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Dressing Age-Appropriate?

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(@Fatima Abrams-Cohen)
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Dressing Age-Appropriate

A wise, cross-dressing psychiatrist once wrote (with apologies to Oscar Wilde):

"The only thing worse than being viewed as a sex object, is NOT being viewed as a sex object."

Amen to that, Sisters.

I understand that most of us dressers just want to go out and get our errands/events done en femme, in public, and not get hassled. Of course, a lot of us want to be noticed by others though, but in a good way. I appreciate making some heads turn, I really do, and 'cuz I'm partial to long, blonde hair, I may get more looks. Do the clothes make the woman? I think there is a split responsibility: between the woman herself, how she is dressed, and how she moves in public; all three conspire to create an image that is either good, bad, or indifferent. Personally, I want to create a good image that others may enjoy as much as I do.

As far as dressing age-appropriate is concerned, I say that's a certain measure of crapola. My prescription is: dress how you feel and enjoy it. I do not agree with age-appropriate dress codes that some sites/advisors try to force on people and that because I'm mature in age, I should "dress like a spinster school-marm"; no way. I let the mirror tell me what it thinks (and my wife, who always says my skirts are too short, to which I tell her, I don't have any long skirts). As long as you toe the line of community standards and don't look obscene, it is OK in my books.

Short, colourful skirts (I have a couple that are REALLY short) look gorgeous to me over pantyhose, and I have noticed the guys like 'em and the cis-women hate 'em. Chuckle. And I don't think that makes me a chucklehead for saying so.

That brings me to acceptance. As I have read elsewhere, some feel that women are still second-class citizens and men are bred to "maintain the patriarchy" (good Lord!) even today; I think that is a crock o'you-know-what. Women are pretty well respected these days and this is not 1835 any more (well, perhaps they could start dressing better though, but so could men, but improving dressing standards is for another day). Some say we cross-dressers are frowned upon because women in general are frowned upon, but frankly I don't see that here in Western Canada. I doubt it is much different in the UK, Deutschland or the good old USA. In fact, other dressers I know, say they are often treated better in public presenting as women. So there!

It is just fun to look pretty and be safe in public and let's face it, in our culture, women are the attractive ones, if they dress nicely. Men in a tux or a nice suit look splendid, but there sure ain't any colour and I love colours—as do most of us who dress en femme. Of course, I am speaking of general social conditions in public places. We all know there can be jerks out there and I say to any woman or CD, get yourself some self-defence training, it will never hurt. Until next time.

Cheers, gentle ladies.

Fatima

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15 Replies
Lady
(@harriette)
Joined: 2 years ago

Illustrious Member     Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 4018

While at home, I can dress pretty much the way that I want, at least when I don't want to irritate my wife. It is too hot in our apartment most of the time to want to dress fully covered up and miniskirts and shorts are now my normal attire here, when I can't go onto our balcony. I still have to take our neighbours into account when they can clearly see what I am wearing. 

While abroad, I am trying to blend in by dressing androgynously. Dressing age-appropriately aids in doing that, up to a point, but there is no way that I am going to look like a frumpy matron.

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Hostess
(@ab123)
Joined: 5 years ago

Illustrious Member     Surrey, United Kingdom
Posts: 3446

It's whatever you feel comfortable in and how you wear it. There are plenty of 'mature' women that dress to please themselves. Women will be critical but perhaps it's envy to some extent but also societal norms.

Go with your heart - and wardrobe and enjoy life.

 

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Duchess
(@liza4you)
Joined: 2 months ago

Estimable Member     MICHIGAN CITY, Indiana, United States of America
Posts: 73

Wonderful Fatima, just one note, you should never discard the school-mam, done up properly and in the right company it can be as stimulating as any other fetish outfit, At least that's just my opinion.....

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(@fatima)
Joined: 8 months ago

Estimable Member     Calgary, Alberta, Canada
Posts: 106

@liza4you Speaking as one who had a crush on one of my school marms I heartily agree! Thx for your comment.

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(@Fatima Abrams-Cohen)
Joined: 7 months ago

Trusted Member
Posts: 59

i am in my lower sixties. i dress what i call sexy and much younger. i love dressing to turn heads. not like a drag queen style, but like a young 20's or 30's sexy female. everyone says i have nice legs, so i like to show them off. so short skirts and miniskirts are my favorite. i also get a pedicure every month so i love open toe sandals with heels. i go out in public dressed a lot and get a lot of complements on my legs & shoes. women have a lot of nice clothes to choose from. i talk to a lot of young women and they don't dress sexy because men are jerks. they only dress nice when they are on a date or out with a group of girls. girls don't dress to impress men, they dress to look better than other women. i think that's why a lot of women date other women. i like the way i dress, but you can't please everyone. so please yourself. 

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Lady
(@harriette)
Joined: 2 years ago

Illustrious Member     Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 4018

Posted by: @Fatima Abrams-Cohen

Everyone says i have nice legs, so i like to show them off. so short skirts and miniskirts are my favorite.

There seems to be quite a few crossdressers who have nice legs.

Posted by: @Fatima Abrams-Cohen

i go out in public dressed a lot and get a lot of complements on my legs & shoes.

So far, the only compliment about my legs that I have received was from my shoe sales clerk. She said that mine were nicer than most women's legs. I believe her. 😘

Posted by: @Fatima Abrams-Cohen

girls don't dress to impress men, they dress to look better than other women. i think that's why a lot of women date other women.

I've not heard it put that way before. Interesting. 

 

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(@fatima)
Joined: 8 months ago

Estimable Member     Calgary, Alberta, Canada
Posts: 106

@prettytoes I agree for the most part. Women dress to out do other women sometimes. But I can't agree that all men are jerks. Some for sure and I decry violence against cis-women and trans-women alike. I wish it would never happen but as humans we are just not there yet. In guy mode I have always tried to treat women (whether I was lusting after them or not) with respect (and often adoration). But I realize that sometimes women get unwanted attention from men. Mind you nothing is wrong with an appreciative glance or two. Thx for the comment!

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Managing Ambassador
(@lizk)
Joined: 5 years ago

Illustrious Member     North County San Diego, California, United States of America
Posts: 3859

Age is just a number.  I wear clothes that are flattering and suit my mood.  I don't care what the fashion police have to say.

/LK

 

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(@fatima)
Joined: 8 months ago

Estimable Member     Calgary, Alberta, Canada
Posts: 106

@lizk Absolutely. Everybody is entitled to their opinion and if they don't like your outfit they are free to not look at you. Thx for the comment.

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Duchess
(@loneleycd)
Joined: 5 years ago

Famed Member     Roland, Iowa, United States of America
Posts: 2157

Thanks for the article. I prefer to dress what I call pretty, not sexy. While like a lot of us here would probably prefer to wear a dress when we go out. I do on most Sundays only. I have worn a dress to my Church since March and then feel like I can 'blend in " for the rest of the day  since there are some women that do that. 

This month we have also been out celebrating birthdays to which I have been wearing leather leggings and a cute top  and black knee high boots. 

Cassie 

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(@fatima)
Joined: 8 months ago

Estimable Member     Calgary, Alberta, Canada
Posts: 106

@loneleycd Hi Cassie. I never thought I would look even ok in a dress. So I concentrated on spandex skirts which helped to show off my legs and womanly hips. Most of them I had my tailor make for me. And short skirts do look lovely with pantyhosed nice legs and shoes or boots. But then I started buying some dresses and lo and behold SOME of them look fantastic. Others I had my tailor bring in and shorten. So now I can wear either but the skirts are still better at showing off my hips. Thx for the comment.

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(@Fatima Abrams-Cohen)
Joined: 7 months ago

Trusted Member
Posts: 59

Personally I love the skirt and cowgirl boots look, and you are definitely rocking it!

In general, I think if it makes you happy, then you should wear it, "age appropriate" be damned!

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(@fatima)
Joined: 8 months ago

Estimable Member     Calgary, Alberta, Canada
Posts: 106

@brieanne Thx Hun, it truly is such a powerful kick to dressup en femme.

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Lady
(@trixydeans)
Joined: 1 year ago

New Member     Auckland, New Zealand
Posts: 1

In my view skirts can never be to short, the only thing in life that is too short is life itself. 

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(@fatima)
Joined: 8 months ago

Estimable Member     Calgary, Alberta, Canada
Posts: 106

Yes to that Hun.

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Posts: 220
Baroness
(@dianas1960)
Reputable Member     South Central, Indiana, United States of America
Joined: 9 years ago

I agree to a point. Wearing a short skater dress while exciting is not really appropriate at my age. Wearing short dresses however is fun. I think it is more important to dress for the time and location. Wearing that ball gown to the mall just doesn't work. Unless you are trying to stand out. I always dress for the time and location. I like to shop around lunch time at the mall as I can dress in something dressier but work appropriate. Wearing a dress and heals on the weekend while fun just stands our.

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2 Replies
Duchess
(@liza4you)
Joined: 2 months ago

Estimable Member     MICHIGAN CITY, Indiana, United States of America
Posts: 73

@dianas1960 I really love the short skater dress's

 

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Baroness
(@dianas1960)
Joined: 9 years ago

Reputable Member     South Central, Indiana, United States of America
Posts: 220

@liza4you I do too but only at home Laugh Loud

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Posts: 1209
(@lauren114)
Noble Member     Delaware, United States of America
Joined: 2 years ago

I never concern myself with whether or not my clothes, etc are age appropriate.  I just wear pretty much what I want because I went through a big part of my life not doing it.  Having said that, I still try to dress to blend in on an everyday basis...just on the younger side.  I save my really flamboyant outfits for occasions when I go out.  This is when the stilettos, minidresses and dramatic makeup comes out!

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2 Replies
(@Fatima Abrams-Cohen)
Joined: 7 months ago

Trusted Member
Posts: 59

@lauren114 well said!

I have spent a lot of energy trying to get my mind to the point where I'm not concerned about what other people think of the gender of my clothes. I'm not going to undo all of  that by worrying about what they think of the age of my clothes lol.

That being said, I don't want to look like a grandmother, and I don't want to look like a teenager. But there's a lot of room in between and to me it's all fair game Smile  

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(@fatima)
Joined: 8 months ago

Estimable Member     Calgary, Alberta, Canada
Posts: 106

@brieanne Absolutely. Thx for the comment.

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Posts: 103
Duchess
(@jjorgenson)
Estimable Member     Michigan, United States of America
Joined: 1 year ago

Love the article. I think there are lines that are drawn around what is classy v trashy and that aligns with the age appropriate discussion. I just want to look good and feel good. I won't if I am self conscious about my attire.

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1 Reply
(@fatima)
Joined: 8 months ago

Estimable Member     Calgary, Alberta, Canada
Posts: 106

@jjorgenson Agreed Hun. Thx for your comment.

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Posts: 2172
 J J
Lady
(@jjandme)
Famed Member     California, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

Whike I agree there should be no dress codes, I do believe there is such a thing as age appropriate dressing.

At 66 I would look rediculous in a mini skirt, fishnets and thugh high boots. Nor do I need to dress like a spinster or schoolmarm. It is possivle to dress age appropriate and still be attractive and elegant.

I simply.pay attention to what matute ladies are wearing and choose looks similar to the ones I find classy and attractive. It really has nothing to do with being a CD, as my wife does the same and she always looks great.

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2 Replies
(@fatima)
Joined: 8 months ago

Estimable Member     Calgary, Alberta, Canada
Posts: 106

@jjandme  Yes and that is great. But lots of girls at our CD club do like to wear minskirts (me too!) and they look great. I'm the oldest I think but still enjoy being in a short skirt and pantyhose.

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Duchess
(@liza4you)
Joined: 2 months ago

Estimable Member     MICHIGAN CITY, Indiana, United States of America
Posts: 73

@jjandme Well honey just so you know I just took a look at some of your pics in your safe nice cloths and unless your looking at some other pics I personally think you would look awfully good (I didn't use hot because I understand your decorous but it would also be appropriate ) so if your only reservation is the perception through your own eyes you may want to try glasses because I just don't see the problem.. 🤓 🧐 🤩  kisses ❤️ ❤️

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Posts: 829
Lady
(@dazzler)
Noble Member     Cardiff, South Glamorgan, United Kingdom
Joined: 4 years ago

I own hundreds of skirts, it and I do mean hundreds. Only 4 or 5 of them are knee length or longer.  I do own a few full length dresses, but they are more evening wear than going out to do the shopping wear. 

If I'm going out, and if do most days, I try to dress to blend in,  but my skirts are always short. I try to go for smart/stylish. 

Wear what you like. Life is too short to not be happy in yourself. 

There are a few pics in my public photos that show my usual style. 

When around the house, I will occasionally go "typically tranny" and wear something that is fun and a bit OTT. 

Cerys

 

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Posts: 1078
Managing Ambassador
(@melodeescarlet)
Famed Member     DC/Baltimore, Maryland, United States of America
Joined: 2 years ago

@fatima *First* of all, I'm quite sure I've never heard anyone other than I use the word 'chucklehead', so right away I can tell we're kindred spirits!

As for dressing age appropriate, clearly we're in agreement here (as fellow chucklehead users, I am not surprised by this). As I repeat often, someone's reaction to you is about them and not you. I've gone out in 9" skater skirts, stocking welts quite visible, in 6" platform heels, and a very sheer top. At 54, is this age appropriate? Well, I mean, depends on who's judging, doesn't it? Luckily for me, I'm the only judge I'm worried about and quite honestly girl, I felt I was killing it. Though I did buy all my own drinks both of those nights, sooo.... 🤔 LOL

I wouldn't spend too much time on worrying about what people you don't even know might this is an appropriate look. If you look in the mirror before walking out the door and give yourself a thumbs up, then that's all you need. 🙂

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1 Reply
(@fatima)
Joined: 8 months ago

Estimable Member     Calgary, Alberta, Canada
Posts: 106

@melodeescarlet  I totally agree Melodee and thanks for your nice comment. I dress way younger usually than my 70 something years but the mirror tells me it's fine. BTW I am a huge 3 Stooges fan which definitely makes me a chucklehead just like Curly Howard!!!! Cheers

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Posts: 1839
Baroness
(@annaredhead)
Famed Member     Cornwall, United Kingdom
Joined: 11 months ago

I may be 53, but dare I say it, but after running thousands of miles I have pretty decent legs so on the rare occasion I do go out in Anna mode, I do wear a dress which is slightly above the knee. 

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Posts: 1119
Lady
(@margprodue)
Noble Member     Madison, Wisconsin, United States of America
Joined: 3 years ago

Hi Fatima, I go out often and at all hours and do keep my safety in mind.  If I'm going to the store and want to blend then it's jeans, a top and a cap.   If I'm going out for fun then it's whatever I think looks good on me and that may be a mini, a bodysuit, a bustier, a bikini or a long gown with heels.  My wife will often do a critique before I leave and make suggestions but we are usually in agreement and things are best when she says "that's hot, you rock, or that's a showstopper!  I can usually blend but just look like an older hot aunt and don't really worry what people think. Often I get complements so I figure that I'm doing OK.  Party on!  Marg

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Posts: 471
Lady
(@krisburton)
Prominent Member     The Hub City, New Jersey, United States of America
Joined: 3 years ago

I think we are all well aware of how much crossdressing can "youthen" you. With that in mind, I'd say dress to the age you perceive your femme persona to be.

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1 Reply
Duchess
(@liza4you)
Joined: 2 months ago

Estimable Member     MICHIGAN CITY, Indiana, United States of America
Posts: 73

@krisburton That might be illegal , I'm sorry I just couldn't resist that.... Kiss's 😇 😇

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Posts: 1030
Duchess
(@gracepal)
Noble Member     South Carolina, United States of America
Joined: 5 months ago

I’m with Melodee on this one. My first responsibility as a crossdresser is to please myself first. What will others think? Who cares!☺️ I see crossdressing as the ultimate vanity project. The postings I see here on CDH reinforce those thoughts daily. I know I’m an old lady. (67) Still, I try to go for cute, fun looks. Which involves short dresses. If I feel I’m pulling off the look I’ll post a few pics. It won’t last forever and when I feel I’m not achieving my goals any longer - I’ll go more “age-appropriate” then. Which probably means more covered up and “grannyish”. Eek. I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it.

That said- if I were trying to go out and mingle in public discreetly I would be in “classy mature lady” garb. Which I still have not figured out my go-to clothing choices for quite yet. I’m just too busy with babydoll dresses and pantyhose! 🥰

GP

*I like the word chucklehead at times too. (Pretty sure I picked it up from watching the 3 Stooges as a young crossdresser back in the day.) However I don’t get to utilize it very often as I’m much more exposed to the advanced version of it: The knucklehead 🤣.

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Posts: 317
(@oliviac)
Prominent Member     Sydney, New South Wales, Australia
Joined: 2 years ago

Hi Fatima. I am someone who is guilty as charged of saying in the forums here that I dress age appropriate when I go out i public. Your post has made me look at this another way. I'm more on the shy side particularly when I'm out in public as Olivia and while I want to look nice I don't want to attract too much attention. That is just me normally. I like to be just another mature lady going about her day. My legs are a bit skinny so boots any higher than ankle height look a bit funny on me. I have picked my breast size to detract attention away from how big my chest and shoulders are and I have found any low cut tops or dresses seems to bring out how big my chest is. Slacks jeans and shorter dresses seem best at hiding my lack of hips.

I have been out in public in short summer type dresses that show my legs, tailored slacks, jeans, leggins with a long top or even a summer dress as well as below the knee dresses. Thinking about it now I'm not dressing age appropriate. I'm dressing me appropriate. Dressing to my nature of not wanting to be attracting any attention and wearing fashion that works for my body. 

Thanks Fatima for that new outlook.

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Posts: 73
Duchess
(@liza4you)
Estimable Member     MICHIGAN CITY, Indiana, United States of America
Joined: 2 months ago

I Don't know, sometimes I just want to feel young, sexy and care free. I happen to be 60 and pony tails, single brad, when I feel like it. We are adults why should we limit what we feel, alone or in the company of others. we should never be ashamed of our feelings or desires. I wonder how the straights will feel when they learn there are 37 genders when the aliens start walking around, I think it will be a riot!! (never hurts to dream)

 

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Posts: 485
Lady
(@cherylt)
Prominent Member     Honesdale, Pennsylvania, United States of America
Joined: 7 months ago

Early on I dressed as sexy as I could. Partly because that was the image I saw and partly because of the sexual excitement it gave me. As time passed that dwindled as I wanted desperately to go out and be in public and knew those outfits were not going to do anything but bring unwanted attention. 

As for "age appropriate" the answer is definitely NO. I refuse to dress my age. My visage is not in line with my calendar age and therefore I dress in line with my appearance. I'm not going to be a grandma nor will I dress like one. I don't dress like a 40 year old (or less) either. My style tends to be classic, comfortable and inline with how women in my area dress. Except for being a bit above average in height you wouldn't see me standing out in a crowd wherever I go.

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Posts: 73
Duchess
(@liza4you)
Estimable Member     MICHIGAN CITY, Indiana, United States of America
Joined: 2 months ago

you got it, If I thought I could pass I wouldn't mind the attention a little.

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1 Reply
Duchess
(@liza4you)
Joined: 2 months ago

Estimable Member     MICHIGAN CITY, Indiana, United States of America
Posts: 73

or alot....

Stop that! bad gurl!!

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