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If I think back to my early cross-dressing in secret and the feelings which accompanied those short sessions—which always seemed to be followed by a sense of guilt, denial and 'is this right?'—I wonder if I was wrong not to be more open with myself at the time and to try to let Stephanie out, rather than waiting until now; but attitudes weren't so relaxed then. Dressing-up sessions were rare, with the emphasis afterwards being on suppression and purging, until sometime later, when I would repeat the experience.
I did that for so many years, then, as I approached a milestone birthday, something in me changed. I wanted and decided to have one memory of Stephanie which I thought would enable me to close that secretive chapter completely: I booked a dressing service and took the plunge—for the experience and to see what feelings resulted.
The session was lovely, once I had again overcome the guilt and denial about what I was doing, and resulted in a number of photographs—which I promptly saved, hid, and occasionally viewed. Looking at the images afterwards, I had no feelings of regret or guilt, but a new-found determination that made me accept that Stephanie was, and should be, part of me and my make up.
After a period of time, Stephanie wanted to be free and coming out to my wife was a major step, as was joining this community. I used one of the images from that first dressing session for Stephanie’s profile.
How does Stephanie feel now? Well more confident, relaxed, and when dressed: joyful. Stephanie is now on a journey and there is still lots to learn. She is a part of me, although not there all the time, so I am now comfortable that I have laid to rest the negative feelings from those early days.
There is one other feeling I now have and that is gratitude:
Firstly, for the person who helped me in that original dressing session—for bringing Stephanie out.
Secondly, for my understanding wife—although she and Stephanie have had to agree one or two boundaries.
Thirdly, and importantly, for this community, with its members who offer both support and inspiration. It is that contribution which gives Stephanie the confidence to journey forwards.
So I am now pleased to have found acceptance and can say that when Stephanie is out she does feel great! 😊
I guess I am also saying, and I have read similar here, that we are special as individuals and should live as we wish to live and be happy we do so providing no harm is done.
Sorry this article is a bit self-centred but if anybody does read this, I thank you for taking the time to hear my story so far.❤️
Love Stephanie B xx
@stephaniec63 Hey Stephanie. How wonderful for you. Your journey is definitely heading in the right direction. Several things here resonate with me. And the most important doesn't 😢. My experiences have been so seldom but I'm glad to say that I've never experienced the guilt shame purge phase. I'm comfortable with my inner girl. And again, the two professional makeovers I've had have been life-changing for me. I regularly revisit my pics.
Where I differ is that I'm extremely closetted. My wife has no idea. I do agree that the support of the girls here is inspirational. I don't know how I'd cope without the love I feel here. Wishing you every success in your continuing and exciting journey hun.
Hugs, Chrissie xx.
While it hasn't been as strong as it was in the past, I have also dealt with the guilt surrounding a lot of this (I tend to refer to it as "the descent").
I also have to remind myself when I feel regret over not having embraced Kathe sooner, that my feelings weren't the same back then.
I have not come out to people accept online and I don't feel the need particularly, and I am confused why. I have read your story quite a lot and realised over the last few years that a key thing is the same but other facts perhaps differ. The one thing that we do is accept ourselves as different from average I think. I felt that guilt when younger! I past a round number in 2023.
The great ability to love yourself is important, and middle aged, not caring what others think is a very common theme here with everyone, not just about crossdressing or realisation there is this female side that is very real. It seems we cannot jump to a greater self understanding quickly in life.
Back to the start, speaking for myself, I don't feel the need to find acceptance I believe. I think its dangerous to tell people. Saying you are this other female name and dress as a female is going to be a shocker. Intelligently done to trusted people is important at the right time. A bit like being outspoken to someone you know well out of the blue shakes their view of you, the same way if you suddenly appear different. And I think we all make choices about that and how we feel about being open, that's called caring about that person that they need to fully see all of your world. But that is where we are different, all of us are from different backdrops. But I am always impressed by the bravery of people such as you! I think males are under such pressure to conform way more than women to dress and act differently. Women have way more to put right about society though, and we need to help them on a noble cause. But our male struggle to let our other sides out is quite an odd one I feel, but part of a fairer society.
I don't dress as Sarah outside but she comes out in my little ways I think as a man, and I am perhaps noticeably keen of tight clothing for certain activities. I wonder if we just look and respond to everything differently where we obviously express our clothing ways anyway leaving people to wonder? Its nice carrying Sarah inside, she just makes me realise I am just human and not straightforward which is fine. She just happens to have a very definite male look but inside it is different. I think when I get a makeover, things will change again.
Sorry that is deep and analytical!
Sxx
Thank you for sharing the article, Stephanie! I don't view this as self centered but a very open, supportive note to help all in the community with the emotions that we all may encounter at various times. I love the self acceptance and not hiding it. There are degrees for all of us. I don't want to be out to the world at all times but am greatly appreciating the support of my wife so I don't feel I am sneaking around or hiding this. It just isn't everyone's business. That is how I feel but as you pointed out and others, there is a range. I have been helped by so many self less ladies like you that have openly shared their journey. Thank you!!
A lovely ending to your story Stephanie. I am so glad that you have found happiness. Thank you for sharing with us ❤️
Hugs, Wendy xx
I agree, it is not selfcentered, but just an open expression of how you feel, and that is a good thing. One of the best things about this community is we get to open up and express ourselves in ways that is hard to do outside of this forum. We have all, or mostly all, had similar feelings and confusions about our dressing. It is such a nice, and healthy feeling when we confront those feelings and come to accept ourselves for what we are...normal people who just enjoy dressing en femme.
I enjoy dressing on so many levels from just a bit of underdressing to going out fully en femme, and everything in between. I have given up on the "why" or feelings of guilt, and just enjoy the sensations of things femme.
Stephanie, your story seems more universal than self-centered. You are recounting life events than so many of us here have experienced. I am happy to see that you have finally emerged from the darkness to step into the light.
Once you truly accept who you really are, life gets much better. I'm so glad you have reached that point.
@d44 I've long accepted who I am and I feel so alive but I still don't feel fulfilled as I'm yet to take it as far as I can x
Stephanie,
Thank you for expressing your feelings so well that echo many of my own.
Dee
Love this. I can relate so much. I spent decades feeling guilt and shame imposed by a strict religious upbringing. I'm in a much better state now with self acceptance and it's been truly life changing. Good for you!
Your story and experience I believe falls into what a lot of us has experienced along with memories. You just been able to take it to the next step and level along with an understanding wife that is awesome. Some of us don’t have such an understanding, wife and family and that the only way I would be able to take the next step is to get rid of everything i’ve worked hard for all my life ,along with my wonderful family. i’ve had in the past and start all over. I am definitely not complaining I would never want to give up my wife and family to be Darlene , That would be selfish of me , (maybe one day the opportunity will come along and Darlene will be able to come out and play and be myself and Darlene could be free, but until then I do love to hear your stories, and I live my life through your words and others and there stories ,thank you for sharing, and I think you all for always being so kind and the opportunity to be able to listen and share and then I consider you all family and some of my closest friends. Thank you.,❤️🌹
