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Have you ever gotten the best of both worlds, without even knowing it? That's what happened to me when I met my husband nearly two years ago.
I'm a straight woman who loves men, but I'd had my heart broken twice: once when my husband of 21 years died suddenly and once when I foolishly married a mean alcoholic while still grieving. With no place left to turn, I started over. I moved to a new city, took a new job, made new friends.... Life was good.
Then I met Prince Charming. One day at work, the man of my dreams walked into a conference room and straight into my heart. To say it was love at first sight is a severe understatement! He was widowed; very powerful and successful in a male-dominated field; tall, smart, sexy, handsome -- the complete package. Amazingly, he fell in love with me, too. We married less than a year after we met.
My husband was very inexperienced sexually. He'd married his college sweetheart and was faithful to her until she died. He dropped hints that she had been very straight-laced and that sex with her had been plain, rare and unadventurous -- the opposite of me. I helped my husband open up sexually -- and wow! Did he open up!
About two months ago, he suddenly asked if we could be intimate while he wore my panties. (I'm into lingerie and have quite a collection.) I of course said yes. It was fun... and then it snowballed. Suddenly, my ripped, former-triathlete husband wanted to dress in my panties, stockings and silk robes every time we were intimate. Well, er, OK. Then he wanted to shop for lingerie for himself online. I dutifully helped him pick sizes and colors, all the while freaking out.
I'm adventurous, but had I married a gay man? Was Mr. Master of the Universe really Mrs. Doubtfire? Into the internet I plunged and found Crossdresser Heaven. Thank heaven! Here and on other sites I learned not to fear my husband's feelings and desires. He's not gay, he's not a freak, he's not bored, and he's not going to become transgender. I learned that many men have a feminine side or feel like women inside but never have had the freedom or confidence in their marriage to show it.
That's the case with my husband. He's 100 percent into women and loves my beauty and sexiness as a women. As he puts it, he could almost be a lesbian, because he loves women, but he also feels that he has a feminine side.
I won't say this hasn't been an adjustment for me. Seeing my broad-shouldered husband in lipstick and lingerie took some getting used to, and I still like him best in his guy guise. But some great things came along with accepting my husband as he is.
First, we are totally open and honest with each other. He can tell me his feelings and desires and is grateful that I don't freak out. Second, nurturing his feminine side has helped our marriage. He always has been a loving, kind, sensitive man, but I now recognize that those are his feminine qualities. Honoring the woman in him has made him even more loving and tender towards me. Third, it's helped me realize that I love my husband completely -- all parts of him, not just the ones that fit the "tall, handsome, athletic man" stereotype. Finally, it's sort of fun having a husband AND a best girlfriend!
I don't know where this journey will lead. My husband says he has no desire to ever fully cross-dress, go out in public as a woman, or transition. He loves being a powerful man -- but a man who from time to time likes to dress as a beautiful, soft, sexy, feminine woman who is my love slave.
One thing I know for sure: wherever this path takes us, I will always love my Prince AND Princess Charming!
@lynne007 arghhhhh YES THANK YOU.......I joined this group 24 hours ago after finding out my strong, sexy and very manly husband likes to cross dress, did i have any clue nope, did i think he was gay, bi or wanted to be a woman YESSSSSSSSS I was so scared up to joining this group and now I am obsessed, I want to know more, I WANT to support him and want to find out more, this and others stories have inspired me and i no longer feel like our relationship is dead in the water...... last week i was googling divorce because i assumed that was us doomed...., thank you
Thank you for a fantastic article. It's so nice to hear from an SO and especially one who is so understanding and accepting. This is the kind of article that is very useful for sharing with our SO's who may still be grappling with understanding our unconventional behavior, let alone accepting it. Your husband is a lucky man - God bless you, Lynne.
Thanks for the kind words, Mona! It was an adjustment at first, but certainly keeps things interesting!
Thank you for sharing your article, its' great and well written. My crossdressing has brought me and my wife closer together as well, though sadly it doesn't seem to for everyone. You are both very lucky to have found each other.
Amy
Dear Lynne,
Thanks for joining CDH and thanks for writing this piece. I’m certain you will get feedback from many of us that affirms your husband’s needs. He is not dissimilar from (I’d guess) most of us. Nevertheless, we all have both individual likes and those that are pretty common to all CDs.
If he has no chance of passing because of his size a physique, he’ll probably not want to try. That’s kind of how it is with me. You’ll notice from pictures and stories that some of us have been gifted with bodies that lend themselves extremely well to masquerading. I continue to believe it would be exhilarating to join my wife on an outing as girlfriends. For me, I found that dressing androgynously has filled my need for recognition of my feminine propensities. I frequently go out wearing clothes designed and manufactured entirely for women, presenting as a man. It might seem counterintuitive, but the looks and comments I get are overwhelmingly positive. In fact, after years of practicing and refining my abilities to wear skinny jeans, silky tops, and moderately high heels boots and sandals, I really cannot remember a single negative experience. That said, my wife is still uncomfortable accompanying me when I’m dressed this way. I wish she was. It would be the equivalent of the girlfriend experiences of the more femininely gifted among us.
I do believe that most of us do have the desire to display some aspect of our feminine proclivities in the public arena. Although the dramatic differences in our sizes might draw unnecessary attention if my wife and I journeyed out with my feminine attire, I believe she would be surprised by how supportive or disinterested people can be. Frankly, I think she could grow accustomed to our presentation and find it both exciting and satisfying. Part of the reason I believe this is because to pull-it-off I have to stay incredibly fit, neat, and clean. Otherwise it doesn’t work. I don’t know what your future will bring, but I believe you both will be rewarded for your openness and sharing.
FAM
Hi, Falecia. Thanks for your insightful comments. I’ll have to ask my husband if he’d like to try more “regular” women”a clothes to try on an outing. I wish more people were just accepting of these things. We live a a city that’s renowned for being accepting and eccentric but one never knows!
All the best,
Lynne
Lynne,
I see that your profile says RI. Are you in/near Providence? We have a long history with Providence. Our son did UG and Medical school at Brown. I ran a 5k years ago (“Run the Drugs Out of Town”) back (I think) when Buddy was Mayor. Nonetheless, our favorite place in RI is Newport - the bars, the Yatch Restoration School, and the shoreline. We saw the Oracle racing catamaran tied to a dock years ago when it had competed in the America’s Cup. It was enormous. We used to run along the beach. I think we could easily do me-androgynous thing with little reaction or dismay. It would be a kick! We’re due for a trip back.
Be well and welcome,
FAM
Indeed, Providence. As HP Lovecraft said: the universal haven of the odd, the dissenting and the free!
Thanks for the reference. I’d never heard of Lovecraft. I’m always looking for new authors and new reads. I have a penchant for “books-out-of-print!”
There are many collections of his work. I got one on Amazon Kindle that I think covers them all. Very up and down in quality. He was the first author to my knowledge to bridge horror with early sci-fi. Some of it is waaaaay to sci-fi/fantasy for my taste but the more creepy New England tales are great. The best is “The Case of Charles Dexter Ward.”
Lynne,
I agree with Mona, great article and it's awesome to hear from an accepting SO. I so appreciate the fact that you are accepting of ALL parts of your husband, even if you don't completely understand his desires or needs. From my perspective, a crossdresser's journey can be very lonely due to the guilt and shame that often comes with the desire to express our femm side (however far we take it). Having understanding people in our life is key to dealing with the contradiction that we sometimes are. Kudos to you Lynne for being willing to explore with him.
Peace,
Kendra
Thanks, Kendra! To be honest it was hard at first. I just needed to learn and be open-minded. Life is short, so my view is let’s all be happy in whatever way we can!
Cheers,
Lynne
Lynne,
There is no doubt in my mind it was hard at first and yes life is short...good for the both of you.
Cheers to you,
Kendra
Awesome article Lynne, My gf is much like yourself in accepting all of me in whatever form. We both feel blessed.
Hi Lynne , thank you for such a lovely article , it certainly made me smile for the both of you .
I too have a supportive wife , although she doesn't want to see me fully made over , otherwise I'm free to live my gender fluid /CD life. We're out to all the important people , professionally & socially in our lives.
The support is fabulous , knowing my wife has my back I feel more freedom to be me. It is the best of both worlds , I get called both Princess & wife , which I adore & shows the understanding my wife has. Tiff
Hi, Tiff. You’re lucky to have so much acceptance. It makes me sad that more people aren’t more open minded!
Best
Lynne
Yes , we feel the same , it's part of the reason we're out about me, to show ( hopefully) to others that we're not freaks & a relationship can be maintained .
Thank you for your article. I love hearing success stories. I enjoy reading articles from wives/girlfriends in order to see perspectives, concerns and pitfalls from the significant other's side. It allows me to have faith that things will work out while understanding the possible inner thinkings and concerns my wife of 23 years may have for us. I told my wife of my dressing 18 years into our 23 year marriage and she "accepts" it but does not have a desire to see it at his point. I look forward to read more from you. Thank you!
Thanks for your kind words, Jamie. I may write another article so please stay tuned!
Best,
Lynne
Thanks Lynne,
I will show this to my wife if she ever discovers my secret. I’ve never dared to tell her in 30 years of marriage as I don’t know how I would explain it. I love her to bits, and I know she loves me to bits, and I know she would never leave me, but I fear that she would love me less.
Hi, Katie. It was hard for me at first. And as far as I know my husband just developed this interest. (I'm planning an article about that now.) I imagine it would be hard for any SO if it has been going on for a long time. For me, loving my husband means loving all parts of him, but it did take time to get to that point in my mind. In honesty, I think most SOs worry about things progressing. I know I do! But life is so risky. For us, we decided honesty was the path and we'll cross those bridges if/when/as they arise.
Best,
Lynne
Great article Lynne- and congratulations on finding your soulmate (third time's the charm right 🙂 ). It is awesome that you accept our husband for all of who he is. As you noted not all CDs are gay nor will all transition (partly or completely)- in fact MOST will not. However some do take years to figure out where on the spectrum they fit. My own ex was neither accepting nor even tolerant of my dressing though I understand that not every woman can do as you do. I didn't tell her about Cyn before we married because I honestly thought the need/desires would go away-(naive? yes I know now but did not then) and also perhaps she knew better than I did then that it was not JUST the clothes but that Cyn would NEED to express herself more than an occasional night of dressing at home. I have written many articles here about my journey of discovery of who I am and how far things will go so I won't detail it all here( you can read those here https://www.crossdresserheaven.com/members/skippy1965/articles/ and here https://www.crossdresserheaven.com/members/skippy1965/forums/ but suffice to say I'm still figuring myself out. Thanks for sharing your own story and I look forward to reading more about you and your husband's journey together.
Cyn
Hi, Cyn. Thanks for your kind words. I'll read your articles; thanks for pointing them out. I anticipate that things will evolve with my husband, as well. That thought honestly is unnerving. But having lost one husband to sudden death and another to a nasty divorce, having a third go further en femme is the least of my fears. In a strange way, I sort of like having another dimension to love. A surprise, but a pleasant one.
Best,
Lynne
Just loved your story I wish my wife had your mind set maybe some day thank you for your support !!!!!!!
Thanks for your kind comments, Donna! I wonder if, as time goes on, all people will become more accepting? We can hope! All the best and stay well!
Lynne
hello and you are one of few woman that will except the x dressing, now that you found this site you can find more info on x dressing. I am a 56 year old male and love to dress up from head to toe, make up, perfume, ear rings lip stick. heels. I buy my own female clothing and yes even pads, gives me that real feeling of what real woman feel when wearing one. my wife knows of my x dressing and knows of my female stuff, she told me I have more then she does. my wife does not wear dresses or skirts and make up any more. so I took over her dresses they fit me, they wont fit her no more so I wear them. I lost my mom and dad 68 days apart from each other and left me the clothing and every thing in the house. so I took over my moms dresses and a few bras, with my wife knowing she tells me when I can dress up for we have a 22 year old still at home, I do not go out doors and shop in fem. I am straight male love woman not men. I just love the fit and feeling of female clothing. and yes I am one of those that have a feminine side. I see here on C.D.H there is tons of people that have the feminine side in them. woman dress in manly cloths every day, so why can't we dress in female cloths? now days woman do not wear dresses ,skirts, nylons, they wear pants, shirt. sneakers to work. well enough of me. you can read my profile it will tell how I started. I am so happy for you that you are very under standing. wish my wife would be like you.
I think you have an understanding wife from what you wrote. With a 22 year old at home that does I believe cause problems for both of you unless you come out to him/her which may not be the best direction to go. Best wishes
no son does not know about my x dressing and I will leave it that way, I do believe my daughter knows of my x dressing for she has seen a pic of me dressed up and showed mom the pic, my daughter told mom its his body not hers, so he can do what ever he wants to do. my niece might know but not sure I had her dress me up for Halloween one year.
Hi, Lucinda. Thanks for sharing your story. My apologies for the slow reply. All the coronavirus furor has kept me busy. Hope your safe and well, and all the best,
Lynne
hello Lynne yes for sure stay safe is our main priority. its going to be a hard road ahead of us with this Corona virus going around, too bad the government and president knew about this in January and we find out in march. its the plaque, take antibiotics and stay healthy. I do enjoy dressing up but its harder now for wife is home from work till further notice even tho she knows I dress up. our son still has a job working in a food store. I am medically retired. I under dress allot during the winter time. when I get out of bed I pick out what I want to wear and have matching nylons, then male cloths over them. for going out to visit I am keeping it safe and stay home. well hope this will go away soon and this world can get back to normal and business can get back to.
Lynne, you are an amazing woman. Hats off to you.
My first wife was my highschool sweetheart. She knew about my crossdressing before our marriage. We had 9 wonderful years together before I lost her. During that time she supported and encouraged me. She taught me things a mom teaches their daughters on how to be a lady. Numerous times we went out in public as girlfriends when away from home. Casual blue jeans lunches and fancy dress dinners. I was devastated when I lost her.
I remarried four years later to a magnificent woman with two children. Last fall we celebrated 30 years together, 28 years married. Halfway through a pitcher of margaritas early in our dating, she asked me if I could change my name to any other name what would I choose. My reply stunned her. We talked about my crossdressing for quite awhile. I thought she would love it as much as my first wife had. I was very wrong. To her credit she didn't run screaming into the night and we continued dating. At her request, she has never seen me dressed and probably never will. I still dress one day a week and she knows it but only in the privacy of our home now because I love and respect her to much. Once the genie is out of the bottle it is hard to put back.
Finding your Prince (Princess) Charming is wonderful but if you ever start feeling overwhelmed with the speed or direction of his crossdressing then PLEASE tell him. Putting on the brakes for awhile might be exactly what you need.
Hi. Stephanie. Sorry for not replying sooner. All the coronavirus stuff kept me away from this site. I’m so sorry about your first wife. As mentioned in my article, I am a widow, so I know the pain. Sounds like you’re in an OK comprise with your wife now. Thanks for your kind advice to me. It’s a journey, for sure! Stay safe and be happy!
Lynne
There’s no guarantee how a woman will react to learning her husband has a softer feminine side and lines to dress up. It’s not one group of women who like it as and the other not like it. Being liberal or conservative, religious or not, and so on does not automatically mean a spouse will accept it and to what degree. I think you on your own taking time to read up on what seemed to be developing in front of you definitely helped you to eventually come to positive terms with it. It sounds like your husband also is well grounded on his feminine side because he knows where he wants to do it and where not. He’s no longer in the closet but now is in a comfortable place with you knowing and seemingly being ok with it. In my case my wife does know all about my feminine side, she knew before we met, but that’s for another time. I make sure if we go out and are shopping, where she is looking for something that I keep it that way. She might ever hold something up and say I should get this but I’ll tell her we are shopping for you not me. I think your husband likely is the same way. Good luck with your marriage and a long life together.
Hi. Brenda. Thanks for your comments. I love that you shop with your wife and keep the focus on her. Very kind and classy!
All the best,
Lynne
Thank you so much for sharing Lynn! I’m very happy for both of you and happy that women like you (and my wife) exist!
