Healing and Help!

Bobbi, difficult questions indeed!
I'll put a few of my thoughts down here, though I'm sure I could write a book about them.
I too struggled with this since around 12 or so, and have gone in and out of dressing, but hadn't dressed for quite a number of years till after I got married, then the allure of my wife's lingerie finally became overwhelming, so I started wearing it at times. Though I never hid it from her, and she said she thought it was cute, her words! Eventually she told me I should buy my own bras and other lingerie. Of course I did!
About three years ago as I was gaining a bit of self acceptance I talked to my minister about this, and told him most of the story. There was no problem of acceptance, as he is openly gay so understands this better than most.
The United of Church of Canada's take on this is if you are being true to yourself, then it is fine. As honestly is a doctrine of the church and how can you be honest when you are hiding your true self under a barrel? Which is why they also accept gays and lesbians as ministers. Though of course it's not without controversy at times.
I now accept this is part of me and something of a gift. Part of the gift is being able to enjoy my male life, then flipping myself into femme mode and loving that too. Like so many others have said I do think this makes me a better person, and not just when I'm dressed either.
Also I now see how my "Amy" side has been with me most of my life, and has influenced me without knowing it. Or you could simply say it's part of my personality.
I've used this analogy a few times. I have been drawn to music since before I started dressing up even, for whatever reason. But no one ever asks me why I play piano and write, and play other instruments. That is just me.
Amy

Bobbi, difficult questions indeed!
I'll put a few of my thoughts down here, though I'm sure I could write a book about them.
I too struggled with this since around 12 or so, and have gone in and out of dressing, but hadn't dressed for quite a number of years till after I got married, then the allure of my wife's lingerie finally became overwhelming, so I started wearing it at times. Though I never hid it from her, and she said she thought it was cute, her words! Eventually she told me I should buy my own bras and other lingerie. Of course I did!
About three years ago as I was gaining a bit of self acceptance I talked to my minister about this, and told him most of the story. There was no problem of acceptance, as he is openly gay so understands this better than most.
The United of Church of Canada's take on this is if you are being true to yourself, then it is fine. As honestly is a doctrine of the church and how can you be honest when you are hiding your true self under a barrel? Which is why they also accept gays and lesbians as ministers. Though of course it's not without controversy at times.
I now accept this is part of me and something of a gift. Part of the gift is being able to enjoy my male life, then flipping myself into femme mode and loving that too. Like so many others have said I do think this makes me a better person, and not just when I'm dressed either.
Also I now see how my "Amy" side has been with me most of my life, and has influenced me without knowing it. Or you could simply say it's part of my personality.
I've used this analogy a few times. I have been drawn to music since before I started dressing up even, for whatever reason. But no one ever asks me why I play piano and write, and play other instruments. That is just me.
Amy

Hi Bobbi, your article could have been written by me, except I started several years of age earlier and fought it for 10 years later into my marriage. I too was convinced that God was, at the very least, disappointed in my choices and lack of strength to "resist". At worst He considered me an abomination (neither is remotely true).

It wasn't until a few years ago that I learned why certain words and passages appear in the English translations of the Word. Those IMO errant translations and interpretations have caused harm to the Way and alienated millions of souls! Instead of loving others where they are, we are taught by "religious people" to judge and disapprove of some people or actions that they say are bad.

Yes, GF, we do have a precious gift to be able to tap into our softer, feminine side to a larger degree than other AMAB people can, or will allow themselves to. Those of us who are Christians have a duty to help others see that they are truly loved more than they (or we) can possibly comprehend. Self-hatred never comes from God, but from the Adversary.

I'm so glad to see you are healing. It feels so good to finally just love yourself for who you are and stop judging yourself, doesn't it?!

Hugs,

Brielle

Hi Bobbi, your article could have been written by me, except I started several years of age earlier and fought it for 10 years later into my marriage. I too was convinced that God was, at the very least, disappointed in my choices and lack of strength to "resist". At worst He considered me an abomination (neither is remotely true).

It wasn't until a few years ago that I learned why certain words and passages appear in the English translations of the Word. Those IMO errant translations and interpretations have caused harm to the Way and alienated millions of souls! Instead of loving others where they are, we are taught by "religious people" to judge and disapprove of some people or actions that they say are bad.

Yes, GF, we do have a precious gift to be able to tap into our softer, feminine side to a larger degree than other AMAB people can, or will allow themselves to. Those of us who are Christians have a duty to help others see that they are truly loved more than they (or we) can possibly comprehend. Self-hatred never comes from God, but from the Adversary.

I'm so glad to see you are healing. It feels so good to finally just love yourself for who you are and stop judging yourself, doesn't it?!

Hugs,

Brielle

My gift------When I struggled with the shame there was always a wall that no one crossed, even my wife. I'm not out, but I no longer hide. I now have a connection with my children and the world that was impossible otherwise. That is a blessing.

My gift------When I struggled with the shame there was always a wall that no one crossed, even my wife. I'm not out, but I no longer hide. I now have a connection with my children and the world that was impossible otherwise. That is a blessing.

Thanks for bringing this up. I'll take my time before trying to speak for the Trinity. I believe I am forgiven and loved. I am thankful.

Thanks for bringing this up. I'll take my time before trying to speak for the Trinity. I believe I am forgiven and loved. I am thankful.

Hi Bobbi,

Very thought provoking article. I am struggling to view the crossdressing urge as a gift because of the difficulties, guilt and shame that have accompanied it over the years. However, if I look at as an integral part of me that forms the person I am that's something I can get behind. Then if I look at who I am as a person overall, I feel worthy of love and understanding and can accept that the crossdressing is part of the package just like the color of my eyes and skin.

My wife of over 50 years and I have a DADT relationship with my crossdressing but recently I have asked and gotten her permission to wear lingerie to bed sometimes and she has agreed. I feel embarrassed having her see me dressed like that because I know it is not how she would like to view me. However, your article has helped me view it from a different place. She loves me and knows I'm a good person who loves her very much even though I have this need she doesn't understand or like. This need is nothing to be ashamed about but accepted as part of the gift of me just like the color of my eyes and skin.

Like all things in a relationship, I need to balance my needs with hers but I don't need to feel bad about my needs even if they are not generally accepted by society as long as they cause no harm.

Thanks for the article,

Michelle

Hi Bobbi,

Very thought provoking article. I am struggling to view the crossdressing urge as a gift because of the difficulties, guilt and shame that have accompanied it over the years. However, if I look at as an integral part of me that forms the person I am that's something I can get behind. Then if I look at who I am as a person overall, I feel worthy of love and understanding and can accept that the crossdressing is part of the package just like the color of my eyes and skin.

My wife of over 50 years and I have a DADT relationship with my crossdressing but recently I have asked and gotten her permission to wear lingerie to bed sometimes and she has agreed. I feel embarrassed having her see me dressed like that because I know it is not how she would like to view me. However, your article has helped me view it from a different place. She loves me and knows I'm a good person who loves her very much even though I have this need she doesn't understand or like. This need is nothing to be ashamed about but accepted as part of the gift of me just like the color of my eyes and skin.

Like all things in a relationship, I need to balance my needs with hers but I don't need to feel bad about my needs even if they are not generally accepted by society as long as they cause no harm.

Thanks for the article,

Michelle

Bobbi, Sorry this got away from me; My formative years were much the same as yours. Loving parents and a religious upbringing. Somewhere around the age of 10, I discovered the female form. After a year of studying all their curves and clothes, I started to dress as I thought they would. Not having any privacy in my house, I could only wear panties. The feeling excited me so much, I soon discovered the orgasm. After that, I was hooked. Through my teens, 20’s, and 30’s, I off and on wore female foundations (bra and/or panty) thinking I was making myself complete. I remember thinking that once I get married, it’ll stop…it did for a while. Then the urge came back even stronger. Eventually, I gave in and was crossdressing whenever I could. My found my collections and I purged them promising not to do it again. Now here I am at the age of 58 in therapy, still trying to figure out how to be happy. I cannot lose my marriage or family so now I under dress every day and am finding my way to happiness. This is not a topic my wife chooses to be any part of. Just wanted to share.

Bobbi, Sorry this got away from me; My formative years were much the same as yours. Loving parents and a religious upbringing. Somewhere around the age of 10, I discovered the female form. After a year of studying all their curves and clothes, I started to dress as I thought they would. Not having any privacy in my house, I could only wear panties. The feeling excited me so much, I soon discovered the orgasm. After that, I was hooked. Through my teens, 20’s, and 30’s, I off and on wore female foundations (bra and/or panty) thinking I was making myself complete. I remember thinking that once I get married, it’ll stop…it did for a while. Then the urge came back even stronger. Eventually, I gave in and was crossdressing whenever I could. My found my collections and I purged them promising not to do it again. Now here I am at the age of 58 in therapy, still trying to figure out how to be happy. I cannot lose my marriage or family so now I under dress every day and am finding my way to happiness. This is not a topic my wife chooses to be any part of. Just wanted to share.

Hi Bobbi.
Thank you for not only sharing your inner most thoughts but also for prompting others to contribute their perspective and feelings about seeing our need to crossdress as a gift. My beliefs and values are close to yours and like most of us here struggled for many years with feelings of guilt, shame and confusion yet the needs and desires always returned.
After a number of years when life was very difficult for me in a wide range of issues I found that talking to others about my needs to express my feminine side enabled me to see that crossdressing helped when, if I am brutally honest, I might have turned to other forms of escape to deal with stressful periods - for that alone I am grateful and view it as a gift.
As time has progressed and the difficult years are behind me and life is much better I have come to not only accept that I have a feminine side to my persona but to also recognise that although the world sees me in my male role as a family man and business man I try and bring to the roles a wider and kinder view point which I hope makes me better in my male domain.
I have also come to recognise that it is often quite easy for certain men to revert to seeing the world through somewhat stereotypical even bigoted eyes and so I try to see people without judging them and think about their struggles in life - if that means I can help them in some way I am very happy to reach out to them and lend them a hand. Knowing how the world views us as crossdressers I think helps me to understand how many people are viewed and how that creates issues for them.
My wife knows I crossdress and wear female underwear most days when working at home and will often buy things for me - I think we support each other in various ways including the relationship we have with our children and grandchildren so having a feminine side to my nature helps I think in this aspect of our life so again another side of the gift.
Others may have a different set of experiences or point of view but for me after years of self denial and confusion I have found contentment and acceptance about what makes me tick in both my male and female personas - its not always easy to mix the two but I see it as making me a better person which is the overriding factor.

Best regards
Rachael xx

Hi Bobbi.
Thank you for not only sharing your inner most thoughts but also for prompting others to contribute their perspective and feelings about seeing our need to crossdress as a gift. My beliefs and values are close to yours and like most of us here struggled for many years with feelings of guilt, shame and confusion yet the needs and desires always returned.
After a number of years when life was very difficult for me in a wide range of issues I found that talking to others about my needs to express my feminine side enabled me to see that crossdressing helped when, if I am brutally honest, I might have turned to other forms of escape to deal with stressful periods - for that alone I am grateful and view it as a gift.
As time has progressed and the difficult years are behind me and life is much better I have come to not only accept that I have a feminine side to my persona but to also recognise that although the world sees me in my male role as a family man and business man I try and bring to the roles a wider and kinder view point which I hope makes me better in my male domain.
I have also come to recognise that it is often quite easy for certain men to revert to seeing the world through somewhat stereotypical even bigoted eyes and so I try to see people without judging them and think about their struggles in life - if that means I can help them in some way I am very happy to reach out to them and lend them a hand. Knowing how the world views us as crossdressers I think helps me to understand how many people are viewed and how that creates issues for them.
My wife knows I crossdress and wear female underwear most days when working at home and will often buy things for me - I think we support each other in various ways including the relationship we have with our children and grandchildren so having a feminine side to my nature helps I think in this aspect of our life so again another side of the gift.
Others may have a different set of experiences or point of view but for me after years of self denial and confusion I have found contentment and acceptance about what makes me tick in both my male and female personas - its not always easy to mix the two but I see it as making me a better person which is the overriding factor.

Best regards
Rachael xx

Bobbi, for me the answer to your question is a sinple one. it allows you to be the person you are.x