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On the average, I present my female self out in the community two times a week. As a result, over the last five years that I have gone completely femme in public, there have been numerous experiences interfacing with the public.
Is any outing typical? No, but many are non events, and to me, that means I was just seen as another woman, doing whatever is expected of a woman in a given place, situation, or set of circumstances.
Byron is the autistic guy that works in the produce department at a Kroger. He is a very quiet person, more like withdrawn from the world around him. In male mode, I don't exist, but when I am presenting as a female, Byron gets a smile on his face and makes small talk with me. If I can contribute toward making someone's day a good day, then it is a win-win situation for both of us. On other days, I spend an hour shopping in Kroger and no one notices me. Good, I blended right in.
And yes, there are the very rare negative experiences. The panhandler in Glover Park spots me and begins shouting, "he's a man, he's a man." I tell him "yes, I am," but it does no good. He's spaced out on alcohol or something else. Why does he do this? It all started last year, when he hit me up for money. Instead of cash, I offered him free vouchers from a local homeless shelter, which would provide him with safe warm bed, food, and new clothes. He wants cash only. Vouchers will not purchase alcohol or illegal substances. I have since learned he actually lives with relatives, but they will not furnish him with alcohol or illegal substances. Thus, the need to hustle the public for cash.
The number of nice people cancel out the rare negative experience. I was taking selfies at the park fountain one day, and a young woman with her boyfriend offered to take the photos for me.
Since I am alcoholic, I do not frequent bars unless I’m going with a group of other CDs. Returning to our table from the ladies’ room one evening, I was asked by a drunk who had been making loud remarks about our group if my wife was aware I dressed like a woman. I pointed to the small brunette sitting at the end of our table and told the drunk to go ask her. That took the wind out of his crude question.
Creative thinking can turn around negative or uncomfortable situations quickly. Elderly people will often stare, because they most likely know only a binary presentation of gender. A few kind words will give them assurance that we are people, like anyone else. Sometimes, I will go so far as to make myself the subject of a joke. "When is the last time you saw a guy who looked as pretty as me"?
I am married and my wife is supportive which is why I am cautious in the rare case I encounter a woman who is obviously turned on by a man who cross dresses. It is rare and it is also tempting but I am completely faithful to my wife. Where were these women back in my single days?
I live in a very large city and the area surrounding the metropolitan area is huge. Moreover, Atlanta is considered a LGBT friendly city. I have little to no experience in rural areas but have heard reports of them being less welcoming than large cities. On the way to Pigeon Forge, Tennessee last year, I stopped to use the rest room at one of those combination fuel and convenience stores. It was in the boondocks, and I did get a few stares. My usual friendly "hello" was greeted with cold looks. That's a good reminder for me to be thankful I live in a large CD friendly urban area.
Going out in public with members of my support group is for me a great way to share the sisterhood of cross dressing. It is also an opportunity to show the public we dress and act like ladies. For the new girl who’s thinking about going out in public for her very first time, her first steps out in public cross dressed need not be so stressful. If she is in a group of sisters who will support and encourage her all the way and all day long, her first outing would be so much more enjoyable.
Here in Atlanta, my support group is well known at many restaurants, as well as other venues such as plays, concerts, sporting events, etc. I find it amazing how often people will approach the group, wanting to know more about us or just to compliment us on how pretty all the girls are!
By writing this article, I hope to have encouraged more girls to get out there in public and be the whole person you know you are. Being 100% passable is not possible for most of us, however, it is a goal to at least strive for, just don't let it stop you from getting out in public. You are cross dressing for your benefit and not for someone else!
Some men play golf, we play girl and we have a blast!
Do any of you girls who have not been out en femme in public have plans on going out within the next six months or so?
On your first time out are you going out by flying solo or are you making plans to go out with another cross dresser or a group of them in order to feel more comfortable on your first time out?
Where do you plan to go on your first night out with your total girl on?
Assuming you are ready to go out in public en femme, what specifically is stopping you?
Many hugs from Peggy Sue
I would love to have the support of other crossdressers the first few times I go out dressed. Perhaps one who could help with makeup and wig. Hugs, zeezee
Hi Zeezee,
I checked the Tri-ESS web site, and the two closest chapters to you are located in Illinois and Michigan, which is probably too long a drive for you? Sadly, the number of active Tri-ESS chapters has decreased in recent years. In our chapter, Sigma Epsilon, we have some girls who drive in from Florida, North Carolina, Tennessee, South Carolina, and Alabama. A long drive, but they find it worth the trip to spend a weekend with other CDs.
Hugs,
Peggy Sue
Hi Peggy: Thanks for the info. I have been contacting several members in Central Ohio. No luck so far, but I will keep trying. Hugs.
Peggy Sue, what a wonderful story. I can see myself and relate to your experiences on so many levels. I wish that I had the confidence to come out to my entire family as you have. I have yet to introduce Annie to my wife but one daughter, my youngest age 27, knows and is supportive. When I go out, not as often as I would like, I too attempt to pass. I have been lucky and have done fairly well. No one has said anything but I know that I have had “the look” of being read. Regardless, going out is an experience. I love you analogy to men playing sports and us playing girls. I would, however, characterized that more strongly. We are not playing girls. We are girls. When I am Annie, I am experiencing my femininity. My mind set is that of a woman. I feel as if have transformed, be it ever so briefly, into a woman. I love my time as Annie as I am sure you do as Oeggy Sue. We are women, emotionally, and spiritually. Love the article. Huggs and Annie
Thank you, Annie. Oh yes, I agree, when I am cross dressed, I feel very much like a woman.
Peggy Sue
Very well put! Playing girl against playing golf is so true. We have found the best game!
I play golf, usually while underdressed. I'd like nothing better than to combine golf and crossdressing while wearing one of those cute golf skirts, a sleeveless top, and with the hair of my wig moving around with my swing and the breeze.
Peggy Dear,
Love your article. I am in the process of working up the courage to go out en femme. Driving my wife on errands, driving myself at night, filling up my car, driving through Wendy's. I almost went into TJ Max and Stein Mart one night but chickened out. I am desperately looking for other women like me to socialize with but there is just not much available in Jackson, MS. I will keep up the struggle and maybe be where you are one day.
Huggs,
Suzanne
Thank you Suzanne, and I just took a look at your photo and profile. You are one lovely looking mature lady, and your choice of clothing is beautiful! The boots you are wearing go so well with that outfit!
Yes, a shame there is no Tri-ESS chapter close to you. Closest one to Jackson, MS looks like Houston, TX, just over a 400 mile drive.
Stay in touch and post more photos. You are an inspiration to mature CDs.
Lovely article Peggy Sue and proof again that confidence and a smile will take you a long way I’m being -if not “accepted” By all-at least tolerated and rarely accosted/insulted. Tri-Ess is a great group though to my under they are only for heterosexual married Crossdressers (not gay or bi, nor folks transition seriously considering transitioning.
Many folks on here have found other members nearby and gotten to know them and had some GNOs together. Also good suggestions are the various CD/TG conferences like Esprit. Southern Comfort and Keystone. And most major metro areas have “meetup” type groups for CDs also.
Thanks for encouraging our members to venture out (if of course they desire to-some do not want to and that’s fine too)
Cyn
Thank you Skippy. Sigma Epsilon has some single girls. We also have a few girls who are transitioning. However, beyond that, I leave official policy making to the administrative board.
Hi Skippy: I never thought of Meetup. I will check in Columbus. Thanks. zeezee
Kim,
As a suggestion, if you have questions about Tri-ESS policies and/or bylaws, communicate directly with the organization and/or read their official web site. You may also communicate directly with the Sigma Epsilon chapter of Tri-ESS. Either way, that will ensure you are receiving the most accurate latest information.
www.sigmaepsilonatlanta.org
As I had stated above, Sigma Epsilon does, in fact, have members who are not married, as well as girls who are transitioning. Moreover, I have never known of anyone's sexual orientation being questioned. However, I am NOT a member of the administrative board and do not speak for the organization.
My personal outlook? I just love being a girl and am always ready to help anyone else who wants to enjoy the fun of being a girl.
Hope this helps some.
Hugs,
Peggy Sue
Thank you Peggy Sue,
I checked their website. The eduacation and outreach page didnt really awnser all of my questions, so I e-mailed Brandi.
XX
Kimberly.
Great article Peggy Sue! I love to go out en femme, and don't give a crap about the haters! Thank you for this well written and eloquent article! Hugs!
Hi, Peggy Sue
I like your sweet, encouraging and hopeful writing.
I live in a big city in Turkey. Not all of the city is safe for CDs but there are safe bars and areas.
For now, I am approaching to live my entire soul by adding feminine elements to my male life. I want to go out en femme in the next year. I'll probably do it with a group.
Here are some cd internet forums too. but very few people come together in real life.
Thanks to this article, I became aware of the tri-ess organization. We have some LGBTI and transgender organizations, but we do not have a special organization for CDs. I wish, though a similar organization in Turkey.
Why not? Although there is a long process ahead of us, there is no reason why we should not.
Hugs and thanks
Eser
Peggy Sue,
That was a wonderful story, and the title alone spoke volumes to me. And "playing girl" is the best reply I could imagine for those who are sure to confront me on my femme journey. Circumstances make a girls' night out unlikely for me, but it's nice to read about the adventures had by others.
Hugs,
Bettylou
Hi Peggy Sue thanks for sharing your story with us x I myself have never been out to any sort of venue or event en femme, I have only ever been out for late night drives in my car, i would love to go out with friends whilst dressed as Rozalyne i think it would be so liberating to actually be out and about and not have a care about being dressed as a woman, like you said some men like to play golf and others like to play other sports, we just like to wear so called women's clothes, does that make us weird I'm not sure we don't go out hurting people it's not the way we are, when we was younger it was done all behind closed doors it's only since we came into the 21st century that some of us have been able to fling open that closet door and spread our wings and say this is me, I'm hoping to step out from behind that closet door myself soon and hopefully I'll be able to be Rozalyne for a while xxxxx hugs Rozalyne x
Thank you Rozalyne, for your remarks. Yes, indeed, this IS us, all of us, the complete us, for sure.
Thanks for the encouragement, and yes, I am one of those who usually goes dressed alone. Largely because my wife is not approving, so I don't dress in front of her. Only when she is gone, or when travelling. But having a support group would be a good thing.
I loved your comment "Some men play golf, we play girl and we have a blast!"
Thank you Peggy
Hugs, Lili
Peggy Sue, thank you for the wonderful article. I have been fortunate meeting some great GFs through this website in my northern neck of the US woods. I started by attending CD-focused events and outings to LGBTQ venues. I gradually became comfortable venturing out into the quote "real" world for regular female activities. Occasionally just my wife and I will go out together, but more often than not I go out with one or more CD friends. I am thankful for the supportive CDH members who have provided great suggestions and helpful insights for tapping into my femme self.
Wow, that's great that your wife will go out with you. My wife will too, and it is just like two girls going out. So much fun!
Hugs
XX
Hi Peggy, great article, lots of information all of us can use. Your quick response to the drunk in the bar made me think of something that happened to me. I went shopping dressed in very androgynous clothing, nice print top, shirts, and sandals. While I was in a store a lady looked st me and said you do know your buttons are on the wrong side! I looked back and said - no, I am left handed - and walked away.
Carolyn
Wonderful article Peggy Sue. You look beautiful and I like your ensemble. I also appreciate your comments regarding rural verse metropolitan. I live in rural WV and one does need to be careful.
Hi Peggy; I really liked your article, if it is not too much trouble, please send me the link to buy that wonderful book you are talking about, I am new to this "CD world" and I need help to be myself.
Hi Monica, Sending you a private message, with all details.
Hugs,
XX
Peggy Sue
