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What a week! After going on a ski trip with friends and badly injuring my leg (no high heels for the next two months 😱), I finally decided to come out to a select group of people outside my wife and this group.
My first person to go to was my older brother. For some background, he is in the arts and is in a more queer/LGBTQ+ community. I'm in a more "traditional" and male dominated industry. So I knew he would be a safe start but I was still nervous as we have different backgrounds.
It turns out it was more than safe. He was very patient with my explanation and told me he also considers himself a heterosexual cross-dresser/gender fluid individual! We had so much to talk about and compared notes on so many similarities in experiences even though we work in different fields and locations. We did talk a lot about dealing with family and friends and how to approach our mother. We also compared notes about growing up in the 80s and 90s and how things have changed so much. I did get a little giggle when he said how surprised he was at how well I have "hidden" Jamie all these years.
We related to a lot of similar experiences, including trying to find our "identification" and also Impostor Syndrome. Even in his field and being in a more accepting community, I was surprised to hear how he some times gets negative reactions. I guess in some people's mind, people born male who are attracted to women are only allowed to be "cisgender." Thankfully, more and more people are identifying and accepting gender fluidity and cross dressing.
A few words of wisdom I gained from the conversation:
- There are toxic people in every industry and group. Toxic people exist in the LGBTQ+ or liberal community just as in a more conservative community. Don't let them get to you. We aren't going to please everyone and that's okay.
- Be yourself. Wear what you want to wear and let others deal with it. We don't need to make it a big deal. Most people are actually supportive or too much into themselves to really notice. This mantra can also help with "coming out" conversations.
- Don't over think it. Coming out to friends and family is frightening but that's mainly in our heads. Most people are surprisingly accepting. Similar themes as above, but we discuss talking to friends and family about it and the pressure and concern is more internal than external. While we don't want to make it a big deal, just having a straightforward and honest conversation is the way to go.
- Don't worry too much about the labels. Crossing-dresser or gender fluid? Probably both, but we do belong. There are so many labels now to describe oneself and it can be hard to pin point some times. The feeling of "imposter syndrome" (being heterosexual male in a more queer environment) is real, but again that's more internal than external.
- Acknowledge the struggle of others. We are going through our own feelings and can get wrapped up in our own lives. But other folks, particularly trans people, are going through harder times (particularly now with the politics in the USA). While we wake up to ourselves, we need to be supportive of other people in the LGBTQ+ community or other marginalized groups.
As I type this, some of this seems so obvious but it was great to hear it from another family member. I know it is hard but I encourage you to strive to have similar conversations with others in your life -- be it a sibling, friend, parent, or someone else you feel safe with. It was a great conversation.
Next up, I'm building the courage now to talk with my other sibling and some co-workers. I'm still trying to figure my path with my mother and eventually my teenage children. My brother offered some good tips and I plan on getting there. I'm no longer taking baby steps but each step is a new adventure.
Get out there ladies and be loved!
~Jamie
Thank you for sharing your experience with us. I shared my crossdressing only with my wife for many years. I shared my this part of me with my two 20 something daughters and their husbands back in late 2023. I did overthink it before telling them but found them to be incredibly accepting. I haven't told others in my extended family and don't intend to do so as they have made it very clear where they stand regarding anything that has to do with the LGBTQIA+ community so I'm sure I would not receive a warm embrace. It's their loss. They know only a version of me but not the whole. Those closest to me get to know all of me and that's fine with me. Best of luck to you as you reach out. I hope your are received and accepted to the fullest extent.
Michelle, I admire your courage. I believe I'm an overthinker, at times it has gotten me saying the wrong thing. But I've known I was different in many ways then what people think normal is. More times than not I replay conversations I had and I realized I may have not said all I wanted or let a comment they made go by. I'm not at any time now ready to tell anyone. What made you want to tell your daughters? I have two sons both pastors. I can't imagine telling them. How long have you been dressing and if you can share, what got you started?
All the power to you.
Take care of you.
Hi Ashley, I'll answer your questions in reverse. I don't know the answer to the question "why". I don't think I'll ever know. When I was about 8 years old I started wearing some of my mother's stockings and slips at home when I was alone in my room or when they were awa. I didn't dress fully until I was married in my mid 20's. It was my wife who helped me first dress fully shortly after we were married. It remained something we did only in private and only once or twice year for about 20 years. When our kids grew up and went to college the opportunities became more frequent and I started getting more polished in my presentation. It was only a couple of years ago that I first went out in public. Now we go out all the time. I was on the fence about telling my daughters but I mistakenly thought I had been caught by my oldest daughter so I told her. I couldn't ask her to keep a secret from her sister so I told her as well. As I said in my post they were both incredibly accepting and supportive as we're their husbands. Just a couple of months ago they wanted to go out with me on one of my weekends where my wife had to work and couldn't go. It was really amazing to go out with them in this way.
I'm a person like my wife was. You could put a thumbs up, thumbs down, a ❤️, etc.
I try to comment on what people write. When my wife's borrowed time on earth became due, (08/96/2022). I joined a Facebook group widows & widowers. It didn't seem right to put a thumbs up when someone wrote their spouse passed.
Like LOL, when I first saw it, I thought how clever (Laughing On Line)? NO! It's (Laughing Out Loud). What? I've laughed out loud a few times. Mostly I smiled, thought that's funny. How about MC (mildly chuckled). Or BA (it's how a sheep laughs BAH HA) I admit if there is something stupid to say? I'll be the one that says it first.
Thanks fir letting be rant.
The best to you.
@mkat3874 Yeah, I'm with you on some people and their stances on the LGBTQIA+ community. We are in tough times here in the USA. Oddly, because of the push back, it does make me want to "rebel" more and dress femme out in public. I have definitely been blurring the lines (painting my nails, wearing a sarong around my shorts, etc.). I chalk it up to the "the world is ending and I might as well have fun while the ship sinks." I'm trying to navigate the field of telling my teenage kids.
I understand what you mean. The day will come when I'm to old to do this and I don't want regret what might have been. My kids were in their mid 20's and married when I told them. I would not have wanted to tell them in their teen years.
Jamie,
The day I start giving a four-letter synonym for poop, what people think of me, will be the day I become enslaved to them. The other day in Riverside, CA, there was a large turn out to protest Trumps stand on LGBTQA+. In downtown there. That day I had places I had to be. But at every red light, I told whoever "I ADMIRE YOUR PASSION AND COURAGE. I don't want to write like I talk, like a brothel owner who specializes in service to sailors with Tourette's Syndrome. So I will say who gives a procreation what people do to be happy. If it's not hurting people physically or damaging property, you have to major bones in your mouth. So you can shut the F up anytime. Life is weird anyway, let people enjoy what the want to do. Each month if gone so fleeting. It then becomes a memory. I want it to be good. I believe attitude is big. Maje sure you pick a good one.
Okay, I'll step down off mine now. Thanks for listening.
Take care of you
Warmly, Ashley1727
Wow that's a huge journey you are on, how awesome for you that not only that you had the courage to share with you brother he now because of that has you to share with too! Go you! 💕
cannot wait to hear about the journey as it unfolds 🥰
@bellaz76 Thanks! Will share as I can. I went dark there for about a week when this got published becasue I was getting absolutely killed at work plus started rehabbing my injured leg (which has kept me out of heels for too long!).
Thank you for the kind words. My wife's 4 nices, I nephew, as well as myself have traist of child trauma. All had, broken relationships. They are in there 50s & 60s. Their trauma more horrible than mine. But they keep feeding the past. They don't like me talking about how wonderful their on aunt had just 3 major arguments in 38.5 years and my life was an adventure. In fact most people don't like when you shine, you cast shadows. That's the price I pay. But I may and do live in the past, it makes the present so much better. Laura, I'll always be honest. That was totally refreshing. You're the first person to say something positive about it.i totally appreciate your comment.. thank you. I'm never envious or jealous of people's happiness or Talent. I know how much work it take to bereally good at something, and I admire that. And I don't care what religion or what you believe in and as long as you're happy If what you does not hurt anybody else and you're happy I'm all for you.
Life is to fleeting and this nay be our only chance at life. Make each moment enjoyable.
The colors of the rainbow so pretty in the sky are also on the faces of people going by. It matters not if you fall into one or a few of the LGBTQIA+, because I think to myself, what a wonderful world.
Thank you for story.
My brother offered some good tips and I plan on getting there.
Good tips can help others, too. 😉
My thinking on this is that I will tell people on a "need to know" basis. I do not have a problem with people knowing I dress, but I do not advertise it, and my wife prefers I keep it quiet as well. Few of my family and friends know because there is no reason for them to know. I do not want or need to go to familt functions dressed, so there is no need to share this.
I do not tell them about a new hobby I have picked like SCUBA diving, but if somebody qanys to know about diving I am happy to tell them about it. Dressing is not really much different.
@jjandme I actually agree. My brother and I discussed about not "shoving" it in people's faces and also that we don't have to tell everyone about it. Why should it matter to them? I'm also into photography, I don't tell everyone what lens I just bought for my Fuji camera. ON the flip side, I feel there are people I want to tell for support and also so they aren't caught off guard. The latter ones are my teenage kids, which I'm navigating to say the least.
Besides my SO (Oh, for heaven's sake, Kathe! She's your wife, you've been with her long enough, sheesh!), two or three women friends know, and one male friend (my oldest male friend). Of these four, two of my women friends are fine with interacting with Kathe, and have been incredibly supportive. I've video chatted with one en femme, and I exchange sweet emails with the other.
What's sad about this, is that these women are the only ones in a long time who have made me feel loved (both as Kathe, and as myself).
If this is as far as it goes (outside of this lovely place, of course), I'll count myself lucky.
Very good for you. No one alive knows of what I do. I'm leaving a diary forever finds all my clothes. The day I give a four-letter synonym for poop what other people think, is the day I become their prisoner. You're 100% right, it's lonely. I miss my wife and I don't care if I live in the past. It makes the present more enjoyable. I feel liberated today. What I feel I'm starting to understand how easily I can talk to any woman, at any age. Listen to as they will tell me the material problems. I can't make anyone do things, as I would. But with 71 years of experience I can give advice, what to look for in a guy. Some times it my take work? The only place winning comes before work, is in the dictionary.
Kathe all the power to you.
Take care of you.
I can't say I stay safe for the stupid things I do. However I can say I stay happy. Today is the greatest day of my life. How about you?
Things are difficult right now (due to a variety of reasons), and I'm not sure how comfy I feel bringing them up. Everyone here has been friendly and supportive, but my male side is in the ascendent right now, and he is the definition of an abused personality. He's cynical and about as much fun as a toothache.
Katherine
My incredible wife passed 32 moths ago and 9 days, if anyone counts? I've embraced, I am the woman in my life now. I would love to chat with you, Kathe, I'm a romantic and I talk feelings. Except for the name, I changed Dulcinea to Jackie, but said this to my wife on our first date. I could have flamed out as the biggest nerd. What I received is 38.5 years of unconditional love ❤️
With ❤️ Ash
Kathe. I know who is the male, in me, the female, more, if I choose, I don't care what people think of me. And can tell you way I may not come out. But, I'm leaving notes, I'm not sure how many years I have, I'm trying to make a run for it and be the last person alive that was born in 1953. You'll never hear me make a joke in less I make fun of me first. I realize every damn moment is going to be a memory. And in 5, 10, how many years from now, those memories may be the only thing that will keep me company on a lonely night. I'll be damn if I'm not going to do everything to make every one of those memories good. I don't care if I live in the past. I turned down Jesus, if my 2 pastor sons are right and I'm wrong. I'll be in hell, but with my wife, we promised we'd follow each other. I could care what religion you are you talk to me, call me names I don't care. I have more people you can possible count, ghosting me. The past and future don't exist and I can die tomorrow and be nothing, absorbed into the universe. All I know is am alive today, had the adventure of a lifetime. I know if I'm tip-toeing through the tulips of life. Stand back and let me tip-toe. Sure I have pains, obligations, I do just enough to get it done, so I can dress 👗 up at night. I have a self-started non-profit unconditional card sending thing last year. I've gather 125+ people I send Valentine cards, St. Patrick's Day cays. Heck I'll send out the first full moon on the month cards if I'm in the mood. I'm going to use up every drop of engery I have. Make this world a better place. I most likely will not date another female again. I won't date and make out with a guy. But I'll talk to anyone, joke, have fun. My pseudo dad told me at the age, your friends start complaining about their pains and then die. That's great, not for me. I wish everyone out here could find a wife/husband/mate that fills your life like my Wife Jackie did. I've been wondering what dressings as a woman would be like, not sure how far I'm going? But sonofabitch, I've never had this much wardrobe. I came here or found it because I what to talk feelings, explore what and why I can't wait to get done with the other crap, I rake neighbors years when they're gone. I like thank yous. I don't need them or the credit.
WOW, is anyone but ne thinking, dies this guy ever shut up? I don't mind being called a synonym for donkey, but I'm not a hole. And no matter how clever you've said what I can do to myself, it's anatomically impossible. Of you got nothing get this don't take advice from anyone. Live your life and be procreating happy about it.
Love
❤️
Take care of you first
But take care of you
Ashley out
My real middle name is Gaylord
❤️
I swear am so electronically challenged. I only know one way in this weird lifetime fun, happy, positive, im self-deprecating. My middle name started me on that path in 8th or 9th grade.
But I don't allow things to bother. Except I have 3rd grade grammar and my neuropathy and I'll never forget like that again my fingers doing everything I can't help it I don't think I get is frustrated I can't do this site
It is of value to find an ally and they can be found in unexpected places. The other thing you did was to evaluate who you were coming out to which assesses the risks.
There are detractors every where and places that you do not expect to find them. There was a post recently where one of our members attended a meeting of a LGBT group and were effectively cold shouldered.
So nice to see you are moving forward and planning the next steps.
@ab123 So true! Sad to hear that about a member here getting the cold shoulder. I'm planning on an outing with my wife to a LBGTQ+ friendly bar and mentally preparing for such an event.
Felt good to finally talk to someone else about it, didn't it?
@d44 Yes it did! Been hinting at it hard with some colleagues too. I feel like I'm an after work function away from showing up in a skirt!
It sure does. While my wife has always known, it is still hard to really talk about it. It was a great relief to tell my dear cousin who was nonjudgemnetal and very curious..we talked for quite some time, shr asked a lot of intelligent questions and I showed her a gallery of photos of me that few people see. She was completely supportive and we still chat occasionally. She lives in another state, so we do not get together often, buy it is nice to know I have someone in my corner.
I had these feelings since I was 13, 71 will be 72 in 3 months. My 2nd wife, the girl of my dreams I told her everything . 38 an a half years of unconditional love ❤️ up until her last words on this earth. Yesterday was 32 months since her passing. I like thank yous. I just do not need them, I am all stocked up for life. I had a once in a lifetime adventure. I love a woman's body. Last January, 2024. I went back to dressing and feeding like a woman. I never say never. But every moment becomes a memory. I have money now and never had this much clothes. I dress at home in private. It feels wonderful and I'm not naive my looks would send Jacjk the Ripper seek therapy and would be years before he had control of his bladder again. I have a wonderful imagination I used to be a Hollywood tour guide and own a tour company with my wife I talk a lot, positive and today is the greatest day of my life. Chating are telling my story hearing others stories I love. Where am I goin'? I don't know. When will I get there? I ain't certain. All I know is I am on my way. I saw a very large protest in Riverside against how the LGBTQ rights our current president wants to end, I guess I not follow. I don't are what color, religion, or what you would is long as it's not hurting anyone and your happy, who gives a four-letter synonym for poop.life is weird, I'm weird. I'm all for anyone is happy. At day a guy, at night at home alone as a woman. I was gifted 38+ years of wife's borrowed time on this, I've been blessed. Now I want to talk with people here and try to understand my feelings how others got there's. Calling me names, I could care less. I have had years of practice, since 4th grade when the teacher thought it was a good idea to learn middle names? Mine is Gaylod. I heard their remarkwerof s, be thepout I made better ones. It wasn't until my 20s I realized I took the power of the word away. But it's now 63 years letter if I need a smile I self-depreciating humor. I write long, have 3rd Grammer, but I'm determined to be happy in my lifetime. Thank you if you got this far. It felt great to express it. As I told the protesthers "I admire their passion. I say the same to you. I will be back to this site several times. I learn like I'll live forever. I live like this is my last day, and dressed 👗 right now as a woman, I'm happy.
I absolutely love this site. First time on this and I still have mentally the wonderment of a child. It feels liberatin right now. Learned a new word last year, "ghosting." My
To finish last post. I have been ghosted so much I have a following now. 😄 I stop to any and all strangers. I do talk a lot, people are amazed how much I listen too. I do things they were told not to. My goal every day is make people smile and for that fleeting moment all their cares and problems disappear. My other goal is to leave earth better than I found it. It slips my memory who said this? Google search "A living tourch."
I want to personally thank this site, I may get more people ghosting me? But this site is what I've been searching for. I like myself. That's the first thing you to like others. I don't judge for two reasons. One, I've done things I thought I never thought I would. Two, if you put a title on someone you might miss meeting a unique person and not her how their life path is going.
Thank you, thank you. Today is the greatest day of my life.
Take care of you
