Leeds First Friday, a Real World Adventure - Part One

This is a personal perspective of a visit to Leeds by Crossdresser Heaven’s own heroines - we’ll call them Ellie, Liz, Fiona and Allie for no other reason but accuracy. It is written by Allie, with comments, amendments and recollections from Ellie, Liz and Fiona, my sterling co-attendees, chaperones, moral supporters and firm friends. I shall remain indebted to each of them, for without their encouragement, guidance and support, the world at large would have remained an unattainable dream for Allie.

This article will be in two parts: In this, the first part, I’ll briefly explain how Allie was made manifest from the unmanifest.

Like many of us at CDH, I have been crossdressing for most of my life and always in secret, without knowing why I did it and suffering the same feelings of guilt, shame, wretchedness, [That’s plenty, Allie] as everyone else. In October of 2023 I felt the pull of dressing, like the pull of a suspender strap on exquisite nylons, after more than ten years of denial. As luck (or providence) would have it, my wife was out for the evening, so I raided her wardrobe and jewellery box and found a dress that fitted, coupled with a matching necklace. Shoes were out of the question as I’m a size 11 UK, while my wife is a 6 or 6.5. Looking in the mirror, I immediately noticed something was different, I felt a calmness that had not been there before. It felt natural and right and has stayed that way.

When my wife returned home later, she quickly noticed my failed attempt to put everything back as it was. “What have you been doing with my jewellery box?” Caught, I decided not to scramble for excuses but be open and honest. “Oh, is that all? OK”.

Hugs, tears (mine) and a new feeling of peace followed, with her helping me to get my own clothes, shoes etc.

By January of this year, I wanted to see if there was somewhere online to discuss crossdressing, so I did a quick search and very nearly went back into shame and guilt mode! Thankfully, I decided to try again and this time CDH showed up in the results. I hovered over the site for all of 5 minutes before deciding to join. I had no idea then, how much my life was about to change. I knew instantly that I’d found a good place: for me, it’s the lightness of the atmosphere, somewhere to escape the drag-you-down outside in the so-called “Real World”.

Like everyone else, I had to choose a name when I joined and I wasn’t expecting it, so I spent too little time thinking about it and simply did the common thing of feminising my male name. It was some time later that I realised that the girl side of me didn’t like Alexina and wanted a different name. We batted a few around before one of us thought of Allie and we both agreed that it suitably matched who Allie is. That was the only conscious decision. Everything since then has been organic, naturally developing, with the results that Allie is now here all the time along with male me, and there’s a growing “blending” between the two aspects.

Allie had never existed as Allie before, just as some random and fleeting thoughts and feelings that could occasionally influence behaviour. Now, Allie has agency, she has the same rights and freedoms as my male side, including the right to exist and to express herself through presentation. So, “our” nails are painted, fingernails with a clear or pastel colour and toenails with gold or sparkly blue or whatever. The eyebrows are going to receive care and attention and “we’ve” begun to wear a light concealer and foundation daily.

In the second part of this story (to be published very shortly) I'll briefly recount my feelings in the run-up to Leeds First Friday, and then my experiences finally getting to step out as Allie for the first time!