I am NOT a patholog...
 
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I am NOT a pathology!

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(@prettykatie)
Active Member     Los Angeles, CA, United States of America
Joined: 9 years ago

My wife knows I cross-dress. She went with it for a little while too. That was not nearly as good as I thought it would be. She was uncomfortable being out with me at clubs themed for cross-dressers and T-girls and I felt guilty asking her to go. So I stopped asking, and for the most part, I stopped going except on the rarest of occasions. I moved my wardrobe back into the closet and only dressed in private. I have written before about all the things a wife must feel when she learns that her husband cross-dresses and I know from first hand experience that all of the explaining in the world frequently does little to restore stasis to a relationship after the revelation is made.

For me, I strongly feel that the failures of my explanations is largely due to the fact that I do not understand my urge to cross-dress all that well myself. I also strongly feel that the reason I have trouble understanding myself is because of linguistic limitations. There are many articles here that struggle with those linguistic limitations and many of those articles are constructed around what a cross-dresser ISN'T and I think this makes it very difficult to explain to someone what a cross-dresser IS.

For instance, it seems that most cross-dressers are NOT gay. I have yet to see a cross-dresser use this word in self-reference. A few of us are bisexual. And some of us like men, but only like men AS a woman. But I have yet to see someone admit that they like men exclusively both as a man and as a woman.

It also seems to me that most cross-dressers are NOT transsexuals, and, based on my observations only, that most of us don't seriously entertain the idea of actually becoming a woman. We all seem to fantasize about it and we all seem to have educated ourselves about it. But very few of us actually seem to go through with actual reassignment. For most of us, I suspect, it is because we recognize ourselves as cross-dressers and differentiate "cross-dresser" from "transsexual"--even though every cross-dresser I have ever met acknowledges an inner woman!

Finally, it seems to me that most Cross-dressers are NOT transvestites. We don't dress and act like women solely because it gives us a sexual thrill or because sex is only satisfying if we are dressed as our female selves. In other words, most of us aren't paraphiliacs.

Accordingly, based on my own unscientific sampling I am positing the following affirmative (and admittedly over-generalized) description of what a cross-dresser IS:

Most of the cross-dressers I have come across online and in real life are  (a) straight or bisexual men (b) who feel like women on the inside (c) but don't have an overwhelming compulsion to physically become a woman, and (d) who find peace and happiness on a non-sexual level when looking like and being dressed like a woman.

Notably, by this definition, we don't fit into any recognized current or former pathology (homosexuality, thank God, is no longer considered a pathology in the DSM, but gender dysphoria and transvestism ARE still considered pathologies as far as I know). Crossdressing, on the other hand, has never been considered a pathology unless associated with 1) Distress, 2) Disability - occupational or otherwise, 3) Dare deviling. In other words, cross-dressers are sexually and mentally...NORMAL.

But try explaining that to your wife while wearing a dress!

 

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(@Anonymous)
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Great post. I have also had a hard time the the "WHY" question. I am a very happily married older CD who loves to get dressed, either fully or even partially as circumstances permit and I have a wonderful and somewhat understanding wife BUT I have never been able to really explain why I am the way I am. Sure I have proffered some explanations but I cannot make a cogent and convincing argument.

Several years ago I lucked into the purchase of a 20 year old used Porsche. It had about 10K miles on the odometer and I got it for a song. I never had to explain the wonderful allure of the Porsche to my sons...they got it instantly. I could never explain the allure of the Porsche to my wife. Drilling down I realized that if I have to explain the allure of the car to my wife that I could not do it. It is the same about explaining my cross dressing. I can't do it.

I see these as simple mysteries of my life.

Pat

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(@Anonymous)
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Hi Katie

An excellent article that addresses many of the key questions that most cross dressers struggle to answer.

In response to your final summing up is pretty much spot on....

In fact based on the most high profile surveys of the last century around 75% of all cross dressers are heterosexual and approx 75% are married with family.

In Vernon Coleman's 'Men In Dresses' 77% of respondents stated that the reason why they cross dressed was because they liked the feel of female clothing, 59% because it gave them a sexual kick, 48% because it helped them to relax and 69% wanted to express feelings of being a woman.

In the same survey 77% confirmed if they had the opportunity they would not have sex reassignment surgery.

In the 1972 Prince & Butler survey 78% of cross dressers saw dressing as 'expressing a different part of themselves'.

By 1992 Doctor & Prince study this had increased to 80% based on the same question.

.....and there's the problem is not that these things are difficult to explain it is simply that there is not enough published information to inform those family and friends.

Check out my website www.caties-book.co.uk or drop me your email and I'll send you an e-copy of the book.

Keep on plugging away....

Catie x

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