harder to keep her hidden. I find it harder and harder to put Jennifer away, every venture out makes her stronger and when I return I have a harder time. Now, it's no longer me turning into Jennifer, it's Jennifer going back into hiding. Sometimes I feel like I'm ready to explode. What a wonderful journey this is.
Hugs,
Jennifer
When I look in the mirror
sometimes for a moment that disappears
like a quick step in a dance
and in the fleeting ephemerality of this life
He appears in the muffled silence and muted screams
pointed out every trait, every flaw.
Thick contours that don't make me her,
In the fragility of acts and desires to be freed from shackles
of this slavery that, like a hungry moth, corrodes the days.
While my eyes are the mirror of the soul without masks,
It doesn’t deny my essence as a Woman.
Well said indeed! My mantra in case of flaring-up fears or nervousness while being out-and-about is very simple: "Claim Yourself", something my supportive wife told me in a very early stage of our relationship. And I may add: "Be proud of yourself". It works every time for me. Love to y'all from Central Texas.