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Hi Girls, I’m Bree.
I've been dressing for many years and through several relationships. In all my years I have not shared my fondness of my thrill for cross dressing with any of my SOs. I had remained in my closet until I discovered CDH.
Now that particular feat of concealment has not been totally without drama, however, I have been lucky enough to navigate my way through most of the slip ups. I met the mother of my children when I was only 17 years old. I spent many volatile years with her using my dressing as a relief from my perceived imprisonment. She found a receipt for lingerie. By this time some 18 years later we were in the middle of a divorce so she assumed it was for someone else. (Of course, it was for me.) ... Disaster averted. Previously, she had found a night shirt. (Oh, honey....I bought that for you.). I realize that I was not being honest with her but I felt that exposing my deception would not improve the situation either. We separated and I was alone and left to my own devices.
Now, being on my own didn't open the door as far as my crossdressing was concerned. I ran around a bit. Testing my limits. My dressing was held in check for a while as I explored my freedom. Being heterosexual might clash with some of my habits but, as we know, heterosexual works for many of us. Drinking and promiscuity replaced my need to dress. That lifestyle was actually short lived in the grand scheme of things. In 1996 I meet my current wife at a bar.
Meeting and eventually marrying my current wife most likely saved my life. We have been married now for over 20 years. I love my wife and I am comfortable in my male roll. She is the best thing that has happened to me by all accounts. She makes me talk to people even though she knows I struggle with that. She has stood by me and helped me as I choose a sober future. My wife heard about my "coping mechanism aka cross dressing" in a therapy session 10 years ago while I was battling addiction. It wasn’t a slip. Therapy was doing what it was designed to do. Find truth. (I don’t remember how that session ended but it did not end with my coming out of the closet.). My wife knows, as do I, that I am an introvert. I don’t know if this is a product of my environment or hereditary. I am not comfortable with crowds or gatherings and struggle in communicating with others. I can be unshaven in jeans and a work shirt and would not be comfortable, so, why would I put on hose with a nice dress to further solidify my feelings of not fitting in? Besides, being in stealth mode is comfortable for me at times. My wife and I didn't speak much about the dressing at that point and the revelation faded in the following months.
As the years went on, I would mostly underdress. I also found myself going for drives where I could be dressed while out and about. I accumulated a few things that I just felt pretty in. I started to ponder. What does "I'm a crossdresser" mean? I identify as gender fluid, not because I believe that part of my physical being is wrong but, I know that most women are kind and empathetic. (Surely no real man could possess those traits). I hide my clothes in cramped little corners and get out when I am by myself. This system has been in place for years and might have stayed that way forever. But I found this website. The ladies on CDH have been so wonderful. I don't feel judged and have actually put makeup on with my favorite blue dress and got out in the sunshine. Freeing and unnerving to say the least. I found the light switch. I don’t have to stay in this closet and I won't. The fear was real and petrifying but gets cut in half each time I go out. I don’t understand the sociological reasons as to why I dress and don't dwell on them. Our journeys take different paths. I just wanted to say "Thank you Ladies." The girls in CDH have made all the difference to me. I see much more acceptance to my thrill of cross dressing in the future. I hope you will give me whatever feedback you can. I am by no means a professional writer but the act of writing about my experience will help me in itself.
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Are you currently still deep in the closet with absolutely no plans of coming out? And if so please feel free to tell me where you hide most of your feminine items so your wife or SO can’t find them.
Has your thrill of cross dressing ever cost you a marriage or separation from your wife or SO?
Do you ever plan on coming out of the closet with your wife or SO by sitting her down and finally having “The Talk” with her?
Girls, please take the time to answer one or more of the questions posed to you above. I would love to hear your answers to my questions or hear comments about any part of my article!
Thank you, take care, and be well Ladies. 🌈💋
We're all for you hun
We're all for you hun
Bree,
"I am an introvert. I don’t know if this is a product of my environment or hereditary. I am not comfortable with crowds or gatherings and struggle in communicating with others. I can be unshaven in jeans and a work shirt and would not be comfortable, so, " That is a perfect description of me, also. And I also have a strong sense of empathy (which I think is why I chose a career as a medic). This "feminine" attribute is surely behind the compulsion to dress, when Bettylou revealed herself after 50-plus years of marriage. And fortunately, I didn't have to hide her from my wife when she appeared. I give much of the credit for my success to CDH. I'm a much happier person than I was before - and more sociable, thought I'm still not comfortable around groups of men.
I'm happy you can share with your SO. I am sure it is wonderful. I plan on having the talk this year. It is scary though.
Bree,
Scary, yes; even knowing she would not leave me, the idea of losing her respect was daunting. But the relief at not having to hide was wonderful. And when she surprised me by accepting Bettylou,,,,,WOW!
Bettylou, thank you for this comment. I have never been able to put it in such a clear way in my mind. I too knew separation would not happen, but I could not figure out why I was afraid to tell her. Even after telling and dressing together, I could not get why I was so uncomfortable. I believe you have stated my problem sooo clearly. Respect! Mine too has accepted, though she still does not understand. Of course I don't either. Thanks again.
Jackie,
You're very welcome. Sometimes I discover a truth, but don't realize it until I speak it. It can surprise me when it happens.
Jackie,
You're very welcome. Sometimes I discover a truth, but don't realize it until I speak it. It can surprise me when it happens.
Bettylou, thank you for this comment. I have never been able to put it in such a clear way in my mind. I too knew separation would not happen, but I could not figure out why I was afraid to tell her. Even after telling and dressing together, I could not get why I was so uncomfortable. I believe you have stated my problem sooo clearly. Respect! Mine too has accepted, though she still does not understand. Of course I don't either. Thanks again.
Bree,
Scary, yes; even knowing she would not leave me, the idea of losing her respect was daunting. But the relief at not having to hide was wonderful. And when she surprised me by accepting Bettylou,,,,,WOW!
I'm happy you can share with your SO. I am sure it is wonderful. I plan on having the talk this year. It is scary though.
Bree,
"I am an introvert. I don’t know if this is a product of my environment or hereditary. I am not comfortable with crowds or gatherings and struggle in communicating with others. I can be unshaven in jeans and a work shirt and would not be comfortable, so, " That is a perfect description of me, also. And I also have a strong sense of empathy (which I think is why I chose a career as a medic). This "feminine" attribute is surely behind the compulsion to dress, when Bettylou revealed herself after 50-plus years of marriage. And fortunately, I didn't have to hide her from my wife when she appeared. I give much of the credit for my success to CDH. I'm a much happier person than I was before - and more sociable, thought I'm still not comfortable around groups of men.
This is Beautifully written. Thank you for Sharing.
Paula
Thanks Paula. I did have help from Scarlett from CDH. All the girls on this site have been wonderful.
Thanks Paula. I did have help from Scarlett from CDH. All the girls on this site have been wonderful.
This is Beautifully written. Thank you for Sharing.
Paula
Hi Bree,
Very nice article girl!
While my wife of 33 years and together 37 is aware and supportive; I am otherwise totally in the closet. Not because I desire, I do have other issues and a topic of an article I have been working on. So it has never cost me a relationship as I told my wife early early on in our dating. One of the best things I ever did, although she told me she almost ran out the door when I told her. I have been at this CD'ing stuff since I was 7.
In my male persona I am very outgoing, strong willed and stand up for what I believe in but that doesn't mean I am an extrovert. It took me a long time to learn this. Even if I am not using CD'ing as an outlet, I still need to be by myself to recover, which is classic introvert. I can get up and speak in front of large audiences, handle crowds, etc., I don't mind, but it takes a toll. It also took practice.
I would like to do what you did and for lack of a better term have Lisa see the light of day!
Hugs,
Lisa
Hi Bree,
Very nice article girl!
While my wife of 33 years and together 37 is aware and supportive; I am otherwise totally in the closet. Not because I desire, I do have other issues and a topic of an article I have been working on. So it has never cost me a relationship as I told my wife early early on in our dating. One of the best things I ever did, although she told me she almost ran out the door when I told her. I have been at this CD'ing stuff since I was 7.
In my male persona I am very outgoing, strong willed and stand up for what I believe in but that doesn't mean I am an extrovert. It took me a long time to learn this. Even if I am not using CD'ing as an outlet, I still need to be by myself to recover, which is classic introvert. I can get up and speak in front of large audiences, handle crowds, etc., I don't mind, but it takes a toll. It also took practice.
I would like to do what you did and for lack of a better term have Lisa see the light of day!
Hugs,
Lisa
Thank you Lisa. It is great to hear that our SOs can be supportive. I'm sure it makes some things easier. It is a thrill to get out in the daylight but I'm still not used to it. All in good time.
Thank you Lisa. It is great to hear that our SOs can be supportive. I'm sure it makes some things easier. It is a thrill to get out in the daylight but I'm still not used to it. All in good time.
Wow , I loved the article you are a brave person and thank you for sharing your story. I've been crossdressing all my life ,and yes I've lost my spouse over it or so I believe. I'm currently in a relationship with a great women . I told her right from the get go when things started getting serious between us. We have been together for four years now and still going strong! Not sure if she really gets the whole crossdressing thing but it doesn't bother her. In fact she digs going to drag shows and even allows me to go in drag ! Kinds of our girls night out if you will !!
This is so great Pippi. I hope when I tell my wife that I am still dressing that she will be open to it. I will have to tell her to find out.
This is so great Pippi. I hope when I tell my wife that I am still dressing that she will be open to it. I will have to tell her to find out.
Wow , I loved the article you are a brave person and thank you for sharing your story. I've been crossdressing all my life ,and yes I've lost my spouse over it or so I believe. I'm currently in a relationship with a great women . I told her right from the get go when things started getting serious between us. We have been together for four years now and still going strong! Not sure if she really gets the whole crossdressing thing but it doesn't bother her. In fact she digs going to drag shows and even allows me to go in drag ! Kinds of our girls night out if you will !!
Thank you for this wonderful story that resonates with me so much. I feel you!
After meeting all my sisters and girlfriends here, I decided to write some short stories based on.my experiences. Each story I write twice, the first one with my real reaction (fear, anxiety, denial) and the second with reactions based on love, self love and acceptance. For me it is very healing and I realize you are never too old to rewrite your own story. I am writing the stories in my mother tongue (Dutch) first, but when I am satisfied, I will translate them.
Lots of love and heling for all who need it
Thats great Eva. I hope you will be able to share with us at CDH in the future. I like hearing about other cultures outside of the USA. Thanks for reading...
Bree
Thats great Eva. I hope you will be able to share with us at CDH in the future. I like hearing about other cultures outside of the USA. Thanks for reading...
Bree
Thank you for this wonderful story that resonates with me so much. I feel you!
After meeting all my sisters and girlfriends here, I decided to write some short stories based on.my experiences. Each story I write twice, the first one with my real reaction (fear, anxiety, denial) and the second with reactions based on love, self love and acceptance. For me it is very healing and I realize you are never too old to rewrite your own story. I am writing the stories in my mother tongue (Dutch) first, but when I am satisfied, I will translate them.
Lots of love and heling for all who need it
Hi Bree,
I enjoyed your article, and am happy to provide you with some feedback, in answering the questions you posed:
I was deep in the closet with my first marriage, and hid my things in places around the house, mostly the garage...in the earlier years of marriage, mostly a couple of pairs of heels, and pantyhose so I could enjoy little snatches of dressing when I could. In those days I was unsure of where I was on the continiuum, had a lot of guilt, insecurity, went through the regular purges etc.
My first marriage ended after 17 years mostly due to crossdressing and all the insecurities that came with it.
I eventually found another woman, and "once burned twice shy" meant I was upfront with her right away. However in disclosing my crossdressing, I underplayed it (again through insecurity and my own uncertainty about why I did it, and whether it was just a passing phase that I could put aside whenever I wanted) so I held back a good bit, including that I wanted to to it almost ALL THE TIME that I could get away with.
I have eventually come to accept myself more and get over the guilt of losing the first marriage (5 children from that one), and am in a much better frame of mind about myself these days.
The relationship/marriage is now in its 18th year, and its only been recently that I have had the nerve to be more open about how I feel about the crossdressing. We have had come good conversations, and reached some common understandings that we both agree with, such as my crossdressing is not a fetish and has nothing at all to do with gender or sexual desire; that my crossdressing is something that i will never voluntarily give up totally ever; that she is not repulsed or horrified by seeing me dressed (although what until she sees me doing it more and more in front of her maybe); crossdressing makes me very happy while I am dressed and I do it because it does feel right and natural for me.
I have no desire to cause her the embarrassment of forcing my crossdressing into the open. I am an active member of the community with now adult children, one still living parent, and a self employed professional, so coming out as a crossdresser to the world is not a sensible option...it would be a completely selfish option to force Rikki upon everyone else. I am satisfied to keep Rikki in the closet, but a closet that is large enough to include my spouse from time to time.
At this latter stage of my life (I am 60) my recent but important inroads with my spouse has made me more content with crossdressing than I ever have. I still underdress every day in one form or another, I am at office today with a bra under my shirt, panties and pantyhose with no socks, and I have a pair of heels in my car to wear on my commute home. Compared with the years of feverishly putting on pantyhose and heels in the garage and having a little walk around while my wife and children slept, life is good.
I hope this is of come assistance, comfort, or support (or all of the above).
Rikki
Thank you for reading my article Rikki. We certainly share some similarities. I hope you are able to continue strengthening your self acceptance. I feel we need to accept ourselves and that will help with our SOs.
Bree
Yes for sure. How can we expect our wives to understand and accept us if we don't understand and accept ourselves. If you ever have the time, if you haven't read it yet I posted an article many months ago upon joining this site. You may find some things in it that you can relate to.
Yes for sure. How can we expect our wives to understand and accept us if we don't understand and accept ourselves. If you ever have the time, if you haven't read it yet I posted an article many months ago upon joining this site. You may find some things in it that you can relate to.
Thank you for reading my article Rikki. We certainly share some similarities. I hope you are able to continue strengthening your self acceptance. I feel we need to accept ourselves and that will help with our SOs.
Bree
Hi Bree,
I enjoyed your article, and am happy to provide you with some feedback, in answering the questions you posed:
I was deep in the closet with my first marriage, and hid my things in places around the house, mostly the garage...in the earlier years of marriage, mostly a couple of pairs of heels, and pantyhose so I could enjoy little snatches of dressing when I could. In those days I was unsure of where I was on the continiuum, had a lot of guilt, insecurity, went through the regular purges etc.
My first marriage ended after 17 years mostly due to crossdressing and all the insecurities that came with it.
I eventually found another woman, and "once burned twice shy" meant I was upfront with her right away. However in disclosing my crossdressing, I underplayed it (again through insecurity and my own uncertainty about why I did it, and whether it was just a passing phase that I could put aside whenever I wanted) so I held back a good bit, including that I wanted to to it almost ALL THE TIME that I could get away with.
I have eventually come to accept myself more and get over the guilt of losing the first marriage (5 children from that one), and am in a much better frame of mind about myself these days.
The relationship/marriage is now in its 18th year, and its only been recently that I have had the nerve to be more open about how I feel about the crossdressing. We have had come good conversations, and reached some common understandings that we both agree with, such as my crossdressing is not a fetish and has nothing at all to do with gender or sexual desire; that my crossdressing is something that i will never voluntarily give up totally ever; that she is not repulsed or horrified by seeing me dressed (although what until she sees me doing it more and more in front of her maybe); crossdressing makes me very happy while I am dressed and I do it because it does feel right and natural for me.
I have no desire to cause her the embarrassment of forcing my crossdressing into the open. I am an active member of the community with now adult children, one still living parent, and a self employed professional, so coming out as a crossdresser to the world is not a sensible option...it would be a completely selfish option to force Rikki upon everyone else. I am satisfied to keep Rikki in the closet, but a closet that is large enough to include my spouse from time to time.
At this latter stage of my life (I am 60) my recent but important inroads with my spouse has made me more content with crossdressing than I ever have. I still underdress every day in one form or another, I am at office today with a bra under my shirt, panties and pantyhose with no socks, and I have a pair of heels in my car to wear on my commute home. Compared with the years of feverishly putting on pantyhose and heels in the garage and having a little walk around while my wife and children slept, life is good.
I hope this is of come assistance, comfort, or support (or all of the above).
Rikki
