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Fantasy, Reality…and My Rookie Year at Keystone
By Kris Burton
When you dress, how deeply do you immerse yourself in fantasy? Do you, like me, enjoy the illusion of duplicity and escape into scenarios where your alter ego might emerge? To some, this notion might sound a bit scary - almost like a multiple personality disorder - but I don’t find it so. I’m confident my real world self is in control of this delicate balancing act.
However, have you ever given the keys to your “psychological bus” over to your feminine persona, and let her drive for an extended period of time? I did at the recent and wonderful Keystone Conference and here’s what I discovered.
First, a little background: When I began to cross-dress actively, I found my alter ego emerged very quickly. She was a creation of my imagination embodying both the physical and personality characteristics I admired as well as femininity. She was youthful, attractive, and stylish. Some might say vain with all the picture taking, however, that’s a subject for another post. Confident, at ease with others in both small and large groups - all things that I am not. She existed in the moment, unencumbered by my own personal baggage and regrets. In my fantasy, she had all the qualities I look for in a woman, and when “she” looked back at “me” from the mirror, that is who I saw and who I desired to portray.
To heighten the illusion, I affected certain feminine mannerisms often practicing them even while in male mode. I wonder if anyone noticed. I adjusted my posture to be more erect and more confident. To walk with one foot in front of the other in more of a gliding motion. My speech was lighter, gentler, less aggressive in tone yet assertive. I paid much more attention to my appearance than I ever did as my male self. In my mind I was always Kris when communicating with my virtual online friends even while in male mode. Eventually, I ventured out into the wild - to Starbucks, the garden center, and the mall. I attracted no undue attention nor did I frighten small children. Success! As I gained confidence in my presentation it was as if at these moments my amplified, feminine side - now personified as Kris Burton - was the primary entity in charge of my psyche. These moments were brief and I always returned, albeit sometimes reluctantly, to my real world male self.
However, upon registering to attend the Keystone Conference in January of 2023, I began to feel Kris’ presence more persistently. I checked back to the site daily to be sure I wasn’t missing anything. I pondered what I would wear during the conference to which events and on which days. I bought a few new items of clothing to best present myself as Kris. My online conversations were dominated with discussions of the upcoming Keystone event. I was consumed as I was in a cloud of pink fog.
Finally, the big day arrived. I drove the three or so hours from my home to Harrisburg, in drab perhaps but in my feminine state of mind. When I arrived, I unpacked with the excitement of a musician preparing for a big performance. I got dressed, applied my makeup, checked myself in the mirror as any self-respecting diva might, confidently stepped into the hallway and into an alternate reality.
Kris Burton was in the house, and she had the wheel of the bus.
As I reflect on events of the weekend, there were at least three times when it was obvious to me which persona was in charge. The first evening I attended a trip to a local restaurant. I knew no one on this trip. My guarded male self would have been intimidated and uncomfortable at best. Not so this night. Kris mingled easily with these new ladies making for a fun evening. The next night I had dinner with a few friends in Harrisburg. Together we walked to the restaurant where we had great dinner and conversation. Significantly, walking publicly on the streets of Harrisburg in a skirt proved to be an exhilarating experience in itself. Although I have been out and about a few times, I doubt if I would have been so bold on my own. However, as Kris it was simply no problem at all. Later that evening at the dance party, and again at the gala, I mingled easily and did something that my reserved self would never even have dreamed of - I danced! My shyness and emotional baggage were checked at the door, and I - with Kris’ help - enjoyed this experience as never before.
Beyond all this though was the blending of my virtual world with the real one. Within a short time after stepping off the elevator at the Harrisburg Hilton, I would meet many of my virtual online friends. Kandi was first and welcomed me with open arms and affirmation that I indeed belonged. As it turned out that was just the beginning. Soon I would meet Alex K, Elaine, Kelly, Valerie, Marianne, Melanie and so many others from my online world. Now it was in person with real personalities and voices. Conversation flowed throughout the weekend as we shared and connected with each other on a deeper level. My virtual friendships were morphing into real friendships and my fantasy scenario was now becoming part of my reality. It doesn’t get any better than that!
I’ve been home about a week now and my male self is back in charge with balance restored. However, I have noticed some significant changes, ways in which Kris’ presence and influence is still felt. When I visit with my online friends I now see their faces and hear their voices as I read their words. These virtual friends are now my friends in real life! We have shared with each other and I’ve learned so much. I’m applying these influences and improvements to all aspects of my persona. Arrangements are being made to meet up again, and I’m looking forward to that. I did miss some things at this year’s Keystone. I wish I had taken more photos, however, my mental pictures are vivid and there is always next year. I’m looking forward to it already. My dress for the gala is already in my Amazon cart. When it is time to return, Kris will get the keys to the bus again.
As it turns out, she’s a very good driver!
Thank you so very much for taking the time to read my article. If you have a little spare time, feel free to send in a response to my article or one of the questions noted below:
- Have you been to a Keystone event yet and if you have, what were a few of your personal highlights of the Keystone you attended?
- Did you meet many friends you had exchanged conversations with at Crossdresser Heaven or any other cross-dressing site you may be a member of?
- Where did you go on your very first public appearance while cross-dressed and was it a positive or negative experience for you?
I look forward to any of your responses.
Sincerely, Kris
Great posting Kris and can relate to your views of getting into ones feminine character and leaving the male persona at the door. Havent been to Keystone but other cd gathering like it and always had a wonderful time after the first day and meeting up with others. One could say multiple personalities but I enjoy the thrill of enjoying all my feminine mannerisms, speech, and walk. Relating to others now as debbie is really more exciting than donning a new dress or outfit. Thanks for sharing your insights sis
Thank you Deborah, glad you enjoyed the article. Clearly you recognize that as exciting as taking on your feminine persona can be, moving from that fantasy into reality and relating to others is an experience not to be missed.
Kris, a nice informative, enlightening, and for me, an inspiration on your experience at Keystone… unfortunately, I had to cancel at the last minute but your article was what I had envisioned for my attending Keystone ‘23 especially meeting “my CDH virtual friends” and making “real friendships”. It touched me deeply that my CDH friends were disappointed that I couldn’t attend… we are a special kind of “family” here at CDH and thank you all for your support and friendship..
Leonara’s first public experience was attending a tg/cd friendly party on L.I. it was an amazingly positive experience thanks to Terri and the ladies who made me feel so welcomed…. That experience and encouragement from ladies here set the stage for me to attend Keystone..
thank you again, Kris for taking the time to write your article….Warmest regards, Leonara
Thank you Leonara, glad you enjoyed the article. I'm sorry that you missed this years' Keystone, it was a blast. There will be next year though, and I hope you can attend. It's on my list for sure!
What an enjoyable read and a great insight into how you were feeling at Keystone. I know how much you were looking forward to it and it makes me happy to see that it lived up to your expectations. It sounds like you had a fabulous time and my only regret is that I coudnt be there to join you in this adventure. I would have loved to see you driving the bus and Im sure you would have made me a welcome passenger - maybe next year.
Anyway dearest friend. I really enjoyed your article and thanks for sharing this wonderful episode of your life as Kris Burton. Looking forward to reading a lot more about her journey in that bus.
Take care and lots of hugs
Elliexxxxx
Thank you so much Ellie! I'll tell you more in detail when we get the chance to chat. Now that I know my way around a little better,next year should be even better. I certainly wish you could join us, and it really made me smile to think that it might be a consideration for you next year. , That would make next years Keystone even more spectacular!
All the best my friend
Kris ❤
What a great article kris! I'm so glad you were able to attend and that we got to know each other! I agree more pics next year!
Thank you Alex - and it surely was great to get to know as well. Seeing the great pics others have taken has given me ideas. Be sure to hold me to it next year - maybe a session by the riverfront!
Kris I loved reading about your experience with Keystone. No I have never been to one but the gathering of CD’s sounds wonderful. Personally your story has drawn me into the fantasy of being Kaitlyn and suddenly having the feminine voice that has always been in my mind but always comes out of my lips like Mrs. Doubtfire! For that I’m truly jealous of you for doing that. I’ve have ventured out to a nail salon and then PF Changs for a glass of wine and a little bite to eat before rushing home to return to my male drab. Kris you are so brave. Any advice you could give me regarding what you heard in the voices of your friends. Did everyone sound feminine? Any advice for me on how to feminize my voice? Love, Hugs & Kisses
Thank you Kaitlyn! Yes, an experience like Keystone is one not to be missed. Among the group that I mentioned we didn't talk about voice much, and the quality of our femme voice was no issue for any of us there, so don't let that stop you. Doing it requires a lot of work some say its the hardest part. I can do it in short bursts, hardly conversant. Check out You Tube on the subject - lots of info there.
Hi Kris, thanks for putting into words the experience that everyone feels when going to Keystone. This was my second year to go to it. Like you, my first year was pretty much the same. This second trip was even better, as I now had several friends that i would know as soon as I hit the front door.
Thank you Roberta! Since you've been to Keystone I know you know what I'm talking about. I'm looking forward to next year already, for the same reasons you have!
Thank you so much Jennifer - on several levels!
Kris, I truly enjoyed reading your article, I only wish that I could have been there. What fun to finally put faces to those we meet online and to spend real time with them, not just a few minutes on a keyboard. I do hope that my day will come that I too can meet you in person at a gathering like Keystone.
Thank you Sherri - I'm glad yu enjoyed the article. Somehow, meeting the persons behind the words make it all very real and that much more wonderful. Keystone is a bit of a hke for you from Montana, but do hope you can make it sometime. Meanwhile, check your messages.
Dear Kris, I did read both your articles with much joy and amusement. You have catched the essence of your topic in a light and playful way, yet hinted at the deeper consequences that can often be life altering for better or worse. Being a late bloomer is far from unheard of and may as you note even be beneficial in some aspects.
As for myself I adopted an identity of a girl in disguise at latest in my my first school year at age six. I was blissfully unaware of the existence of trans persons and the general view upon them by the public and medical science of the time do as long as I did no harm to myself or others I did nothing wrong in my own eyes and had nothing to regret. A few years later, probably at 11 or twelve, I started secretly wearing some skirts and dresses my mother had saved from her younger days during the Hippie era and still had hanging in the far back of her closet even though she surely knew she would never fit into them again. I never told anyone and somehow avoided getting caught barehanded though I continued dressing in her clothes all through my upbringing.
At 30 I married a younger woman of almost exactly the same size and general body shape and as could be expected I soon was into her clothes. Now I understood it could be devastating if she found out by accident and so I came out to her about two years into the marriage. She took it quite well but had no desire to participate or share her clothes with me. What I did in the solitude of a hotel room on my many trips away for work she said she did not care about. I took this as a green light to buy my own set of female clothing as long as I did not show it in her face. Had we realised that in a few years my wardrobe would exceed hers by an order of magnitude the discussion would perhaps have ended differently.
For many years I was content with just being able to dress myself as a woman now and then but there had always been a part of me wanting to go further. In the summer of 2014 I bought myself a female wig as I came upon a wig shop by chance visiting Stockholm. As the fall turned into an early winter I found myself alone for work in a rural small town I knew fairly well from my highschool years and suddenly decided to go out for dinner en femme. I set myself at work with doing the best transformation I could manage and then set off in the deep new fallen snow. Now I did not find a restaurant to my liking so I finally ended up walking into a supermarket, buying some food I could take with me and prepare in my room. It was really a rush finding out that no-one realised or cared that the woman in the burgundy skirt wasn't all woman! In a few weeks going out as Marianne turned into a regular thing and I stopped even consciously thinking of how I was dressed once I was out the door.
I think I first heard about Keystone and other similar conferences and events during my first year at CDH in 2017. Most likely it was through the articles written by Cynthia (the original Cyn) or Skippy as she's also known as. I dreamt about being able to attend such a gathering but cost and family obligations made it highly unlikely. Then in late 2022 I got a message from a friend on CDH offering me a ride from New York and free share of a room at the Harrisburg Hilton if I could make the trip over the Atlantic Ocean and the conference fee for Keystone. I told my wife about it, expecting resistance, but to my surprise she readily agreed. So off I went and the rest is already history. It was truly wonderful to be there and meet all those people, some of whom I had known for six years of on-line interactions only. I only wish I could have managed more and stayed longer but as many of you know I am limited from 11 years of Parkinson's disease and had to retreat to our room to rest now and then. I hope I will be able to return but if this was my one and only chance I am still happy I made it.
Ellen Marianne Tornander
Nordic Ambassador for Crossdresser Heaven and Transgender Heaven
Thank you Marianne, glad you enjoyed the article, and it certainly was good to meet you at Keystone. . It's good to see your backstory too, very different from my own but linked in the joy we experience in our activity. I hadn't realized it was your first Keystone also, and I'm glad you enjoyed it as much as I did. I hope you can get go again in the future, just beware the jet lag!
Hi Kris. I'm technically a rookie in the Keystone League, but not really a rookie at all. I have been going out over 13 years, and attended the Empire Conference in Albany, NY in 2013, the last year of its existance.
I did meet some new CDH friends at Keystone, but also met with some friends I knew from another group. Some highlights for me were the CDH meetup, reconnecting with my friends I hadn't seen in a few years, getting some gorgeous photos taken by Diane Crow, and meeting Savannah Hauk.
While I drove home once or twice several hours from Maryland to New Jersey after my daughters were in a marching band competition (they were staying overnight, and my wife (now ex) would be sleeping when I got home), I consider my first trip out in September 2009. After getting my first makeover and photos en femme at a transformation place, I went out to dinner at the local diner with the woman who did my transformation. I later attended many parties in her home and other events with her. (She was presenting at the Empire conference which is why I went.)
I'm glad you enjoyed my article Alison. As I point out, I'm going to try to do MUCH more with photos next time I did meet and attend the workshops Diane taught, and met her and talked to her at the dinner later on. She's great, personally and professionally. l'll definitely utilize her services next time - and I hope we can meet next time too.
What a wonderful story. It was my first time at Keystone also. I have been out as Krista a couple of times but this was such a Amazing experience. I already can not wait to attend next year . I plan on enjoying more of the nightlife next time for sure
Thank you Krista - and I feel likewise. I have never been a nightlife person, but it looks like Kris is, and I enjoyed the bith the nightlife and socializing part immensely. I'll bet you will too...let's be sure to meet next time!
Rookie and you hit it out of the park! I envy you and everyone who attends these events. One of these days!
Gwyn
Thank you Gwyneth - I'm glad you enjoyed the article. It was a terrific experience, and I hope you can attend some day too. I plan on going back as much as i can - so look for me if you go!
Kris what a beautiful story and I fully understand how our alter ego can begin to take over many nights I have come home and just look into the mirror and see this lovely lady and don't want to go back to drab but reality always wins out thanks for your report on Keystone must try to get to one LOL
Thank you Jeanette - I know you can relate to what I'm talking about, and at Keystone you get to let your persona take over for a while. I'm sure you would enjoy it thoroughly!
What a wonderful story! I have never been to Keystone, but am hoping to attend next year. Thanks so much for the report.
Thank you Jaynee - I'm glad you like the article. I hope you can attend next years event, I'm sure you'll enjoy it. If you do, look for me - I intend to go back again and again!
