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It’s ever likely that your journey started in stealth, absolute secrecy. Only you were becoming aware of your curiosity. Which became your inner desires, which became your secret endeavours, which became your closeted journey; it didn’t take long to realise that this journey was undeniable. It had you gripped, like a brassiere harnessing a breast, like nylon shrink-wrapping itself around your inner CD soul. Silk, the milk of your new life, nurturing you at every dainty step.
You realised, you are not only a normal inquisitive human, you are on the fringes, the outskirts of the society imposed on you. Or at least that’s what you thought, at your secretive beginning: “I’ll just keep this to myself”. Hiding even an uncomfortably slightly longer glance, a millisecond-too-long glimpse of her legs. The nylons, the silky sensuality, the sensuality you were stealthily coming to enjoy, becoming part of your journey, now your life. Yes, gripped, undeniably gripped.
You then needed to square this off with whatever regime and protocol had been imposed on you, either in the playground or the playpen. You pondered and rationalised quietly, in the company of your protective stealth. You carried on, determined, stealth here, stealth there, stealth everywhere. For if it was your secret, it only impacted you, the silky you.
Now, bolder and bolder, you are pushing the boundaries, inquisitive to see just exactly what is on the horizon, over the brow of a buxom hill before you, getting ever closer with every femme step. Yet your steps are still somehow tentative and guarded.
And then, quite a few craggy steps further on, over the sunlit brow, you see it: a place of perfect peace, a place of enlightenment, a place where your desires are fulfilled, and any suffering simply silk-smoothes away. Nirvana, your secret Nirvana. Your Heaven on Earth. You cuddle down in contentment.
With enlightenment comes realisation - why stealth, why secrecy, why conform? Why not share, why not spread your gossamer wings, and fly? For, once flying, there are no perilous stepping stones, it is a flourishing, three or four-dimensional freedom, floating in a sunlit sky, walking in the air, the breeze has you safe. Stealth, you realise, is no longer your friend; in fact, it may never have been - it is actually reining you in. They need to know, you want them to know; and then the truth dawns, they most likely already know. And then comes the further realisation, that has you soaring out over the sparkling seas - they know, and they don’t actually mind.
Stealthy, you realise, is not healthy. Not any more, at least, not for you.
Coming out as a crossdresser isn't for everyone, though.
My wife knows, but nobody else close to me does. I am fine with that and, by dressing androgynously, I am able to bridge both worlds without much stress.
I would agree, except I am not aware of anyone here who has remained 100% in stealth, especially if they are with a partner. Perhaps I’m wrong. Thanks for reading the article Harriette 💚☺️💚
@valentina16 There are a few here that are ultra, ultra stealthy. A few here live in really dangerous countries, too, so stealthy means survival. I won't out them, they can speak for themselves.
Crossdressers are not monolithic. We are on a spectrum, including how open we are. As much as a lot of us would like to live fully en femme every day, everywhere, most of us have to choose carefully who knows.
In other words stealthy is healthy.
Hi, Valentina! I believe, as you pointed out, that stealth (not unlike our individual femininity itself) is on a spectrum for which our position will change based on a variety of contributing factors (age, personal relationships, etc.) For me personally, I plan to eliminate the last vestiges of stealth in the weeks ahead - to finally come out to my grandchildren and business associates, (I own my business) because as I've become older and hopefully wiser, I realize that stealth has never been healthy for me, because it's more than just wearing pretty clothes and makeup - stealth was suppressing who I am - a woman, for which I have every right to be and to announce from the mountain tops!
Thank you for the wonderful post / article!
Hugs,
Shawna
Beautifully written Valentina! In my perfect world there would be no stealth and I would be free to express myself anywhere and everywhere. However, in my real world I've settled for what I believe is a decent compromise. In my home I dress nearly 100% of the time. My closest loved ones know and accept me and I have a wonderful in-person community of other CD's in a nearby city that I go out with a couple of times per month. I have the CDH community that I have the pleasure of interacting with but the rest is stealth mode. So for me this stealth balance is healthy.
Yes, you clearly have a good and healthy balance (I am pleased for you). I guess the article was directed more at those souls who are 100% undercover, and the persuasion is getting increasingly intense. I am exploring whether this is actually harmful. Thank for reading my article and for your especially kind words. Hugs. Valentina 💚
A heartfelt article, my dear Valentina. Truly captivating. In my case, I still remain partially stealthy. I know where it is safe to move, although I am not worried anymore about hiding. There are some aspects of my life and my environment that, seen in some way, can be said to limit me, but I have learned that one must take advantage of the time, since at this stage the time I have already spent is greater than the time I have ahead of me. It is the law of life.
I keep Gisela's life to myself and a group of chosen ones. My friends from CDH and TGH are part of them, as well as other friends I have made on my travels. Unfortunately I have yet to meet anyone who lives closer to my home, so most of my adventures are solo.
It is my way of life, although I realize I had became bolder. I am in stealth here, in stealth there, but not in stealth everywhere. I guess I hava found a balance in my daily life to be relatively happy. In the end, no one is inmune to setbacks and sadness. I have learned to deal with those.
I try to fully enjoy each moment that presents itself and I am sure that I will leave peacefully when I have to live forever. A blissfully unrepeatable Gisela Claudine.
You are truly a wonderful person Gisela. I knew from the time I saw your first post here, but 6 or so weeks ago? Yes, your stealth is measured and balanced, and I think until society gets more accepting, it is probably the best balance, at least for the majority of. There are those who have gone the extra or full mile and found what they were looking for. And that is wonderful. For those who don’t, the balance is best. Thank you for reading and responding to my article, it means so much. 💚
I have slipped up slightly by not suggesting in my article that it is only complete 100% stealth which may not be in our interests. Partial disclosure is (in my view) best for us, at least best for me. If I were to write it again, I would have made this more clear. Just my view, I do emphasise. 💚
Dear Valentina,
In my heart of hearts, I truly believe YOU KNOW ME and YOU WROTE THIS FOR and TO ME.
In retrospect, my life (probably our lives), and all the things that have or have not happened, has been a series of co-incidences.
I'm currently a 'sophomore' at the University of CDH. I think that I'm in the process of challenging what I believed to be true (cuz once upon a time I was a KNOW-IT-ALL) and discovering how I have the propensity to make complicated things EVEN MORE COMPLICATED...
I'm trying to tie this location entitled CD 'HEAVEN' to something like... 'Let Go, Let God"....Now, would that be a CO-INCIDENCE?
Thank You for your NOTE.
POWERFUL and COINCIDENTAL.
Sincerely and With Love,
Thea,
PS....so, How do you know me? LOL....
Our journey is, in truth, coincidental. I do not know you and you do not know me. We perhaps have travelled the same or similar journeys. And this is the joy of a site such as CD Heaven. We meet and share. and get stronger. Our clothing has become a definition. A definition of us, who we want to be, who we may not be allowed to be. But we go there all the same. In peace. I wish you peace. Silky peace. 💚
A lovely article. I very much limit who knows about Anna (actually everyone who has met Anna is female) and that is fine with me.
Hiya Valentina. What a great read and a great perspective. My stealth days finished in 2011 when I told my wife about being a CD. It was getting harder and harder to keep the big secret. From there I have told our son our friends and the neighbours and even my doctor. Everyone has been fantastic and open hearted. So stealth has gone and been replaced with openess and kindness. A true miracle in a world that at times seems to have gone crazy. So now I wear a dress if I feel like it, or a skirt with a guys T shirt or a blouse with boobs and a wig and makeup. My wife and son dont mind what dad wears as long as he is happy and I think that should be the motto of the world. Be Happy....Ellie
Absolutely Ellie, absolutely. I think you have hit the very painted nail on the head. Although in the early stages of discussing my dressing persuasion with my GLW, it is becoming clear to me from what others have said about their SOs, that the SOs have requested abstention which when complied with, they see their dressing husband quite depressed and they have changed their thinking and actually moved to giving support. It is about being content in one’s own skin, being happy 😊
Thank you for reading my article, it is muchly appreciated ☺️ hugs, Valentina 💚
In the last couple years I have gone out en femme to drag shows, burlesque shows, and a couple gay bars. These venues I felt were the safest for somebody who crossdresses and, despite all my efforts, I'm still clocked.
I know this is not a political Forum but under the current presidential Administration in the United States I feel less safe doing that. I think there is more intolerance toward lgbtq+ individuals and I am going to avoid becoming a target. For the next four years at least I will be crossdressing only at home. I don't know how everyone else feels about this but the bigots are feeling more unfettered than ever before. @
Fantastic and well-written article - nicely done, Valentina. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you for taking time to read it Mona and especially for your kind appreciation. ☺️
Wow, you are a great writer. I feel exposed. 😀
Why, thank you for your kind comment Sara. I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable, the exact opposite, that there is something natural about dressing, which we might want to embrace. 💚
So true. Stealthy, just another way of hiding. The fear of others discovering our true selves, our secret. It's why it seems most of us become introverts. Most never break free, never soar, although, like you say, once you do you find that most people (there will always be more horses asses than horses) really don't care, or even notice. We are our own worst enemy.
Hugs,
Jennifer
Valentina,
thank you for writing this article about me and my stealth habits. The closet door has begun to open for me at home with my dear SO. Who knows where it will all lead? Maybe one day my perceived need for stealth will melt away. Hugs, Dee
One thing about being stealthy is that it can add to the thrill and excitement as many newbies have experienced
Oh mercy I LOVE this and needed this at this exact moment in my journey! TY Valentina!
