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Vanity;
Your words are inspiring and ask for understanding, support, and revelation. Reveal of our true selves to our families, our spouses and ourselves. These reveals are at great risk and consequence. That must be understood before action.
We all here on CDH, wish everyone their best lives possible. Each of us, like our fingerprints are unique, as are our individual complicated lives. What works for one may not for another.
As we each " enjoy being us", we will continue to care for our families, our professions and each other.
Thanks to the developers of CDH for giving us a platform to express ourselves.
Love to all...
Dr.T.J.
Hi Vanity. You look amazing.
Thanks for your thoughts, I loved reading them.
I’ve learned that not only are we all at different stages of our journey, we also have different expectations which can change over time. I ‘came out’ to my wife in July and it changed my perspective on everything. I’m still not sure why or what I want and am still apprehensive about dressing in front of my wife. As she’s said early on, she married a man. Having said that I think she appreciated my honesty and is helping me on my journey. The exhilaration I get when dressed is like no other feeling I’ve ever had before but I still don't know exactly why. My concern is that I keep wanting to break my (currently) small boundaries and don't know where it will end. I believe I’m happy being a man but I enjoy my feminine times so much that if I woke tomorrow morning as a woman I’d be quite happy.
Just one thing. You look just wonderful. When I see you on the picture it's no question wheter you can pass as a woman or not. You are absolutely gorgeous.
I totally disagree with your idea that you could ot pass as a woman.There is nothing in your presentation that has anything suggesting that you are not female. Another factor in your favor is that you appear to be smaller than today's average female.
Vanity, you have expressed the feelings of many of us, and you have deeply touched me through this article. Thanks much, you're an inspiration to us, to be true to ourselves. Many hugs to you, girlfriend!!
Vanity, thanks for sharing your story with us. Mine is very similar, I too grew up through the 60's which is when I discovered the joys of borrowing my Mom's under things. Like you, I thought I was the only one who was like this, and felt the shame and guilt afterwards.
But a few weeks later I was always drawn right back into the web. I never did have any sisters or close cousins who played dressup with me, though I was caught a couple of times by my Mom, but she was cool about it.
Reading some of the experiences of other girls who did have female "helpers" during the early years, I wonder what would have happened if I'd had a cousin or older sister to play dress up on me!
To try to answer your questions, my wife knows, and always has known I've a bit of a "thing" for wearing women's lingerie, and dressing up a bit, but it took a bit of getting used to when a wanted to "up the ante" by expanding my wardrobe considerably, and getting dressed up more completely and more often.
However she is now very supportive of my dressing.
My early dressing had a definite sexual aspect to it, but it was also so nice and peaceful wearing women's clothes. Seems like a contradiction I know.
Like so many others have said, it's a feeling I cannot describe either. Which is how I got caught once, I was wearing one of my Mom's slips and reading on my bed one afternoon and I went to sleep! So she comes in and sees me sleeping with her undies on! She didn't say anything, except, are you wearing my slip?
Being part of this great community has helped me so much. I accept myself completely, and don't have any shame or guilt about dressing up anymore, this is just part of me. Also through the support I found here I was finally able to venture out en femme, something I'd wanted to do for so many years.
Amy
Yes, I agree with everyone else you are very beautiful and your story reminds me a lot of myself. I tell myself all the time I need to stop this, a couple days later I’m completely dressed again. So I guess I’m just lying to myself? I’m lucky to be open with my wife, she’s ok with it but not crazy about it. Take care.
Thanks for the post Vanity Fair.
My first time crossdressing as around the age 18.
Just a few items i used from my moms closet.
I kept doing this untill i was found out.
My mom was not to happy.
Then i started buying a few items for my self & the feeling was great. A feeling i never felt before but i liked it.
For me by dressing up i felt ok being with me. The dirty feeling went away. So for me it added to my sexy life.
I moved out of my house & for probley 5 yrs i got lots of female clothes.
It made me feel whole when i dressed but never left the house.
I then came out to everyone on facebook when i had an account that i was a crossdresser. Figured i would lose a lot of friends but didnt. Only a few but no one really cared.
My mom got pissed off but my family for the most part didnt care.
I became someone even better.
Had a few women in my life & just became closer to them.
Then moved to a new place & because it was smaller got rid of pretty everything except for my corset because it cost me so much. Lol & its so cute.
Then started dressing again because its part of me.
Now because i wanted a girl friend so bad. I quit dressing a few times because it did get in the so i thought.
Then did get into a relationship with a women & one day we were talking & it came up about me crossdressing.
She asked why i dont do it anymore.
I said because you probley wouldnt understand & leave me.
She then told me i never said you cant dress up. If you want to dress up thats fine. I support you.
So once again a started buying stuff to wear. Now her never being with a crossdresser before i found a few outfits & sure their not done yet. Because are we ever done making the perfect outfit look good? Lol.
No because we find other stuff that goes better with this dress, skirt, leggings or perse.
I show her these outfits & she said they were cute & loves my butt in leggings.
She did say she had to get uses to me talking about crossdressing & thats understandable.
I did that for a bit before i started buying stuff because if she couldn't handle me talking about it & sending her cute outfits that i thought were cute she wouldn't handle me all dressed up.
Sure im not passable but thats not what its about for me anymore.
Its the way i feel & think when im dressed.
I feel whole.
I feel i should of been born a women.
But that makes me feel better being a man because i can treat my fiance even better.
Now tring to get a club together of crossdressers & Transgender people just so we all have a place to feel loved & at peace.
Thats why i like Crossdresser Heaven. I can talk with others like me for free & dont have creepy guys saying things or people telling my life style is wrong. Sure i have to keep some areas of my thoughts to myself because this site will delete my post. But thats fine. I'll just make my own site soon & make it free also but will allow all talk to talked about. But for the most part this site is the best i have found so far.
Now because my fiance does have health problems im not sure how long I'll have her but if she does leave this world.
I have made up my mind to just stay single.
Its nice to have someone in mylife but once is good enough.
Peace & love & hugs.
Your Truly Anna
Thank you for your post Vanity Fair. I also agree with what you are saying. I have been dressing since I was old enough to be left at home alone. Not sure why I started but once I did I have never stopped. Neither of my wives accepted my crossdressing. At least my 2nd wife does not have an issue with it other than not wanting to see me dressed as a woman. I have even asked that if I could get to the point of being passable and she said no. She married me as a man and that is the only way she wants to see me. When I am dressed I just feel so relaxed. It feels so natural to me. It is funny because if I am watching tv with her she will always comment on what the woman is wearing. How her makeup looks like we are girlfriends but if I say I want to paint my toe nails there is dead silence. It is more than a little confusing.
Have a great weekend ladies.
Yael
Thanks for the post, Vanity!
Instantly I started remembering my early years when I tried to wear shoes and heels from my mother and some other relatives. As long as they were attractive to me (high heels being at the top of the list) and I wasn't afraid of being caught, I tried to wear and walk with them.
However, being the sole offspring up to my first 10 years of life, raised by a super restrictive and, sometimes, violent mother, led me to hide all my crossdressing desires. If I had been caught wearing girly attire and heels, probably I'd be beaten.
20 years after this messy childhood, depression, a period studying in UK, new depression after come back to Brazil, huge debts and some healing time, I finally felt safe to start my journey as a CD, even I still have to keep it as a secret (and a closet safely stored far from my parents' sight - debts pushed me back to my parents' house right after I started my journey).
I really can't figure out how this story will unfold but, surely, I'm trying to free my inner girl as much as I feel it's safe.
xoxo
Daisy
Vanity Dear,
First of all I can't imagine you not being able to pass. You are absolutely beautiful. Just wanted to get that out of the way.
I remember wanting to be a girl and trying on my mother's things but I don't remember the first time. These feelings persisted throughout my life and became over powering in my late 40's. I started buying my own clothes and makeup. I looked terrible but it was a start.
I came out to my wife a few years later and fortunately she has come to totally accept the feminine me. Even though I'm still not passable I looks so much better with her help.
Dressing for me has always been such a rush and a stress reliever at the same time. So many of us just want to be accepted for who we are and what we are which is just one of the girls.
Love your articles hon. Keep them coming.
Huggs and kisses,
Suzanne
I enjoyed your article and could relate very much to your thoughts and feelings. One more thing, you look gorgeous in your picture.
You look absolutely fabulous Vanity Fair, sitting down with your legs crossed in a most feminine way. I am envious of you. I've been crossdressing for a long time and, although I don't look anywhere near as good as you do I still am able to pass, when I'm out there in public.
I have learned most of the many mannerisms of how a girl conducts herself ,so she looks like a lady. One of the hardest things to learn is how to sound like a girl when I speak. As long as I don't get into a long conversation, I can hold my own. Learning how to walk in heels was another thing that took significant time to learn. Having proper fitting heels makes it easier to wear heels for a extended period of time. Sitting with my legs crossed is something that I do now even when I am in my male mode which makes it easier to remember how to sit when I'm dressed en femme. Little by little I'm getting better at being a girl, but I really don't think that I'll ever become a georgious girl like you are
Vanity, thanks for the great article. I agree with you “it’s alright to be comfortable with where you are at”.