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Sabrina. Follow your heart your soul If it's ment to be then it will happen. My thoughts on Being transgender is being happy content with yourself .No one or tharpest can tell you that you are or not Your only one can decide who you are .After 5 yes I finally came to my heart And I made that decision I am happy with who I am Was it tuff Oh yes extremely tuff But I had nock downs I had broken heart But I mended it .Sabrina When you find the answer and you make peace with it or youdon't .Always think of it as a gift not burden for yourself. Angel's for you Always Sabrina
Hey Brina, Your article resonated with me on a very deep level. I constantly ask myself the same question. At times I feel like it shouldn't matter, but for me it does. I agree with the dying without an answer because that is truly how I feel. Thank you for sharing this article and I would love to read your CD novel.
Hi Sabrina,
Thanks for your thoughts. I feel so much like you. I have the same struggles for over 60 years. What I have concluded though is that I am glad that I am a crossdresser and cherish whenever I have the opportunity to let my female side be expressed.
On another note, you look fabulous and cannot wait for your CD novel to be published.
Thanks for sharing! Yes, the gladness of accepting and being who we are. Once done, then it isn't negated by the hate and shame we once put on ourselves, but instead we are more complete and willing to enjoy the possibilities and experiences. Thanks for the kind compliment!
Lovely article Brina!
spot on Sabrina. Thank you so much. you have put into words how I feel at this moment in time. Now if I could get my spouse to feel as I do..hmmmmm. One can dream.
Reportedly CIS people rarely consider if they are Trans, and also reportedly if you keep considering the question and or repeatedly coming back to the question most likely your are Trans, and really would that be so bad?
Zenn
Thanks for the comments! No, it wouldn't. Kind of the assumption that I was alluding to throughout the article.
Yeah, after a while if one keeps asking the question it kind of makes things more apparent. The problem is denial is so strong.
The biggest thing that helped my overcome denials is just knowing you can identify as Trans and NOT transition. It is not mandatory. One does not have to take hormones or get surgeries.
You can be Trans and continue to live your life the way you were. And then dress and behave how you like to quell your dysphoria.
-Christina
Thanks for adding that perspective. I agree the problem is mostly in denial and feeling that we have to be all in or out. I'm with you on learning to "just be!"
How do I know? I know I thoroughly enjoy dressing in female lingerie. This will suffice for my first comment.
Your article hits home so hard. Sometimes I feel really girly. My desires to be girly started so young. But I don’t always feel like I’d want to transition. Because I wouldn’t be a “real woman”. Though at times I think I might. But if I could take a pill and become a woman with a womb and vagina I’d take it in a second. It’s so conflicting.
At times, I'm overwhelmed by my desire to be a woman, and then at other times, she seems more of a mystery that I can't explain. When we walk in the middle it seems as if we don't fully embrace the either/or. Finding enjoyment in being neither is the challenge.
That’s very true. I feel I swing from more woman to more man, but I’d say woman never goes below 40%. But if I were able to become 100% female genetically, not just appearance wise, I’d immediately take the pill
I wrote something that applies at least somewhat here
https://www.crossdresserheaven.com/overcoming-our-deepest-fear/
From that article:
So many of us are afraid to let others see us for who we are̶ fearful of what others might think of us and even in some cases not wanting to let who we are make others uncomfortable around us.
But there are those among our members who refuse to let those fears prevent them from being true to their inner core spirit. For some like Cloé, that can mean transitioning and sharing the story of that transition to help others who might be in similar circumstances. For others like April, it is showing by example that you can express your feminine side without shame or worry about society’s reaction. Still others like Samantha G and Leonara show us how̶ even if we for various reasons are unable to be out openly in the world as we might desire̶ we can still be a positive role model on CDH helping others to be all that they can be. And Let’s not forget our SO members like Kayla and Trisha who love and accept their partners because their love for them is more powerful and important than any approbation from a world that is not always kind to those who don’t toe the line of conformity.
Don't let the world define you- be who you are -
Below is the quote I wrote about in that article
Our Greatest Fear —Marianne Williamson
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, Our presence automatically liberates others.
—Marianne Williamson
Cyn
Thank you for a great article Brina.
As I was reading your article I thought a great response was forming and I was going to share with you our similarities and my hopes for our future...then I started reading into the comments and realized that there are plenty of answers to your questions...all as unique as the individuals writing them. All I can add is..
You are not alone.
I accept you for who you are.
Wishing you many more years on your journey
Bree
At this stage, most of my articles are as much about me as they are the pondering of questions that I feel many of those in my preverbal shoes also have. You qualified my intent with your last comment about the varying answers. Thanks for the hope and for the comments, both are much appreciated! 🙂
Hi Brina,
I don't know what to say...that article really hits home for me. I am currently struggling so much with all of this. With who I am, my wife, kids. I've been in counseling for 1 year now, still struggling. Thank you for sharing, perhaps I may gain some insight from your thoughts.
Hugs,
Vanessa
I'm not a counselor but have always been astute in seeing the bigger picture. That's what I try to convey here in my musings. There is more to life than having to decide an even/ or choice. We don't in so many things that we do, and yet, somehow feel as if we must when it comes to being a CD or transgender. I'm 61 and fought the world as much as myself for most of my life. Where I'm at now allows me some freedom of choice, still not total choice, not yet. Honestly, some days, I want to throw on my femininity and strut out the front door, never to return and in total disregard for my previous life. I don't, because I personally (I'm the only one that I must answer to) am not willing to give up the other things. I shouldn't have to do so in order to find some equilibrium.
I think that is my main point. You need to survive, you have a right to find some peace and happiness, and you shouldn't be forced into choices because others compel you to do so. This is your life, and you need to find your personal balance for the given moment with a complete understanding that it will most certainly change tomorrow and far down the road. I only wish today that I hadn't tried so hard in my early life to shame and deny what is such a marvelous part of me. You know the old saying, "If I knew then what I know now."
Take care of yourself...
Brina, appreciate so much for your feminine wisdom--I can relate! Even when we can't see and hear each other in person, we recognize and validate each other here virtually. Always have appreciated your warmth and expressions of your inner truth, as murky as they may feel at times.
Many of us live with some regret, often based on the lack of positive frames of reference when we were younger. Where were the genderfluid/CD/trans femme sisters when I was younger? More in the closet then than now, I suppose...
I hope to nurture and better express the compassionate woman inside me. Thanks for your example!
Where were the gender fluid sisters back when we were younger? Same place we were, hiding deep in the closet, afraid, and rightfully so. We tend to judge, others and ourselves, based on what's happening today, but it wasn't that way. No internet, we didn't even have a TV until I was 10 and then there were all of 2 channels, which signed off at midnight. While there were probably many of us, no one could talk about it, much less reveal ourselves without risking physical harm. This fear, and the hiding, continued all our lives, it even permeates here today, and we can be sure there are still many sisters who will die never having experienced the world outside their prison closet. Fortunately today, because of the internet, we have places like this now, someone to relate to, someplace where we are accepted, and so society is becoming more accepting, but still not altogether. It was only during the past year or so that I have come out, and while my friends, and at least some of my family, are accepting, some are still having a little of a hard time adjusting. But after a lifetime of hiding, denying, purging, shame and fear, because of sites like this and the social changes, I finally decided to overcome the fear, Jennifer will not die in the dark of some closet. She is now me, or maybe I am now her, and it's the happiest I've been in decades, if not ever. We're in a rapidly changing world, and as we begin to reveal ourselves we encourage others to do the same, blazing the way for those yet to come.
Hugs,
Jennifer
I struggled with this question 10 or so years ago.
No answers were coming so I went down the path to see what was there.
HRT was prescribed and 1 course of patches had an effect resulting in my 70 year old silver hair going dark again breasts going to small B for the left and A for the right. I loved the changes but after a while keeping up the grooming negative reactions from some of my work contacts and also at a major project I had , became a bit of a burden. I was still presenting in drab at work and the project.
When the therapist reviewed my progress she announced the next change would be a large increase in my nipples and the would have been difficult to hide.
So at that point I decided that the transition was just to hard .
So that is how I found my answer.
@bw Thank you for sharing! As I walk my path, I find the questions reflect more of my mindset at the time. What's going on currently, what's coming up, etc. The real struggle, that I've come to see, is feeling on the fence and learning to accept that as okay. I'm not sure if I'd be happier on the other side. Your points are great help. As much as I want (sometimes need) that change in mind and body to become more feminine, am I ready to handle it all?
