Girly... Feminine.....
 
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Girly... Feminine... Woman?

69 Posts
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Posts: 97
Lady
(@polly)
Estimable Member     Brighton, East Sussex, United Kingdom
Joined: 5 years ago

Great thoughts, cross-dressing is a mixture of idealism, pragmatism, obsession and control for many of us!

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2 Replies
 Dani
Lady
(@danirost)
Joined: 3 years ago

Estimable Member     Central, Illinois, United States of America
Posts: 177

@polly Love you reply - it's so true. Thanks, I need to save that somewhere. LOL. 😊

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Managing Editor
(@bmactavish)
Joined: 9 years ago

Noble Member     Iowa, United States of America
Posts: 1094

Yes it is... more parts than a child's Christmas present. I think that is what gets me the most as others feel they can define us to narrow parameters. We are boundless... Thanks for the comments!

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Posts: 72
Guest
(@Anonymous 96511)
Trusted Member
Joined: 9 months ago

Brina, this was an eloquent post. It is hard to understand where one fits into things when, as you put it, the feelings can fluctuate daily. I have found myself bouncing around quite a bit, but it is comforting to read your words. Thanks for making this girlie feel a little more at ease 👩🏻

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1 Reply
Managing Editor
(@bmactavish)
Joined: 9 years ago

Noble Member     Iowa, United States of America
Posts: 1094

It's what I try to accomplish. Giving some different perspectives that might help others save a great pair of high heels from the trash is my goal... lol. Seriously, I've found that changing it up and offering some analogies is the best way to give an additional perspective that might help another CD cope with their feelings. Thanks for the compliments! 🙂

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Posts: 148
Lady
(@kyrabrooke)
Reputable Member     Montreal, Quebec, Canada
Joined: 9 months ago

Love it! Thanks for a look at so many aspects of growth and exploring the mystery of the feminine and even perhaps sacred inner senses of that mystique. The developing sense generally in early teens (although clearly something was up long before in moi) through years of waste long hair put on music (did I truly spend too much time messing with it?) and the obligatory eventual goatee (so quickly ungrown and regrown, well, sorta on the latter)! Interestingly, how the patterns of review and vista are somehow done overtime: "questions" and outcomes. Met my 1st wife at 18, and was dressed up w/her so much of the time she said got jealous. Having no sisters and being the 4th boy there was surely some sense perhaps I had a role to play? I am clearly more feminine than my brothers. That I love clothes...all clothes, gidget-gadget guy stuff, yet I love my dresses and skirts, cami's a bit differently. It is not about lingerie now: 1/2 about lingerie! Indeed, I am taken in, as you mentioned, by a great pair of heels on a women and it starts the gears...and the credit cards! Anyways, super thoughtful piece, Brina, and my appreciation runs deep, yet spared my nylons!💗

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2 Replies
Managing Editor
(@bmactavish)
Joined: 9 years ago

Noble Member     Iowa, United States of America
Posts: 1094

I love the voice of your writing... hope you pen an article of your own soon. I agree with both the comments you made here and on the one above. I could simplify and say we either fight or accept that which we are. Fighting only leads to stress, anxiety, and most certainly, a waste of money rebuilding that which we toss away. Acceptance doesn't mean wanting to become a woman but recognizing we are somewhere on that path of adoration and coming to terms with how it will fit into our present and future. Thank you for the insightful response! 🙂

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Lady
(@kyrabrooke)
Joined: 9 months ago

Reputable Member     Montreal, Quebec, Canada
Posts: 148

Aw, makes me feel good. It partly is the venue! I will! Yes, completely... I lived an era of not excess but openness for quite a while, (& again) then a gradual, partial recoil. I went from "bought by gf's or openly" clothes, a gifted leather mini, white lace at Xmas, to where do I go now? Minor-purges occurred after not! In deep spiritual (not religious) exploration, a huge part of who I am, and while working at a related NPO during BIPOC training, I researched casually, without direct purpose and found a guy's article, married, young, most all the sign posts I had as a teen...then I saw him dressed up and like a ripe cheery, I was ready for pie. Surprise! A lot of real healing had happened, growth had shed detritus and I am more sure of my choice than ever. It is a relief, but also has lead me to a new world of choices, balancing. And for sure, I recognize another's degrees of experience and even confliction issues (family, secrecy), things I've had fair bit of solace from. So in community, I try to be sensitive to all of this. Thank-you for the spark! <3 🙂

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Posts: 335
(@charlenev)
Reputable Member     ???? Park, Illinois, United States of America
Joined: 8 years ago

Brina, thank you for the article. My journey like so many others has its ebb and flow. But no matter how diminished the desire to dress becomes I can't escape the ever present sense that at my core I am a woman.
I've come to conclude that I am not a crossdresser. Crossdressing satisfies little because I know that I am but masquerading. Crossdressing does not "scratch the itch" which feel. Why? Because it doesn't make me a woman. I sense very strongly and incessantly that I am a woman. I want to be full time in daily life what I am at my soul level.
Crossdressing doesn't get me there. I enjoy what few times I can dress, but not without a certain sadness.
I am not a man who like to wear women's clothes. Neither am I a man who wants to be a woman. I am a woman who by virtue of my God given male body am tasked with male responsibilities which at this point in my life so many are counting on me to fulfill. So I stay male though in reality I am simply a woman who wants to be.
Kindly,
Charlene

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3 Replies
Managing Editor
(@bmactavish)
Joined: 9 years ago

Noble Member     Iowa, United States of America
Posts: 1094

Thanks for the heartfelt reply. I can relate to much of it as given a choice, I would choose womanhood. I can make that choice today... should I want to, but I don't because I still maintain "Manly" responsibilities that are also important to me. If my pull, were as deep as what you feel, I'd be packing up and moving away to fulfill that vision. I still may. I've noticed many changes this past few months as the man side becomes the CD event while I live mostly at home (and comfortably) as my female self. Thanks again for the comments 🙂

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(@jenniferr)
Joined: 2 years ago

Estimable Member     Greenville, South Carolina, United States of America
Posts: 81

A tale of most of our lives i would venture to say. Born in the wrong body, many of us have known this for all our lives, but the social pressures of how we appear dictate the paths of our lives. Fortunately, society is realizing this, the psychological damage this has caused is being recognized, and the times are changing. I started sneaking off and dressing way back around 10, but had to keep it hidden to live as society dictated. Military, marriage, child, job, it was necessary to keep the image in order to survive. Fortunately my wife found out, didn't kick me to the curb as so many do, and I could at least enjoy my desire to be a female in the privacy of our home. It wasn't until I was set completely free, I retired to care for my wife as she went thru pancreatic cancer, and when she passed there were no longer any restrictions but my own fears. After about a year to recover from her loss, we were together for over 50 years, in which I didn't even dress, Jennifer kicked the closet door open and it was full on from there. I no longer cared what people who have no meaning in my life thought any more, I came out, and now I'm full time. I've found it to be the most liberating, wonderful feeling in my life, a HUGE weight lifted, no more hiding, no more lies, I was finally, ME. When I dress up nice, I feel happy, and now when I look in the mirror I no longer see a man dressing as a woman but I see Jennifer. It struck me recently when I realized I needed a new pair of male shoes, when I got to the shoe department I ended up with 2 new pair of women's shoes. When I got home I thought, darn, I forgot to buy shoes for myself, and then it dawned on me, I DID buy shoes for myself. I never did get new male shoes, I threw out the last of my old male clothes instead. It's a long journey realizing our true selves, we're programmed to reject it, to fight it, to conform. It's often painful, but it can also be one of the most rewarding journeys of our lives.
Hugs,
Jennifer

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Managing Editor
(@bmactavish)
Joined: 9 years ago

Noble Member     Iowa, United States of America
Posts: 1094

Wonderful story and comments. You should submit it as an article! Thanks for the response.

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Posts: 148
Lady
(@melissa9876)
Estimable Member     Central PA, Pennsylvania, United States of America
Joined: 6 years ago

I truly enjoyed the article, thank you. Especially, "I’d love to move somewhere new and establish myself as two people who just happen to never be seen together." This statement struck a chord with me. I would never do it (love my life as it is) but would totally enjoy the freedom of being able to choose how I presented.

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1 Reply
Managing Editor
(@bmactavish)
Joined: 9 years ago

Noble Member     Iowa, United States of America
Posts: 1094

That is still my goal. I feel like I still have some unaccomplished things here yet to do, and then in about 4 years, I plan to sell and move, do what I've been daring to do. Only time will tell... Thanks for the comments!

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Posts: 5
Lady
(@nicole125)
Active Member     Buffalo, New York, United States of America
Joined: 9 years ago

Thanks for the interesting and intriguing post. You certainly covered a lot of interesting topics in this CD journey we all share yet experience in varied ways. As a “mature” older girl I have landed in an interesting place. I’m happily married and we share a sort of weekly girls (date) night in the confines of our home. I dress fully varying my feminine outfits. My spouse is as understanding and open to my inclination to feel and present as a woman. She has limitations with me presenting as a woman publicly. I dealt with prostate cancer (radiation treatment) in my early 60’s and despite being cancer free now for 11 years I endure SOME of resulting complication with erectile disfunction. I always lived as a masculine dad, husband and dad. As I have aged my feminine side has increasingly developed into an integral part of my being. I thoroughly enjoy being a woman (my wife has named me Rhia) on our weekly dates. She’s a cool, loving woman who I’m pretty sure isn’t real thrilled by my occasional en femme status but she does her best to try and enjoy my happiness. I’ll never transition but most everything I do with my body like personal fitness and emotional support has my crossdressing built into the equation. It certainly is a journey. Thanks for the discussion and thought provoking comments.

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1 Reply
Managing Editor
(@bmactavish)
Joined: 9 years ago

Noble Member     Iowa, United States of America
Posts: 1094

Great to hear that you have struck a balance with your wife. Thanks for the comments 🙂 You make my similar point; we all need to find our personal space where we can do more than just survive--although, for some, that is the only option. None of us have come to our conclusions easily and without fighting it, but in the end, most of us accept and many of us coexist within the realms of male and female. Early in my life, I would have gladly taken the pill that would have made me 100% male. Today, I'm glad I didn't and would take the other pill instead. There is a beauty in femininity that captures me, not just for my sake but in my appreciation to those who exhibit it. Have a super life with your wife!

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Posts: 80
Lady
(@florapgh)
Estimable Member     Pittsburgh , Pennsylvania, United States of America
Joined: 2 years ago

I think, for me, cross dressing is a rediscovery of my natural femininity.  While I have no recollection of raiding Mom’s lingerie drawer as a child, I was for all intents and purposes, a little girl.  I may not have understood how or why, but I knew I was different from the boys.  I was quite content playing Barbie’s with the neighbor girls and would jump right to the girls’ toys when the Sears Christmas catalog would arrive.  Fast forward to where I’m at now and the clothing is a tool to pacify my controlled gender dysphoria.  Yes, I would much rather live as a female than a male.  My femininity is the most natural thing about me.  But, I’m also realistic about the choices I’ve made in my life.  And they’re totally on me.  I don’t have any regrets, but am comforted in the knowledge that I am now Ok with my effeminate nature.

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2 Replies
Managing Editor
(@bmactavish)
Joined: 9 years ago

Noble Member     Iowa, United States of America
Posts: 1094

I think that is a wonderful statement and sentiment. Each of us first needs to come to terms with who we are and how we can manage what we are. Just as you have, and many others as well. I throw the analogy around often, "Human" because it is what we are. It is the descriptions and warrants from others that condemn and separate us. We aren't alone in that respect. I am proud of my femininity... It wasn't always so, but I wouldn't trade it away now because it is the strength of my core being! Thanks for the wonderful comments 🙂

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 Dani
Lady
(@danirost)
Joined: 3 years ago

Estimable Member     Central, Illinois, United States of America
Posts: 177

Posted by: @florapgh

Fast forward to where I’m at now and the clothing is a tool to pacify my controlled gender dysphoria.  Yes, I would much rather live as a female than a male.  My femininity is the most natural thing about me.  But, I’m also realistic about the choices I’ve made in my life.  And they’re totally on me.  I don’t have any regrets, but am comforted in the knowledge that I am now Ok with my effeminate nature.

I totally agree. That's exactly where I am as well. 

 

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Posts: 2
Lady
(@doubts)
New Member     New York, New York, United States of America
Joined: 8 months ago

Dear Sabrina,
Excellent article. Covers so many important points to consider. I am actually sitting on my couch dressed in my female attire and watching the NBA finals game while considering your content filled words. I am an old timer now. I was married for 38 years to my wonderful wife until she passed due to liver cancer. Oh well, life and death are entwined. I was always attracted to female attire but now I’m on my own and feel content in my clothing. I really wanted to thank you for this article you wrote. It gives me many things to think about. I wish everyone all the best.

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1 Reply
Managing Editor
(@bmactavish)
Joined: 9 years ago

Noble Member     Iowa, United States of America
Posts: 1094

I think we sometimes need to find "Our normal." I was thinking about this today. I put on my male clothes to go out, and then take them off and become my female-oriented self at home. It isn't always (like in the past) a complete dressing to get me through, but maybe just a pair of shorts and a top without any accessories or only a few. Not even the wig. I'm blending more into that one person who isn't so divided anymore. Thanks for the comments 🙂

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Posts: 72
Guest
(@Anonymous 96511)
Trusted Member
Joined: 9 months ago

What an article Brina! Truly loved it. "be free of anxiety, and let the moments when you can be dressed be wonderful and meaningful… " I'll remember this every time and practice this mindfully when Neha is dressing up 🙂

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1 Reply
Managing Editor
(@bmactavish)
Joined: 9 years ago

Noble Member     Iowa, United States of America
Posts: 1094

Thank you for the kind compliments 🙂

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Posts: 72
Guest
(@Anonymous 96511)
Trusted Member
Joined: 9 months ago

My journey started at a young age, think my mother wanted a girl, mum used to set my hair when I was young, but I enjoyed every minute of it, Love to all Cynthiamaree

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1 Reply
Managing Editor
(@bmactavish)
Joined: 9 years ago

Noble Member     Iowa, United States of America
Posts: 1094

@cynthiamaree Thanks for the comments! Many others have stated similar paths. Maybe they saw something in us early that we didn't?

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