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Many times in my life I've had a case of the "I shoulds". This was never truer than when it came to being transgendered and crossdressing. "I should" have a separate male and female persona. "I should" not wear that, it's not me. "I should" not talk about that here because it's not what most of the girls do. It often left me confused.
The problem with the "I shoulds" is they're what our head says things should be. Where do they come from? These are messages we've gotten, or think we've gotten, in the past. Or they're things we learned and have formed our outlook on life. For example, we all know that binary is binary, right? Except it isn't. There are things called quantum bits (qubits for short) that can be 1s, 0s, or anything and everything in between. So, if that "fact" is wrong, what else isn't really so?
Sometimes we should listen to our head. It's probably not a good idea to wear a string bikini to a conservative swimming pool. But that doesn't mean your heart isn't saying in its best Little Rascals impression "aw, gee whiz".
They say your head is wise, but your heart is wiser still. Truth is what your heart knows, not necessarily your head. I can't tell you why my heart knows some of the things it knows. My head gave up trying to figure it out years ago.
Some of what your heart knows is experience and some of it is innate. I hate hurting people. I've done it enough to know how bad it makes me feel. My head says "don't hurt people, it isn't nice". But it figured that out because my heart knew it all along.
Always go with your heart. Its motivations are pure and its knowledge is true. If your heart says to just be one person, or to go ahead and wear that top, or any of the "I shoulds" from the beginning of this article, accept it and go with it. It's not easy to accept them. It will take some work.
In cases like these you can eventually override your head. Your heart doesn't like to be overridden. It will nag you until you listen to it. But when you do the confusion will be replaced by quiet calm. Then you'll know this is truth for you.
- Have you ever done something that felt right even though your head told you to do something else?”
- ”When have you felt bad because you listened to your head instead of doing what your heart told you to do?”
- ”Have you experienced that peace that comes from doing what you knew was right for you? What was that like?”
Girls, please feel free to send in a responset to my article or one or more of the questions I've posed to you above!
Thanks for reading my article!
Sincerely, Casey
I loved this article! I believe that society begins to indoctrinate us at an early age.
I am still having trouble balancing the yin and the yang.
Thanks, Heather
Casey, Casey, Casey....
Nice article girl, there are also many things that our head has been taught and learned that hopefully permeate the heart, eg., being polite and having respect. There are also times when your heart on its own can definately lead you astray, so joint consultation is usually wise and probably why we were all given the power of choice and reasoning.
There are so many examples of head vs heart throughout this part of my life.
The biggest for me I think since just after I started, was the visible presentation of me. After doing some reading and getting involved with this site my head got the idea that in order to be a real crossdresser I should always do the whole hair and makeup routine as well (even though its not even implied in the name lol) . I tried for a bit, got a wig and the needed supplies, watched some yuhu vids for tips and practiced some. My heart just wasn't and isn't in it. I do enjoy dressing and trying to cultivate some of the other typical physical traits though, I never said I had it ALL figured out. I don't gauge my feelings about myself by what is seen in the mirror, for me I don't harbour an illusion that I'll ever be a gorgeous women and I found spending time on that stuff was using up the time I could be getting joy out of just relishing the unquestionable femme I have in me. The extended internal dialogue between heart and head certainly caused some insecurities and anxiety for quite a while, but despite the views of my cardiologist, my heart can be very strong. The subject still comes up in thoughts and conversation but my heart is happy with how I now feel, it doesn't feel the need to pass, only to be accepted for being the caring, compassionate and hard working individual that I believe I am, regardless of how I present. And I believe that its because I do feel true and comfortable with ME, that I enjoy quite a bit of that acceptance in my day to day life. I haven't quit with the hair and makeup altogether because its that same heartfelt respect and compassion for those around me that lets me know that there are situations, like being invited out with other CD's who themselves feel more inclined to blend in and be visibly more fully femme, that makes it reasonable, appropriate, and appreciated.
Olivia
Another great article, Casey. It's thinking like this that encourages me and many others here to do more of the things their heart desires.
Thanks again, Sandy
That is so true.
