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I wrote an entry for my blog and thought it would be nice to share it with you ladies. It was the incident concerning some fellows yelling, "Look at the tranny! Look at the tranny!" I wrote about it in my article, “Early Days Out and About.”
In the aftermath of my first experience in the city, which hadn't gone all that well, I was consumed with the need to go out and about in female mode. I just loved the idea and was wrapped up in the feeling of it; I couldn't get enough. On several occasions, I went for a drive in my sports car (with the top down.) It felt wonderful to have the wind blowing through my long hair and whipping stray strands into my face.
On one occasion, while going to a mill town to the northwest (a long drive through farm and bushland,) I pulled into an Esso Station there that is no longer standing today. A woman working the pumps started talking to me. This was in the days before self-serve, and we still had gas pump attendants. She started a conversation with me, in what I thought was a most personal way. I didn’t know her, it was the first time I’d been to that particular gas station. She commented on my mode of dress and said something about how it is good to be able to be oneself and express themselves as they truly felt.
The woman went on to say that she was a lesbian, elaborating at some length about her situation. I'm fairly sure that she didn't normally discuss her personal situation with everyone who pulled in for a few dollars worth of Regular, but I think her seeing that I was different allowed her to open up to me. I told her something of my situation, and how I felt more myself when presenting as female.
I must confess though, that in those days, I was not well coordinated as far as my outfits went. My style tended more towards being the tart than as a lady on an afternoon's outing. In fact, my short black skirt was very risqué; the hem coming down to just above mid-thigh. For my sports car adventures, I would change in the same parking area as I did when I first went to the city.
On one occasion, I took my camera and tripod with me. This was during the days of the film camera. I always had my films developed at the local camera shop. I can't remember where I had driven to, but on my way back, I parked in a secluded area to set my camera and tripod. I posed in several positions by and on the car. The poses were done in a similar tradition of models who pose at new car shows. Although I was nervous about it, and knew I was taking a risk, I took my film to the usual camera shop.
I got on well with the young woman working there and found the courage to tell her about my girl attire and the poses. When I went to pick the photos up a few days later, she was all smiles. She complimented me, sharing that I looked pretty good as a girl. It seemed that my fears regarding her reaction had been unjustified. I may have asked her to call me Jill as well (that being the name I liked to go by in those days.)
I do remember another run to the city, this time in my regular car. I knew of a makeup studio that catered to, or at least didn't mind working with trans girls and CDs. I made an appointment and arrived at the proper time. This was my first ever makeup session, and I had never previously worn makeup. The way that she applied my makeup, and how she put it, it would feel heavy on my face. As far as I knew back then, that is how makeup was supposed to feel. Years of experience since then have taught me otherwise. Nevertheless, I was quite happy with it at the time.
I went for a stroll along the same avenue as I did during the incident with the guys yelling, “'Look at the tranny!” Things went better this time. I was aware that most people studiously avoided looking at me. This was different than them not taking notice, as one does not take notice of fellow pedestrians on a crowded street. It seemed to be more purposeful than that.
That was how it was in those days. My reception in the ladies' wear shops was a little better than previous times, and there were no objections to me trying on items of clothing. After spending most of the afternoon on that same avenue, and enjoying the feel of the hem of my skirt dancing tantalizingly against my thighs, I went back to the makeup artist and asked her to remove the makeup. After that it was time to head home; getting changed on the way back. During these outings, I discovered that the more I presented myself as a girl, the more I wanted to do it.
Lynne
@denimwear Thanks for posting this it was a good read. The 1990s I spent dreaming of Anna, dressing in secret and wishing for a makeover. It took to 2023 to have that first makeover.
Anna x
Hi Anna,
I know what it is like to be restricted to dressing in secret. Even when I did start venturing out it was still on secret as I went to places where I was not known.
I didn't have another professional makeover until three years ago and, since then, I have improved my own skills to ar least a satisfactory level.
Lynne
@denimwear I've not ventured out often and do so away from home. I've driven a few times en-femme and hoped nobody spotted me as my car is quite distinctive. To then get home, I've stopped, made a few quick adjustments to get past the neighbours. I've also been round a supermarket in makeup (took wig off and put a hoody and jeans on over my dress before I went in
I've had a few lessons off a makeup artist and see improvements in my own makeup and skin care all the time, still a lot to learn though.
Anna x
Hi Anna,
I have found that the more I go out and about the more confidence I gain. Over time, recently anyway, I have come to realize that no-one seems to be bothered about what I am wearing.
On a recent venture into town I passed by two teenage girls and neither their conversation nor manner changed.
I took this as a good sign.
It is the same in restaurants, no-one pays anymore attention to me than they do anyone else at other tables.
Lynne
It is a sign of the changing times. People are way more.tolerant to "differences" today. No doubt the gas station attendent saw an oppurtunity to open yp to someone who was also "different". No doubt in those days she felt extermely isolated, so it was probably very nice for her to be able to express herself.
I opened yp to a cousin a few years ago, and the sense of relief just to talk to someone who was nonjudgemental was wonderful.
Hi JJ,
I know how that can be, the relief after opening up to someone. Sometimes it is a lot easier than we think.
Lynne
Thanks JJ
In those days it was much harder to be out in public as a CD presenting as female.
I agree with your comments concerning the gas pump attendant as well.
I have had several occasions in which people tell me personal details that I'm sure they wouldn't tell me otherwise.
Lynne
Thanks Lynne,
For sharing your early journey into the fem world. Which as we well know can be hostile if not down right scarey. It seems that when enfem one develops an extra sense of awareness that we didn't have as dressed in male mode. Girl Power! 🥰 Fran
Dear Lynne,
I can't begin to imagine. No digital photo's, no instant feedback (except for hecklers), no web purchases, no website support. Just you, your mirror and the outside world.
God Bless You, Dear Woman.
Sincerely,
Thea
Thank You Thea,
I never thought of it that way. 'Going Out and About in the Analogue Age' may be a good alternate title for my article.
Lynne
The only real outting that I have had, so far, was described here, about a drunk during the last New Year's Eve, so in recent times. My wife was not pleased, but the incident didn't go past a group of random passengers on a city bus and no real, direct harm was done.
Was drinking the cause of what happened or was the outting just part of his character released by his drinking?
Hi Harriette,
Is that event described in a forum post, Harriette as I haven't seen it.
I would think that the drinking only helped him over his inhibitions.
Lynne
I would think that the drinking only helped him over his inhibitions.
It isn't our inhibitions that concerns me.
Doing something new or unusual in public, such as crossdressing, involves a certain amount of risk. Adding alcohol to the situation, in my mind, adds to the risk, especially if we are alone.
Once the crossdresser is experienced and knows whether there really is risk or not, then fine, but not on a first date, if you know what I mean.
The nineties! Gosh that was when I made my first forays outside. I only had a couple of reactions as the majority were positive.
I too wasn't the finished product but it was good enough to get by. To be honest if I had been so back then it would have been different. Acceptance overall back then was good.
Hi Angela,
I don't recall any really positive incidents, apart from the discussion I had with the lady at the gas pumps and the comments of the young woman at the camera shop.
Lynne
@denimwear You felt safe enough to go out and survived to do it another day - that's a positive.
Lynne thankyou for sharing your experience and adventures, l thoughly enjoyed it
Venturing out dressed as I want to be has been a long progression for me too. From those early days in college and living on my own for the first time: it was pantyhose under jeans with socks so absolutely no one would know, and I was still petrified!
Today I have managed to venture out in a skirt to the movies, but only once. I prepurchased the ticket so I would not have to interact with anyone, and it was an evening showing, so it was dusk on my way in to the theater: but progress for me none the less!
Now I routinely wear pantyhose with shorts for my long drives to visit my parents. I am just more comfortable, and I no longer fear using the rest stops. People just don’t seem to notice. Or if they do, they pay no mind.
I have started to wear makeup too. Still very minimal, I hardly notice it (because I’m not very good at it, yet), but I feel better knowing I have attended to my appearance the way I want to present.
Always a work in progress, and each step builds the confidence to take the next step.
That has also been my experience, Eve, becoming progressively more confident with each experience.
Lynne
Thanks for sharing this Lynne. It is interesting to see how things have changed in a lot of the world since those days. It is amazing how sometimes something will just trigger someone to open up to a total stranger that way. How fun!
Hi Lara,
Yes, it was very different in those days.
Looking back I still would have liked to present and live as female on my early twenties as I'm sure I would have passed much better on those days.
Lynne
Oh Lynne, such a story. Everything was so much different back then, and the further you go back, the worse it was. It's why so many, most of us, ended up way back in the dark of a closet for most of our lives. But society is so much better now, much more accepting, and I've found that now, for the most part, we can finally shed those fears and be our true selves, at least part time. I've finally come out, almost full time now, except when I'm doing heavy work outside and need to be a male (but I hate breaking my nails). Once I told everyone, showed them pictures, I started visiting my friends as Jennifer. You're correct, the more you go out, the more you want to go out. After awhile I ventured out to an alternative type bar in the area, and I felt immediately welcome. My goodness how many of us are really out there. It's become like my second home, I go and meet my trans friend there every Thursday to watch karaoke and every Saturday just to meet new people. It was there I met a wonderful fully transitioned transsexual who eventually got me to go OUT out, not just the safe out of the bar. We went to an upscale downtown restaurant, everything went so well, nobody batted an eye, no odd looks, no one seemed to even notice, it was all just so ...normal. She showed me that it really doesn't matter any more, it was a great confidence booster. Since then we've gone out to very nice restaurants almost every other week, go shopping downtown together, walk up and down Main Street, we've never had any issues, I don't even think about being dressed any more, I am Jennifer. As you experienced too, I've found that for the most part women are very accepting, very cordial, supportive, often curious (especially how the heck can I walk around all day in those 4" stilettos). Men are still a bit confused, it's a new circumstance they are not trained to deal with but most are curious rather than hostile. We have to keep in mind that it's as much of a learning experience for them as it is for us to go out. I do have to admit, I also like those mid thigh skirts, with nice silky stockings and 4 or 5' stilettos, and of course, when we wear stuff like that we know it's going to attract some attention. The sound of stilettos clicking on the floor as we walk down an aisle will normally get some male to come around the corner and investigate. Sometimes the look is one of those Kodak moments, I just smile. Sometimes you can see they want to make a contact but don't know what to do. They're learning.
Also, like you, I've found that once you've come out other people, especially women, will start to share things about themselves that they would never tell to anyone else, even their spouses. I know some of my friends better now than even their spouses know them. Same as with us in our closet days, everyone is hiding so much, and they finally, for the first time in their lives, have someone they feel they can trust and relate to. I find that for the most part women will naturally relate to us as another woman, men are still figuring it out. Of course, we cannot ever violate that trust, I've probably made more deep friendships since becoming Jennifer than I ever had before. I've found that since officially coming out as Jennifer I am happier than I have quite possibly been my entire life. It's a freedom, a new life, a new world, a life free from the fears and shame I carried my entire life, no more hiding and lying to my friends. Jennifer will not die in the dark corner of some closet, she is free, free to live, free to have fun, free to make new friends, and free to wear those great clothes and OMG those heels. All we have to do is overcome our fears. Life is good.
Hugs,
Jennifer
Ah yes - that IS the dilemma, Sweetie. The more we get out, the more we want --- no, NEED --- to get out. Thanks for sharing your experiences. 😘
Thank you Lynne for such an interesting article. It was in the 90's I first thought about getting more seriously dressed and made up and perhaps even going out!
Sadly I didn't for another 25 years!
Fear and shame kept me in my closet and I now regret all those years I lost!
A few other things really resonated with me, and I had a similar experience to yours at the gas station. This was only a few years ago and at the local drug store. I was looking for some foundation and another woman 60's or so approached the same area at the same time. We had quite the chat and she used a very old expression to describe herself, "unnatural" in this case referring to herself as a lesbian. She told me this was the first time she had bought makeup in years! She must have had someone special to impress!
I do enjoy going out quite often now and I feel this is simply the real me, though the male me is still there and is a real person as well. That's the confusing part, still at times.
Now I wouldn't change if I could, I just love being my femme self so much and it consumes so much of my day just thinking about it.
Thanks again!
Amy
Hi Amy,
Thank you for your kind comments and I'm happy to hear that you now go out quite often as your true self.
Something else I have noticed that since I started going out and about as Lynne waitresses in restaurants that I have known for years talk to me about make-up and such girl topics now where previously that was not the case. It feels nice to be accepted as one of the girls in that way.
Lynne
Lynne, what you have described is probably what most of us have gone through. One might say all the mistakes we made in the beginning.
What struck me about what you wrote was your distinction of people's reactions, whether they "avoid" you, or not "notice" you.
I look back on my beginning photos and I know why people avoided me. I have been dressing and going out for 25 years now and I've put much effort to improve. I have reached the desired point of people not noticing me. The reward for all my work is that I am noticed for my figure, hair, clothes, etc.. When I'm out, women and occasionally men, talk with me all the time.I am noticed in a good way.
I was lucky. In my learning years, I had a few women who went out with me and advised me. Easier when out in numbers. They helped me to get through the growing up pains.
Lisa
Hi Lisa,
When I first started going out people definitely noticed me, but at the same time studiously avoided making eye contact. Unlike the way people generally don't take notice of others on a crowded street.
Lynne
Nice story Lynne. I first went out in public in 2014 after 37 years of dressing in the closet. I have since been presenting female everywhere and anytime and never once had a problem.
You go girl. Your an inspiration for all girls in all stages of their feminine journey. Those courageous first steps leads to full feminine expression. Thanks Marianne, for taking those steps.
🥰 Fran
Thank you for this wonderful article on how it was in the past
