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Do you feel trapped?
Powerless to rearrange your life in such a way that a whole lot more days start with a smile than do now?
I tell you from my own personal experience that you are so much more powerful than you can yet imagine. I will explain that statement as well because you my friend, even though reading this you might scoff in total disbelief, are simply voicing my own sentiments on this topic less than a couple of decades ago.
When I had reached a point of the fourth unsuccessful attempts to leave the planet and my body, I began to nurture the idea that there must be a reason I sucked at suicide! So, I began researching, reading, watching, and listening to anything I could find that might lead me to the illusive truth that would set me free! I read scientific stuff, biblical stuff, wayyyy outside the box stuff, and some right in front n center.
The idea of intentionally and consciously creating my life was a big-ass joke to me. Seriously, and then, one day, and I have no conscious memory of much of that event but what I do remember is I heard a phrase that poked me a little. I invite you to suspend your disbelief for a little while; by a little while I mean, you decide how long but I urge you to give it an honest and sincere go.
Making a new choice
I had made a new choice in that moment and I decided to suspend my disbelief of this possibility for a period of six months, not a day more; I decided to go all in and really with a sincere heart give this concept full acceptance as “possible” for that entire six months. I reasoned the six-month period because honestly, I didn’t think I would last that long. I have always appeared to be an optimistic person on the outside and have at times been dark n twisty on the inside.
It all began with me standing at the big dining room window looking out over our beautiful space. We have created a large pond and sand beach that I call paradise during the summer months. I imagined seeing three tiny yellow butterflies fluttering by together. Day after day I would stand there for 10 minutes or so, looking out through the big window, then closing my eyes and seeing them flutter by. Then open my eyes and watch, with high expectation.
Weeks past, then months, and each day it was more challenging to muster those high excited emotions I was taught to insight. But I re-imagined the three tiny yellow butterflies going by. It was just after the three-month mark when my mouth fell open in silence. There, fluttering by outside that big window was three tiny, yellow, beautiful butterflies. Now many would say, meh, that is as common was dogs at a dog park.
That blew my mind
True but this was November in Saskatchewan Canada. There was a fingers length depth of snow on the ground; three inches roughly, and it was a very chilly fall day. I had never seen a butterfly here in November before; that blew my mind and a paradigm shift took place in that moment. I “changed” my mind. Something inside me said, whoa!! MAYBE it IS possible, wholly crap; what if this stuff works, like for real?
I asked myself a new question; instead of asking what have I got to lose, I refocused my mind and asked, what have I got to gain, if it works, what have I got to gain…and so it began. . .
This week, I invite you hit the reset button and suspend your disbelief; in yourself, in your skills and abilities, and your natural yet untapped power and possibility.
I mean, what have you got to gain, if it works?
Thank you for reading Your Weekly Reset and thank you so much for being exactly who you are!
Remember my sisters, you deserve to feel happy. . .
Namasté
Char
Hi Char. This is karley. Your "little sister" that likes to listen to you when you come home from the "College of Life". I imagine it this way to heal a painful and lonely past and replace it with positive experiences. Thanks again for helping girls like me. what you write sometimes "rolls around" in my head for awhile then an "aha" moment comes and all is good! karley
Yaaaaaaaay!!!
That is the very bestest part everrr Little Sister hahaha
I know when a golden nugget lands on my pool table, sometimes it rolls around for a looong time before it find the pocket and goes clunk into place hahaha
It's never too late to re-imagine a great childhood Karley. Science says that about 45-50% of our past is made up by our mind anyways so I just imagine being supported, loved, encourage and bought cute things I love to wear hahaha; works for me!! hahaha
aaaand, I love sharing what I think I somewhat understand, or at least what has helped me get to first, "okay" with me as I am, to now to loving, supporting, and even encouraging my authentic self expression
knee high leather boots and get this, Jeggings! today in the mall hahaha I'm lovin it! hahaha
Namaste'
Karley, look in the mirror and say something nice to you today mmmmk 😉
huggles dear
Char
Char...............YOU ARE MY BIG SISTER.....I'm crying.....THANK YOU!!!! Hugs.........karley
Mwaaaah!!
Namaste' Karley,
you got this girl!! and you're not alone mmmK
huggles dear
Char
Hi Char you are my big sister your stories are help full as I have had a very stress full time over the past 11 years and not had much confidence in my self but been trying to cope with my stress as much I can and not been able to do much on my own as yet mankind thanks Bruce/brucelina your little sister
Brucelina, thank you so much Dear, what an honor to know that sharing my journey is of help to so many sisters across our tiny planet. I Am Grateful Hon, Yaaaay more Sisters hehehe
Namaste'
n huggles my dear
Char
So I'm waiting to try and dress up and see how I feel about it, I'm talking makeup panties and in order to do that I kinda want to know where to start, I don't have any friends that do and I'm a little lost, any time I'm alone and have panties and a skirt I wear them and it makes me feel so amazing not to mention aroused I just wish I had some friends that would teach me how and let me be around them dressed up. So I could build up my confidence and see if it feels right to me....
Hello Dear, thanks so much for your message. So, here's what I did...
I started generating really happy and excited emotions first, like opening a Christmas gift I always wanted,,
Then adding that to an affirmation; the one I use is this. "I am sooo happy and sooo grateful now that I am surrounded by people who love me, support me and accept me just as I Am..Thaaankyou!
And, I repeated that affirmation several times each day, feeling the happiness (as if it were already my reality)..make sense?
Then, seemingly like out of nowhere, little things happened, people moved in next door who have a gender different relative. A buddy whom had never spoke of it, pulls a dress out of his closet!! What!! and little things keep happening as I continue doing this affirmation dear..
I write about this lots in my articles, as does Sophie and I am happy to support you on this exploration of you; you have a friend here...
Imagination with emotions is a powerful tool, use it to create your reality what you do want, instead of what you don't want hehe make sense?
I'll write an article speaking about this today, watch for it okay 🙂
Namaste'
sweet soul
n huggles
Char
Like my own dad , I am a big believer in the power of positive thinking. Far more often than not you get what you expect. If you go out fearful that everyone will laugh and ridicule you, then often you will act in such a way that draws negative attention to you. Conversely, if you go boldly with confidence and a smile, you will either blend into the scenery/background or -even better i my opinion, you will find people smiling back and treating you well and as though you belong ..which of course is TRUE! It's not 100 % effective but it's way closer to that number than to zero.
Cyn
Exactly Cyn!!
And really? it IS effective 100% of the time. My experience is that it's like feedback mechanism or the little light on the dashboard reminding us when we are Not feeling like we belong or are not good enough. Works every time fro me hahaha
When I am treated poorly, I adjust my inner game of self-talk and instantly the outter game automatically follows suit 😉
The more I travel this journey consciously and intentionally the more fun it gets hahaha
Thankyou so much Cyn for always reading and commenting! I Love your articles too dear; so keep on writing and adventuring yaaaay!!
until next time dear,
Namaste'
n huggles for you in grand proportion hehe
Char
Sadly l do feel stuck and locked in position with little chance of change as long as the present situation with Covid-19 continues putting every medical appointments and procedures on hold. To get any much further in my wish to transition, I need to see a licenced gender therapist. In Sweden, as in most of Europe and many other countries around the world, that means being put on a waiting list for a seriously under staffed and under funded gender clinic run under NHS, as no private alternatives in this area of health care are allowed. I will also need to make some hard decisions around my marriage and really feel need to discuss those questions with a professional therapist in addition.
Presently almost all appointments are put on hold, both for those who are already in the system and even more so for those trying to get in. I have now waited twelve months and have no idea how many more it will be.
Meanwhile my Parkinson's is steadily growing worse and complicates my life at an alarming speed. And of course I can't get any appointments for that either. Presently it is over a year since last time I saw my specialist doctor and l feel much has changed to the worse. In lack of guidance, I have been experimenting with my doseage with sometimes good and sometimes pretty bad results, all while I am struggling to keep working in spite of limited functionality and irregular periods of excruciating pain when yet another muscle loose control and cease to act the way it is supposed to.
Earlier this evening I was taking a bag of the last month's newspapers, catalogs and advertisement leaflets out to our recycling room. In the dark path l suddenly felt and heard the crushing of a large snail shell under my shoe. As many times earlier l felt a little remorse from unintentionally ending an innocent life, however simple and seemingly insignificant. This time, however, I also briefly wondered what the snail could have felt and thought in its last moments, and stretched that link of questions onto my own life. If my life was suddenly ended by powers out of my control, what would I feel? Anger? Sorrow? Remorse? Or would it perhaps be relief? Or even happiness?
Yeah the world is in a crazy state right now hey? wholly!!
There's a lot none of us can change right now, which sucks!
"But", haha yeah, there's a but, Nothing, controls my feelings but me. I feel about what I think about; that I know for sure.
Deeply imagine a sex fantasy for three focused minutes and then check on what the feelings. lol
There's two big things I've learned now Marianne;
1,what I focus my mind on most of the time, is what shows up the most in my life experience. and 2, what I am focusing my mind on any time, is what controls what I am feeling in any given moment.
I love your questions too!! I can only imagine what one might be feeling lol I guess it might depend on what they thought in the moment? lol If I imagine stillness and remembering because that's as good a fantasy as any.
I know when I woke up, again, after the fourth attempt to leave the planet, I was really pissed that I couldn't even get that right, but, before I woke up?
Nada, no memory except a feeling of absolute peace.
But then, I believe we came into these bodies after all to have experiences, emotions, life...a secret I learned is ,, observe it all, while participating,, without judgment or attachment lol That's what works for me, when I remember haha
Thanks so much for adding a sparkle to my day Marianne, I appreciate you dear
and honorable mention for the snail for a life well served, in helping us evolve hehehe
Namaste'
n huggles
Char
I feel trapped bigger than heck. I know I'm not gonna the next Raquel Welch. I'm stuck in a place where no one understands.. what to. Just cry once in a while. Don't know. My breast are now 38c and gonna be d in a while. Just asking for a little advice. Thank you
Awe I hate being stuck, it sucks no matter how we slice it lol
okay, what's going on T?
I'm away tomorrow but I'll jump on here after supper and we'll see what we can do to get ya unstuck and becoming you again asap.
Thank you for reaching out T, may I call you T?
I am proud of you for that because the 3 hardest things to say are; I'm sorry, I forgive you and "help me please". so good onya!!
I look forward to a chat with you when we can arrange it hon.
for now...
Namaste'
n huggles
Char
