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A few weeks ago I wrote about what it would be like if crossdressing was normal. The sad truth, is that we aren't doing what is necessary for crossdressing to become accepted in society. We are relying on the transsexual community to advocate for us. We are relying on the LGB community to include the transgendered in their activism and fight for equality. In short we are content to remain in the shadows until our battle has been won by someone else.
When crossdressers hide in the shadows we weaken our cause
When we nervously buy our clothes and makeup over the Internet we rob the world of a chance to know us. When we dress in private without telling, noone can see our beauty. When we keep to ourselves out of shame and guilt we give others a reason to believe we should feel shame and guilt.
Crossdressing through the three stages of acceptance
A few days ago my wife and I were talking about the three stages of acceptance in society:
- First you believe you are worthy of discrimination
- Second you believe you are worthy and no longer accept discrimination
- Finally you are worthy. The idea that you could be discriminated against seems ludicrous
Society takes many generations to move through these stages. Even with all the great work done by the feminist movement last century, woman haven't achieved the final stage. The Democratic primary highlighted that sexism is still alive as chauvinistic pigs held up signs at Hillary Clinton rallies proclaiming "Iron my clothes".
For a second, imagine a different world. Imagine a world where the idea that our daughters could be discriminated against seems strange. An anecdote from history, about as applicable to today's times as the Latin language. Imagine a world where white and black alike are not just judged by the content of their character, but to think someone would do otherwise evokes laughter.
Woman, people of color and our gay and lesbian brothers and sisters have moved into the second stage. Unfortunately most crossdressers are still in the first stage. Too afraid of what they'll lose to move on.
I understand (intimately) the guilt and shame that go along with crossdressing. I understand the fear of telling a loved one. I understand. I was there, sometimes I still am.
Be the change you want to see in the world
The distance between accepting ourselves and being accepted is generations. Perhaps even centuries. It has been said that we create the reality around us. That our expectations of what will happen are often fulfilled. Like attracts like.
If you believe in a world where we are worthy - be worthy. Today. Nothing will so powerfully reverberate through the universe as your proclamation:
I am who I am. Worthy of love and respect. I accept myself, and others accept me because I accept myself.
The hardest step is self acceptance. Once you get over the purging and/or the cycle of guilt, it's suddenly a very different world. A rather fun one actually 😀
> the fear of telling a loved one
It's not just the fear of their reaction, but if you were to go out into the big wide world regularly, what would the effect be on your family and friends? I can take the looks and the occasional laugh, but would I want to walk down the street dressed as a women with my kids in hand? Should I expose them to that?
I know that some of the TS community do that (and good luck to them), however for the majority of TVs, I think steps into the outside world are fleeting.
In terms of 'rights' or visibility during my working life, I can think of a few out gay people and a couple of TS folk, but trannys? I can't think of anyone in a work environment who is 'out'.
You make a good point about considering the repercussions on friends and family. By being "out" people will know, but you also get to control how it happens. When you get "found out", you lose control over how and when your crossdressing is communicated. But it's not an easy thing.
Should you expose your child to such looks and laughter. Yikes. I can't pretend to know how I would feel as I don't yet have kids. This choice is our luxury as part time crossdressers. Our choices have a consequence for the world that will be created.
It's not as simple as putting a loved one before or after societal change, but I think also has ramifications on who our children become. Do we want our children growing up to know that it is okay to be ashamed of who you are? That it is okay to be one person in private, and another in public? I think it's even more complicated than that. Okay, enough rambling about transgender philosophy for me - yikes, and it's not even 11am...
I do know someone who is out as a tranny in the work environment (she even met her boss at the club one night and both seemed quite cool with it). But that's the exception, not the rule.
Yesterday, I approached a decent looking woman in guy mode, chatted her up about work and asked her about her outfit. Candidly, but not guiltily, I told her I was a crossdresser and that I really liked the cut of her skirt. I asked her what the style was. She wasn't much more put off than she might be if I (a stranger), walked up and chit chatted about nothing.
I felt better afterwards because I felt that I did put myself out there and did it with dignity in a non-threatening way. My hope is that perhaps she'll think about it and come to see me as human (we smoke in the same outdoor square). Baby steps, baby!
When I turned 12 my mother told me to take a bath and that she would lay out the cloths that I was to put on so that she could take me shopping for my new clothing that I would be wearing when school starts. While I was taking my shower my mother removed the cloths that I had been wearing from the bathroom. When I was done with my shower my mother told me to get dried over and put on the clothing that she had placed on my bed. When I went into my room what was laying on my bed were girl's cloths. I called out to my mother that there were girl's cloths on my bed. She said that right that they were cloths that she got from my sister that she no longer wore and that they were now my clothes. I looked around and I could not see any of my boy's clothing. I told her that I wanted to wear my boy's clothing. She told me that I have no more boy's clothing and that from now on I was going to be wearing girl's clothing. She told me to put on my pink lacy panties and my sister would be in to help me put on my training bra and slip. She said that my sister would bring me some pantyhose shoes to wear and that she would put my hair in ponytails with pink ribbons to match my pink dress. After my sister finished getting me dressed in my new clothing my mother took me into her bedroom and told me to set down at her vanity so that she could do my make up while my sister did my nails. After she and my sister were done with me she had me stand in front of her full length mirror and said take a look at yourself in the mirror and get used to the new you because this is the way you are going to be dressing from now on. After word she told me to go get in the car because she had to take me shopping for more panties, bras, slips, dresses, skirts and blouses for school. She told me that she had already informed my school that I would be returning to school as a girl. She told me that she talked with her beauty salon and told them what was going on. She said that she talked with her stylist about getting my hair restyled. She said that her stylist said that she would be glad to give me a very feminine hairstyle. My mother also told me that she had made an appointment for me with her gynecologist to get me started on female hormones and that the gynecologist had agreed to remove my testicles. The gynecologist said once my testicles were removed I was started on my female hormones she would fill out the papers to have my name to Joanne and have my birth certificate changed from male to female.
I agree with you the more we are out in public places the faster other people will accept who we are and we can show that we are just being happy with ourselves and not a threat to anyone.Get out of closet and be proud of yourself and all crossdresser's let the world know that we are normal.
There is a lot of truth to this and I've except fact that I have to get out the n public but is hard when you live in small community. My wife knows but is very non supportive. I do go out and purchase my own clothing now instead of over Internet . This is a start..
Before we will ever be accepted in society we have to accept ourselves. The first step is to look in the mirror and accept what we see. Going out in public to "safe" places is the next step. The giant leap is to come out to not just your spouse but all your family or loved ones. You can't expect to be accepted by general society if you are too embarrassed of yourself to come out and be accepted by your own siblings or children.
If we want to be accepted by general society we have to blend into general society. I believe in individual expression but a middle-aged CD wearing a wedding gown to the super market with a 2-day beard will not likely make general society comfortable around us. Whenever we go out in public we are all ambassadors for our sister CDs. Be proud of who you are and be a positive image of who WE are!!!
I agree, we need to get out there and be seen to be accepted in society. in this day and age, where gay and lesbian people are more open and are accepted much better than they were. That's because they are more open. I myself make light of my dressing , talk more openly about it and sometimes make little comments and make people laugh about doing girlie things like going to the nail spa, getting my eyebrows done etc. Where some people would laugh and poke fun at me now they just seem to accept me. Well most do anyway
I struggle to be accepted by my wife. Thats hard, and I still have not come out fully. I have dressed and left the house at night but have had to be careful so as not to be getting into any trouble. I would love to be fully accepted. I know in my heart that I am what I am and really love it when I am able to relax in a fully Crossdressed manner. It gives me the utmost pleasure. Not sexually but mentally gratifying being what I really enjoy being. I would love to be accepted by my wife and fully come out but I don't think it will happen soon. I have tried to talk to her bout it and given her many articles to read but to no avail. Seems I am destined to remain partially closeted.
Hi I need to find cross Dressers in the St Catharines and Niagara Falls Ontario area I need help with makeup and I just can't wait to take off my jeans and put on a Mini Skirt or a dress and High Heels
I know that we not welcome in mainstem life I work in remote Australia I ggot to hide my dressing till I get my Holliday's then of Perth wear one can blend in I get four hole weeks as me a woman
I'm fine being a closet crossdresser, always have been, love sneaking feeling, my wife is fine with it, she doesnt say much, she doesnt seem to get into as much, but doesnt mind watching 2 guys go at it either, I dont dress very often, it's more a taboo sexual thing for me.
Well said, very well said.
The hardest step to take is the step out the front door. Once you do that, that rest is what your make of it.
I remember at my old condo, my dog walker would always ask who the beautiful woman in front of my building having a cigarette was. And I would sheepishly smile and say her name was Monika.
Another neighbor was walking by one day and she knew who it was and stared at me. I just smiled and waved back
