Welcome to Crossdresser Heaven, a safe and welcoming place for everyone in the crossdresser community.
Join Crossdresser Heaven today to participate in the forums.
Life for a covert dresser can, without doubt, be somewhat challenging. Not necessarily because of the constant fear that your secret persuasion might be discovered, but because of the harm, the upset or confusion you might unleash on those closest to you. Or even those in your wider, historically-secure friendship or work circles, the ones who for years have only known you as a veritable ‘deep-voice-man-guy’. I am reaching a conclusion that dressing has almost an A-class narcotic allure – once tried, always yearned for. The smoothness of the stolen-apple silk is all but soul-enveloping.
So, you dabble along, nudged here, prodded forward there; trying out, getting further entrenched into a secret lifestyle which you try so hard to rationalise, to accept as your ‘norm’. It is undeniably you. Your go-to home base. Your ‘why can’t they just accept it for what it is’ world. But, what of the impact on your SO? What about her - did she know about, or sign up for this? Did she know before she committed to you? That’s a toughie, isn’t it.
It’s an incontrovertible fact that this subject troubles the secret dresser more than anything else in their CD life. In their yin-yang world, the yin is the silky secret pleasure, the yang is worrying about its impact on others; their Significant Other, their soulmate, and most importantly, their wife.
There are as many different outcomes of that dreaded impact as there are wives, and they cover quite the spectrum - from instant divorce, right up to happily sharing her wardrobe with you, and even girls-together shopping trips to keep it beautifully stocked. But in that dark-side place, that no-man’s-land of worry, you constantly wonder, is there a metaphorical bullet with your name on it? And it eats you up. Stealthy is unhealthy, you'd best never forget.
For now though, let’s assume that not only have you dissipated any of the original guilt you might have felt, you have come to a comfortable secrecy, or even a sort of peaceful ‘DADT’ (don’t ask, don’t tell) environment, where you balance your pleasure with your good lady’s tolerance. It works. She’s fine. You’re happy. She is too, sort of, at least on the surface. But then, something changes - a woman’s prerogative, after all. She now does a U-turn: ‘I was sort of accepting, but you know what, I’m not now. Sorry hun, I think we need to…’
And then comes the dreaded bombshell you thought was just for others: the dreaded D-word. Or the one-way street called ‘trial separation’. You probably thought you were in a ‘cake-and-eat-it' world. Now, suddenly and abruptly, you aren’t. The vase is mid-air between her hands and the cold, cold floor.
A friend here on CDH (and, re upcoming pronouns, I have checked; he is happy to be referred to as a male dresser, especially in the following context) has his dressing life quite balanced out, it would seem - and so does his dearly-beloved and tolerant wife of considerable years. Like the proverbial Lady Justice, she may choose to wear a blindfold, she balances the dressing persuasions out on her scales, but she also bears a sword. He wisely keeps one eye on the sword, for if it were ever to get lifted, even slightly, he is certain that “if it came down to my marriage or my dressing, my dressing self would melt like the Wicked Witch of the West”.
I deeply admire his ultimate commitment to his wife. I just wonder though, could I commit to such, even in the face of the ultimate sanction, the about-to-fail marriage? Is the allure of my ‘witch’ too strong?
Could I really control it?
Could you?
It surely begs the question: how wicked is your witch?
Look, I will admit that I don't read every article published here. They tend to be long, and sometimes I can't be bothered. But this one is so well written, and addresses fundamental issues affecting most of us in this community. Thank you Valentina.
I can only speak for myself. I've never suffered any guilt or shame regarding my crossdressing, such as it is, or is not 😢. But there would be a 180° shift if I were ever to be discovered. I really don't want to burden my wife, daughters, wider family and large circle of friends with the knowledge that I like to slip into a pretty dress now and then. And I firmly believe that if one person knows, everybody will know. I've thought about this a lot. If she found out I'm convinced that would be the end of the marriage. I mean I may be wrong. Perhaps she is strong enough to take my dressing on board. If so it would definitely be a DADT arrangement, as much from my side as hers. I just can't ever imagine myself presenting en femme in her presence. But of course, and some of you girls will know this, I'd be absolutely thrilled with DADT! I've also thought long and hard about starting the conversation myself. I've even rehearsed it occasionally. The outcome, whatever it was, would be the same either way.
I've also looked at this from my side of things, and occasionally (ok often) wondered what my life would be like if I instigated the split. I mean I know I would be overwhelmed by my feminine side, and that sounds very exciting. This kind of thinking is the result of my personal wicked witch. I suspect I'd never take this drastic step, due to the upheaval I've already mentioned, but also because I'm sure I'd come out of the UK courts significantly poorer at a time when I could expect my monthly expenditure to increase exponentially 😂. And fundamentally I'd much prefer to get through the rest of my life with my wife.
So here I am, between the devil and the deep, stuck between a rock and a hard place, and with a huge void in my life that I fear will never be filled. Sorry to go on ladies, this one really touched a nerve.
Hugs, Chrissie xx.
Thank you Chrissie. I guess the simple answer is that whilst we are on a journey, so are our wives and family, they are on a journey too. Since writing this, I have come to appreciate that if there is a good love in place, it will override the initial stigma of dressing, and is likely to nurture an opportunity for exploring options for acceptance, perhaps a compromise - and many have mentioned that where wives and families have been accepting and supportive, it has been with boundaries, the most typical one being requesting no en femme in the nearby town. Whilst there appears to be a definite growth in acceptance of what we do, not all places welcome us with open arms. They will most likely one day.
We can take heart that society is becoming ever accepting, so we are more likely to go in peace and CD comfort. 💚
Great essay. I can certainly relate as I’m sure many here do. Would the wicked witch melt if faced with an “either/or” from the SO? Depends I suppose on how deeply one was committed to their own feminine soul. Can you not live your life happily without the complete satisfaction of expressing who you really are or would you be left bereft and alone without your SO.
I periodically go through periods of doubt and questioning as to the effect of my desires to present as a woman have on my SO. We recently went through just such an episode when I sat her down and told her I was done, that I was prepared to purge and leave the “witch” buried for good. Her response, “you can’t do that, it’s who you are and I love all of you” (quick end to THAT purge). To me that was an immersion into the level of love possible between two people. But I most certainly understand and appreciate that’s not always the case.
Everyone’s relationship situation is so different, there are so many variables to consider. And unfortunately sometimes the witch has to go permanently underground in order to maintain a lifetime of connections and family. Just the way it is.
For me it’s, long live the witch.
It is a truly loving and accepting wife who accepts this side of us as being essential, and that without it we would not be our full selves and possibly even face depression. Thank you for reading the article Robyn, and your considered comments after.
@valentina16 I agree. I am one of those lucky things whose partner accepts and actively encourages my unquenchable need to dress.
My witch? She is terrible! lol She is insatiable! It's because of her insistence on being so much more than a closet-dwelling presence that I ended up telling my partner about my terrible desires after trying to keep her quiet for so very long.
She also insists that I dress like a rather witch-y goth from time to time. I don't object though 🙂
@caroline2k ty, Ms Caroline. Does your wicked witch have a broom? 😉
I have not dressed for about 3 weeks now, to see if I could control my witch. It’s not easy at all. Like I’m conditioned to want to dress. Let’s see how it goes 💚
@valentina16 This scenario is played out in nearly every rom-com ever made. The protagonist (usually the fella) meets the person of their dreams, but under some false context. Things are going so well that he can't bring himself to be honest about who he is and eventually, invariably the other person finds out and the ____ hits the fan.
Cue the drama while the fella mopes and despairs and works to convince the gal that, despite this deception, under it all he's really a good person and worthy after all.
In the film this always works out, this story of redemption. That's because it'd be a terribly short and uninteresting story if the fella was just honest from the get go, "Oh, no...you misunderstand, I'm actually the garbage man."
Do not put fear in the driver seat - it never goes where you want to go. I always advise telling your person of interest early, as soon as you think there's a chance this thing might actually develop into something, that's the time. If she 'icks' and moves on, then you've simply saved years of your life and you get the added bonus of crossing her off your list and can start looking for someone more open minded and accepting.
If that moment has passed, then you tell her as early as possible - that means now. Do not wait for the right time, it will never come. You will continue to pile weight on your shoulders and increase the doubt and resentment she will have at your keeping this secret.
But then, something changes - a woman’s prerogative, after all. She now does a U-turn: ‘I was sort of accepting, but you know what, I’m not now. Sorry hun, I think we need to…’
I disagree with the above. This buys into the stereotype that women are flighty and fickle and change their mind on a whim, which is an unfair notion. Humans in general don't behave in this way. I have seen real-life friends experience this before, yes, but they are never just because the spouse woke up that day and chose close-mindedness.
In these situations, there's usually 1 of 2 things that have happened:
- Some new revelation was made by the CD or some previously unrevealed item or act was discovered by the spouse. This clearly erodes the trust level and causes the SO to reconsider. Generally because the CD was afraid to share everything up front and kept things hidden and the future sharing/discovering causes the spouse to panic, wondering where this will all end.
- The SO was never fully on board - she seemed to accept because she wanted to believe, or because she was afraid of losing her partner, or some other reason. However, there has been some trigger that causes her to stop and reconsider that she never wanted to be part of this from the outset. Perhaps she sees a story about some other couple getting torn asunder by this. Regardless of the trigger, she decides she's needs to put a stop to it.
Both of these are communication issues. I feel that if both you and she/he/they are truly open and honest and willing to work through it, I don't see the need for any witches.
Thanks Melodee. You seem to have almost written more above than I did in the article itself. You may love my next article then. I will dissect your words later. It was to an extent based on actual events, so maybe the moral of the story is ‘one size does not fit all’. Thanks for reading it and putting so much effort into your response.
@melodeescarlet Thanks for a thoughtful reply, and thanks to Valentina for the good post opening the topic. I fall into the category of not telling my wife until we were some years into our marriage. We both came from a conservative small town, and in those days, I couldn't find the words.
When I did tell her, it was a tense time. In fairness, I didn't give her all the information going into our marriage. Another way to look at it would be how we would feel if we suddenly discovered our wives had some major secret they didn't share. Of course, we'd wonder and feel hurt. I also learned from a therapist that an MTF CD would be a deal-breaker for a lot of women.
Like many I tried a purge for a while, but that didn't last. We reached a compromise where we're still together, but she doesn't want to see me dressed. What would happen if she said stop altogether or I'm gone? I hope it never comes to that.
@signoraaria I am fast coming to the conclusion that if we want to keep our beloved wife, we may just have to back off for a while; and respect her views. Leave it a few weeks and then brooch the subject gently 🤓
I love and lived this article!
My wife was tolerant of it for more then 10 years, then we separated not solely on dressing but it was probably #2. I purged everything and swore off of dressing. The separation ended and she thought (maybe) happily ever after.
Then my depression set in and the urge was to strong. It lasted a few years before I gave in and went back in the closet. Then as usual I left evidence out and got caught. I waited for the D word to fall.
This time I was going to give it to her. Let her find her happiness elsewhere and I would let Jessi be free. Only to have her tell me that she now sees it's not something I can easily give up. So she decided to understand and except. So far things are good and she has spent time with Jessi. I keep reminding her about last time but she reassures me it all is well. I hope it remains that way.
@jessij Sort of heartwarming, at least the eventual outcome. I wonder if the depression was solely dressing related, or whether there were other significant factors. No matter now, you are comfortably sorted ☺️
Thanks for reading the article Jessi.
I have realized in my life there needs to be time for my feminine self. My wife has been very accepting since I told her. If that trend ever did reverse though, I can't imagine that I could ever give up this side of me. I think I would develop into a very wicked witch indeed!
Hiding it wasn't healthy!
I think you are right in determining that you could never give up this side of you, and to do otherwise is only likely to cause harm to your wellbeing. If the wife is showing empathy to us, we must show empathy to her and our family’s needs. Simples.
A beautifully written article Valentina, so eloquently describing the dichotomy we feel between being completely open with our SO and keeping our secret completely to ourselves.For some perhaps maintaining a secret life might heighten the excitement of transformation, but essentially you are living a lie of omission. For me that kind of stress is way to much to bear, especially when engaging in a behavior that is supposed to satisfy a particular need and be pleasurable.
I agree wholeheartedly with Melodee and support full disclosure from the earliest stages of a relationship, or at least as soon after your active CD activity begins. If you do not you are essentially living a lie and effectively imprisoning yourself and your SO in that lie, forcing you both to live in kind of a prison. Not fair to either of you.So I say disclose fully as soon as you can, keep no secrets, answer all questions and don't let the demon of dishonesty damage the most important relationships in your life.
It has worked for me.
@krisburton ty Kris. I totally agree with all your points. It is usually best to be open. I did write an earlier article which reached the same conclusion, ‘stealthy is unhealthy’. There are some instances though where people prefer not to say. I think it is up to the individual, one size does not fit all. Thank you for taking the time to read this article and your considered response. 💚
Really well said! I think this is a really great topic.
Before we got married, I tried dropping hints to my wife by suggesting I dress up for Halloween, I intentionally left web pages open to some of the crossdressing stores for her to find, and I even placed an order with Victoria's secret, but didn't really get what I wanted, so I asked my wife (girlfriend at the time) to return it for me. You can't really get any more blatant than that, yet she was still shocked when she discovered my stash. Maybe she was just in denial, so I had to tell her straight out, and I tried to emphasize how deep this really runs for me.
I have said it many times. My wife knows, but does not support my crossdressing. This is a don't ask, don't tell type of a situation. I have come to a place in my life where I accept that this is a part of me, and will never change. Just like everyone else here (most likely), I have purged many times and made efforts to "quit" only to have the urge return and eventually, I would go to all the trouble of rebuilding my wardrobe only to purge again down the line. At this point in my life, if my wife gave me an ultimatum, sorry, my witch is too strong.
I would however seek another SO, and going forward I would want to be open and honest about my crossdressing from the get go. There is a part of me that really longs to meet a special woman that would support and even participate in my crossdressing hobby. "Girls together shopping trips" would be a dream come true, but I would also just settle with fashion tips, help with makeup, and girls night at home would be great too. I would still want to keep it just between the two of us, but to be able to do it freely (at home), without having to sneak around seems like it would be a wonderful thing. 
@patricia1970 Thanks for sharing this Patricia. Your dreams certainly outweigh your reality. I hope you get to your Nirvana. I feel you will. I feel in fact you must. I have another article in the pipeline which I think you may help with your journey. In the meantime, take care and be yourself. 💚
Way back, my witch was in conflict with my then wife's hatred of my CD'ing. To still keep in touch with my "angel", I dressed away from home for work or in my office when everyone else had left for the day. That union ended up in divorce around the turn of the century.But not before some early purges etc, so it "would all go away".
Not very long after I separated, I found my new and loving partner, who knows about Caty "but does not want to know". It's a loving DADT relationship and early on, I was so happy I was like a recovered drug addict, I "never touched a drop of CD'ing".
But of course, sooner or later "it all comes back" and these days Caty has a complete femme wardrobe and the extras that go with it. IE Wigs, breast forms, make up etc etc.
So in effect, I put Ms Witch on her broom and sent her packing. My only problem is the problem I have with some minor health issues that prevent me from doing my monthly charity overnight volunteer trips, that allow me to get my "full Caty on"
So I sneak a few hours here and there at home, eg today, when the Boss went to lunch or dress down in my "Comfy" 3m sq storage unit about 30mins from home.
Plus I sleep femme in my own room and bed up the other end of the house.
Caty.
Fast emerging conclusion: the witch is undeniable. Stick her in the broom cupboard, all she does is come knock-knock-knocking on heaven’s door. (🧐 thinks, that might make a good song…😊)
I disagree Valentina,
Witches like these should only go one way, "South to hell". Cos they can sure make life hell for folks like us.
Caty.
@ryanpaul and yet we invite them in at a drop of their pointed hat and we entertain them in a cauldron of fun frolics and fantasy. 💚
My witch 🧙♀️ is well and truly stuck in the closet, my wife has absolutely no idea I'm a crossdresser and I'm sure she would feel betrayed to learn that I've been dressing most of our married life,
This is the only secret I've kept between us and I'm sure it would spell the end of our marriage,
Hugs Roz
@rozalyne Roz, I am in exactly the same place. It's so tough isn't it hun? At least you have those fabulous makeover pics to comfort you xx.
I know how you feel Chrissie, it's been hard keeping it a secret so long, many times I've just wanted to say that I'm a crossdresser and i love to wear feminine clothes, it would be wonderful to wear a dress everyday and not be judged,
Hugs Roz X
Hi Colette that's only with the help of Tracey who worked her magic on me, that was my very first makeover, I'm hoping to repeat it sometime soon,
I need some new outfits for the next time a girl can't wear the same outfits for her makeovers,
Hugs Roz X
Thanks very much Colette , i couldn't believe how she made me look so beautiful,
Hugs Roz X
I have now got to the stage where I realise I've sacrificed too much and denied who I really am. Now it's simple. I tell and they don't like it it's over .
@valentina16 thank you . It wasn't an easy decision but I've made bad choices in the past. You tell someone as you care about them and suddenly a few months later the accusations start. It's notably when my lingerie collection is sexier than hers ! Anyway I don't take a chance now and it's made life a lot easier x
What a great question! I'm definitely in this situation... if she found out, what exactly would she do? Probably very accepting and supportive... or maybe likely to hit me on the head with something very large and solid (that probably used to be known as my left arm...) At the end of the day, I reckon it would have to be K rather than Alice - but I hope like hell that I never have to find out for sure... Final thing: you mention "witches": I recently saw something about a poll about the "Greatest Witch Ever": they had it (in ascending order from third to first) as Alyson Hannigan (Willow Rosenberg in Buffy The Vampire Slayer) Holly Marie Combs (Piper Halliwell in Charmed) and Elizabeth Montgomery (Samantha Stevens in Bewitched.) Think they got the top three entirely right, but surely Holly should have been top and... well, I can't make my mind up regarding who should have been second... What do you reckon? Alice XXX
Elizabeth Montgomery was my first love, and you always remember your first love ☺️
@shortskirtslonglegs Maybe we concoct a three witches sketch for one of the meet-ups. And after we’ve been a witch, how’s about we become 3 Dolly Partons? 😉
I'm not sure I could find enough padding to be Dolly Parton; Keira Knightley perhaps? Alice XXX
@shortskirtslonglegs Kiera has dents, allegedly…. No fear, I have F-cup forms. And did you know that you can actually put two forms into each cup. Not that I have ever tried of course 🤥🤥🤥
@valentina16 Why would you ever want to? Keira is near perfect - and A cups are soooo cute!!! Honestly; some girls just need to get a sense of perspective - especialy considering that they always say "less is more"... Alice XXX
@shortskirtslonglegs I'm no fan of films or celebrities. But gosh, Keira ❤️. I love a posh English accent xx.
@chrisfp99 I do (can) have one. It was Gatlinburg in mid-July and I just hit town and my throat was dry, and on the way to the bar, I happened to pass a popcorn stand with different varieties; I stopped to ask what flavours they were. The young woman stopped instantly and said in her lovely Tennessee drawl “You’re from Engerland! Could you possibly please say ‘tea and crumpets’ for me?!” I introduced myself in my best James Bond voice “Valentine, Valentina Valentine” and complied. ☺️
@shortskirtslonglegs you’re sounding like my once guide and mentor from New England - “proportional is best, dear”!
Just had this conversation, no more than an hour ago, with my wife. She's currently in the "totally intolerant" mindset. Three months ago, I set up a meet-up with another CDer for this Friday. She had no issues with it, but as of late, that's totally changed. She used to tell me that she would leave me only if I transitioned. A week ago, she said that if I ever go to another nightclub, she'll leave. She says that I dress like a slut when I go clubbing & she's worried about guys trying to pick me up. I dress like any other woman. I try to blend in. And, although I like to flirt, I never let it go any further.
Well, this week, she told me that, if I go out on Friday, she'll be very disappointed & upset. This morning, after I read to her some of the advice that other CDH members have given me to work through this, she intimated that I had the green light to go live my life as a woman & that she'd be fine without me in her life.
That's not what I want. Yeah, I want to be a woman, but not without her. She's my whole world. She means everything to me &, if it means the end of Dawn, then that's how it'll have to be. But now, I wonder if these feelings are reciprocal. I guess my witch is not very wicked.
Dawn; if she's worried about guys trying to pick you up, that's one hell of a compliment to you - but it sounds like you need to dial things back a bit. I fully understand the idea of "what if she leaves me?" - I'm in the same situation. Sometimes, we have to take a step back and evaluate our priorities - and it sounds like you have yours in the correct order. Who knows - maybe in a couple of months she'll be fully accepting again... and I'll bet you don't dress like a slut - just like the gorgeous woman you really are... Alice.XXX
@beach-girl Hi Dawn,I don't get on the site much so I'm catching up on a lot of topics but your post caught my eye so I looked at your profile and saw a very confident, beautiful and elegant lady and an interesting bio. I don't think being told you dress like a slut is appropriate language for anyone anytime. We hear that nonsense when women are told they "asked for it ". But I understand your dilemma and what it would mean to you to lose your partner. I just hope you can talk through this difficult situation and that Dawn continues to blossom. Best wishes ❤️
Doesn't it always seem to come down to that, the decision, who is really going to be in control of our lives? Do we deserve to live as we please, enjoying who we really are inside, no harm to anyone or society, or do we allow someone else to control our life, determine who we are allowed to be based on their perceived fears and prejudices? Yes, we always want to have our cake, with icing, and eat it too, it's only human, but in reality life hardly ever works out that way and we live lives of compromises, quiet desperation as Pink Floyd says. But in the end, we always come down to the basic question, the same one we faced as we grew up during our rebellious youth years as we strove to identify ourselves. Conform to the demands of others, even those we don't now nor ever will know, or be our true selves. Only we can answer that question, and, being of more advanced years myself, as you think back along a long life journey, it comes down to, which choice will we make, and which choices will we regret never taking. Oh, the would of's, could of's, what if, ands and buts, how many times have we heard from those in their final stages, things they wish they would have done. We cannot reclaim time, tomorrow is never guaranteed, whose life do you want to live. We all have different circumstances, our choices determine our futures. It took me a looonng time, several close brushes with death, but the time did finally come when I decided that I was not going to allow Jennifer, this woman who has lived in me for as long as I can remember, a love/hate relationship for sure, to die alone in the dark of the closet. She deserves her time in the sun too. I deserve to really experience, feel, enjoy, be her, to be who I've always wanted to be. And it's wonderful.
Hugs,
Jennifer
@jenniferr @ yes life can be a series of compromises , give and take etc but eventually you begin to wonder if the balance has been right . Dawn is in a very unenviable situation . I know what I would do and have done because Colette isn't just a collection of clothes and make up . She's who I want to be, she has a life and although it's difficult for me to combat my nerves I'm determined to, as you say give her her day and more in the sun.
Coming out has been one of the scariest, but most rewarding decisions of my life. Imagine, we're raised with fears, guilt, shame, we spend our entire lives, our entire lives, living with these things, believing that we must, it's what we must do to be "normal". Look at us here, everywhere, millions of us, OMG, living lives afraid,afraid and ashamed of who we are. Finally, our society is waking up to the fact that this just isn't right. It's mind boggling, the burden we carry for our entire lives, the toll only we know it takes on us, a toll higher than many of us ever realize, until one day, if we're lucky, we can escape. I can't even put into words the feeling I had when I stopped the lies, stopped the hiding, no more shame, no more guilt for having the feelings I had, it's like suddenly an enormous weight was lifted from me. Suddenly, there she was, Jennifer, her face, unashamed, in the sun. Like a prisoner serving what might have been a life sentence suddenly set free. It wasn't long before my friends were telling me how much happier I seemed to be, how much more outgoing I had become, even how much younger I looked, and acted. Without all that stress I had been carrying constantly working to maintain a lie, I was free to experience a new life, unguarded freedom to be ME. I still have my friends, I still have my family, for anyone who loves me all that matters is that I'm healthy and happy. If I have lost any along the journey I haven't noticed, their slot overfilled with so many new friends I have made. Maybe we can live more than once, maybe we just have to make that choice. Only each individual can weigh the cost/benefit equation as we determine, whose car is it, and who is going to be behind the wheel.
Hugs,
Jennifer
@beach-girl Oh Dawn, I feel for you honey. I so hope you manage to work something out. I don't face these sorts of problems as my wife knows nothing of Chrissie, but that of course brings its own challenges xx.
@beach-girl Is there any chance that your wife would be open to some professional help?
Nope. She refuses to have anyone tell her "how I should feel". I got her to go with me to see my therapist once. She thought she was going to get ganged up on, but was pleasantly surprised. Despite that, she said she'd never go again & she hasn't. I tried to read her some comments from other CDHers, concerning this matter. She didn't want to hear any of it.
"Do you want to be a woman?"
She spoke the question very quietly in the course of a tense conversation in the kitchen one morning.
It was sprung on me and I'd had no time to prepare.
In retrospect, even if I had had any forewarning, I doubt I would have had the capacity to formulate a decent answer.
For years and years (from our courtship days) and 27 years into our marriage, she had been a consistent ally, weaving my crossdressing into our bedroom play and rejecting gender norms.
That morning I sensed a change. Her tone was hostile and pregnant with reproach.
Three months later she passed. I still hear her questioning tone ringing in my head, nearly eight years.
I had perhaps let "the witch" out too often, or perhaps allowed her into certain off-limits spaces?
I still don't know. Nor can I think of an answer.
Well, DO I want to be a woman?
We-ell, yes. But only in finite installments, I think.
Love,
Katherine
@katherineboesemann That was a shame Katherine, but you mustn't let it spoil the memories of a wonderful relationship. You are probably reading too much into it xx.
@katherineboesemann Your style of writing Katherine is so eloquent and pleasing to read 💚
@katherineboesemann
Your wife is gone, and I'm so sorry for your loss.
What i'd like to say is that you may have witnessed something much better than you realize.
My wife and I are still struggling, but I have declared that I'm more than a cross dresser and am on Hormones now, but I have witnessed this exact moment in my own world.
I think you may have been seeing the realization of seeing you clearly and completely, and realizing that it wasn't quite what she thought. I have been told that those feelings may have been directed to herself as much as you.
Having said this, in all my stories I've listened to, this exact comment seems to precede the statement that "She knew before I did", and appears to be not a little shock for the spouse, but doesn't seem to indicate any significance as to the outcome going in one direction or another.
Take heart that this is a very common and normal event within our community and did not necessarily indicate any lasting or pre-existing and suppressed feelings, even if it was quite a strong reaction at the time. This is reinforced by your statements of being a consistent ally.
