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Dear Friends,
With the rise of online shopping, many of us would be relieved to no longer have to subject ourselves to the “in-person purchase.” But nothing can really replace assessing the size, fit, colors, fabrics, and contours in person before splurging hard-earned money. Finding an item you love and making sure the fit is correct is part of making sure we will present our best, most feminine, selves. The “in-person purchase” is an art form on its own.
I would encourage more members of our crossdresser community to shop in person to normalize the practice and reduce the stigma. We are paying customers, purchasing garments/makeup/etc for ourselves. It is not illegal. We are doing nothing wrong, and we are just like everyone else shopping. There appears to be a double standard when shopping for items of the opposite gender - women can casually purchase garments designed for men without fear, but there is stigma associated with men buying clothing for women. It seems understood that women purchasing male clothing would be intended for a significant other, son or friend. The same concept should apply when we could be purchasing garments and accessories for our significant other, daughter, etc. Keep that in mind as we might naturally assume everyone else knows we are buying it for our (glamorous) selves. This assumption may be entirely false.
A step-by-step guide
- Scout out the shop
Especially for first time purchasers, make a round or two outside the location to familiarize yourself with the shop. Make mental notes where the objects of purchase are, if the sales assistants are attentive, etc. Are there other sections (food, furniture, etc)? If so, going in to pretend to view those other items could help build confidence being within the shop. - Going in
Walk into the shop. Yes, it’s that simple. Walk in confidently. Just like everyone else. You are a normal customer, and you belong there. Remember you're a paying customer and there are no signs which say “No cross-dressers” - Making the purchase
Here is where the path splits, one can use one or all of the following: - 1) Ask for help.
Ask a sales assistant for help (if they have not already approached you). Share with them your needs (lingerie size, type of makeup, etc). Being prepared helps as they can only help us if we know what we want. This is the crucial part: 99% of the time they will assume we are purchasing for our significant other. They will speak sentences such as: “What is her favorite color?” and “her size”? I have had less than a handful of bad experiences and in these cases, they didn’t speak to me directly. They just giggled or made comments to their co-workers. If they had any concerns about the intended recipient, they would have addressed it head-on.
2) Get a basket.
Begin with filling it with "other" stuff first (literally anything), then approach the section where the objects of purchase are. Shop away, then politely put the "other" items back before heading to the cashier. If it makes you more confident, buy them anyway. The cashier would assume you are making the purchases for someone else.
3) Use your phone.
Pretend to be texting someone as you enter the shop, as if they are asking you to make a purchase for them. Continue to “check” and “reply” every now and then. Have a reference photo of what you want to buy on your phone so when the sales assistant approaches you, you are able use the picture to help them assist you with the purchase. Once, a sales assistant laid out the garment (lace panties) and said “you can take a photo to check with her (my significant other).” - Make your payment.
Head to the cashier and make your payment. A card is always the fastest, easiest payment method. If it helps, bring along a larger bag so you don’t have to carry the bag with the shop's name around the mall. After purchasing some lingerie, a sales lady once kindly pointed out that the bag did not have a “bra” written on it.
The first-time purchase is always daunting. I’ve frozen, walked in and out, and been giggled at.
I survived and you will too.
I confidently walk in and make my purchases now, its a mental barrier we have created for ourselves. We are the ones whom need to set ourselves free
You can always message me directly for any advice, support or more tips.
Glamorously and confidently,
The Bluest Belladonna
I have found the only way to find what works for my shape is to shop in person. I read once that if you have wide shoulders to go with V necks. In my discovery I have found that to be true. I generally will go into the womans section pick some things then go to the mens pick some things then go to the dressing rooms and try on the womens things. There are a lot of things that on the rack are beautiful but on me just don't work.
So true getting the right fit. Too many times I've had to return an idem because the size or the look was way off for me. Now in most shopping I take my time, look at the options and although I have yet to try something on, I am buying something I feel pretty good about and rarely have to return it. There is a Torrid store in our mall and from what I've read here, it's very open to CD's so I'm kind of excited to go shopping there and be pampered by a sales associate.
Than you for the wonderful post. I love shopping, especially as Julie, but most time I shop as a guy. I do usually tell them itis for me. I wear a size 10 so shopping at any women's store is good for me. I feel I need to feel the fabric and try the dress on to see how it looks on me.
I've only recently been confident enough to browse, try on, and then buy clothes in store. I'd side with many of the tips in your article Belladonna. I became even more emboldened recently when a) I asked the sales assistant if I could 'try these on' - he was fine; b) the changing room check in guy just didn't bat an eye when I walked up to him with my choices; c) same thing with the cashier. By the time I got to the cashier I felt bold enough to say to him that the store had become 'my new favourite shop' and that trying things on in store was much better than buying online. He agreed, 'so much hassle having to send things back'. My compliments to H&M. By the time I got home I felt so moved by my positive experience that I wanted to write to the store to thank them and their staff - would you believe that in this digital age, I couldn't find an address or email to send my thanks to! So to H&M staff, thank you. You were wonderful. I have no connection to H&M other than this shopping experience. Also - I used the men's changing. Why shouldn't I? I'm a paying customer just buying what I like. No harm in that.
Well I’ve been through this many times. At first I would use the “ it’s for my wife “ line until one day the sales associate came up to me with a skirt in my hand and asked if I needed any help. I told her yes I would like a top to go with this skirt. As we were walking over to the racks of tops she asked me “ who is it for” and to my own surprise the words “ actually it’s for me “ came out of my mouth. She turned around and thanked me for being so honest with her and she thought is was great I told her. We found a top and she suggested I try both things on. Which I was super nervous about so she told me to use the staff restroom instead of the change rooms. After that she told me she always looks forward to me coming in and she made me feel at ease. Now a days I have no problem telling the sales associates I’m shopping for myself and trying things on. A crossdressers money is just as green as a cis genders woman’s is. Hold your head up high and go shopping lady’s.
Naturally the best way is to shop in person but as we realise it can't be for all due to circumstances. The best times of the year to go shopping for womens clothes is Christmas where you will be among quite a few men nervously wandering the womens rails actually buying for their wives and store staff know this. The other is for a birthday but if you are a very large male the size may give things away as it is rare to have a 6'4" wife who weighs 240lb. Also the fact that your wife is the same size might be a give away too. But does it matter?.
I don't think it is as bad these days of the 'metrosexual' man and that dressing is seen as more a hobby and anyways your money is as good as anyone so it isn't in the stores interests to deter you.To me it is important to know your size in actual measurements as there are variations in size. have these measurements handy on a piece of paper that is measure your bust area with bra on and halve. Waist measurement and even feet length and dimensions if shopping for shoes as there are variations there too. I am a UK 12-14 and waist seems a solid 12. I am also a shoe UK 7 but a 6 will fit as well. The smallest dress size found that fitted like a glove was a 10 and nearly missed a bargain pair of leather boots in size 5! So having a measure and your measurements helps if you don't want to try them on.
Some good tips from Belladonna and knowing the terrain and set up in store is a great one so you know what you want and where it is. Nowadays a lot of stores are online so homework starts there by checking the store, see what you like and if that store has it in stock, which is possible now.
So all set you can go off and just be confident as a lot of nervous activity will draw attention.
My first ever purchase in drab was when I saw a skirt in the window of a small store and just had to have it. I went in saw the rail, picked my size and went to the till. the lady picked it up and commented that it had a lovely pattern. I agreed and that's all I needed to say but blurbed,'It's for my wife, she saw it in the window and buying as a gift'. The assistant replied 'I am sure she will look very nice in it' faced me giving a nice smile. Now you can make all the inferences you like from her action. If I'd had said it was for me the response would of been the same I am sure except 'on you' would been in the answer.
It's easier than you think so maybe have a go whether dressed or not.
I love shopping in person! The one thing that I have not done but seems exciting to me at this moment, would be to go for a bra fitting!
I go shopping with my wife who is so supportive, and I like coming out of the dressing room in a new New Dress or skirt or blouse and letting her see how I look in it and of course everyone else who may be in the store sees me.
As you were saying we are regular shoppers paying customers and we should feel as open and comfortable as any other shopper. I just love it.
This is a wonderful and helpful article for girls early in their journey. I was always quite bold. I've found purchasing for a wife or girlfriend first makes the process less daunting and helps aquaint one with how women's sizing works. With that knowledge and confidence it's easier to shop for one's self.
Thank you for your article.
I love to go shopping for myself, my wife goes with me she finds the cutest outfits for me I consider myself extremely lucky to have a wife who enjoys my feminine side. I have gone shopping by myself but I go a little overboard at times lol. This weekend we are going shopping for makeup. It's a wonderful feeling to be able to be myself today
What a wonderful story. I Love to shop in person. I have had sales associates ask if I needed help looking through the lingerie section at Dillard's and Macy's. Even when they find out I am purchasing the lingerie for myself and being dressed as a guy. They have always been very helpful and very kind. I have even been asked if I would like a bra fitting before I have purchased myself new bras. Yes I have been giggled at. I don't let it bother me. I am who I am. There approval is not needed.
Shopping in person en femme or in male mode shopping for women's clothes or makeup is one of those things that get better and easier and more fun each time you do it. I remember my first shopping experience in person dressed and I was expecting to be chased out of the mall by a horde of torch bearing pitch fork carrying shoppers intent on doing me hard becuase I dared to buy some femme lingerie. But in reality what I got was a sales girl keen to make a sale and help someone who couldn't make up her mind. Consequently she got two sales and we had a lovely conversation about other clothes that I could wear with what I had purchased. Go for it girls
Yup---Most stores are OK--Just ask if you can try things on--
Like everyone else I was totally scared at shopping in person, but once over that fear I quite enjoy the experience of seeing feeling the actually item, not some pic on your screen.
The other interesting thing I've found is that even other women shoppers don't seem to give me a second look!
Without exception and this is now several years of in person shopping the sales associates have been friendly and helpful.
Amy
I love and always shop in person. The saleswomen are lovely and treat me exceptionally well. I have made a great many female friends.
