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Living in Iowa (I assume the same could be said of other areas) there is an old saying, “Don’t like the weather, wait ten minutes.” I played my first round of golf this year on February 7th. For perspective, last year it was March 30th. It was 87 yesterday and won’t crack 50 this coming Saturday for the first tournament of the year. What does golf and the weather have to do with being a crossdresser? (Besides the cute outfits the women get to wear 😊 )
How many wives have told their husbands they are addicted to golf, stupidly willing to play in all types of conditions; in between thunderstorms, high winds, cold temperatures, and into darkness. Most likely the same wives who would tell their CD husbands they own too many shoes, dresses, lingerie items, and shapewear—addiction at its finest. If someone calls me up and says, “Hey, let's hit the links,” I’m instantly figuring out how to swing it—forgive the pun. How to tell the SO, the boss, and all the others who might put a Kibosh on it. Sounds a lot like being a crossdresser—figuring out how to get that much-needed time in. Sadly, being a CD might actually hit the wallet harder than being a golf addict. God help me if I ever blend the two…
I recently went through my CD inventory and purged so many wonderful memories because I JUST HAVE WAY TOO MUCH, and I always want more. I put together multiple lots and sold it on eBay—for a more than fair price. All the magical dresses that I’ve kept in hopes I might fit into them (I realize it won’t happen even if I lose 20 pounds). What do I possibly need with 30 wigs? 35 pairs of shoes? Makeup overflowing? More dresses, skirts, and tops than I could possibly wear, let alone keep track of owning. It doesn’t end there as the same could be said of all the golf polo shirts and shorts. I read an interesting quote, not sure who penned it, but it goes like this: “I spent the first two-thirds of my life acquiring stuff that doesn’t matter only so I can spend my last third getting rid of it.” Such is the life of a CD. Everything there is to promote our need for femininity is essential until it isn’t. Eventually, I believe we all find our female representation, the ideal of our reality, and so the experimental things collect space. So why hang on to those things that aren’t a truer reflection of my female side? Because… one can never have too many golf accessories…
My circling around has a point. Being a CD isn’t much different than a host of other things. The collection of knickknacks, season tickets to sports teams, going out to eat, gardening, and the list goes on. The difference is in the eyeballs that watch and condemn. As men, being a CD allows us to dig into what makes a woman tick and to touch some emotions that are seen as unmasculine. Neither of which is bad, per se. We fight only one major issue. Showcasing our femininity as a man is demoralizing to women, children, and the perceptional "true" men. (So they say) The context is preconceived ignorance and bigoted just as it is with every other group harassing another. Statistically, I bet we are better husbands, fathers, neighbors, citizens, and men because we are.
Perception is something that is a two-way street in which we tend to see it more as a one-way boulevard with security cameras on the gated entries to the lush estates they protect. That is us against the establishment. I absolutely love my time as Brina (for today, I’m accepting that I’m more CD than trans… tomorrow may be different), it fulfills me, encourages me to be a better human, and teaches me tolerance and acceptance of all. You can’t continue to downgrade others when you like to wear 6-inch platform heels… My point is that we sometimes feel that we are misjudged, but we also fail to recognize the polarizing stance of those who simply “Do not understand” and chastise for no other reason than it’s what the loudest voices do. We can, however, forgive them for their ignorance and go about our lives. Unless they threaten us with harm or blackmail, they are but a voice to be ignored. We all have issues! Taking it out on others is the problem we need to fix.
If you ask anyone of us who have purged what the feelings were shortly thereafter, they’d likely tell you (besides the money cost to replace everything) that it felt as if they’d given a part of themselves away. Before my father passed, I had him go through everything (other than his books and clothes… focusing on his shop and garage stuff) and seriously consider what he needed instead of what he might need. Yes, he was a hoarder extraordinary. His love of work gloves (40 pairs), used screws and nails—just in case, plastic bags to wrap the trout in that he caught, 10 fishing tackle boxes and 20 poles, every piece of wood no matter how small, etc. You get the picture. I was proud of him as he created the keep, give away, and toss piles easier than I thought he would. We did it again three years later after he knew his time was running shorter. I’ve since done another go-through, and yet I keep things not because I need or will ever use them, but because they are his. The same goes for me as I try to make the home mine and not completely my parents.
This is a reflection of being a CD as well. We collect because we want (not need) to have it; the more the better as we equate buying to understanding this side of ourselves. There are many women out there who do similar… the goddesses who have the shoes, accessories, and clothing to die for, but they are still in the minority compared to most women. I may never settle on my reflective image, instead continuing to buy every dress that piques my interest… just because, but in the future, I know my loss will be another girl’s gain as I bundle and sell that which I don’t need and keep more of who I am… so to speak. The only thing missing are the golf outfits…
Until next time… go easy on yourself, and more importantly, on others. It’s easy to get down on who we are and take out the frustrations on those we love. A metaphor that means a lot to me is the story about the man who was having an exceptionally bad day at work and on arriving home he stops at the tree in the front yard. There, he hangs up his problems of the day before entering the house. He is present with his family. The following morning he stops at the same tree to regather the problems that need to be dealt with only to find that many of them have disappeared.
Be kind and loving, always…
Where in hell would anyone in iowa be able to play golf in feburary? I spent 35 years in that winter crap hole and never once would I consider such a thing. I like to go to the pistol and rifle range to do my thing and if I were to go in feburary I would have to clear the snow drifts, Besides I could not hit the broad side of a barn while i shivered at a gun range in such a cold winter crap hole. After I retired from my job I left for warmer places. The people of iowa are friendly enough but they piss and moan too much if their iowa turkies loses a ball game but they are oblivious to the assinine laws that the legislature in des moines passes.
"...not because I need them, but because they are his." Yes. I'm one of many readers that can relate to keeping some things that once were their parents. On the flip side, did I truly read that you had "35 wigs"😲before the eBay selling? Good for you in moving out some wigs, clothes..! I'm reducing collections, too: cassette tapes . 300+ mostly not prerecorded.
Brina , I really value your writings, your abilities and CDH long service.
🌹👏🏼🏆
Gratefully,
Connie, in Virginia
Thanks for the comments. Yes, if I counted all the ones that I bought, tried on, didn't like, gave away, sold on ebay, I wouldn't be surprised if I bought the same one twice. I've settled on a style that fits me. I still like to wear the extra-long ones, but wouldn't out. I don't do short or bobs... uggh, not me and the photos in them have long proved it. I have 3 groupings now. The whatever to wear on a daily basis while I type away, the long wigs that sometimes look great and some that I fight with the bangs in my eyes because I think they look great, and then those that I take most of my pictures in. I do the same with dresses and skirts. 🙂
Another thoughtful comment Brina. There are many reasons why people collect things, hoarders for example but there is probably other reasons why
Gathering things does cross sexes as you say. Look at hobbies males have and the amount of kit or accessories they 'need'. Women partners do not understand, raise an eyebrow and let them get on with it. Then women collect things like clothes and all the accessories. The men raise their eyebrows and let them get on with it.
Neither seems to understand the reasoning but it is one of the same.
The difference is that men will ditch a bit of kit when a new upgrade comes along as the kit becomes superfluous, there the attachment ends. However women will have a sentimental attachment to things and have a deep seated reason why they want to keep it.
The pain of a purge is a very strong indicator of the woman inside us, it's normal.
Brina, you never disappoint, another thought provoking article to which I can really relate…
I am jealous. Who would have thought to play a round of golf on 02/07 in Iowa ? For now, I am still trying to get my “swing” back after spinal surgery 3 years ago.. doctor says ok the spirit is willing but my body says “are you kidding”.. still trying though… you mentioned the polo shirts (I still have many colors and stripes not to mention of course shorts & chinos, no dungaree for this duffer) .. however you forgot all the golf caps accumulated lol!! And don’t forget the tees…
although my wife is my CDRevelation and we compromise with DADT, I try to remember her suggestion either man or girl wardrobe, buy something new similar item goes to goodwill.
unfortunately recently it doesn’t apply to my girl wardrobe 😉.. dresses and skirts out number my chinos and suits .. and panties far out number the boxers..I guess I am accused of collecting because “I want (not need) to have it” you have such a way with words ..
I appreciate and always look forward to your articles, Thank you, my friend
Warmest regards, Leonara
The only time I wear a hat is when golfing or fishing, so I get by with only a select few (I have a bucket full of others that have accumulated through various events...) I'd love to head to the shopping center with my long hair pulled through my cap, in my cute golf outfit, and wearing oversized sunglasses on my perfectly toned and tanned figure... Ah... nope, not likely. Thanks for the comments! 🙂
Hi Brina,
Thanks for another brilliant article!
I remember helping my dad go through things several times when my parents moved over the years. My dad was another depression baby. You mentioned saving any piece of wood no matter how small, and used screws, oh my yes. He passed away last year, my mom finally got me to take his toolbox on wheels. I too have some tools now that I know I will never use, but how can I throw away some of these tools that I helped him work on things with from my earliest memories?!
I’m thinking now too about some of the things I have collected over time, femme items, and otherwise.
I absolutely love your picture with the article! I’m another lover of 6 inch platform heels. I seem to gravitate toward that style. You look great in them!
Lara
They are much easier to take pictures in than videos... unless I want to win money on America's Funniest Videos... I'm not a carpenter, my father was. My need for large power tools is nil. I've sold many of his already. I've condensed the camping and fishing items (still have too many--I have lots of my own as well.) He was also a massive photographer with slides, albums, and cameras galore. I will invest in a converter for them and the 8 mm videos. I gave a way nearly 80 pounds of used nails, screws, bolts, notes etc. All the drawers of items... so many duplications. He filled up the garage, building cupboards to hold things, built a shed, added a second one, and then put on a second level. Over the last 10 years he'd always say that he might need it but when he could have used it, he'd go buy new.
Thanks for the comments 🙂
Brina -
Thank you for a thoughtful article.
I can relate to what you said. I have an accumulation of things that I need to purge - fishing equipment, knick knacks., clothes, tools and more. My father was also someone who held onto everything. It took a long time to clean out his house when he passed. I have enough fishing equipment to open my own sporting goods store because 1- some of it was my Dad's (tools as well), 2- I will use it one day, 3- can't be replaced and 4 - because it is mine.
I've only been dressing for a few years but have accumulated quite a wardrobe. I have no intentions of getting rid of anything even though I may not have a chance to wear it.
I need to purge but have a hard time doing it. One day I'll get serious and do what needs to be done.
XOXO
Suzanne
I remember growing up, the one phrase that my mother would use on me, "Because I said so." My dad would chip in with, "Just because!" If there were ever a word that described my parents, because would be it. I have my attachments, we all do. I have the complete book collections of my four favorite authors, two of whom I first started collecting when I was 14, nearly 50 years now. They are still writing. Oh, how I miss several of the shoes, wigs, accessories, and outfits that I have purged over the years. I had a perfect wig, it was me, and I've never been able to find one that is similar. I used to throw it away or give it to out of town thrift stores, now I sell the good items so another girl can get a bargain. Shoes have been the hardest for me to let go of, even when they don't fit, but I am. I rotate through all my feminine attire but wear the same few items in male mode. I'll keep working at it...
Thanks for the comments!
I really can't put a word to describe my parents. They were so different. My mother was raised by the nuns so she was as stern as could be without showing any compassion. My father was a softie who loved hugs and kisses. I recall standing on the back seat of the car as a child with both my hands wrapped around my dads head while he was driving. I would rub my hands across his face to feel the stubble. Lol
Purged clothing. Omg, if only I could walk into a room and find everything I purged. Some of the sexiest shoes I have ever owned went to the wayside. Those shoes are not even available today. White and red steletto birdcage heels, oh, the patent pumps with toe cleavage, good lord, I have to stop thinking about it. The skirts with slits, and the blouses with ties in the front to make a bow. That's it! Off to the closet to see what I can find to wear today. Lol
The worst part of my biggest purge... all of the photos. I deleted every photo over a 5 year period from my initial Brina beginnings. I did it because I wanted to try another relationship free of her. We all know how that worked out. Not saying I was a model, but I have never been in as good of shape as I was then, and I could rock the heels. Thanks for the comments! 🙂
@bmactavish I was fortunate enough to keep most of my photos from the early days when I had a yahoo group. I saved them to a thumb drive. It always amazes me when I read stories like yours to know we all share some of the same thought processes regarding our gender gift.
Again Brina, thank you for another one of your great articles. Everything you said is so spot on and is so true for so many of us, from just wanting equal acceptance as a CD to hording. I don't really like the term hording it sounds so harsh to me. I prefer the title, keeper of memories instead. Sure I do have those pieces of wood that I might use and many that I know that I never will, I just haven't gotten rid of them yet. But I do have things like a brand new pair of panty hose that a dear friend of mine gave me when she worked for " Legs " there still in the plastic egg, never worn, just didn't like the color, but I'll never get rid of them because they were a gift, lovingly given to me by someone who excepted me as a CD and wanted to support me. That was 45 years ago. I know exactly were they are under a hand full of skirts that don't really fit me but I love how they look and feel. Should I get rid of them, maybe, but why they still hold a dear memory in my heart. My grandmother who did go through the depression and came out of it with very little, did instill on me the need to fix what can be and reuse everything before it can't be fixed anymore. I just took it a little farther and keep things because I might still might be able to fix them. It's just so hard for me to throw away a memory that I can still hold in my hand and touch.
Thank you again for all you do for us.
Sherri
Nice story! Thanks for sharing and the compliments 🙂 I agree on keeping some of those memories. I have some as well. It's the random things that I've bought that aren't necessary to save for "A maybe day".
Brina,
Another great article. I haven’t been on the site in quite a while, but I had to read your article. I would easily qualify for Golf Digests worst avid golfer. Besides the money, I was always amazed at how much money I spent to suck at something in weather I would NEVER work in. Then water skiing. And RVing - the most expensive hobby yet! All that spent on CDing and I could have rivaled queen Elizabeth. I just came into this too late and too married.
Gwyn
Funny... Great comments. I think... for some of us... it might help to equate being a CD to a hobby enthusiast. It doesn't always need to mean more, and sometimes it does. I believe that is where the acceptance comes in. Once you say, "This is ok, I'm ok" we can shake off the negatives and enjoy the moments. Thanks for the response. 🙂
Thanks for posting!! You are the first person that I have talked to on CDH for 4 years. Miss you and all the ladies! So glad you have accepted me again 🙂
Great article Brina. I myself, need to do a purging of things I have collected over the years. I have way too much stuff in my garage, basement and outfits. I think eBay is a great place to sell these items. A little reluctant to list my cd items on eBay since I have never listed any of them. Well I need to start and this was great motivation. Thank you for sharing the detailed story. -Traci
I've had decent success on eBay. I've sold on it the past 4 years. It's better than throwing it in the trash or giving it away. I still do with some, but those memories deserve a new home. Thanks for the comments.
As always a nicely written article. I don't really know much about golf to say allot but I do have a fond childhood memory of a step daddie who I never connected with. Most likely due to who I had begun to come. He was always trying to change me, thought I should do things other boys did, IE: baseball, football, fishing etc. NOT! However, he was helping build a huge golf course just outside of where we live. My mother asked me to ride with her to go pick him up from work. When we got there he came out to the car and said come with me, weird I thought. But I followed him to a building and he filled a old milk pale full of golf balls and handed it to me said come on boy. Walked out to the driving range, showed me how to hold the club, set the ball on the tee then swing. It wasn't good the first few swings but he said keep trying. In awhile I seemed surprised at my progress and by the time I swung and hit the last remaining ball it sailed. Yayyyy I was now on my way to become a professional golf player. However, needless to say, it didn't happen. Sorry for long reply, couldn't say it any shorter. Thanks Brina for this article and putting a smile on my face. 😍
It's funny that you chose the golf analogy, because my therapist uses that all the time! And thought is seems like an iffy comparison at first, if you think about it, the way some people get obsessed with golf - the outfits, shoes, clubs, trying to manipulate your schedule to play as much as possible - it really does track! Not sure my wife totally buys it, but we're still a work in progress. She even noted the other day that my "collection is growing." And I thought, you know, I buy records obsessively too - why is that not a problem? (Rhetorical question, I know why...). But do I have too many records? Most definitely. Do I have time to listen to them all? Not if I had a hundred years? Will I be buying more? Absolutely!!!
Thanks for the comments and the story. You know, (Midwest way of saying, "Let me add my thoughts,") it's funny how being a CD truly fits into some of those hobby obsessions, and the main difference between them is the justification that others attach to it. It's okay to collect records but dressing and collecting women's clothing? Come on... really, are you weird or what? Having 3,000 matchbooks isn't weird or what? I know that there can be more to it. that feminine seed that suddenly sprouts and grows wild and untamed. That's me, more or less. I am attracted to and drawn to femininity; in myself and others, and there is nothing wrong with that. Again, thank you for the comments.
Thank you Brina for another great article.
A very enjoyable article Brina, I too am a golf tragic but I have decided that it is a Gail Bucket List Item to play Golf herself so I am looking at several outfits now hoping to find one that suits my plus size body without looking too tragic and then its look out here I come
Gail
I wish you all the best. Someday... Be sure to let us know how it goes. I need to do some research to see if there are any courses nearby that do a tournament or event for CDs or other groups where I could fit in.
