Welcome to Crossdresser Heaven, a safe and welcoming place for everyone in the crossdresser community.
Join Crossdresser Heaven today to participate in the forums.
No, not in the political sense, and not in which way to turn, although that would make for some interesting discussions… Ever met that person who only gives directions based on compass points? “Ya head North for 2 miles, take the west road, and when it flips back east, take the southern fork.” Give me left and right with descriptive points. It’s much worse when you are in the city and can’t see the sun to figure out which direction you are going…
Why do I have to suffer trying to button a top with buttons being on the wrong side? Most likely the same question posed by women trying to wear a man’s shirt… Simple answer; it likely started during the Renaissance and Victorian eras. Women’s clothing was more complicated, and to accommodate the upper echelon of aristocrats, tailors began putting buttons on the opposite side of women’s clothing for the slaves and workers (who were generally right-handed) to assemble more easily. Like all things that once made sense and now don’t (I’m talking to you daylight savings time) it stuck.
My man fingers find it difficult to traverse the left-button syndrome. So much so that I buttoned most of them and pulled them on overhead instead. My endless rants don’t end there as I fight with certain types of jewelry to the point I won’t buy it, no matter what price or how exquisite. I can easily maneuver the zipper up my back. Years of stretching have made my left arm bendable (it zips most of the way up) and my right-hand grabs it from the shoulder down—though—those tiny zippers can be a huge pain to grasp with less-than-nimble fingers. Why do we make little clasps for bracelets that need to be held back with one hand while trying to snag an equally small hoop? I can say that I lost my patience many times in trying to complete the task…
So many women take to their significant others to complete irritable tasks. “Honey, can you zip me up? Hook my bracelet for me, will you?” What does the crossdresser say and who do they ask? They do it themselves, and I don’t care how much practice you do, some bracelets remain an ongoing challenge. Thankfully, necklaces are easier. Even certain snap clasps can be difficult—this has more to do with our larger wrists trying to accommodate smaller bracelets—I know… it’s so pretty… Try naming all the styles of clasps. (You might not get the name right but have the description… that counts.) If you get under 5; be amazed at what you learn when you search the internet. Getting 5-8; you’ve been at this dressing thing a while… More than 8; you are a connoisseur of jewelry and taste… I like the snap (although they call it a jewelry clasp—you now have at least one answer.)
Back to the heart of my post and the deeper thoughts that I tend to put with it. I’ve thought long (probably too much so) on this thought. Why do they make things differently for women and men? Why not go with the best, the simplest, and the least trying way to manufacture items? This includes clothing, shoes, jewelry, and a large host of products. Living (as many women already do) within both sides of the universe, I’ve come to ponder these wonderments quite often. If every man would wear the light cotton or nylon briefs that the majority of women turn to instead of boxers and heavy material briefs, they’d be amazed at the comfort and feel. We know, but can’t tell our guy friends… Maybe we should slip them a pair in their golf bag… Women are smart about things, and clothing options are high on the list. Don’t get me wrong… what woman or man wants to wear and endure the pain of stiletto heels, shapewear, and impractical clothing? Only those, like us, or women who are making a statement, whether it be for fashion, sex appeal, or status.
NO PAIN; NO GAIN. If I can’t breathe but my waist looks smaller and shapelier, I’m down with it. Multiple nicks from a razor to get me as close shaven for softer-looking skin… yep, I’ll walk around with tissue tabs on my face. Forcing my narrow and long feet into devil-trap shoes, walking on them to take pictures as my feet cry out for mercy, ABSOLUTELY. They are to die for—literally, not to mention making my legs look great and satisfying my devotion to all things feminine, especially the allure of high heels. I admit that I once was a loyal devotee of sex appeal and quickly found out (as many women know) that certain styles and looks aren’t great for men trying to look feminine and sexy or for women either. The opposite is true. I’ve known, seen, and tried on clothing where it hides all those wonderful aspects because I thought the style was something… Most men CDs have nice legs but many stick with long skirts and frumpy tops because it is their self-reflection. Just as many of us wish to be the stripper on the stage with big… you know… and wearing scintillating clothing. Not going to happen for us and 95% of women either.
Until the world rights itself, which won’t be happening anytime soon, I’ll continue to fight with those buttons, diligently work at all types of clasps, and gleefully put my aching feet into shoes that only a lover of high heels would relish. One last thought. I love wearing those long nails, but before I put them on, I make sure the jewelry, the dress, and the shoes are on first, and makeup too. It’s bad enough doing zippers and clasps without them on. It doesn’t help that they also aren’t as sturdy as our own nails. I have found a way (that doesn’t mean crazy glue) to keep them more secure and usable in situations of complexity…
Until next time… be who you see on the inside even when you can’t dress. I’ve learned that I am one person and trying to completely or deny that part of me makes me less. Less fun, less nice, less compassionate. It isn’t always about male and female; sometimes it is about being a person that others like to be around…
@bmactavish I struggle with rear zips. Having a pinned shoulder, reaching high and behind is a movement I don't have. Thankfully my wife helps with the zip.
I have, however, now been able to manage a bra fastener behind my back and have got good at the rear suspender so I'll keep trying with the zip.
Hugs,
Anna xx
I used to struggle with the bra strap behind the back as well. 15 years ago, I watched a movie... no remembrance of what it was, but in one scene a woman (in front of man) hooked her bra in front of her, twisted it around, and pulled it up around her chest. The man was horrified... comedy movie. "You can do that?" or something similar was his question. Her answer was, "Why make things more difficult than is needed." It was a "Ah Ha" moment for me. It's how I put my bra on. I easily unhook it from the back :). I'm sure that many of us do the things we do because we saw someone of influence do it that way (sister, mother, spouse). The things I've learned and changed about so many simple tasks because of the (good) internet. Thanks for the comments!
@bmactavish Brina, fixing my bra at the front and swivelling always seemed an obvious solution to me. Then I love it as I slip the straps over my shoulders. Mmm! xx.
@bmactavish I generally do that, but much more difficult with a bullet bra as it has less give, or at least mine does
@bmactavish I ... have got good at the rear suspender
I came across a tip about this. I am really flexible, but I can break out in a sweat trying to get the rear clasps done up.
Keep the garter belt very low, well below your waist. Do up all clasps, then pull up the belt and stockings as one piece.
@bmactavish Lovely article Brina. A couple of things resonate with me as a very occasional crossdresser. First the impossibility of doing up a zip dress at the back. Next time I'm out I'll try the Amazon zipper pullers. Secondly, I've only ever worn false nails at a makeover, and I'd love to try them for myself. But how do any of you girls ever manage to do anything at all with nails on? Definitely the last part of the female transformation but I'm not sure I'll be capable of anything afterwards 😂.
Hugs, Chrissie xx.
While on Amazon... look for the glue tabs for larger hands. They're a brown paper protector from a name brand. They work well. Also a nail buffer (the little square that has some grit to it). Very important to use on your nails before applying the glue tab. (I stay away from actual glue as it ruins the artificial nail from additional use). I used to only wear those lovely and long nails, but now, I've adapted to the pretty mid-length. It's never easy, no matter how much practice, but practice you must. Even using a touch phone has its complications. I consider it a challenge of sorts. I only put on the nails now when I fully dress for pictures or just feel the need to be extra expressive for a day. Search the videos for how to with long nails, they have some laughs in the struggles and the way wearers adapt to what they do. Thanks for the comments.
@chrisfp99 I grow my real nails out if I have a photoshoot planned. By the time of studio session, everyday stuff can get a bit tricky.
@bmactavish Brina, I agree with you on buttons and clasps. My big problem is with my arthritis they are soooooo difficult. For at least 10 years now I have left even my men's shirts buttoned up and just pull them over my head. I have passed on several cute tops because I couldn't reach back to the clasps. I also agree on the necklaces, but part of the problem for me is my long nails, I have tips and gel nails, right now continues for over 3 months.
Best in your continuing journey
Cassie
I think it comes down to the same point that we all must choose, regardless. Comfort, ease, or presentation. We laugh at older people (when we were younger) who chose comfort over style, ease over presentation. There is so much adapting and practice we can do, but like you state, our physical limitations also play a part in how we dress (male or female). I'm blessed to have in my 60s, excellent flexibility (except for the sciatic in one leg). I've found my workarounds, as many before us have done. I think patience is the most needed attribute these days. I'll eventually get it, but it may take me several attempts. Thanks for the comments!
You have answered a question I've never thought to ask, namely, the opposite side for buttons. Yes, it makes a lot of sense that right-handed serfs would find it easier to dress a 'lady'; if it's not the correct reason, it should be.
Personally, I avoid buttons of any sort. This is partly because my semi-arthritic fingers can't get to grips with them, but mostly because (although it's not a phobia) I just hate them; I don't like them for doing things up and I dislike them intensely if for decoration too. My tops do not have buttons (or zips), my skirts always have ties or elasticated waists and I no longer wear dresses as they just don't suit my shape.
When I see pictures of myself, I'm happy with how they look and they pretty much match the internal image I have of myself. I'd like a little more femininity in my face and less excess skin but in general, I don't think I can get much better than I do already--always need more practice with makeup though.
Becca
I've grown to avoid certain things, too. Still, I see something on sale and think what a bargain. 2 out of 10 times it is... think I'd learn... On the face, I agree. me too. Different styles and colors of wigs make a huge impact. Some hide while others draw attention to those hard lines of masculinity. Thanks for the comments.
I hear you on the compass points! Makes no sense, especially on a cloudy day. I once had a lady tell me directions to a place where the extended family were meeting in Texas, left at the end of the road, right at the Church of God, then after about a mile, turn west. !!!?
It was so much easier for this Brit in England, at least we had pubs to navigate by, Left at the end of the road, right at the Red Lion, then, when you reach the Kings Arms, turn left. Easy Peasy! LOL
It only works if you know the first direction and have a compass on the navigation screen. It's funny... I was giving directions once and a lady asked me after I started my detailed soliloquy, "Is that North or South of here?" I stopped, thought about it, and said, Kind of east, I think... I can do maps and compass, plot out trips, but landmarks along with left and right work the best. Thanks for the smile and the comments.
Once you try all routes you become comfortable with a route you like. After driving for years you know most places you like to go and if it is somewhere new you may know the general pointers but need help with the fiddly bits at the end.
Changing to drive to the right is an adjustment, you know the basics but once you have adapted it gets easier.
As for the vehicle you find a style and make that suits, adlust the seats and wheel then make it your own style as even exact makes are varied by the owner.
So at the end you have your own style and move around in comfort.
I've done plenty of adapting. Part of me still wonders if those who developed the process aren't now laughing. So true in many areas of our lives. Those who are left-handed may be thankful for the reverse nature of buttons. I used to use a bent-out hanger to catch the zipper before my yoga days and increased flexibility. Others a paperclip and string. The question isn't so much adapting, but why do we need to? What is the purpose behind creating something that is difficult for the majority. Maybe, I'm wrong and the majority have no problem with small clasps, or zippers, or buttons, or... I will agree... eventually, we will find our own style and find comfort in the process. Thanks for the comments.
Hi there Sabrina it's me, Scarlett!
Love your dress at the top of this article. And love the subject and could probably type for days in response to this one.
The dress that always got me with the long zipper in the back area all my Calvin Klien dresses. Sometimes the only thing I could do was to take off the dress and run about a three foot cord through the opening of the zipper tab and then suit up and give it another try. It always worked for me.
My jewelry is no problem because I never bought any jewelry I couldn't easily put on or take off. Most of it was the stretchy kind of jewelry which you couldn't tell it was the stretchy type when you had it on!
Always love your articles and I'm sure you have the largest amount of articles by far of anyone on this site. The number has to be over 200 of them. By the way, Sabrina, what is the current total of your posted articles on this site?
Love you girlfriend! XOXOXO Scarlett ❤
Hello, Scarlett. No idea on how many articles, not likely to 200 yet, probably closer to 80? I am with you on buying the items that give me the least resistance. I've sworn off lobster clasp bracelets. I don't care how cute they are. Zippers aren't my issue (only with those artificial nails.) I've been a league bowler for over 50 years, and the dexterity in my right fingers has declined. I've gotten decent and fixing watches and jewelry rather than tossing them if they don't fit or work. I like fancy watches as an accessory, hate it for my male side though. I do wear my Fitbit most of the time. Thanks for the comments!
Left or right buttons, no problem. Zippers, bra hooks, same. But it sure is maddening to discover that now that all your clothes are on, your bra straps are too long or too short. Sometimes I can reach back, then lean my elbow against a doorway to help push my hand far enough to reach the strap slide which is hidden in the hollow beneath my shoulder blade.
Dani
That image made me think of AFV. What a laugh it would be for us to take videos of our dressing mishaps. Just the process we go through with corsets, shapewear, artificial nails, bras... Most of us never tried to ask a woman for guidance, instead trying to manhandle the problem. I'm willing to bet that we've come up with a few fixes that many women have never tried, and the reverse is also true... we've over-complicated it. Thanks for the comments 🙂
Wonderful article Brina!
Those buttons always had me wondering. Thanks for explaining why. I too don't get all these subtle differences, then shades of grey, as fashions split, join, crossover.
Companies seem to want to make money. So why not market to everyone since we don't have aristocracy around, or maybe we do. I am in my Fall phase and wearing ballet flats out more as the weather cools down. I was just google searching yesterday "flats for men". Some options came up, similar to women's flats, but different. One Vogue article, a guy is in photos wearing them, carrying a purse, wearing a frilly top, odd baggy jeans, but his outfit looks so disheveled. If only the model wore them with women's attire, he could have pulled off a great, smooth look.
Ironically, I got up this morning with the words "gender neutral fashion" in my head, opened up CDH, and saw your article!
Thanks for the insights and comments! I do a lot of searches for gender neutral, and it seems that they look decent for women and "out there" for men. Some do a much better job, but they add a value tax (so to speak) on even plain items as if we are buying a premium. It's almost easier to look for the women's wear that is plain and go with it.
And the women's dept has more sales, clearance mark downs, especially on sizes a little too big for many women. I love the deals I find. Just last week I scored a pair of women's gladiator sandals with a slight platform that most people wouldn't notice are not guy's, though my pretty painted nails will absolutely define them as feminine.
Brina -
Thank you for your thoughtful article.
I have a couple Pandora bracelets that I like to wear that have lobster claw clasps. There are days that they aren't that difficult to put on and others where I decide it isn't worth the time and hassle I'm going thru and put them away. Most of the other bracelets I wear are stretchy ones that I made myself which are easy to put on. I do have some bracelets and necklaces that were my mothers that I wear on occasion that have lobster claw clasps as well as screw on closures. It is worth the time to put them on for me as it helps me remember and feel closer to her. My necklaces are either stretchy ones, adjustable slides or lobster claw clasps. With the lobster claw clasps I've attached magnetic closure devices which makes it easier to put on and take off.
As for clothing, I don't wear button down blouses very often and the small buttons can be an issue but getting dressed is part of the enjoyment of dressing for me. It just feels more femme to me having to put on a bra (I clip and flip, unless it is a pull over or front closure), slide pantyhose on or stockings and attach them to garter tabs, putting on outer clothing, applying make up, etc.. If I have a dress with a zipper I will put the dress on backwards do the sip about halfway, flip it around and then finish zipping by either reaching back to finish it or pull the dress up to better reach the zip to finish zipping it. I have tried the paper clip and string method which works sometimes. Needless to say my dresses are a bit on the looser side.
XOXO
Suzanne
It is interesting... those of us who have watched our mothers, wives, sisters, and others dress and now follow their examples as our own. I did until I swore enough times and said there had to be a better way to do this. Thanks to the internet of today and not the books of the 1980s... another story... I found some workarounds as many women have learned also. I've also laughed when I see some of those videos where common sense doesn't prevail. Like you, I think the aspect of dressing, even with the troublesome nature of some of the jewelry has a deeper meaning. As you indicated--a mother's necklace. I can be a little competitive at times, so it's occasionally me against the bracelet and I will not let it win... Thanks for commenting! 🙂
I've never found a "back zipper" dress or garment that I can't simply pull over my head to put on, sometimes if it's tight, I can unzip it to help get it off!
Jewlery clasps can be a challenge but can be mastered with practice! with necklaces I put it on backwards with the clasp in front and spin it around 180 degrees to the front. the reverse for removing it. Also best done before putting the wig on. the wig is the last step for me anyways!
Very good points. Thanks for sharing them. There have been a few dresses that I can't pull down but can zip up. In most cases, they were too small but needed to be worn or proven that I could... 😉 Necklaces work spinning; for me, it's making sure I don't have to look in the mirror as I tend to have trouble with coordination in seeing and doing... kind of like me trying to back up a trailer...
Hi Bree,
I think actually the reason women's buttons are backards (technical term) is because during the Victorian era, ladies were dressed by servants. As it was impossible to dress yourself while wearing underskirts and a corset. Since there were no zippers at that time, they had a thousand buttons going down the back (bit of an exaggeration). Back zippers aren't too bad. Get a piece of string (24 inches?) tied to a safety pin. latch the safety pin through the zipper tab. Step into the dress, and as you are pulling it up in place, put the string over your shoulder. Then pull the string to close the zipper. If it comes to your neckline, you can reach back without too much effort to release the safety pin.
Spot on about the dressing way back when and working the zipper up. Thanks for the comments!
Great article. I have had the same problem with jewelry clasps so I've given up on some. Getting large rings to nfit our big fingers is also fun. One thing I did recently was stop hitching my rear closure bras in front and rotating them. Now I leave them clasped and just step into them after I've stepped into some nice control tummy panties. Much easier just to pull up the bra then insert the girls in place. Using control panel panties (so soft, so nice) and a foam hip garment does wonders to hide our guy equipment which can be quite obvious with the tight skirts I love. All these things are great to learn early in the CD game.
Good comments and suggestions for others! Thanks for sharing. My only issue with leaving the bra hooked is stretching them to get them over the padded hips. If I do it prior to the hips, it works better, but I still hook in front and swivel.
One thing I did recently was stop hitching my rear closure bras in front and rotating them. Now I leave them clasped and just step into them after I've stepped into some nice control tummy panties. Much easier just to pull up the bra then insert the girls in place.
Even without my hip pads, I would never be able to do this. My bra band size just isn't big enough. Turning the bra is quick and simple, if doing up the hooks behind me is too much trouble. Depends on the bra.
There is only one bra that I have that I can step into and it is unusual in that there are two sets of hooks - one on the left side, one on the right side. I leave one side hooked and have to step into it, to still deal with the straps. Otherwise it gets really complicated.
Thank you for the size.
Hi Brina,
Thank you for another enjoyable article. However, you raised my curiosity when you did not mention the way you keep your artificial nails "more secure and usable in situations of complexity". Is it to attach a sticky pad to both the artificial and your real nail, then press them together? If not, what's your method? Thank you!!
Marian ❤
On Amazon... I searched for a nail tab for larger hands because I was tired of the ones that would break apart when I tried to pull off the backing and were too small, so I had to use two sets to cover. Sun & Beam Nails tabs in the larger side have been great. One thing to do first, use a nail buffer square (has roughness to it) to prepare the nail. It roughs it up while also getting rid of the oil on your nail. You could skip this if you use some rubbing alcohol. It's the oil, and a too small of nail tab that won't hold the nail secure. Also... trying to wear small nails without any give also creates issues (nail pops off) There are many for larger nail beds, search on Amazon. It still isn't perfect, but I'm not searching the house to find out where that missing nail is... (I rarely use two tabs unless I have them spaced out on the nail for more coverage... ) Thanks for the comments and asking 🙂
Dearest Sabrina , when you said -
"Until next time… be who you see on the inside even when you can’t dress. I’ve learned that I am one person and trying to completely or deny that part of me "
Oh ! Yes Yes Yes , My Sister
xo ,
Vera
Love your article! Putting so aptly your trials and tribulation you have me laughing. Where can I find a serf?
Thanks! I bet most of us would love our own dressing service to cater to our needs. Most of the ones around me are far away and costly. I've thought about offering free room and board (I have a couple of extra rooms, although the closets may need to be emptied out to make room for someone else's clothing 😉 Thanks for the comments.
