Courage Out of the Closet

Very good article!
So while not an exact response to your question, your article made me think of two incidents where I may have been the guy doing the staring. And I sometimes wonder how the CD may have (wrongly) perceived my looks.

I recently started dressing again after a long break. What reignited the pink mist was a recent experience I had a few months ago.

I was sitting in a hotel lobby, using my phone, as a guy dressed in a suit. I am alone in the lobby area and suddenly, through the door, comes this amazing/gorgeous/sexy/beautiful girl. Short tight skirt, heels, incredible legs. Best legs I have ever seen. Sexy! Amazing! Heart Stopping! And clearly a CD - everything was just "too much."

I was enthralled and could not help but stare - I wondered if she thought my stare was for negative reasons. Quite the opposite, however, I was so stunned and she moved quickly, so we exchanged no words. How I wish I had spoken to her, if nothing else but to say "you are the most beautiful thing I have seen in a very, very long time!" I bet that would have really surprised her, as I bet she thought my looks were shock and disapproval. Quite the opposite though!!!!

But at that moment, a switch flipped. A flood of memories came back about how much being a CD had thrilled me once not so long ago and that led to me joining CDH. Then the pantyhose came back...and then...and then...and then...

Another experience from long ago, several years before I eventually started dressing fully as a girl: I was on a subway car and realized the girl across from me was a CD. Same thing happened - I was enthralled, mesmerized! But I am sure I made her uncomfortable and quickly regretted that. DIdn't speak to her, was too nervous, too scared. What does this mean? Am I gay?!? (I am, actually) What is it like to be in her place and why am I so interested in her outfit?! LOL

More to your story, I have met many, many married men who in private, love being with CDs. Maybe, just maybe the guy putting on a manly show for his wife was actually wishing he was alone with you. I know you're not gay - but who knows what HIS orientation is? Anyway, no matter. But I could not help but read that and think, sometimes the stares and looks have alternative explanations or hidden meanings.

Again, loved the article!

An excellent article...and a jewel of a response from Jenny!
I love thought provoking items like these that help us to expand our universe.
Being recognized while out has not the effect on me it once had, not so long ago.

Thank you. So much to keep in mind for the days I may finally make it out in the world en femme. I doubt I could ever look so good, so I prepare for the worst, but it helps to remind me that this truth we allow ourselves to have is a thing of beauty and that envy is the most likely cause for any man's discomfort. After all, how many of us didn't come to our own conclusions about ourselves that way?
Even as a man who has accepted his need to dress the joy I feel when I come across a CD or transwoman or any male person presenting at least beyond the femininty of even the most effeminate gay man there is a tinge of resentment. "Why can't I?"
Well, some day I will and I'll be thinking about what you've said.

Thanks for the thoughtful response Aoife. It is definitely a journey for all of us and one that is frequently done alone. The last 2+ years of my personal journey have been so healing because I have found people that support me and I hope and pray that you find people like that for yourself. Trust me two years ago I would never have dreamed I'd be where I am now and writing an article on a public forum sharing my experience. Be gentle with yourself.

K

Kendra, good and thoughtful article that describes common scenarios when out dressed. I especially like the inner confidence and resilience you express after gaining experience being out and about. That is a great message and one I need to bear in mind as my own CD "adventures" continue to unfold.

And, yes, I agree that GGs make great company when dressed!

Cheers,

Rochelle

Great story, Kendra, and exactly the attitude we all should have. We are each of infinite worth as is every human being. And the courage to be who we are makes us strong beyond measure and is what will eventually change the world's attitude towards all on the TG spectrum. If we don't believe in and accept ourselves, we can't expect others to do so either.
Cyn

Wonderful article so well written and thought provoking. Yes I believe we all have been the recipient of the uncomfortable stares as well as the few but much appreciated compliment. Being six feet two inches tall and when wearing heels I suppose I can’t go unnoticed. As most I don’t want approval just acceptance and of course I simply love being out and dressed.

Thank you, Kendra for a wonderful article. Alas, I have not gone out in public but the desire is there. Too many things hold me back at the moment, one of which is reaching that level of self acceptance. I embarrass easily so that the looks and murmurings of others around in regard to me makes me uncomfortable,. But your words of accepting oneself and hoping that another can learn the same lesson give much thought.

Michelle

thanks. its that own it and be happy with yourself thought that lets me go out. I know I get read, sometimes, sometimes not. I really recal one guy in a bar who kept looking at me, talking to his wife. usually you can read a positive or negative vibe but I got a mixed reading, like maybe he was being nagative about me to his wife will still wanting to get with me. I was tempted to walk over and say hello to his table but decided not to, wanted to keep the piece. Most of the time the GG's are far more like welcome to team G and seem to almost appreciate M trying on their world for a while, seeing what their experience is about.

Well written Kendra. I agree with your suggestion for others to get out in public. I have been out several times and it builds confidence to go out again. Fortunately I have been well accepted when out with my "cis" friend as well as out with the Lesbian married couple that live nearby. Doesn't it feel good when some one says "Hello Ladies"? Yes you are right that the other people have to grow and become better people themselves. Take care and enjoy life!!
Michelle

Nicely written article, Kendra!

Yes, we dress for us, and not for the benefit of others, at least that is the attitude I have taken on.

As for the incident you experienced, I have only very rarely run into such people, and when I do, I will use the kill 'em with kindness approach. I smile at them and very often say hello, and quite often crack a joke about my cross dressing. It tends to disarm them, very quickly.

These days, it is normally only my voice that gives me away. If I have to speak, I speak in my normal male voice, which sometimes results in the person addressing me as "sir." I will then make a joke that I spent two hours primping and doing make up, so could they reward my efforts by calling me Peggy or just ma'am?

In general, which groups are more accepting? Good question. IMHO, young people and women tend to be more accepting, while more mature males tend to just ignore me, even when their wives want to speak with me. It would appear cross dressing tends to make some mature males nervous or uncomfortable. I have had groups of young women all talking with me, at the same time, wanting to know more about how I do make up and purchase clothing and admiring certain parts of my outfit. I find that very flattering, actually addictive.

I am married and faithful to my bride. That being said, I have run into a few women who have strongly indicated to me that they really like cross dressing heterosexual males. So much so that they as much as asked me if I would keep company with them. Whatever, that exactly means, I have no desire to find out.

A parting remark, well-organized support groups that have several experienced cross dressers can be a fantastic way to get a start on going out in public. That is how I got my start, when I first wanted to go out in public on a regular basis. The older girls were full of some great advice, support, and encouragement, and we went out together many times, to build my confidence. CDH is also a fantastic place, and I love the girls on here!

Hope this helps some.

Peggy Sue in Atlanta

I absolutely love this article. thank you so much for sharing. You truly give inspiration for us girls just trying to go out and be us. thank you, thank you.

Danielle

Hi Kendra and thankyou for your article , I've been cross-dressing for many years and until about maybe six years ago I didn't even have a name for this . Now thanks to these modern comunicatin methods , I don't only have a diffinition for it all , I have also finally made contact with a decent local support group who are giving me much encouragement from which confidence will grow . But, getting back to the core of your article , cross-dressing is all about ultimately getting out and about , as you are , as your self but there is always going to be an inhearant risk with the wrong person at the wrong time in the wrong place . But you can say that for just about anything , so , being streetwise remains the order of the day anyway. I could write endlessly on this topic but my dumb android devise has gone silly so need to sign of , cheers Naomi d

Hi Kendra. And we do dress for ourselves. Everyone dresses for themselves; except the little ones that can't, or the elderly that are too frail. It seems to me, that we were not issued a 'set of clothes' when we were born, or an instruction book along with our delivery into the world, that spelled out how we were to dress. So I guess all the men in togas in antiquity were crossdressers, or transwomen? I think not. It was the style. Just as clothing styles have changed over the centuries, I can, and will, dress as how 'I' feel comfortable, and where I feel comfortable dressing that way. No, I will not do something to make some parent fear, or worry, about their child. But as long as I am appropriately clothed, in public, if I choose it to be a nice dress, then that is okay, and others will have to deal with it, as it is their problem, not mine. Hugs, Michelle