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The world is a place full of expectations. From the moment we're born we are molded by our families loving best intentions, by our friend's awkward desire for us to fit in to their world, by school and college and work. We're trained to be the same, to fit into a mold that society cast for us without our consent or intention.
It dawned on me today, as I was learning more about new technologies like earthing, and I considered my journey through alternative healing, that the slightest difference and deviation is shunned. Whether it's barefoot long haired hippies trying desperately to share their earth wisdom, or the transgender woman trying to find her place in the world - it's hard being different.
Being different was the inspiration for the Bohemian themed top I share with you today - not only is it different, but it's fashionably so. It's own uniqueness has become the quality which draws others too it. It's not just a cute summer adornment, it's a bold and courageous declaration of self expression.
Being different in a cisgender world
As a transgender woman, one of my earliest desires was to fit in - not just in society, but in my own skin. I wanted to be accepted for who I was, who I am - but everywhere I looked at the time I found people trying to change me. This was many years ago, before I had accepted myself. I clung desperately to the hope that by changing those people would accept me, would love me.
I learnt the hard way that the pastor who tries to change you does so not out of care, but out of a deep fear that you won't fit into his world view. By fully expressing your light you'll make him realize the selfish shadow he is casting on his congregation. So he wraps himself in faith and uses the sword of righteousness to cleave your soul in two.
The only defense is to embrace yourself, embrace your difference. I have the blessing these days to look in the mirror with love on the woman staring back at me. It's a new experience for me - to gaze upon myself with such love and acceptance. To see the perfection of my failures and still smile.
So if your soul is wandering, and society seems hell bent on breaking you. STOP. Breathe. Look at yourself in the mirror. Gaze with love. Let acceptance well up inside for the person you are. Are you a man who dresses as a woman? A woman born as a man? Or anywhere in between - love yourself.
It's hard. The hardest part of the journey. Let the spirit of grace and goodness pulse within you. It may be weak at first, but grows stronger each time you tap in to it. Yes, you're different. That's why you're perfect.
With love and blessings,
Vanessa
Vanessa, you are so right; and I do love being different.
When I see and feel who I really am when dressed, I am at peace and comfortable. No two ways about it. But being different means I have to be different at different times. In a short while I must become a man because of family. I shall have a weekend retreat away on my own, hoping the others there will be accepting, because I shall take "tokens" with me, like painted nails and some beads. But I can't be the femme me, because it's dorm sharing, and where do I fit?
I find I don't want to join in male-group conversation unless it's intellectual, and for female-group conversation I'm likely to be treated as a male outsider.
Yesterday a most ignorant young man with girlfriend in his car, went out of his way to shout "Hey Mr Transvestite, are you a man?" across a busy road. I felt no emotion about it, but it does remind you that being different isn't very welcome.
But you are right; it is a blessing, and I wouldn't take a "cure" if such a thing were a logical possibility.
Blessings to you too
Andie
Well said Andie. I tend to think that those who are nastiest are either struggling deeply with their own gender identity or sexuality, or feel more threatened and insecure about our choice to live free as who we are.
Well said Andie. I tend to think that those who are nastiest are either struggling deeply with their own gender identity or sexuality, or feel more threatened and insecure about our choice to live free as who we are.
Vanessa, you are so right; and I do love being different.
When I see and feel who I really am when dressed, I am at peace and comfortable. No two ways about it. But being different means I have to be different at different times. In a short while I must become a man because of family. I shall have a weekend retreat away on my own, hoping the others there will be accepting, because I shall take "tokens" with me, like painted nails and some beads. But I can't be the femme me, because it's dorm sharing, and where do I fit?
I find I don't want to join in male-group conversation unless it's intellectual, and for female-group conversation I'm likely to be treated as a male outsider.
Yesterday a most ignorant young man with girlfriend in his car, went out of his way to shout "Hey Mr Transvestite, are you a man?" across a busy road. I felt no emotion about it, but it does remind you that being different isn't very welcome.
But you are right; it is a blessing, and I wouldn't take a "cure" if such a thing were a logical possibility.
Blessings to you too
Andie
So well said about how we are cast into a mold and everyone should follow suit. Ive struggled with this my entire life and became more of a loner than to be put into a catagory. You were at odds with who might accept you and who wouldnt.
Thanks hon - yes, this is such a tough place to be - but there are people out there who will love you just as you are. I've been surprised at how many of them there are actually...
Thanks hon - yes, this is such a tough place to be - but there are people out there who will love you just as you are. I've been surprised at how many of them there are actually...
So well said about how we are cast into a mold and everyone should follow suit. Ive struggled with this my entire life and became more of a loner than to be put into a catagory. You were at odds with who might accept you and who wouldnt.
I don't know where I would be without your supportThank you again
I don't know where I would be without your supportThank you again
Great article as usual. I can really see myself there. I spent 7yrs in couseling and know where your comming from. Thanks
Great article as usual. I can really see myself there. I spent 7yrs in couseling and know where your comming from. Thanks
I realise this is most likely the wrong place to post this but i was trying to find a way to ask you a question.
I am 20 and i have been secretly crossdressing for years but about a week ago my girlfriend of over a year thought it would be fun to dress me up and now loves having me dressed up and so i basically live as a girl when im at home, my main question is how to find shoes in my size im a size 12-13 mens but in a test i did with my gf i almost fit a size 11 womans and from what i find when i search it soooooo expensive to buy shoes that would fit, any advice would be so helpful.
Thank you, Mikala
Hi hon, try a few places listed here:
https://www.crossdresserheaven.com/store/high-heels/
Payless shoes may also be a good bet for you.
Good luck!
Hi hon, try a few places listed here:
https://www.crossdresserheaven.com/store/high-heels/
Payless shoes may also be a good bet for you.
Good luck!
GLAMOUR BOUTIQUE IN AUBURN, MASSACHUSETTS, THEY SHOULD BE ON THE INTERNET TO ORDER FROM,JAYLA CHERI
GLAMOUR BOUTIQUE IN AUBURN, MASSACHUSETTS, THEY SHOULD BE ON THE INTERNET TO ORDER FROM,JAYLA CHERI
Zappo's.com is the most awsome ever. Another good one is shoebuy.com
They have all kinds of stuff on sale. I'm a size 12b and I have 22 pairs from these sites.
Zappo's.com is the most awsome ever. Another good one is shoebuy.com
They have all kinds of stuff on sale. I'm a size 12b and I have 22 pairs from these sites.
Mikala,
There are places out there that have your shoe size. Keep
checking the internet. Size 13US is not that hard to fit.
If in U.S. try a place called "Dreamshoes" in California.
You might even get into an eleven in a slingback.
Best wishes,
Catherine
Mikala,
There are places out there that have your shoe size. Keep
checking the internet. Size 13US is not that hard to fit.
If in U.S. try a place called "Dreamshoes" in California.
You might even get into an eleven in a slingback.
Best wishes,
Catherine
I realise this is most likely the wrong place to post this but i was trying to find a way to ask you a question.
I am 20 and i have been secretly crossdressing for years but about a week ago my girlfriend of over a year thought it would be fun to dress me up and now loves having me dressed up and so i basically live as a girl when im at home, my main question is how to find shoes in my size im a size 12-13 mens but in a test i did with my gf i almost fit a size 11 womans and from what i find when i search it soooooo expensive to buy shoes that would fit, any advice would be so helpful.
Thank you, Mikala
I GUESS I AM THE FIRST TO REPLY TO YOUR WELL WRITTEN BLOG/MESSAGE....IT IS SAID THAT THE WORLD REALLY TRIES TO CHANGE YOU INTO SOMETHING YOUR NOT OR DESIRE TO BE IN ANY FASHION OF THE WORD....I HAVE BEEN A CD SINCE THE AGE OF NINE & MY PASTOR MADE ME THROW OUT ALL OF MY FEMININE CLOTHES & REALLY COULD USE A FEW THINGS IN A SIZE 28.....I FEEL PERHAPS CROSSDRESSERS CAN DO SOMETHING FOR US POOR CD'S OUT HERE BEGGING FOR CLOTHES THAT NOBODY IS GOING TO GIVE, I HAVE BEEN TRYING FOR YEARS & IT HAS BEEN A PURE STRUGGLE, THE ONLY THING IS I WANT TO CROSDRESS MORE NOW THEN EVER BECAUSE I HAVE NO CLOTHES...........
I GUESS I AM THE FIRST TO REPLY TO YOUR WELL WRITTEN BLOG/MESSAGE....IT IS SAID THAT THE WORLD REALLY TRIES TO CHANGE YOU INTO SOMETHING YOUR NOT OR DESIRE TO BE IN ANY FASHION OF THE WORD....I HAVE BEEN A CD SINCE THE AGE OF NINE & MY PASTOR MADE ME THROW OUT ALL OF MY FEMININE CLOTHES & REALLY COULD USE A FEW THINGS IN A SIZE 28.....I FEEL PERHAPS CROSSDRESSERS CAN DO SOMETHING FOR US POOR CD'S OUT HERE BEGGING FOR CLOTHES THAT NOBODY IS GOING TO GIVE, I HAVE BEEN TRYING FOR YEARS & IT HAS BEEN A PURE STRUGGLE, THE ONLY THING IS I WANT TO CROSDRESS MORE NOW THEN EVER BECAUSE I HAVE NO CLOTHES...........
It took a long time for me to find out why I wasn't accepted by so many different groups. I never got the hang of conform or your out. I even believed there must be something wrong with me. Turns out I was just an individual with non-conforming lifestyle. Now I just enjoy being me and if I am accepted on a certain level thats fine. I don"t have to be part of the group, just a traveller in life.
It took a long time for me to find out why I wasn't accepted by so many different groups. I never got the hang of conform or your out. I even believed there must be something wrong with me. Turns out I was just an individual with non-conforming lifestyle. Now I just enjoy being me and if I am accepted on a certain level thats fine. I don"t have to be part of the group, just a traveller in life.
