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GREAT EXPECTATIONS
This is just my opinion based on my own experience.
Genetically, I’m a man. But why do I feel so calm and peaceful inside my heart and mind when I slip on women’s lingerie, a woman’s dress, makeup, and high heels? This glorious feeling is why I want to spend the remainder of my life dressed as a woman and seem to be pushing closer to making it happen.
Am I that bored with my life? Am I mentally ill or completely depraved? No. No and no.
For me, it’s not a sex thing. I’m straight and not attracted to men, although, good sex with anyone is getting hard to pass up. I can easily rationalize that one in my mind, but crossdressing changes my existence.
Crossdressing makes me feel – (healthy, correct, right, calm, peaceful, relaxed, optimistic, giddy, hopeful, and energized). I need to understand “why” this seems so right.
In peeling this strange onion in my mind, I believe I have discovered one explanation that makes sense to me.
Just try thinking this through for yourself;
Have you ever stopped and taken an inventory of all of the people who have placed their expectations on you? How about all the people and organizations that expect certain behavior from you daily?
As very little kids, we either don’t care what instructions are being given to us or we are greatly annoyed by others telling us what to do, when to do it, or telling us how they expect us to act. We pay a price for not behaving as expected. And it’s painful, but we acquiesce.
Over time - but not a lot of time - we learn to modify our behavior to create the least friction, pain, and noise from others around us and those who barge into our life. After years and years of people heaping their expectations on us, we can end up carrying a lot mental and emotional weight that was dumped on us by “others”. Not chosen by us.
Look at the following list and think about all of the people who place their expectations on you in your life and think about what each one of them expects from you;
- Significant Other – Wife or Girl Friend
- Immediate Family – Kids, Mother, Father, Sisters and Brothers
- Extended Family – Aunt, Uncle, Cousins
- Friends – the people we want and need
- Neighbors – people that just happened to show up here - unchosen
- Boss – forced on us with a power that’s absolute
- HR – tells us how to dress, what we can say, where to park
- Co-Workers – we act this way and you must too to fit in
- Society – men are strong and burly. Don’t act weak or feminine or you’re totally discounted
- Law – Do this, don’t do that, can’t you read the signs?
- Religions – (don’t even get me started on this one)
- Self – last on the list? Why am I always last to get to set expectations for me?
This list points out the tons and tons and tons of heavy expectations that are heaped on you as you live your life.
Shirk – a combination shirt and skirt? The dictionary defines it as; Shirk /SHərk/ verb - to avoid or neglect (a duty or responsibility).
Turns out that for me, a Shirk is a strange garment that I like to wear often.
When I put on this dress and slip into these high heels, I am taking complete control of my life. I shirk all expectations and responsibilities from others. I separate myself from the rest of the world – if only in my mind.
I create a new identity that only I am allowed to define. I even have a new name for myself as this identity – Rachel. I’m not Richard anymore – I’m Rachel.
No one can place expectations on Rachel at all. Even with me looking sort of like a woman, no one can expect Rachel to have a baby because I’m not female. Dressed this way, no one can expect Rachel to chop down a tree, or rebuild an engine, or be strong and burly. Rachel shirks all expectations.
The bra and panties I’m wearing are totally unexpected on a man, so, the world doesn’t know what to do with Rachel. But I do.
The energy sucking leaches of expectations and responsibility slip right off of the silky stockings I am wearing.
All anyone can expect of me is to be pretty. I can do pretty.
As I have worked in IT Management, I learned how important it was to manage the expectations of the upper-lings, the clients, and the bosses. I learned that I must have a very clear understanding of what they expect from me and my work, or I will fail to meet their expectations.
We manage peoples’ expectations of us every second of our existence. Don’t expect me to like cauliflower or your bad attitude or being yelled at by anyone. Hey, don’t expect me to take being treated like a serf or a person with less value than yours. Don’t think you can just take things from me or force me to accept situations that I don’t like.
Sometimes, meeting and enforcing expectations can get to the point of exhausting. My life as a man carries a lot of wounds and disappointments. Dressing fully as a woman helps shed (or at least bandage) the scars and pain. I can escape from the expectations of the world – if just for a while – and submerge my mind into being Rachel. I can lose myself in planning a life for Rachel. Where will she live? How will she get by? Who will she live with? Where will she get new friends?
I get to define my own expectations for Rachel. I decide everything for my new identity and no one else can set expectations her. That calms me.
For today, I’m wearing my Shirk!
This is just one layer of the onion. More to go. At the center of this onion is one human. Me.
Now girls, please take a few minutes to either send in a response to my article or one or more of my questions I've posed to you below:
- Have you made plans for the life of your cross-dressed identity? Where she will live, how she will get by, who she will live with, where she will get new friends?
- What would be the personality characteristics of your new cross-dressed identity? What would she be like?
- Would you expect your new identity to “fit in” or “stand out” in society?
Thanks a bunch for your time girls, and have a wonderful week ahead!
Sincerely,
Rachel Renee Richards
Like you said there are layers to the onion, but I completely agree with the layer you described! It’s like you read my mind.
Thanx for your comment Vecca! I'm hoping to write more articles about the other layers in the future and I'm researching some of them now.
Rachel Renee
Well said Rachel, especially the part about expectations! Having returned to crossdressing after a break of over 20 years, your piece resonated with me.
Although my spouse knows that I have returned, our agreement is to keep it private from her. Not having much time or opportunity to dress at home, I got a hotel room for the day and spent the afternoon and the next morning dressing.
What a relief to just be me! I gathered my new haul of dresses, underwear and makeup and retired to my room. What calm I felt, putting on a dress, my dress! I had ordered it online and was finally able to wear it. I put on my makeup, earrings, and necklace. Finally, after all these years. I love putting on makeup and wearing a dress! My journey to find my authentic feminine self continues. . .
I'm thinking about going to a hotel for a couple of days too! The next time my SO goes to her sister's, I think I'm gonna do that. That way, I can get all glammed up and go out without the neighbors wondering, "Who is that driving his car?"
Expectations... so true, seems like dressing does offer an avenue to shed many expectations and choose our own attributes.
If only we had choices, options, and acceptance as kids. But would we have met our SOs, or would they have been in the camp "looking for a non-binary, non-crossdressing male".
I want to shed society's expectations. I want to be free too. But it's hard thinking of losing so much of it. While I might have so much to gain, my world around me likes its expectations on me. My SO wants her expectations fulfilled, their are also expectations on her from her family, friends, world.
So it seems the only way through this is to get our family, friends, work, SO, to start following their own expectations and not enforce this on others. In some ways, freedom for all.
Anecdotally, I fully support my wife in equality in society, with career, shared household duties, shared family duties. I fully support equality in all aspects. But, she can't support me in my equality desire to dress how I want, in women's clothes and shoes. Instead, she allows her expectations and those put on her by society to rule.
I agree Lea. I would gain a lot by being able to dress freely, but my SO would maybe lose more in trust and confidence in me. Maybe that's why I haven't told her how far I want to go with it. It would shake her foundation.
Wouldn’t the world be a different place if every grown man had to look and act like a woman for just one day?!!
Or alternating quarters of the year! Jan-Mar you are Fred. Apr-Jun you are Francie!
Rachel,
I have been doing my nails and shaving while you describe a delightful utopia.
Fantasia.
All of us would love to confirm a reservation for this evening at a local 5 Star hotel. Our packed suit case will keep us looking glamorous for a few days or more. The purpose is to enjoy our selves and continue developing the framework of Rachel's Utopia. Some of us arrive in person and others arrive via Zoom.
Rachel, your prose is so well expressed. You have spent some time pondering what you would like to do with your time.
I can only giggle! 🙂
Huggs,
Samantha
PS. I am on my cell so my responses are plodding.
PPS. Hello to the adventureous ladys here this afternoon. What a nice club.
Rachel,
I am also 66 and newly retired(last work year was 2019) and I worked in IT as well(Programmer) and what you said made an awful lot of sense. Well expressed.
One other thing, you look very nice in your picture.
A question - were you a fan of Renee Richards- the tennis star who transitioned many years ago? I play tennis as well and hope to play more this year.
Alice
Thanx, Alice. I appreciate your comment. I must admit the picture is not really me. Sorry, I know it's misleading. Maybe I'll change it.
Not heard of the tennis star, but I be looking for info about her. Curious.
That is okay. Rachel, my new girl friend. My pictures do not come out that great so I am just running an emoji myself. I want to go to Male to Female makeover place eventually. I think they will be able to make me look glam enough that I would be willing to post pics on the site. We all can work at it - we can all look pretty on the outside, But I also think that we are all beautiful on the inside. And that is what counts most.
great article and thought provoking. thanks
Your story resonates with me completely and you put things in so eloquently that I am very pleased and fulfilled. Your words have made me think back on times when I was both happy and sad and buying clothes as well as purging, so they have run the gamut... I also just turned 60 and have been crossdressing since I was about seven or eight years old and it has been mostly a very lonely existence. unable to discuss my desires with significant others, not just partners like my girlfriends or wives, but also my really good friends... thank you for putting into words how I feel today
Wonderful article Rachel - thanks for sharing it with us. It has provided me with more valuable insight into answering the eternal question of "Why do I (we) do this?" So many of us love being lost in the Pink Fog for exactly the reasons you articulate so well here - it's an escape from responsibilities and expectations and an thrilling opportunity to explore how it feels to be pretty and feminine. Hugs, Mona
Mona, I'm glad you liked my article. I think I have identified 3-4 more layers of the onion that I hope to expose in future articles. In my research/thinking, I'm seeing that quite a few "things" happen for us when we slip into a dress! And I love them all.
Rachel Renee
Rachel , Hi , And thank you for a really thought provoking post . The one thing you said here to and for me , was asking your self why , WHY , .We have all asked this , haven't we ? , and some have paid someone to try to make since of why . I don't see how anyone who has not gone through this could possibly know . As i go through life on this journey i have found its just the way i was borne and just accepting my status in life is so much easier on me . I am so glad to have this place to go to and listen to all here trying to explain what is the why . Rachel i'm happy for you , you seem to be at peace as much as you can and i think feeling good mentally about your self is important to your health and well being . Someone said not sure were i have herd this , that the mind is a powerful thing and can influence not only how you feel but your health and stability . Keep your positive thoughts , and remember we are women , together we are strong and getting stronger each day and will continue our journey together . Hear us purr . My dear friends , Leslie
Yes, your mind really does affect your health and stability. I say that from experience, not a Doctor's Degree. LOL. Troublesome things constantly playing on the big screen in my mind make me feel depleted and weak. Playing happy, encouraging things can make me feel energized. A new pair of heels can boost my attitude for days!
Rachel Renee
That is a good analogy to the layers of an onion I think, Rachel. I feel many of the same things as you, and you describe the people (other than us) who have various expectations of us.
For me the one biggie, is that I am now fully retired, so I don't have a boss or a company, or even my customers when I was independent. That is so freeing, not to have those obligations anymore. Naturally I have others, my wife, my kids, grown up now but I still do a number of things to help them out.
The way you describe your feelings when you are Rachel is so much like mine, and so many others too I'm sure. A beautiful sense of peace and happiness, as if you are now the whole person. That is truly the most fulfilling and rather addictive feeling when I present as Amy. The choice of clothes colours and styles is overwhelming, but so wonderful compared to the meagre offerings for men. However that is all window dressing.
Quite some time ago someone here asked the question, "What if you only had Soviet era clothes and underwear, would you still dress up?" For me, I didn't have to think about it very long, Of Course I would! I love the beautiful clothes, mini skirts, long gowns, beautiful bras, but the biggest thing is to become, and then show the world the woman inside of me.
I also no longer feel like two separate people, Amy is always with me, I don't deny her exsistence, and she always has been though I never realized it for the vast majority of my like.
I believe I am much the same person whether male of female looking, of course I move and talk different when presenting as female, I just feel happier. Not that I am unhappy as a male either, as I am not in denial of my dual gender personality.
When out and about I always want to dress at the better dressed end of the spectrum, no matter whether I'm at the grocery, nice jeans and top, good shoes with modest heels, or for dinner in an upscale restaurant, heels, lovely dress, etc.
Thank you for an interesting and well written article.
Amy
Thank you, Amy, for your kind words regarding my article. I, too, tend to try for the better dressed end of the spectrum.
Rachel Renee
Very thought provoking Rachel and resonates with my situation in that after several years of unhappiness during which the HildaRuth within me finally managed to emerge and express herself through cross dressing (somewhat late in my life I'm 75) I and my wife are divorcing and I am about to move into my own flat and live according to my own expectations. Some of these will be to continue to do some of the things that I've done professionally for several years others will be quite new and involve being/becoming HildaRuth. Although a late starter I am really excited about this and looking forward to this next phase in my life. Thank you so much for raising this topic. With regard to your three questions at the end of your article I think I'm well on the way to dealing with your first question. As to what will I be like as HildaRuth develops, time will tell but I think I will be much more at peace with myself, less stressed and generally more accepting of other folk. As to fitting in or standing out I see myself being rather ordinary in that I will appear dressed as an older woman in ways that are acceptable for such a woman to appear with regard to whatever activity she is undertaking, from pottering around the flat, to going out shopping or for a coffee, to dressing up for special occasion. So I guess I'll be fitting in. On one of may relatively recent trips out as HildsRuth I got into conversation with the waitress in the restaurant where I was having supper and she said to me, "It was only when I came over to take your order and heard your voice that I realised you were a man." So I guess on that occasion at least visually I was fitting in.
Love and hugs to all my sisters
HildaRuth
Hilda Ruth, I wish you the best of all things as you enter this new world for your life! I think I'm jealous. I'm glad my article resonated with you. Thank you for your comments.
Rachel Renee
Thank you soo much! That is exactly how I feel ( funny I work in "IT" as well). I can't pass and haven't really tried yet but i just feel right wearing silk panties and sitting around in a nice dress. Your article inspires me to keep on my right path. As a matter of fact after reading it I went out of the house wearing pink nail polish. It's a start.
Congrats on the pink nail polish!! I am thrilled that I inspired you to be you.
Rachel Renee
Hi Rachel - I really like this way of identifying how we (or at least I) feel in this world. You are so right about the expectations put upon us, especially through family life and work. Whilst I say that, and however much I would love to live a full life as Isabelle, I do have to admit that I love my wife and grown-up youngsters ... and therein lies too the dilemma many of us probably face. For my part, I do manage to live a partial life en femme and maybe, personally, I will continue to accept the half-way street compromise. Many thanks for your thought-provoking article and help in acceptingthe situation in which I live and to go with the current compromise. Hugs - Isabelle
