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I have been crossdressing for 30 years. It started when I was 15.
Anytime I was home by myself, I would sneak into the bedroom of my sister, who is 4 years younger than me, to try on her tights, her nylons, snap crotch bodysuits, her short-sleeve black romper that buttoned up the front, her rainbow-plaid romper with similar fastening, or her two sleepers, one of which had feet while the other didn't; I even tried on some of her dresses. I would pose with each outfit, then try on another, modelling them in front of the bathroom mirror.
I was caught a few times and told never to do it again, but I still did.
After I moved out on my own, I would go to various stores, including thrift stores, to find unitards, leotards, catsuits, one-piece swimsuits, tights, leggings, nylons and footed pyjamas.
I would always be apprehensive and self-conscious about going out in public en femme, but if I ever did, this is how I would do it:
I would take my Ayala (Hebrew for Deer) with me in a duffel bag or backpack somewhere like a packed club or something. I would make sure no one was watching and sneak into the women's restroom. Going into a stall, shutting and locking the door behind me, I would strip naked, tuck 'everything' between my legs and put on a pair of panties and nylons. After that, would be a bra containing a pair of C-cup breast-forms, a knee length dress, a purse and a shoulder length, blonde wig. My male clothing would go into the bag which I would zip shut, hiding male me away. Next, I would unlock and open the door, walk back through the club to the nearest exit and go to my vehicle. Once there, I would lock the bag in the trunk and return to the club for drinks; flirting with other club patrons and shaking my tushy on the dance floor.
Alas, as I said above, I would be very self-conscious and apprehensive about being in drag in public and as much as I would like to introduce the world to Ayala, I'll just have to remain content to put the blinds down whenever she wants to 'visit' me in the privacy and comfort of my apartment.
As I write this, I'm sitting here in that very place, dressed in a woman's long-sleeve, footed, mock turtleneck, black unitard with back zip, a pair of women's light pink leg warmers and a pair of women's pink ballet slippers. Bliss.
Hugs & kisses
Ayala
@ayalathefemboi thankyou ayala for your story, you are an inspiration, l have been crossdressing for several years but have not worked up the courage to go out in public dressed up as l live in a regional town and most people know me. My wife supports my crossdressing and for that l am greatful.
@ayalathefemboi I've done this from both ends of the spectrum. My first time out was at a big public event & I had no problems & my last trip out was at a quiet restaurant & I was terribly self conscious. There seems to be no logic to either but there is only one way to go in both cases & that is just to get out there & try to enjoy it. Having said that you really can't beat comfy time at home. Good luck whatever you choose.
Sasha
@ayalathefemboi It's all well and good to have some sort of plan or fantasy, but if you don't act on your plans they will remain just that.
Maybe you extend your plan to include experimenting with going out a little at a time. Add pieces here and there that end up being a complete outfit that doesn't attract a lot of attention. Then, as you gain experience and confidence, you can do more and more.
Let us know how it works out
@ayalathefemboi thanks for your story, it inspires me. I have been crossdressing in public for a while now, I use neutral clothing, for example women's jeans and black jacket, female size (some looks at my jeans but no other reaction or comment). The latest step is to let my nails grow, shape them and keep them clean.
Olivia
@ayalathefemboi Welcome Ayala! I'm sure you will find many people here with apprehension about being out in public as their authentic selves. A good number of them have also gotten past the apprehension to get out into the world and live their lives. I am one of these people. One thing I have found that might be helpful to is that most people don't even notice others since they are into their own thing. I remember the first time I walked through the mall when dressed authentically. I was surprised that I didn't get any reaction...people just went about their own business without even a casual glance. The only reaction I got was from a pretty sales associate who told me she liked my booties! Based on my experiences, my confidence has grown to the point where I now do many of my daily activities while dressed as my real self.
I hope this helps you, and that you can introduce Ayala to the world and do everything that you desire to do!
@ayalathefemboi I started young like Ayala I was 13 with mom's clothes then eventually my sister's clothes we were pretty close in size but anyway even now I'll dress business (professional?) Nice blouse above the knee tight skirt and matching blazer with 3 or 4 inch heels I don't know why at night I was totally opposite black lace bra w/ matching crotchless panties black thigh high stockings tight sweater or maybe tank top with tightest leather miniskirt I have and my favorite 5 inch spiked stiletto heels carefully sip a drink or two while getting ready so when it got late 11 or maybe 1 am go for a drive around the neighborhood scared but excited at the same time get home say half-hour later back home it's hard to explain but I had to go for a walk around the neighborhood not far and definitely not for long I'll admit it I would dress like a slut but hearing my heels click on the sidewalk and feeling my clothes hug my body I would get so excited it was hard not to take care of myself but always made it home what I can't understand is why dress white collar during the day and dress like a whore at night ???
Dear Ayala,
When I was back in my 20s my friends brought me to a French Social Club for drinks and at that long bar there was Karaoke on the top runway nd singers who I became very Attracted to them and after a short time I realized they were in Drag and this love of trans-dressing and Drag Girls was Infused into my identity with very much love.
Your fantasy plan is certainly jumping in with both feet. No doubt some do it, but dressing en femme the first time in public is usually much more subtle. A drive, maybe get some gas, a walk in a quiet park, etc. Most need to build confidence about being out in public. Of course many people never go out en femme, and that is fine as well. We all have different hopes and deeams. Good luck with yours.
I am apprehensive as well about going out in public as Lizzy as I am afraid someone I know will recognise me and blow my cover. If I did it would be in a place a long way from my home town where I am unlikely to come across anyone I know at first.
@lizzy89 I do the same and go out dressed well away from home, not that id o so often or for long
Anna xx
I do believe that when enfem most people who know the male you. Won't recognize the female you.
Example, I've shown pictures of me fully enfem. Then told them I was enfem for a charity woman less show or a Halloween, costume party. They didn't know it was me!
Fran 🥰
@ayalathefemboi Well, I think the first thing to determine is how much of you wants to be out dressed vs how much of you wants that sort of fantasy secretive thrill.
If it's the former, than all I can tell you is to just do it. Maybe find a local group that has outings, maybe find an LGBTQ bar/restaurant, but just decide you're going to do it and then do so.
If it's the latter, then I don't have much advice to give other than choose your location carefully.
Best of luck!
We have nothing to fear but fear itself. In practice, nearly everyone seems not to notice or care. But in our minds, early on at least, we fear everyone is watching, will detect every little flaw in putting on makeup, or dressing inappropriately, failing to walk like a woman or act like one, etc. And will criticize us openly, laugh at us secretly, tell the world we are weird, or whatever. I have taken huge risks from the start and almost never had a negative experience. Even when I have major faux pas, like losing my wig when running through an airport or catching a heel and falling over backwards as an elevator door closed on me, having a skirt drop to the ground due to my lack of hips to hold it in place (many recurrences, always in crowded places), or numerous other such incidents where one might expect laughter or derision, the nearly universal reaction of others is to assist and support. Does your slip or underwear show or does toilet paper stick to your heels when exiting a restroom?..been there, done that. A woman will nearly always come to the rescue and with great empathy and discretion help you adjust with minimal embarrassment. Entering a woman's world is full of pleasures and very few downsides. But to put your own fears at ease, venturing out in locations where you are unlikely to be known is best for peace of mind.
having a skirt drop to the ground due to my lack of hips to hold it in place (many recurrences, always in crowded places)
Remind me to never leave home without my hip pads. I haven't come close to losing a skirt, but insurance can't hurt.
one step at at a time. It is very enlightening to go out dresed
I have been crossdressing as a senior male to female for a few years now, and presently pretty much for the past year I'm living full-time in whether it's panties and bra around the house or a house dress sleeveless, or the full femme out in public experience.
More than an accepting wife my partner is "my sister"now, and we go out socially together frequently.
I have crossed dressed in two countries now as a female,
I've discovered a safer, easier, "feeling" in public in femme in Asia rather than the Florida or other USA places.
Plenty neighbors in my 10 storey apartment building support and encourage Stephanie rather than "steve" who must venture out occasionally in shorts and t-shirts and such.
My wife has several regular cis girlfriends who have donated dresses and skirts to me either because they bought them online and they don't fit or they've gained a little bit of weight and they're too tight. Fit me just fine and I love them.
But what I'm sharing today is something new creeping up or slowly been making itself known to Stephanie and that is, it is so ordinary everyday dressing as a woman that some of the high's some of the pleasure just not sure what
is fading Away and this is just normal, this is just a new conformity" of who I present to the world and my wife. Putting on my lingerie on my dress on my skirt or all of the other female.attire is just everyday normal.
I haven't read anything here on CDH, that they're having this experience?
Share your experiences with me pleze? 🙏💋
But what I'm sharing today is something new creeping up or slowly been making itself known to Stephanie and that is, it is so ordinary everyday dressing as a woman that some of the high's some of the pleasure just not sure what is fading Away and this is just normal, this is just a new conformity of who I present to the world and my wife. Putting on my lingerie on my dress on my skirt or all of the other female attire is just everyday normal.
I haven't read anything here on CDH, that they're having this experience?
Share your experiences with me pleze?
Stephanie, I know where you're coming from. I've now been living as Fiona for over 5 months. I knew from 6 weeks beforehand that I would be doing so, and in the lead-up to that time I was excited in anticipation. But pretty soon, the more intense feelings that I would get from wearing a bra, or a skirt, or a dress, or tights - all the things that we never wore in male mode - that has faded for me as I've got used to those types of clothes. Like you, it's all just normal to me. I don't even feel like I'm cross-dressing now, I just feel that I'm wearing my clothes.
Instead, I notice the individual character that many items of my feminine clothing have, and how they change the way that I feel to wear them. I love the way that earrings complement an outfit, and how they remind me of their presence in my pierced ears. Now that my nails are finally getting to a decent length under the gel manicures I've been having, I love how they make my hands so much more feminine, especially in movement. Most of all, I feel a quieter but much deeper joy, from knowing that I'm living and expressing myself as a woman 😊
@finallyfiona Greatful 4 your reply. U. Understand!
I stiil love being stephanie, and the male me just fades away. I get my nails done regularly, earings to complement an outfit ,often. Color coordinated bracelet & neckless, but ITS JUSTNORMAL and who i am now. Out and about freely, usong all womans toilets in resturants. Hotels, just without a concern or 2nd thought. Dont want to stop being this newer me. Will be taking my first airplane trip in fe.me to Thailand next month. That excites me now, the ancipation somethimg new. Got a new white purse crossbody style gpr the trip. Hotel reservation in name of Stephanie
.wish me luck
💋
@tubbydullard Hope you have a smooth journey both ways and a really enjoyable trip Stephanie!
Hugs,
Fiona xxx
This is all interesting to read. I have not been out except after dark to walk around residential streets where I passed few people.
My mind races with apprehension at the thought of being out as Sarah and what others think of me. Not easy when you are shy and self conscious I think.
Dear mind racing with apprehension :
SARAH, stop that IMMEDIATELY!
you MUST find ways to be your inner woman and bring her OUT,!
you know you want to
She waits, for you to,
with hope !
Being oit in public is a fun and exciting experience. A little scary at first, but that just adds to the experience. I have never had an issue, but I also am situationally aware. People don't notice or care, and if they do, I have only had positive responses from people. It is usaually women who simply make as nice comment like nice dress, or nice nails or hair.
As for being recognized, I highly doubt anybody would unless in a close setting. With a wig, make up and a dress on, I doubt even your own mother would recognize tou at a glance. Sure, at a party and interacring one on one some may figure it out, but not not just passing on the street.
Not everybody wants to go out, and that is fine, but for rhose who do, just do it. We most regret the things we don't do in life, not the things we do.
Hi Ayala,
I've been crossdressing for over 40 years, I started when I was about 12. Although I have been venturing out in public as Jennifer for a long time now, I wasn't always fairly confident when dressed as Jennifer and even now, I sometimes still get that feeling of apprehension before I walk out the door.
It comes with the territory of being a crossdresser.
Through time and experience, I've come to handle that feeling when it arises with a few reality checks prior to leaving the safety of my home.
Ever since I decided to go out and about in the world in my female persona, I have always strived to present myself in appearance as a woman as best I can, even though it is superficial at best. Makeup, hair, clothing, and especially feminine mannerisms all play a part with that. For me, blending in and moving through society and minding my own business is my goal.
If I get noticed, so be it. In my time out, I've observed that most people are running errands of their own and are too consumed with their own agendas to really say anything. That is not to say I haven't had comments shot in my direction, but I've had more good ones than bad and all in all, going out as Jennifer has been at times an exhilarating and positive experience, but other times I can honestly say it's been rather mundane and routine.
When out, I also make sure to visit places that do not put my safety in jeopardy, whether it be places close to home where I might get outed, or locales that might not be conducive to my "lifestyle". When out in the world, you should always be prepared for any safety concerns wherever you choose to go, that is just being prudent.
In the end, going out dressed can be a lot of fun, and you can get to experience the world from a whole different perspective, a thing many people do not ever get to see or feel.
Although I will say that when I get to spend time as Jennifer, there is nothing more comfortable than spending time alone at home, and I agree; it is heavenly bliss when I do!!!
Have a great day!
Hugs,
Jennifer
I could have written that (apart from the long-term cross-dressing bit), word for word. It is exactly what I do for myself.
Becca
@rebeccabaxter Thank you for the response Becca, so sorry I initially missed it; it has been a busy month for me!!
I have never had a negative or derogatory comment addressed to me. At worst I have had some looks, or surpressed giggles. Anybody I had direct contact with has been neutral and just treated me like anybody else, or gave some small compliment. I do not pass close up, or when I speak, and certainly when I have to present my ID or credit card which have my unambiguos male name , but is does not matter. Mostly I just get a smile or a hello as I pass someone on the street or trail, just like I get anytime.
I have come to know many as Rhonda, some very close friends . Occasionally I run across them in public when I am not dressed and say "hi".They don't know who is addressing them. Even though we may not be the best passing female around, it is reassuring to know we are usually not easily recognized as being our femme self if presenting as male. I suspect the reverse is true. If someone spots me when dressed I doubt they'd associate with me as the person they know as male aside from telltales such as voice or being with my partner. Even then, they'd probably have to process what they see before the brain makes the connection. So the best defense against being clocked is to avoid being seen in public with your partner or speaking in your male voice. Partners know this of course so usually shy away from going out together to places where they are recognized if they care about what others may think.
@rhondalee when i go "out", in femme, 90% of the time, MY wife
Frequently goes with me. Sometimes she'll speak to a sales person or cab driver, "for, ME, THAT i do not get heard in my male voice. That is so nice and then its just two women before them., NORMAL looking women !
Recently WE, went to a neighborhood pub, small little place around 7pm for one beer
And a friendly chat with anyone, really. I was wearing a "just above the knee" black pencil skirt, bra ,forms, Half'-sleeve white blouse, and baseball cap. fellow havin a beer said hello, i replied.
He said, i saw you when you walked by in a dress last night.
Ouote: " thats why the dog was barking at you".i replied good naturedly, yea, guess he dont like red pokdot color dresses". We all laughed, friendlyly and wife ordered 2 beers & i offered to buy this guy one too.
NORMAL MTF, CDF, just being who i am, Stephanie. It can be that normal passing as female, if you are confident or not gripped by fear.
I encourage you try it, it is its own reward for"us "girls 😌
Ayala,
You can underdress. It would save some time. I've worn panties, mini skirt, stay up stockings under my boy clothes.
I can't tell you how many times I've changed into Fran in my car.
Like a super hero. Guy in Girl out.
Fantasy's are nice, but are totally controlled by the person Fantasizing. Real world has it's own excitement and rewards. I hope you can step out as Ayala sometime soon!
Fran 🥰
Thank you so much for sharing your story. Going public is a big goal for me, but it's also really freakin' scary and I fully understand your reluctance. I hope you can find a balance that makes you feel happy and fulfilled.
