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Curse to Gift; a paradigm shift in the making…
I have often thought of and have seen being a trans/gender different person as a curse. I mean, it was illegal even here in Canada until Klippert was released in 1971. Same-sex sexual activity was decriminalized in Canada as a result of legislation (Bill C-150 AKA the omnibus bill) introduced in 1967 and passed in 1969 by then-Justice Minister and Attorney General of Canada, Pierre Trudeau (who later became the 15th Prime Minister of Canada) (referenced: Wikipedia)
I was a mere 10 years old at the time and had no idea what that would mean for me in my adult life. I am not a gay person… or am I, because for all intent and purpose, from a short distance away, I am mostly referred to as Miss or Ma'am. "How may I help you ladies today?" is the most common one heard when my amazing wife and I are out shopping together.
It’s not until I look a person in the eye and get within 15 feet do they notice a five-o'clock shadow or a more masculine face shape. It's in this moment that their true colors begin to shine brightly for me, and to everyone watching. There are a brief few seconds where the person suddenly realizes that I was born male and reacts.
Before they become aware of the moment and put on their mask, their expression, body language, and eyes will show the world what their core beliefs are about gender-different people.
Most often, the ladies behind the cash out will compare nail polish or comment on my earrings. Almost every encounter I've had is one of compliments and well wishes for a good day, but now and then there is someone who will look down, not speak, or suddenly become focused on the numbers on the till. I smile inside and feel grateful.
What I have viewed as a curse for the better part of my life is now making the shift to Gift…
When I see those who suddenly look away, blush or act uncomfortable by my presence, I see an opportunity to teach. I gently ask something like, "how has our day been for you my friend?"
Those who are really stuck don’t even look up, but most will look up and engage with me in a light and friendly conversation. I have practiced, and now teach rapport building skills to length so the result 99% of the time is the person behind the till is educated that people who are different than the crowd are not all serial killers, pedophiles, or monsters.
Before I leave each of these conversations, regardless of our interaction, I simply say, “Thank you for being a kind person, not everyone is, so I am grateful.”
The result so far has always been something like: “You're very welcome, thank you for your courage.”
The Gift is that each of us has this unique part of us. We can share our gift and be a part of the exciting expansion of human consciousness by showing the world that we are nice people contributing to our world or we can call it a curse and complain about how unaware some people still are on our planet.
Our gift helps us see the true colors of some before they even speak, and this awareness gives us possible choices in how we choose to interact with them.
Two words come to mind here; be kind.
The more we are kind and show people a new story about who we are, the quicker it will replace the old story, which will then simply fade into history regardless of those few who continue the noise as they kick and scream their way into becoming obsolete.
The gift, although extremely challenging at times, is no small matter; this is worldwide change we are each helping to bring about, in whatever way that we are ready, willing, and able to so.
Keep on girls!
Live on the front edge of your comfort zone and share with others your gift. Be who you are with the world and watch as over time, the bullies will retreat to quiet places to cry out and complain, but no one will be listening any longer to their rhetoric. The world will have expanded yet again, leaving them behind.
We are free, the offspring of a deathless soul and the creators of world change…that’s pretty cool really; don’t ya think?
Thank you for reading and thank you for being exactly who you are!
Namaste’ n huggles Ladies
Char
Char,
Your advice, "be kind" is the best anyone could give. But your story reminds me of a time, not too long ago, when my own conception of crossdressers was mostly erroneous, and lumped CD, gay, bi and trans folk all together. I was never unkind in my response, but I was mostly blank - because I didn't know HOW to respond to "these strange people". Discovering that I was one of you/them myself has of course, enlightened me; but the misconception is widespread and will take time to erase.
Hugs
Bettylou
Ain't it just a buggar to come to realization? lol I am always amazed at just how incredibly good I have been at lying to myself haha Naw, that's not really me, it's just a phase I missed as a kid haha NOT haha
A good friend one day smiled and simply said "Just own it"... Show people that sure, there are people committing sex crimes in the rainbow tribe, and, in white collars behind a pulpits, in offices and law firms; this is our opportunity to use our gift to teach the less aware that there are a lot of amazing people in our tribe; we are normal.
I've been practicing owning it since that conversation and as I glance back over my shoulder, I glimpse the road I've traveled this past few years, from closed curtains to walking through malls shopping and feeling as pretty as a china doll. Okay, maybe not THAT pretty but damn close haha
I am so grateful for the chance to make a real difference in the evolution of humanity Bettylou, so growing the courage and intestinal fortitude to take action on my convictions is one thing I can do, with practice.
Together, we are creating world change by kindly teaching the fearful ones...
Thanks for being you dear 🙂
Namaste'
n huggles for you
Char
wonderful way of dealing with people who seem uncomfortable with us, kindness instead of shouting. something I think we could use a lot of in the US right now.
I see it Alicia, I love that name 🙂 The more we are seen being kind, the less the bullies message will hold water; yep, it takes time. Someone once said tome there are two perfect times to plant a new seedling; twenty years ago and right now!
I'm planting as best I can hehe I imagine a world where we are free to be. While I can and as best I can,I will do my best to support that aim 🙂
Thank you Alica for your post; I am grateful 🙂
Namaste'
n huggles always
Char
A beautifully written article and noble ideals we would all do well to emulate. It makes me happy and proud to read this, to know that people I stand with have these ideals.
Tiff
Awe Thaaank you Tiffany; I truly believe that if we stand together and kindly teach the fearful ones that we are of no threat, we will see a shift in humanity in our life time.
I haven't got a life time left here on our tiny blue planet, I'm almost 60 now lol but, I still have time and energy to paddle the boat with my sisters hehe
Oars in girls, might be an upstream paddle for a ways but we're gaining momentum hehe
Namaste' n huggles Tiffany, I appreciate you sister 🙂
Char
Thanks for that excellent article. As I venture out into the world more, I will remember your comments.
Amy
Thaaank you Amy. I fully believe that we teach people how to treat us.
I love what papa Gandhi said in a speech to fellow country peeps. "we will not resort to the use of violence, but we will simply not comply!"
I'm in! haha
Namaste'
n huggles Amy, Haaappy Adventuring and teaching dear 😉
Char
Char,
Thank you for your article. So well written and poignant. I will use, “Thank you for being a kind person, not everyone is, so I am grateful.” in my interactions with kind people. You are spot on that not everyone is.
One aspect of this 'gift' is that I feel comfortable loving on people by calling them 'Honey' or 'Sweetheart' or 'Precious' or whatever loving term of endearment comes out of my mouth. I am comfortable giving an extra long hug to my friends as a sign that I love them and want to be near them. All of this is unlocked by the gift. And now I will thank the kind people and call them out for it.
You are beautiful and I appreciate your writing. Thank you for being out there in the world living authentically.
Choose joy!
Renee
omg Renee Rose; Tears! lol
It has taken me a life time to get this far, and there is certainly so much further to go.
I have often thought, I don't really have anything special to contribute to humanity besides being a "good worker" haha
I feel deeply humbled, spilled some tears of gratitude reading your comment; and THAT is fuel for my engines girl!!
Renee, on those days when I am, as my amazing wife says "all dark n twisty" I read the big file I have of these comments to refill my cups, self-worth, esteem, value and the bestest one, self love.
What a gift!
Namaste' n huggles for your Dear soul..
Char
Yes! Well put.
This is how I feel instinctively when going out dressed.
Be kind and understanding to those who don't get it, not afraid of potential hostility.
In the here and now, you hold the strong cards, so play them. Positivity wins over negativity. Everyone wants to be like the happy person.
Make the world a better place, and gain one more person's acceptance that cross dressers are not only not weirdos, but in fact, ordinary people in the nicest sense.
People seem to enjoy talking about the subject with someone who dresses and is likewise happy to talk.
Bringing down the "Us" CDers and "Them" others attitude is a good way to start. It's all about "Us" friendly people.
Non-CDs aren't Muggles, lol!
Love Laura
Hahaha muggles, I love it!!
I do an exercise with the life skills groups I teach; I hold my hand out, palm facing the other person and ask nicely for them to place their palm to mine...then, I gently but firmly push their hand. 99% of the time, they push back.
Then, I stand and ask them to come with so I can show them something. I start walking away and 99.9% of the time, they "follow" me...
Push and they push back, lead, and they will follow, slowly at times, but they will follow...
We are leading the world and that comes with challenges; and I believe we are up to the task of global change hehe
Namaste'
n huggles for you Laura, I am grateful for you Dear 🙂
Char
Char-as always your articles are well written and full of concrete examples of what we can do to bring about the world we wish had existed decades ago. I do believe that -much as it was in the past with those of different skin color, or ethnic background or any of dozens of characteristics, many people’s reactions are based on ignorance and unfamiliarity. When folks live cloistered lives, they fear the “different” or unknown-not always out of malice but just discomfort with things they are unfamiliar with. But once folks get to know people as INDIVIDUALS instead of “those people” their attitudes usually start to change as they acknowledge what we all know to be true -that merely by being human we deserve respect and dignity(so long as we aren’t hurting someone else). And by embracing ourselves and who we are and avoiding seeing ourselves as victims, eventually it will be no more noticeable that one is trans than that we have blue or brown eyes. If we avoid being defensive (while still not accepting or condoning rude behavior) we will advance the cause of not only ourselves but the marginalized of all types. Thanks for sharing Your insights-which as always are illuminating and instructive!
Cyn
Damn! Tears on this one too haha what a night haha
I dream of that Cyn; a world where the margins are so far gone that everyone is included in the adventure of life fully and freely expressing.
One of my values statements is; do, be and have what ever makes your soul sing, so long as it does not violate the basic human rights of others...
Non-violent , non-compliance...
My Dad, Awe I so miss him sometimes said to me once, if you conquer your fear, you will conquer theirs... That was in regards to being bullied at school, but, it works amazingly well here too!
It has worked every time for me, just be kind but also simply refusing to accept being victimized.
Every person is worthy of kindness; seek first to understand, then to be understood. I'll write an article about that soon hehehe
One day Cyn, we will sit together and share...I imagine that happening 😉
Namaste' Dear friend
n huggles always Cyn, Thanks for being you girl!
Char
Hi Char Thank you for your efforts on all of our behalfs. I hope one day I can join you . luv Stephanie
our presence as a united front of kindness is so important to the process of becoming 🙂 You already have joined us dear 🙂
Namaste' n huggles Stephers
Char
Thank you for this post. Jx
