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Finally got the courage to tell a family member that I'm a CD!

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Posts: 44
 Ally
Lady
Topic starter
(@shyally58)
Trusted Member     Johnstown, Pennsylvania, United States of America
Joined: 8 years ago
wpf-cross-image

Hi there everyone. I know I haven't been really active on the site, but I had to share this experience with you all.

I've kept my dressing a secret from friends and family my entire life out of fear of their rejection and being cast aside. Because of this, although I am bisexual and have had my share of chances, I've never shared my fondness for dressing with anyone other than online. I've never gone out in public fully dressed, although I've worn my femme clothing under my drab male clothing at times. I'm about to turn 62 now and for the past several months I've been struggling with the need to open myself up and share this side of me, so about a month ago I decided to call and try to talk to my youngest sister. I started at the beginning, telling her about my first time dressing as a girl for Halloween when we were younger and an incident that happened a little after that. She listened for a minute and casually changed the subject, so I never really got to say anything more before we said goodbye and hung up. I felt more nervous and frustrated than I've ever been, wondering if she just didn't want to hear it, or worse yet, that she was disgusted with me; I haven't heard from her since.

I still felt the need to speak with someone in my family, so I started paying closer attention to things family members would post on FB to see who I thought would be easy to talk to. A week ago, I decided to reach out to a cousin who has been actively supporting and documenting the cause of racial justice. I contacted her and asked if she could call me sometime when she had at least an hour free to talk and was thrilled when she called later that evening. I told her I had something I needed to share with her and I hoped it would not affect what she thought of me. She "You have nothing to fear here, I love you and always would no matter what it is, so just take your time and tell me." I started crying a bit and she noticed, saying "Look cuz, don't you cry and get me started too, I love you too much to hear you hurting like this. Take a deep breath and take your time, we've got all night to talk." And so we did, I told her everything from how it all started to how I have come to peace with both my male and female sides and how much I enjoy them both. She told me that she was honored and proud that she was the one I chose to tell, and that she still loved me very much and promised that she would not break my confidence. Not only that, we began making plans for me to visit, she wants to help me learn how to apply makeup and help me get comfortable enough to take me out for a 'girl's night' out. I'm super nervous, but at the same time I'm looking really forward to being my female self in public for the first time. I could not have been blessed with a better outcome.

Thanks for taking the time to read my personal article.

Sincerely, Ally

Now please take a few moments to send in either a response to my article or an answer to one or more of the questions I've posed to you below:

  • Have you ever shared your secretly held thrill of cross dressing with one or more of your immediate or extended family members and if so, how did the initial sharing of that news with a family member go? Was the family member accepting and supportive or just the opposite?
  • Have you ever shared your thrill of cross dressing with anyone outside your immediate or extended family and how did your sharing of your news with that person or people go?
  • How long did you keep the secret of your thrill of cross dressing all to yourself before you let the first person know about your cross dressing or are you still staying totally in the proverbial cross dressing closet with plans of soon coming out of that closet?

 

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23 Replies
1 Reply
(@cdashley)
Joined: 4 years ago

Noble Member     Oshawa, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 1300

@shyally58 Yes I have shared my secret. First person was my wife. Then after a year or so I came out to my sister, sister in law and her daughter ( my niece) . They all took it really well and and have been super supportive. Shortly after that I came out to my female boss and female doctor. My counsellor thought I should tell my doctor so I took her advice and let her know.  My boss , well she took it as a honour let I’d share such a huge secret with her and has been great. She loves looking at my photos and has made many positive comments on my outfits , my legs and very supportive of me going out in public.  She told me if I want to come out at work that she would do everything in her power to make it easier for me.

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Posts: 1905
Duchess
(@loneleycd)
Noble Member     Roland, Iowa, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

Ally, I love all these stories of coming out to others. I posted yesterday of how I have now come out to almost half my family. To 2 of my 4 brothers and 4 nieces so far. The response so far is it's ok and you just need to be you. I even got a big hug from one niece who told me she would have my back!
All the great girls here at CDH, every ones stories have been a huge help. The other big push for me was when I accidentally let my X see and I came clean with her. Her first response was to tell my 3 grown kids. She also threatened to tell the rest of my family. at that point I decided WTF and embraced my fem side more and started to tell others at my own pace. All this has worked for the best in my CD life. In many ways I am happier with my life than I've been in years.
Sandy

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1 Reply
 Ally
Lady
(@shyally58)
Joined: 8 years ago

Trusted Member     Johnstown, Pennsylvania, United States of America
Posts: 44

Hi Sandy,

It's nice to know families can actually be supportive, especially given the actions of your X. I'm sorry you had to deal with that confrontation, and I commend you for your response to it. It's always been my biggest fear that if I shared my femme side with anyone, that they would do that very same thing.

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Posts: 19
Duchess
(@ladoll)
Eminent Member     Los Angeles, California, United States of America
Joined: 4 years ago

Hi Ally! It's ironic that I chose to read your post on the subject of coming out to family and friends! Just yesterday I told my oldest daughter and my older sister and an ex girlfriend! It all went really well, all nothing but positive comments from each of them.
My daughter was especially understanding and very happy I told her. My sister was a little surprised but she quickly got past it. The ex gf was also fine with it although she didn't much care for my fem name which is very close to hers LoL. They all loved the pics that I sent as well. The reason I decided to share with them at this particular time is because my Mom just passed away not more than a week ago. I wanted very much to tell her but obviously I never got the chance. She passed away somewhat unexpectedly, sadly she took a fall in the middle of the night and hit her head. Anyhow, I figured before I let anymore time pass I should tell my sister then I told my daughter and the ex gf.

I have told many people about Christine over the past year and a half(all GG's). I started dressing again after a very long hiatus and I vowed to myself I would never push Christine out of my life like I had in the past ever again. I don't feel the need to tell any of my male friends, they wouldn't understand anyhow. I feel pretty good about coming out to everyone I've told although there have been a couple negative reactions but the positive far outweigh the negative!

That's it hun! Congrats on telling your cousin! Sounds like she's is a very special person! Hold her dear and good luck with everything!

XOXO Christine

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1 Reply
 Ally
Lady
(@shyally58)
Joined: 8 years ago

Trusted Member     Johnstown, Pennsylvania, United States of America
Posts: 44

Hello Christine,

Thank you for your reading my post. I am sorry to hear about your mother, I understand that feeling as I lost my mother to Alzheimer's a little over a year ago. I have yet to find the courage to tell any other family members since talking with my cousin, but hopefully that will change.

I have never pushed my femme side out of my life, but have kept it very private and only dress when I'm alone at home. My X knew but wasn't very encouraging about it. Since our divorce I've been able to freely enjoy being Ally every day at home.

Yes, my cousin is a very special person. She's a fantastic photographer and has recently been documenting the BLM protests. She's a kind, caring, and empathetic person who I'm proud to be related to. That's why I finally felt comfortable with confiding in her. I can't wait to be able to visit and have her help me learn how to apply makeup, I've been searching for someone to help with that for a long time.

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Posts: 71
(@Rozalyne Richards)
Trusted Member
Joined: 6 years ago

Hi Ally thanks for sharing your story with us x
I'm still in the closet to all my family and friends i don't think i will ever have the courage to come out to my family,
I've been dressing for most of my life since i was about 8 or 9 years old,
I stopped for a while and got married like a lot of people i always thought i was the only one who liked to wear womens clothes,
But in the last 10 to 15 years my desire to dress as Rozalyne as intensefide it's as if my feminine side is taking over,
With this lock down I've not been able to dress up as often as possible i seem to only be able to snatch an hour or two now and again x
Hugs Rozalyne x

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Posts: 1703
(@dlgeb275)
Noble Member     niagara falls, ny., New York, United States of America
Joined: 9 years ago

I never came out to any one that i x dress. but for Halloween I asked my niece if she could help me dress up as a female. her reply was sure she would love to. so i took my female stuff to her house, got dressed up in bath room. she did my make up and lip stick, put on perfume, she put on my ear rings. did my face up really well, then she said to me have a great time and i look pretty as a female. went down stairs were family members were waiting to see me dressed up pretty. I went out to my truck walking in heels and I loved the sound of it. went home and passed out candy. my wife knows of my x dressing and lets me dress up when no other adult child is home but she will not see me or help with make up. my daughter knows I dress up as a female for she seen a pic of me dressed up, she told mom its his body not hers, I have been very careful with our 23 year old being home and I think he seen me taking off my bra one day when he walked into his room. I did not hear him walk by. I have to be more careful with our 23 year old being home. I love dressing up in female cloths, better fit and lots of design clothing, fabric, make up and different kinds of perfume, ear rings of all kind, color of nylons. why should real woman have this kind of assortment and we don't real woman do not wear dresses', skirts nylons, ear rings and make up no more, they wear manly looking clothing so why can't we wear female cloths and show who pretty the clothing looks again

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Posts: 853
(@trishl989)
Prominent Member     Bury, GreaterManchester, United Kingdom
Joined: 4 years ago

Hi Ally, I recently admitted to myself that I'm a cd. One day when I was visiting a my Best friend(also ex) I woke up and for some reason I had to tell her about it. She had all the usual questions, I answered them and we just got on with the day.

The next day I went to see my family. My mum could tell I was holding something in. Tried to pretend I was just tied after work, she saw right though it. Told her that night, then my sister. The scariest person to tell was my dad was shaking soo much, but with a little encouragement I did it. He was joking about it after a minute or two. Guess I'm lucky to have such a sopportive family.
Still haven't told my bio dad and not planning to, he's too religious. Don't want to ruin the relationship.

Love Trish

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Posts: 1063
Lady
(@trailgirl)
Noble Member     Missouri, United States of America
Joined: 4 years ago

Great article! The timing, and your questions have come at an interesting time for me. I have always been open with my wife. Before we got married, even before we were engaged, I told her I was a lesbian in a male body. 9 years later, I asked her what she thought about the possibility of me underdressing. Not a problem. Ten years of underdressing 24/7 went by. A couple months ago, I began planning to crossdress at a cosplay convention and Pride Fest with my daughter. That’s when the pink fog started creeping in. I wanted to do more. About a month ago, I asked my daughter how she would feel about me crossdressing at home and she loved the idea. I told my wife about the conversation with my daughter and wanted to know what she thought. It was fine but she didn’t want to go out in public with me if I was dressed in case there were rude comments or anything. I told her that I didn’t plan to go out except for those two events anyway. Then the pink fog hit me like a big pink Cadillac. I quickly revised my response and said that I did want to go public but I was fine if she didn’t want to go out with me.

Now I am on the cusp of taking the big leap. Sometime within the next two weeks I will go out full femme. As I have been barreling closer to the big day, I have been thinking about sharing my crossdressing and gender fluidity to my sister and a few good friends. I probably will tell my sister before too long but definitely not my brother or parents. And this weekend I am going to tell a female friend that I trust. The only other person that currently knows outside my immediate family is a friend of several years now (and possibly his wife). This friend knows because I discovered that she was a member here already and I recognized her photos. I constantly think about coming out to more people but it’s not quite time for me. Once I start dressing in my hometown, invariably, someone could recognize me and the cat will be out of the bag. I’ll deal with that when the time comes.

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Posts: 2485
Baroness
(@amylove2dress)
Famed Member     South Western Ontario, Ontario, Canada
Joined: 5 years ago

Ally, I was so glad to read your article. I'm glad it well with your niece, and it sounds like with her help you will be making a lot of progress.

I am an only child, and my parents and other close relatives are all gone now, though I do have adult children. My wife knows and is very supportive and I really want to tell my children, but my wife doesn't want me too, so I respect her wishes of course.
For many many years only my wife knew about my fondness for women's wear, and I was totally closeted. Till 2-3 years ago that is, when the urge became much stronger.
I went through a period of confusion as to what was happening to me, also my wife was rather disconcerted about this too. Finding CDH was a great help to us as well.
So we have now both come to grips with, and are at peace with my feminine side. Since then the circle of people in the know has widened considerably in the past couple of years, and I expect it will continue to do so.
That said, I have not had a bad reaction at all, so many are very very happy for me.
I must add that I am not leaning towards trans, but seem to be happy as gender fluid.

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Posts: 296
Duchess
(@elguapo)
Reputable Member     The Villages, Florida, United States of America
Joined: 9 years ago

Ally - Enjoyed your post. Well written and informative. Thanks for sharing. I have come out to my wife of course, and several of our friends and neighbors in a previous location. But like you I was careful who I chose to share with. Parents (in their 90's), siblings, and children do not know.

This summer I was visiting with my son, an Air Force Captain. There was a time in his 20's I thought he was gay, but he married a lovely lady so guess not. However, many of their best friends are gay or lesbian (also service members - Air Force seems to be very tolerant). One evening we were talking about his friends and he said some of then dress in drag and go to gay bars. So I casually pulled out my phone, pulled up a picture of Elaine and showed him. A few seconds of awkward silence then said "very cool. You're sorta cute." I am sure he told his sisters shortly after that so now the next step is to talk with them. Their generation is more accepting than mine so may never come out to my siblings - they are all very religious (two ministers) so are very judgmental.

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Posts: 907
Baroness
(@revel)
Noble Member     Minnesota, United States of America
Joined: 4 years ago

Thank you sharing, Ally! Your article was touching and well done.

Back in 2018, I first shared with a good friend of mine that I’m a CD. This was about four months after I started cross-dressing. He was okay with it and promised to keep it a secret. I kept being a CD secret from my Father for over two years, but on Halloween night this year, I finally had the courage to dress up as a woman, and reveal to him that I’m a CD. It all went perfectly and my “Daddy” has acceptance in his heart to this day! Our bond is inseparable. I recently typed up an article that should be published soon about this. Keep an eye out for it. I really want to help my CD sisters here at Crossdresser Heaven with advice and direction.

You handled it very well with your cousin, and it will help you relax more and bring you two closer together. Congratulations, sister!

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Posts: 142
Lady
(@missdaisy)
Estimable Member     SP, Brazil
Joined: 5 years ago

Thank you for sharing this story, Ally.

In my case, only few people know about Daisy, including my therapist and the drag queen that stores my girly stuff.

I think it’s gonna be a hard experience for me when telling to parents or family, especially considering what they have already stated about LGBT people. While I’m doing hidden moves towards a move out of the closet, I’m unsure what may happen.

xoxo
Daisy

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Posts: 71
(@Rozalyne Richards)
Trusted Member
Joined: 6 years ago

Hi Ally, Thank you for sharing your story, it gives me hope that those I love would also be as supportive, if I told them of my secret cross dressing.

I have only told my therapist and she was amazing and immediately told me she knows a few trans and cross dressers. I was very hesitant but so relieved and happy once I had told her and it has just opened up a door for me to be who I feel comfortable as.

I have been in therapy for two years but cross dressing wasn't a subject I had ever brought up and wasn't even something I would do, perhaps once or twice. However I have unlocked a number of traumas which has also unlocked me and my feminine side. I feel so different now. So much happier, I think in the back of my mind, I always felt different but couldn't put my finger on it. I prefer mostly female company. I am quite a gentle person, though I do like screaming at the football...

I mifht have gone off point....

Charlotte xx

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Posts: 1067
(@reidurden)
Noble Member     Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada
Joined: 4 years ago

A beautiful and heart felt story Ally, it makes me feel good knowing you’ve unburdened yourself and shared with someone so full of love and kindness.

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Posts: 507
Ambassador
(@nikkolle1)
Honorable Member     Portland, Oregon, United States of America
Joined: 8 years ago

Touching story Ally. It's a shame that so many don't have that support or confidence in someone they can spill too. Your cousin is awesome. I think your going to become closer than you could ever imagine with her, and for that I say what a true blessing you have been given. Good luck on your path, your going to be just fine.

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Posts: 71
(@Rozalyne Richards)
Trusted Member
Joined: 6 years ago

I wish that I could be so brave. Good luck on your journey. If you need a older girlfriend to talk with just PM me. I haven't came out yet but wanting to

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