I Did It!—First Time Out

You know that feeling when you just want to step out into the world and be your true self? That’s exactly how I’ve been feeling lately. Then, out of the blue, I received an invite to a birthday party. My friend Gill was turning 70, and I really wanted to go, but something always seemed to hold me back from going out as my true self.

The past five years have been turbulent. It all started in 2020, when I was still working as a truck driver. One day, after picking up my delivery notes, I went upstairs to hand them to Lisa and saw that on her monitor, was a picture of a bodycon dress. Without thinking, I said, “That’s nice! Maybe with some silver shoes and a fascinator, that would make a great outfit.”

Lisa was stunned. She told me to close the door and then asked, “Have you ever worn a dress before?”

I admitted that I had.

“So, you’re trans?” she asked.

“I suppose so,” I replied.

That conversation changed everything. Lisa encouraged me to embrace who I was. But how could I tell my wife that I liked wearing women’s clothes?

It took time, but eventually, I built up the courage to tell her. It did not go well. She called me every name under the sun, humiliated me, and accused me of lying to her. From that moment on, my life became uncomfortable. Her friends made me feel unwelcome. She insisted I had betrayed her, she wouldn’t let me dress how I wanted during the day, and she hated it when I spent money on the clothes that made me feel like myself.

But here’s the thing—I love looking fabulous.

So, when I got the invite to Gill’s party, I asked her, “How do you want me to dress?”

She told me all her friends knew about her cross-dressing. That was it—I made my decision. I was going as Stevie Sabrina.

As the day got closer, my nerves grew. My mind filled with doubts, trying to convince me not to go: But I refused to listen.

The day finally arrived. At 5 p.m., I started getting ready. An hour later, I walked downstairs, fully dressed as Stevie Sabrina; my nerves were on edge.

By 6:30, it was time to leave. I caught the 7 p.m. tram into the city, bought my ticket, and braced myself. Then, something unexpected happened. A young person greeted me with a warm “Hi” and asked if I was heading into town.

“Yes, for a birthday party,” I said.

They smiled. “You look really nice.”

We chatted the whole way into the city.

When I arrived at the restaurant, I climbed the stairs and saw Gill looking absolutely fabulous. I met her friends, and we had an amazing night.

All that fear, all that doubt—it was for nothing. Just my imagination playing tricks on me.

Now that I’ve been out as myself, I know I can do it again. In August, I’ll be attending my first CDH/LFF event, and I can’t wait.