Welcome to Crossdresser Heaven, a safe and welcoming place for everyone in the crossdresser community.
Join Crossdresser Heaven today to participate in the forums.
It was a cold and blustery night...isn't that how most Halloween stories should start? But in my case it was true. There was no rain, but it was windy and very, very dark from the cloud cover.
I have never been out as Janet. I’ve dreamed of it, I’ve thought about it, but I’ve always dreaded potential negative reactions. With this in mind, and like many of us, I sought the shelter of Halloween to make my first appearance.
The preparation was so much fun, working to get everything as right as I could. I started with shaving and showering, followed by moisturizing, nails, then foundation garments. I already had a new outfit with everything laid out, the only real debate was down to what shoes to wear when I was ready. I longed for the feedback of my wife or a CDH friend as to which pair of shoes work best with this outfit? How many times have we done this dance with our significant others? Lots for me.
As I was tucking, putting on hose, cincher, bra, and all the rest, I had the thought to which many women could relate: 'This is going to be a challenge to disassemble and reassemble if I have to go to the bathroom!!'
I stayed focused on getting my look right and did my make up, styled my hair, and spent way too much time in front of the mirror. I sprayed some Chanel on my wrists, rubbing them together and sniffing them like I have seen so many women do over the years; I threw in a few spritzes for good measure to other key areas. I packed my new Michael Kors purse and wallet with my misgendered ID and some cash. I adorned myself with my earrings, rings, necklaces, and bracelets. Deep breaths.
Oh yes, now the shoes! I debated between some very cute Dansko Tiffani sandals and some off-white slingbacks in a reasonable height (3.3"). I simply couldn't go out the first time and NOT have heels on!
I felt ready to embrace this!
Into the car and off I go through the city and countryside, eventually pulling up to the bar. I took some more deep breaths and said, "I am doing this." And with that, I flung open the car door and made the walk to the entrance, in heels, on a blustery night. I pushed open the bar door and worked hard to be as inconspicuous as possible.
Ha! I am 6'2" in heels, so easier said than done in a relatively quiet bar.
A few people acknowledged me, the bartender came and served me, and it had all become real! I sat and sipped my Cabernet and basked in the acceptance and the little things like my lipstick on the wine glass. I calmed down and realized this was a WAY bigger deal for me than the others in the room. There were some interesting looks from a couple of men but that was about it. I thought better of staying too long as I had a ton of commitments, so after my drink, I left, leaving a nice tip for the kind bartender who was so warm to me—being kind can not be overrated! I stepped back into the wind, managing to keep my hair in place, and started the journey home.
I realized a few things: It was a massive rush being seen as me for the first time. No one had any clue that this was any different than normal—and I don't think one of them cared. Pick the right venue and the right time; this place had advertised a standing drag show but it wasn't on last night—hopefully I'll get the timing right next time.
My biggest take away was that I waited too long. This was a wonderful, validating experience that should have happened years ago.
Finally, this would not have happened without ALL of you! You are all so supportive and willing to help with anything. I truly appreciate that support and knew I was carrying it with me that night.
Janet💋
@jjorgenson So happy for you, Janet. Hope you can find other places to go, because being out and about as your feminine self can be so liberating. It would also be great if you could find someone to share these adventures with, how accepting is your wife?
I agree, CDH is such a help to get your head over the threshold to expressing your feminine side. As I have mentioned here before between CDH and my Ex outing me I have catapulted myself down this road.
Best to you. Cassie
Thanks, Cassie! I have some relatives that are on the LGBTQ+ spectrum that would love it if I shared this with them. Again, I keep thinking about it.
@jjorgenson That's wonderful Janet! Based on your picture, you looked great. It's funny how we dream about the way our first times will unfold and how they actually turn out. I can honestly say that mine was very different and much more of an experience than I had ever envisioned. For the most part, I was able to blend in and just be a woman out for a nice experience. It made it so much easier to do it again and I can't help but think that you are experiencing the same feelings. Stay out there and enjoy yourself girl!
Thanks, Lauren! I was planning on more but it was great. It was enough for that first step!
@jjorgenson Good for you! So many of us feel that we should have taken the first step years earlier. I know I do too.
What stands out in my memory is the first time I stepped out of my front door en femme. No mob with pitchforks, no police sirens, just the feeling of freedom…of escape from the closet. And then a sense that I would never go back to the closet again.
Well done Janet.
I love reading first time out stories. It’s definitely something you never forget.
I think a lot of us have the “why didn’t I do this years ago” thoughts afterwards.
But I suspect there’ll be another trip out pretty soon
I have never been out as Janet. I’ve dreamed of it, I’ve thought about it, but I’ve always dreaded potential negative reactions.
My biggest take away was that I waited too long. This was a wonderful, validating experience that should have happened years ago.
But that is the one thing that almost nobody on CDH write about - negative reactions in public. At least I can't remember the last time that a member described one. Of all of the first time stories that I have read, everyone regrets waiting so long before discovering the excitement and elation of being unshackled.
So, if anyone here hasn't done something out of your home, break down your barriers and just do it.
@harriette What you say about negative reactions is true. I have seen them described in only few and far between instances. My worst case was to be clocked and hear someone mention it to somebody else. I just kept moving and went about my business. In general, I have found that people are just so into their own thing to even notice others and if they do, they don't say anything.
@jjorgenson Omg, Janet...I'm so HAPPY for you...!!! I have the fondest of memories of that "rush"....honestly, I have no doubts it's exactly the same for all of us, "on our first time"...!!! My days to venture out have long past, but I sincerely enjoy reading of your, and everyone's experience...for me, it makes that RUSH return and it's like I'm right there enjoying the experience again with you....thank you for sharing, I hope you have more trips planned...ENJOY...!!!
Thank you so much for a wonderful story. It will help me when I get the nerve to do the same thing, but not on Halloween. crossed fingers. I a happy that you had the courage to face your fears, and it all worked out. Now, with that, I am encouraged.
@jjorgenson Good for you Janet. And now you officially have the ‘bug’. lol Hope you had a great time. I’m sure you will remember for your next outing all the things you needed to do, and didn’t, like tissues and emery boards, maybe nail glue, the list is endless. Now you understand why a woman’s purse is so heavy. Hugs, Jillleanne
Thanks, Jill! I had my purse and tried to think through all that could go wrong! I had makeup and even included the nail glue and some replacements if needed. It was actually fun trying to anticipate it and a small source of anxiety. I do have the bug!
Hon, your account brought back all the emotions again welling up in my soul. That happy time lives again every time a sister does such a post.
hugs!
Dani
That sounds about as good as it gets JJ. I had to chuckle at the part about the bathroom challenges. My wife gave me a piece of advice on this: “Pull down and pull up.” Meaning: Wear stretchy things to avoid struggling and taking too long. She says - We women grab everything at the top of the waistband, yank it down, do our business and then pull it all back up. One fell swoop! We don’t have time for unbuckling, unzipping and all the other rigamarole you guys do.
I have to say I’ve found it to be sound advice. Even in DRAB mode.
GP
Congratulations on a fun night out...and the world keeps on turning as another person dressed en femme presents to the world. As you noticed, nobody cares. As long as you are in a safe place, because idiots do exist, going out en femme is just a non-issue, or at least that has been my experience.
I too ventured out for the 1st time on Halloween, I even got a cheap hotel room in my area so I could change and not have to worry about the neighbors seeing me! I wore a black dress with long sleeves and some silver sparkles on it (I still have it)! The shoe were basic black pumps 3-to-4-inch heels? that were a little too big and worn so I had some trouble with them! - (since replaced with a newer pair)! I drove to a local casino! I played slots, had dinner, and a drink in the lounge. I was approached by one woman who wanted to know if I was trans. She was very friendly and said her father cross-dressed too!
BTW I'm 6'2" Without the heels! - Maybe I should have worn flats?
M.
What a fun story! Love her sharing about her dad! I was concerned about the neighbors, too, but went for it. Another part of the rush!
Dear Janet,
The portals to exhilaration will mutate over time. First, it was that 'full length mirror view', then stepping into a car, or stepping out of a car. But when that door opens to 'where the people are' and you take that first step over the threshold, the common, the usual, the mundane, those everyday routine expressions are magically transformed into wide-eyed innocence. You feel your heart beating, you believe you're being noticed, and you know that you're alive.
God Bless You Janet,
Sincerely and With Love,
Thea
PS....and pray that first feeling never leaves.
Thank you, Thea! Yes, the threshold took it to a WHOLE different level! Walking up was quiet and relatively dark then into the world I stepped!
YES!!!!! Go you 🙌❤️🫶🥰💋I cannot get enough of this , I've read it through three times , made me laugh about your thoughts about how do we get it all back in place when visiting the loos - been there , thought that , done that ! I am so pleased your experience was super positive & hope you won't be waiting too long for next time. Janet deserves to be seen 🙏🔥🙌
You did it Janet and the world didn't stop! It's so refreshing to read lovely experiences that have been aided by being part of this wonderful community. We know how much of a deal this is so you doing it is fantastic to hear.
Your world has expanded with more to come no doubt.
LOL. Your story makes me remember my first solo trip out in public. Definitely, nerve wracking but I so much wanted to do it that I knew there was no turning back. And surprise, surprise it turned out just fine. Since then I've made many more but I do prefer going out with girlfriends of the CD variety. It is just more fun. Thanks for including us.
I am glad I did it and the next time I hope to find a place with more friends to hang out with. I have been looking.
Going out for the first time is a HUGE accomplishment Janet. I am so happy for you! It took me years to work up the courage to overcome the fears, that were in reality only in my head. Once I got past the imaginary roadblock, I began to truly enjoy my time out in the world as Genivieve. I hope you will do the same. I too am 6’2” in my heels and not once in all the years and the many times I have been out in public has that ever been an issue. I have done most everything from going to a huge shopping mall in the daylight for a Sephora makeover, to clothes shopping, having my nails done in a salon, going for lunch with an admirer, or to a local gay bar for a drag show, never have I had a negative experience when presenting as Genivieve. Act like you belong wherever you are and no one will think you don’t belong! By the way I love your photos they are very cute!
Thank you! I remember learning a long time ago in different circumstances that confidence goes a long way. Fake it until you make it!
Your life is about to get a lot more interesting and thrilling Janet. Enjoy!
Janet, congratulations for showing yourself to the world. I’ve got to tell you, there was no reason to wait, you are a beautiful woman, and should show yourself off. I’m sure you can pass easily. I hope you have many more adventures to write about.
I can definitely relate to this. It gets easier every time from here on out. Wait until the first time you don't have the jitters and just accept yourself as a woman out for a nice time.
That seems like light years away at this point but I hope to get there sooner than later!
Wait until the first time you don't have the jitters and just accept yourself as a woman out for a nice time.
Such a great distinction! The rewards of just accepting yourself as a woman are many.
Robyn
Janet -
Congratulations on your experience. Hopefully there will be many more in your future.
I, unfortunately, haven't taken the opportunity to do that yet. I have, however, gone out in stealth mode which is exhilarating in and of itself.
XOXO
Suzanne
It is exhilarating in its own way in stealth. For me, the experience out was focused on some of the little things. Lipstick on a glass, finger nails done, my purse, and checking my makeup. All this while working on ensuring my mannerisms were natural for any woman. It all felt so peaceful. Hard to believe in the face of that nervousness up front.
Sounds like you had a lovely time. Find out when the drag show is and plan another trip out. I had an amazing time when I went to my first (only one so far) drag show.
