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Finally the long awaited (or at least long promised) follow up article to January's Coming out to your Significant Other (SO)
As with that article, this is written from the perspective of a genetic female (GG) with a male to female (MTF) cross dressing partner. Whilst the first article was addressed to the cross-dresser, this one is addressed to the Significant Other.
Assuming that the issues raised therein can be resolved to a point where the couple decides to continue as a couple, the wife / girlfriend / spouse may be pleasantly surprised at some of the "side-effects" of her partner's new found freedom to express "herself" more openly. One of the fears that is often stated is "Where did my husband go?". The reality is... nowhere. They are still the same person you always knew, simply freed up from having to suppress a fair portion of themselves.
One of the first benefits to be felt may well be that you notice your CD partner takes a much greater interest in fashion, make up and appearance in general... Yours and their own. When going out for the evening and asking "How do I look?" no longer should you expect "Yeah, Great. Let's go". In fact you will be much more likely to receive an honest opinion so be prepared for the occasional "I think that other dress suits you better", "Wouldn't you be more comfortable in those other shoes?" or "Don't you think a dress is more appropriate than slacks tonight?". It's all good. Your partner is taking a much more active interest in your appearance and usually will take into consideration how you look together, as a couple. You will possibly notice that they are also taking more time with their own appearance. This is not to say that all men are slobs, but if you are a closet cross dresser, sometimes it is useful to be a bit cavalier with your appearance in drab mode to avoid raising any suspicions.
Another effect you may notice is that he is now more than happy to accompany you when shopping for clothes, make up and accessories. No longer should you expect "Ok, I'll be in the auto /stereo section when you're finished". Again, you will probably be overwhelmed with advice on style, colour, fabric and what goes with what. Additionally, you are unlikely to get the impatient "Are we done yet?" Don't be surprised if you are the one who is ready to leave first. Enjoy this time shared, shop for both of you and don't be shy to offer advice on "her" outfits.
Having the freedom to be more openly in touch with the "Inner Woman" you may well notice in your partner an increased sensitivity, or at least a more obvious display of emotions that had previously been suppressed and perhaps an awakening of others . This can lead to all sorts of tangible benefits, not the least of which is an ability for you both to communicate on issues that previously may have been off the agenda or in the "too hard" basket. This is a great opportunity for you to ask those questions that still remain. You will find that the relief from not having to be "in the closet" means that "she" will be more than happy to answer and assuage any remaining misgiving you may have.
Then you may well find that you start going for manicures and pedicures together (this is probably my favourite part) and for other beauty treatments. Again, expect to be consulted on colour and be prepared to reciprocate. There is nothing better than sitting in the massage chairs and being pampered, together.
From this cross-dresser's perspective, all the feminine things we like to do are better when shared... and even more so when shared with the one we love.
This is by no means a complete summary of all the benefits of embracing your partner's cross dressing. It is merely the headlines. But there is one other important benefit that is perhaps less obvious and often overlooked. It is extremely unlikely that an accepteted and supported cross dresser will stray from the relationship. You need never fear "the other woman". She lives with you both and she wants to be your best friend. She certainly doesn't want to steal your man. If you find this hard to believe, just ask her.
Maxine,
Well written... And very timely. I can relate to the shopping and manicure (me in drab) together.
I got to work on the enfemme part.
Time will tell.
Hi Leonara,
Thanks so much for the kind comments.
When Tanya & I go for mani/pedi I am always in drab but last Saturday my skinny girl-jeans and anklet stockings. The girls have become used to seeing me there now and didn't bat an eyelid at the sparkly-pink colour I chose for my toes.
We both love being pampered and doing together is just the best!
It's a regular feature on our calendar.
It's the sharing that is important, I feel.
Hugs,
I like i MAxine. In m case, my ex couldn't deal with the dressing at all though in all fairness I also have some TG inclinations that I am only now acknowledging to myself and she may have sensed those in me before I did myself Anyway, great article! Keep them coming!
Thanks Cyn,
I realize that every circumstance is unique and that whilst there are some common issues surrounding CDs & TG people, there are also issues that are not common. That is why I prefaced both articles with the specific scenario I was addressing.
Nevertheless, the "Fear of transgender" is a real worry for SOs of CDs, at least initially. I know this was a reservation in the back of Tanya's mind for quite some time, despite regular assurances from me that it wasn't so in my case.
In the final analysis, we have to be true to ourselves. If we can have a partner to share our experiences, that is a bonus.
Most important, Stay Happy,
Hugs, always
What a wonderful article. I think this is something all wives/partners should read because I am certain it can allay many fears.
I also think many CDs need to read it as well because sometimes they too forget or are unaware of the benefits and, sometimes for reasons unknown, seek to isolate this 'woman' from their partner.
Thank you for bringing us this instalment.
Thanks so much Jane,
I heard a fair bit of chat about how SOs were unaccepting and how coming out strained or broke the relationship and it occurred to me that in many cases neither side was hearing the other. That prompted me to write the articles (long time between drinks, but better late than never).
If one couple can find benefit in these articles, I will be very pleased indeed.
Now that both are published, each links to the other, so they can be read together.
I think you are spot on about the isolation of the "inner woman" from the partner and both are poorer because of it. Tanya often says that Maxine is her best girl friend.
Hugs,
Simply wonderful Maxine! I was smiling when I started reading the benefits and I kept ticking off the ones that described my own coming out to my spouse. I am usually the one who wants to leave the women's clothing section now. I have shown more interest in her appearance. I think I've even become a more patient and tender lover.
Thanks for posting this.
April
Thanks April,
It's good to hear that you found the article entertaining.
More importantly, I'm glad that you are recognizing the "improvements" in yourself. I hope your spouse does too.
I think it is true in many cases when the cross dressing can be reconciled, many aspects of the male persona are influenced by the "inner woman", to the benefit of all involved.
I'm really glad you enjoyed the article.
Hugs,
Fabulous article, Maxine. I can relate to everything you've put, particularly in relation to women's fashions, make up, and appearance in general. I am just so happy to have the feminine part of me that is Amanda, and being able to share it with my partner Chelsea, I think, has made our life together that much richer. I'll certainly get her to read what you've written!!.
Big hugs to you and Tanya
Amanda
Hi Amanda,
Thanks for the lovely comments.
I'm very happy that you and Chelsea are enjoying Amanda.
It's great that you enjoyed the article and can relate to it. If I can suggest that when she reads this article she reads the companion piece as well (preferably first). They really are meant to be read together and I think it is especially important for SOs, so they have a perspective of the overall message.
Hugs,
All of this is great if the relationship was not built on lies, thenthere is a lot more to it then makeup and manicure.
The only person who can truthfully write about the benefits of a crossdresser husband is his wife
HI Susie,
Thanks for reading the article and thanks for your comments.
It's true that there is a lot more to it THAN makeup and manicure but as stated at the beginning of this article, this is only relevant IF the issues in the first article are addressed and the couple decides they want to continue together. If those issues remain unresolved then these benefits along with almost everything else will fall on deaf ears, usually in both directions.
I don't however agree with your second statement. I do not claim to be an expert by any stretch of the imagination, but these articles are the result of many conversations with both CDs and SOs. To assert that only a wife could comment on the benefits of having a CD husband is like saying that the only person qualified to give a eulogy at a funeral is the one in the coffin.
Maxine. Two fabulous articles. I can relate to many points and I am continuing to try and share experiences. I think you are so right to say that your partner will not stray, of this I am very certain personally, but maybe you have to have a good relationship to start for it to survive. Finding out you are a SO to a C/D is not easy but I feel you have eloquently and honestly expressed how life can be. Thank you x
Hi Chelsea,
Thanks so much for your kind remarks. I am really glad that you took the time to read both articles and were able to get something from them.
Naturally there is not a "one size fits all" as every relationship is unique. Certainly if you have a good relationship to start with chances of success are higher but I think it is also critical that both parties WANT to continue. Honest & open communication is the key.
We are so happy that you and Amanda moving forward in such a positive way.
"I'll be in this auto section"
Lol I would actually be torn between skirts and air intakes
Babe does this carberator make my but look big? XD
HI Shepard,
I like your sense of humour.
But I need to tell you, the carburettor doesn't make your butt look big, but the skirts on those air intakes are hot! lol
Absolutely spot on Maxine, i have been so desperate to go shopping with my wife and last week we went together. She was concerned that it might upset me that we were shopping for her. she asked if i was alright. My reply was that i was having the time of my life. As i searched the clothes racks looking for things that would look good on her........lol. So looking forward to shopping with her again.
Hi Abbie,
I am so glad that you enjoyed the article.
Sharing the simple things is often the best.
I used to hate shopping with a passion, but now it's usually Tanya that is ready to leave first. I don't understand it, I just know that it is.
Enjoy your precious time together.
hi Maxine great artile my wife has already told me that she sees these new thins in me and she embraces them i did'nt like to shop befre ether and now i'm now i'm the last one who wants to leave the pedicure annd nails sounds like fun my wife has it done all the time i'll ask if i can go with her next time and share the experince. wowi 'm so excited i can't wait for her to get home paece and lots of hugs Rhae
Hi Rhae,
I'm glad that you & your wife could get something from the article.
I feel that the secret of success is to be inclusive. The more you can do together, the more time you spend together doing things that you both enjoy, the better for your relationship.
thanks maxine oh by the way she made the apointmen for us to get pedicures and our nails done we are very excited about this exspessualy me thanks again peace and lots of hugs Rhae
