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I’ve been a cross dresser for really as long as I can remember. I’d have between 10-20 items at a time and have purged often, always careful not to get “caught”. I’ve been in a few long-term relationships (2+ years) and an 11-year marriage as well, never letting a single person know about my cross dressing. Anytime I thought maybe I could or couldn’t. Anyway, I made a conscious choice to remain deep in the closet for many years! My “dressing” has been almost obsessive for the last 8-9 months and I started purchasing makeup, clothing, shoes, wigs, and jewelry. I’d been really struggling with telling my wife about my self-proclaimed “perversion” but couldn’t. I was dressing every time I was alone and even started wearing a small amount of eyeliner and mascara daily. More on that later. 😉 I was and still am unsure of what I am. Boy or girl......?????? Life, I feel started to change for me at the beginning of March when I told my current partner of 3.5 years that I was a cross dresser.
I just blurted it out “I’m a cross dresser”! It seems unreal but it was all I could get out. None of the practiced scenarios or carefully timed and planned occasions arrived and if they did, I had let them slip away either unnoticed or unfulfilled. My partners reaction was exactly what I should have expected, she was angry and worried and hurt and felt betrayed. She had a thousand questions all at one time and I answered as honestly and as clearly as I could. It was strange because I felt that with every question, I dug myself a little deeper into a hole I really didn’t want to be in. I could see that each question was asked with equal parts of dread and fear. Each of my answers seemed incomplete. It lasted for what felt like days but in reality, was only about 20-30 minutes. I had no idea, when it was over, if I was still in a relationship or not. She just said that she’d need time to think. I left it at that and after a long night of sleeplessness and worrying that I may have used a “maybe” card when I ought to have used a “maybe not” card. After all, this lady is the love of my life, the one, she’s the only person I have ever felt deeper than flesh. She energizes me by just being. I was making a coffee when she told me she didn’t care what I did she just didn’t want to know about it. I could again hear the fear in her words and they hurt when they should’ve probably been a relief.
Fast-forward 6 weeks and last night we were laying in bed and out of the blue she brought up how badly she felt for the way she had reacted to my announcement. She let me know that she’s been thinking about our life together and the reasons she loved it so much. She said that she’d found things that were odd like a few makeup items and shirt or two that she couldn’t remember buying but liked them and has now claimed them for herself. She assured me I can have them back. She said that she still loves me and that she wants to be supportive. She wants me to just be me. She doesn’t think that how I dress is going to change any of the reasons she is in love with me.
I sit today and wonder about where I will go from here. How far will I allow myself to go? Will I be able to get past my fear of rejection? Will I allow myself to be me, whoever that might be? Will the people I love accept me and does that really matter? Will others accept me?
I consider myself a very lucky lady right now! I have something today that I wouldn’t have had if I had not taken a chance on me. I have a partner that pledges her support for me through everything. To all the ladies out there, I wish you all the same blessing! And so many more.......
- When you girls finally got up the guts to have “The Talk” with your wife or significant other, what kind of reaction did you receive from her?
- Was your wife or SO initially in shock and then later became quite accepting of your cross dressing because of the level of unconditional love she had for you?
- Right now, what are some of the limitations your wife or SO has placed on your thrill of cross dressing?
Girls, please take the time to answer one or more of the above questions I’ve posed to you. I would love to hear your answers and compare them with the answers I have to those questions right now.
Thank you so very much for taking the time to read my article and I look forward to hearing from you encouraging and supportive CDH girls who are members of this wonderful site!
Sincerely, Rilee
Rilee,
I was in your heels 4 years ago and finally told my wife of then 20 years. I did not blurt it out like you but I wanted to control the message. My wife knew of my interest in wearing panties prior to marriage. Weird? Sure. But she felt it was fairly harmless as long as the styles were not too trashy. After the first 10 years of marriage I tried to be a little “playful” and try on one of her camisoles to see how she might respond. I was shut down. So I dressed in private. So after 20 years of marriage it boiled up again. Guilt, deceit and maybe a tinge of "maybe she'll be very ok with it" made me come clean. It was a big risk and it may have been the end of our marriage. I had to tell her out of my love for her and me wanting to be true to myself. I confessed in an 8 page letter outlining everything about my past present and potential future hopes. The letter helped me understand my inner thoughts and feelings and what I hoped for going forward. She read it, had a few questions and she was more concerned about me and my burden then the content of the letter. Crisis averted? Not completely. It's kind of 'Don't Ask Don't Tell' scenario now. The letter allowed me time to put most of my thoughts in a positive proactive light instead of being defensive and fumbling for words in an already awkward and tense face to face Q&A session. Reading the letter gave her a better understanding from which to ask questions, have open discussions and possibly seek out a counselor or therapist.
We have not really talked about it since that day i gave her the letter but she backhandedly alludes to it every now and then. With this ongoing stay-in-place situation for the pat 1 1/2 months I have been without any chance to assume my "Jamie" persona. So, I was thinking about brining it up again because I am getting very antsy. Unfortunately she needed to travel to attend to to her elderly parents for the past week so we didn't have the talk. Though, with her being away these past 5 days it has allowed me to assume the Jamie roll while I work from home for 8+ hours each day. It's weird that when you get to dress the way you like everyday without worrying you tend to forget you're dressed. it becomes just "normal". So, she comes back tomorrow with me having mixed emotions. 'Yeah' and 'Sigh' at the same time. Even though Jamie had this week to herself I may still need to have the conversation to see if anything has changed over these past 4 years.
Best of luck!
Hi Rilee,
I told my wife when we were dating very early on, and while that puts my in a different situation, she later confessed she almost ran out the door. That was 37 years ago, before things were more out in the open, before the internet...she was scared I was...well a freak. Similar to the reasons you stated with your wife, my wife saw the good in me and we have nurtured things along over the years. I don't have many restrictions, but I haven't taken many chances. That has been all me. I still have issues talking to her about it. But the best advice I can give is be open and take things at the speed that works for the two of you. If I had my guess, the restrictions would probably be coming out to family and friends or going in public where someone may know us...someday maybe I will find out. Hugs, Lisa
Hi Rilee,
I told my wife when we were dating very early on, and while that puts my in a different situation, she later confessed she almost ran out the door. That was 37 years ago, before things were more out in the open, before the internet...she was scared I was...well a freak. Similar to the reasons you stated with your wife, my wife saw the good in me and we have nurtured things along over the years. I don't have many restrictions, but I haven't taken many chances. That has been all me. I still have issues talking to her about it. But the best advice I can give is be open and take things at the speed that works for the two of you. If I had my guess, the restrictions would probably be coming out to family and friends or going in public where someone may know us...someday maybe I will find out. Hugs, Lisa
The lock down has been an interesting time. I'm fortunate that my SO knows and seems ok with it. I've asked that question once or twice but haven't pushed for a deep answer because, well, why find trouble ? if anything I think she sees it as a healthy release for me to get dressed openly which has turned out to be once a week now, sat nites when I have a group chat with GF's I met here on CDH. So far, so good. Can't wait to be seeing everyone in the RW again.
The lock down has been an interesting time. I'm fortunate that my SO knows and seems ok with it. I've asked that question once or twice but haven't pushed for a deep answer because, well, why find trouble ? if anything I think she sees it as a healthy release for me to get dressed openly which has turned out to be once a week now, sat nites when I have a group chat with GF's I met here on CDH. So far, so good. Can't wait to be seeing everyone in the RW again.
My wife has always known about my fondness for women's clothes, undies only in those days, and never minded, as it was only a few times a year. This went on for many years, till 2018 when I was drawn to start dressing more often, and more completely. I must say that I had wondered for many years what it would be like to get fully dressed, make up, hair, etc. I even bought a Halloween wig one year to put on for those occasions. But I more or less fought it off till 2018, as I said.
At first she had the same reaction as many other wives, only it was not a total revelation. I had to reassure her that, first, I'm turning gay, and "we" are still the same, I just feel drawn to dress up more. Then as she got alright with that, I started to fee like I wanted to go out en femme. This was another hurdle she needed to cross. She was as worried for me, as anything else, but she quickly got to accept that to.
Through some members here, I was invited to join a local CD and TG social club, which provided support for me in my early outings, and of course, wives and SO's are welcome.
That was the next big step for her. To come out with me en femme, and meet some of the other crossdressers (their wives too!) I had got to know. She was understandably nervous, but quickly got comfortable with the rest of the crowd.
We had always been a close couple, and this has brought us even closer together. Now we go shopping together, the personnel in a few stores know, and I suspect some others have figured us out, because we aren't shopping like a typical couple. I'm way more involved than any other husband I've ever seen in a women's wear store.
So, for us has been a really great thing. I don't really keep secrets well, and it would be very stressful to have to hide this.
Amy
My wife has always known about my fondness for women's clothes, undies only in those days, and never minded, as it was only a few times a year. This went on for many years, till 2018 when I was drawn to start dressing more often, and more completely. I must say that I had wondered for many years what it would be like to get fully dressed, make up, hair, etc. I even bought a Halloween wig one year to put on for those occasions. But I more or less fought it off till 2018, as I said.
At first she had the same reaction as many other wives, only it was not a total revelation. I had to reassure her that, first, I'm turning gay, and "we" are still the same, I just feel drawn to dress up more. Then as she got alright with that, I started to fee like I wanted to go out en femme. This was another hurdle she needed to cross. She was as worried for me, as anything else, but she quickly got to accept that to.
Through some members here, I was invited to join a local CD and TG social club, which provided support for me in my early outings, and of course, wives and SO's are welcome.
That was the next big step for her. To come out with me en femme, and meet some of the other crossdressers (their wives too!) I had got to know. She was understandably nervous, but quickly got comfortable with the rest of the crowd.
We had always been a close couple, and this has brought us even closer together. Now we go shopping together, the personnel in a few stores know, and I suspect some others have figured us out, because we aren't shopping like a typical couple. I'm way more involved than any other husband I've ever seen in a women's wear store.
So, for us has been a really great thing. I don't really keep secrets well, and it would be very stressful to have to hide this.
Amy
Hi Rilee, I completely understand whare you are coming from . I've been dressing all my life ,I've purged so many times I cant count !I've tossed away so many things just to replace them later. When I came out to my ex she was ok with it as long as I stayed in the closet, only to later cheat on me and then leave me for another man . I'm now with a great women whom excerpts me for who I am and how I am . I hope all works out for you and the woman you love !
Hi Rilee, I completely understand whare you are coming from . I've been dressing all my life ,I've purged so many times I cant count !I've tossed away so many things just to replace them later. When I came out to my ex she was ok with it as long as I stayed in the closet, only to later cheat on me and then leave me for another man . I'm now with a great women whom excerpts me for who I am and how I am . I hope all works out for you and the woman you love !
Thankyou all for the lovely words of encouragement!❤️ I am just now starting to understand that I’m not as much of a “freak” as I have thought myself to be in the past. In part, it’s sites like cross dresser heaven and the wonderful members here that help me to see that! I love reading through the articles and forums, I find relevant and relatable information and feelings in almost every piece. My wife, though, has been absolutely amazing really and continues to support me through anything and everything.
Love to all!
Rilee
Thankyou all for the lovely words of encouragement!❤️ I am just now starting to understand that I’m not as much of a “freak” as I have thought myself to be in the past. In part, it’s sites like cross dresser heaven and the wonderful members here that help me to see that! I love reading through the articles and forums, I find relevant and relatable information and feelings in almost every piece. My wife, though, has been absolutely amazing really and continues to support me through anything and everything.
Love to all!
Rilee
Rilee - my wife knew before we married and was supportive to a point. Then kids came and it all had to go except it didn’t. I dressed (very limited) when I could and never really established who I was. Fast forward the years and as the kids were older she realized that I was still me and needed to express myself. More of me came out, but not to the kids, and her acceptance grew and she knew that Natalie and I were one in the same. By the time the kids were in college, I was moving to full stride with her support and help with clothing, shoes, etc. A sudden job change has put everything “back in the closet” except for a very small bit. I know Natalie will be back soon and better than ever! My wife actually looks forward to it as much as I do. I am looking to fully embrace Natalie and her place in our lives once we’re done with this job assignment. I think my wife is willing to help me come into my own with this. Including her has made in all this has made Natalie possible. I wish you the best as you continue your journey!!
Best & Hugs,
Natalie
Thankyou Natalie! I’m really hoping that we get to the point where it doesn’t matter how I dress, it should be fun. I’m sure my wife will be just as supportive as yours, it may take some time but that’s ok too.
Rilee - I think the more she sees how happy, relaxed, and positive you are while being you, she’ll appreciate how it helps bring out your true self. My job can be extremely stressful. When I am able to be Natalie (I always am, but you know what I mean), it seems to shed away. I have a different air and confidence about myself (as I am sure you do too) that my wife has grown to appreciate. It was a bit scary at first displaying my feminine style and qualities, but it has been a gradual acceptance. Like you I really wish we reach a point where the way we dress and express ourselves doesn’t matter. It is definitely different for my kids (Gen Z) and what they are used to; far more the norm than Gen Xrs. I wish and hope the best for you and your wife as walk through this together (hopefully in you favorite pair of sexy heels and dress)!
Best and Hugs,
Natalie
Rilee - I think the more she sees how happy, relaxed, and positive you are while being you, she’ll appreciate how it helps bring out your true self. My job can be extremely stressful. When I am able to be Natalie (I always am, but you know what I mean), it seems to shed away. I have a different air and confidence about myself (as I am sure you do too) that my wife has grown to appreciate. It was a bit scary at first displaying my feminine style and qualities, but it has been a gradual acceptance. Like you I really wish we reach a point where the way we dress and express ourselves doesn’t matter. It is definitely different for my kids (Gen Z) and what they are used to; far more the norm than Gen Xrs. I wish and hope the best for you and your wife as walk through this together (hopefully in you favorite pair of sexy heels and dress)!
Best and Hugs,
Natalie
Thankyou Natalie! I’m really hoping that we get to the point where it doesn’t matter how I dress, it should be fun. I’m sure my wife will be just as supportive as yours, it may take some time but that’s ok too.
Rilee - my wife knew before we married and was supportive to a point. Then kids came and it all had to go except it didn’t. I dressed (very limited) when I could and never really established who I was. Fast forward the years and as the kids were older she realized that I was still me and needed to express myself. More of me came out, but not to the kids, and her acceptance grew and she knew that Natalie and I were one in the same. By the time the kids were in college, I was moving to full stride with her support and help with clothing, shoes, etc. A sudden job change has put everything “back in the closet” except for a very small bit. I know Natalie will be back soon and better than ever! My wife actually looks forward to it as much as I do. I am looking to fully embrace Natalie and her place in our lives once we’re done with this job assignment. I think my wife is willing to help me come into my own with this. Including her has made in all this has made Natalie possible. I wish you the best as you continue your journey!!
Best & Hugs,
Natalie
Hi, Rilee,
I was 50 years into my marriage when the Pink Fog hit me (after being suppressed since my teen years). I began by dressing in stealth mode, and when my wife noticed something and asked "Is that a woman's **** you're wearing?", I would reply with a "yes", and surprisingly, there were no followup questions.
But I don't believe husbands and wives should keep secrets from each other, so I finally found the courage to have The Talk with her. Again, she surprised me by stating only one restriction: No dresses in her presence. But my asking first, skirts at home were accepted, and later, nightgowns. And though I haven't worn it for her, I did get approval to buy a lovely sweater dress I saw at Kohl's just before Christmas.
Over the past few months, her acceptance of Bettylou has increased to the level where we discuss clothes and jewelry, even sharing a few items, and should I run across a dress which I really like, I'm sure I cam buy it and let her see me in it without objection....for which I feel truly blessed.
Hugs,
Bettylou
