My Season of Doubt ...
 
Notifications
Clear all

Welcome to Crossdresser Heaven, a safe and welcoming place for everyone in the crossdresser community.

Join Crossdresser Heaven today to participate in the forums.

My Season of Doubt and Shame: Part 1

55 Posts
15 Users
0 Reactions
418 Views
Posts: 58
Lady
(@eranu)
Trusted Member     Torrevieja, Alicante, Spain
Joined: 8 years ago

What an interesting piece of writing Mona. It’s brought to the surface some more of my feelings. I thought coming out to my wife 5 months ago would be the end of my struggle but it’s actually just the start. Like you, I go through so many emotions and a few of them are indeed sexual. I look forward both to part two and to looking into autogynephilia. Thank you x

Reply
Posts: 58
Lady
(@eranu)
Trusted Member     Torrevieja, Alicante, Spain
Joined: 8 years ago

What an interesting piece of writing Mona. It’s brought to the surface some more of my feelings. I thought coming out to my wife 5 months ago would be the end of my struggle but it’s actually just the start. Like you, I go through so many emotions and a few of them are indeed sexual. I look forward both to part two and to looking into autogynephilia. Thank you x

Reply
Posts: 17
Lady
(@sarahcd2020)
Active Member     Merimbula, New South Wales, Australia
Joined: 4 years ago

Thanks for this article, Mona - it is partly the reason I rejoined CDH after a 6 month partial-denial hiatus! I was ‘diagnosed’ as autogynephilic a year ago, which set me on this whole journey after coming out to my wife. The thing is, the sexual arousal aspect still only forms one part (albeit a significant one) and by opening my mind to the truth about what I had always thought of only as a fetish has made me be much more open to the strong inner desire to be/present as female from time to time. It’s a pity that autogynephilia is viewed as somehow deviant or separate from what I would call traditional cross dressing. I’d love there to be a more open conversation and acceptance of the very broad spectrum of personal, sexual and gender identity issues that extend through this diverse and wonderful community. Cannot wait for part 2!

Reply
Posts: 17
Lady
(@sarahcd2020)
Active Member     Merimbula, New South Wales, Australia
Joined: 4 years ago

Thanks for this article, Mona - it is partly the reason I rejoined CDH after a 6 month partial-denial hiatus! I was ‘diagnosed’ as autogynephilic a year ago, which set me on this whole journey after coming out to my wife. The thing is, the sexual arousal aspect still only forms one part (albeit a significant one) and by opening my mind to the truth about what I had always thought of only as a fetish has made me be much more open to the strong inner desire to be/present as female from time to time. It’s a pity that autogynephilia is viewed as somehow deviant or separate from what I would call traditional cross dressing. I’d love there to be a more open conversation and acceptance of the very broad spectrum of personal, sexual and gender identity issues that extend through this diverse and wonderful community. Cannot wait for part 2!

Reply
6 Replies
(@Alexis "Lexi" Moon)
Joined: 6 years ago

Trusted Member
Posts: 60

I agree with this 100%! A major breakthough for me came after my last "purge," when I realized I hadn't deleted my Instagram account. I logged in to look at the pictures I had posted there, and got that "feeling" again...but this time, well, like you said about opening your mind to the truth. I began to accept that it can be sexual and it can be more than that too. The two aren't mutually exclusive.

Reply
 Mona
Duchess
(@yestothedress)
Joined: 6 years ago

Reputable Member     Florida, United States of America
Posts: 376

Absolutely, Lexi. Not mutually exclusive - AGP is not only about a man's sexual arousal at the thought or image of himself as a woman, but also a man's propensity to be romantically in love with the image of himself as a woman.

I can relate to both, and what I was trying to relate in the article was that I've been stymied in terms of the romantic love part (the part where I can dress fully and transform completely into a woman) and so the erotic arousal part has taken on a out sized importance, and has in fact become too compulsive.

I'm looking forward to getting back to a better balance when this damn covid shit is finally over.

Hugs,
Mona

Reply
 Mona
Duchess
(@yestothedress)
Joined: 6 years ago

Reputable Member     Florida, United States of America
Posts: 376

Absolutely, Lexi. Not mutually exclusive - AGP is not only about a man's sexual arousal at the thought or image of himself as a woman, but also a man's propensity to be romantically in love with the image of himself as a woman.

I can relate to both, and what I was trying to relate in the article was that I've been stymied in terms of the romantic love part (the part where I can dress fully and transform completely into a woman) and so the erotic arousal part has taken on a out sized importance, and has in fact become too compulsive.

I'm looking forward to getting back to a better balance when this damn covid shit is finally over.

Hugs,
Mona

Reply
(@Alexis "Lexi" Moon)
Joined: 6 years ago

Trusted Member
Posts: 60

I agree with this 100%! A major breakthough for me came after my last "purge," when I realized I hadn't deleted my Instagram account. I logged in to look at the pictures I had posted there, and got that "feeling" again...but this time, well, like you said about opening your mind to the truth. I began to accept that it can be sexual and it can be more than that too. The two aren't mutually exclusive.

Reply
 Mona
Duchess
(@yestothedress)
Joined: 6 years ago

Reputable Member     Florida, United States of America
Posts: 376

Hi Sarah - thanks for your comments and glad to see you back at CDH after your hiatus. Interesting that you were "diagnosed" with AGP...my understanding is that it was included in the DSM for some period of time but I don't know if that's the still the case (I'm not a real psychiatrist, just like to play at being one). There is so much controversy surrounding the theory/concept/label of AGP - you can find endless numbers of articles online arguing for and against its validity. I think it explains the erotic aspect of my cross dressing but that is just me. I totally agree with your comment about the false separation between AGP and traditional cross dressing. Because other researchers have noted that AGP can and does extend beyond the sexual to include romantic love. In other words, a man in love with the thought or image of himself as a woman. I certainly feel that I'm in romantic love with my female self and I think that's true of many of us.

I'm working up the motivation to write Part 2, but I've waited until I got some comments back from thoughtful girls like you. Thanks again.

Hugs,
Mona

Reply
 Mona
Duchess
(@yestothedress)
Joined: 6 years ago

Reputable Member     Florida, United States of America
Posts: 376

Hi Sarah - thanks for your comments and glad to see you back at CDH after your hiatus. Interesting that you were "diagnosed" with AGP...my understanding is that it was included in the DSM for some period of time but I don't know if that's the still the case (I'm not a real psychiatrist, just like to play at being one). There is so much controversy surrounding the theory/concept/label of AGP - you can find endless numbers of articles online arguing for and against its validity. I think it explains the erotic aspect of my cross dressing but that is just me. I totally agree with your comment about the false separation between AGP and traditional cross dressing. Because other researchers have noted that AGP can and does extend beyond the sexual to include romantic love. In other words, a man in love with the thought or image of himself as a woman. I certainly feel that I'm in romantic love with my female self and I think that's true of many of us.

I'm working up the motivation to write Part 2, but I've waited until I got some comments back from thoughtful girls like you. Thanks again.

Hugs,
Mona

Reply
Posts: 210
(@mariec)
Estimable Member     California, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

Thanks for sharing, Mona. This is honest, interesting and I like the approach you've taken with the structure. Lots to think about here.

Reply
Posts: 210
(@mariec)
Estimable Member     California, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

Thanks for sharing, Mona. This is honest, interesting and I like the approach you've taken with the structure. Lots to think about here.

Reply
Posts: 581
Lady
(@claracross)
Honorable Member     Wisconsin, United States of America
Joined: 4 years ago

Hi Mona. As so many others have said, fantastic article. Thanks for posting.
I am very new here on CDH having started reading articles just a few months ago. I took the plunge and got an account about a week ago. That’s a little surprising since I am not one to jump into social media on a whim. I swore off Twitter a long while ago, have no use for Facebook and the only TikTok I know comes from a clock (or a time bomb, I’m not sure). So jumping onto CDH is nothing short of a leap of faith. But, it’s important you know this as it was your article and many of your comments that led me to lower my guard and sign onto CDH. In fact, although my spouse is supportive of my dressing, I have yet to muster the courage to tell her that now I am corresponding online with strangers who dress like women. Feels much like the betrayal of concealing the cross dressing in the first place. Something I’ll need to work on.
All of the above is a rambling way of saying how I very much relate to the ideas you wrote about. You seem very much a kindred spirit. I knew nothing of AGP until I read your article. Those ideas seem to fit my experience. Until I read about it I could not in a million years explain where this rather recent onset of cross dressing had come from. It may be that my wife’s remarkable understanding has made it possible to feel pretty comfortable dressing up, but your article gives me a completely other level of understanding that I find just as comforting.
So thanks again for posting and staying active on CDH. I’m sure your posts are helpful to many.

Clara
Oh yes, looking forward to Part II. And no, it isn’t TMI!

Reply
Posts: 581
Lady
(@claracross)
Honorable Member     Wisconsin, United States of America
Joined: 4 years ago

Hi Mona. As so many others have said, fantastic article. Thanks for posting.
I am very new here on CDH having started reading articles just a few months ago. I took the plunge and got an account about a week ago. That’s a little surprising since I am not one to jump into social media on a whim. I swore off Twitter a long while ago, have no use for Facebook and the only TikTok I know comes from a clock (or a time bomb, I’m not sure). So jumping onto CDH is nothing short of a leap of faith. But, it’s important you know this as it was your article and many of your comments that led me to lower my guard and sign onto CDH. In fact, although my spouse is supportive of my dressing, I have yet to muster the courage to tell her that now I am corresponding online with strangers who dress like women. Feels much like the betrayal of concealing the cross dressing in the first place. Something I’ll need to work on.
All of the above is a rambling way of saying how I very much relate to the ideas you wrote about. You seem very much a kindred spirit. I knew nothing of AGP until I read your article. Those ideas seem to fit my experience. Until I read about it I could not in a million years explain where this rather recent onset of cross dressing had come from. It may be that my wife’s remarkable understanding has made it possible to feel pretty comfortable dressing up, but your article gives me a completely other level of understanding that I find just as comforting.
So thanks again for posting and staying active on CDH. I’m sure your posts are helpful to many.

Clara
Oh yes, looking forward to Part II. And no, it isn’t TMI!

Reply
Posts: 88
Lady
(@trish)
Estimable Member     California, United States of America
Joined: 4 years ago

Thank you,

Reply
Posts: 88
Lady
(@trish)
Estimable Member     California, United States of America
Joined: 4 years ago

Thank you,

Reply
Posts: 60
(@Alexis "Lexi" Moon)
Trusted Member
Joined: 6 years ago

Oh my goodness…I get it. This is brilliant!

Reply
Posts: 60
(@Alexis "Lexi" Moon)
Trusted Member
Joined: 6 years ago

Oh my goodness…I get it. This is brilliant!

Reply
Posts: 177
 Dani
Lady
(@danirost)
Estimable Member     Central, Illinois, United States of America
Joined: 3 years ago

Fantastic and deep article. I have to admit it will give me a lot to think about. But good things. Thank you for sharing your innermost thoughts. I think this kind of discussion is healthy.

Reply
2 Replies
 Mona
Duchess
(@yestothedress)
Joined: 6 years ago

Reputable Member     Florida, United States of America
Posts: 376

Thank you, Dani - I'm so happy to hear that the article resonated with you.

Reply
 Mona
Duchess
(@yestothedress)
Joined: 6 years ago

Reputable Member     Florida, United States of America
Posts: 376

Thank you, Dani - I'm so happy to hear that the article resonated with you.

Reply
Posts: 177
 Dani
Lady
(@danirost)
Estimable Member     Central, Illinois, United States of America
Joined: 3 years ago

Fantastic and deep article. I have to admit it will give me a lot to think about. But good things. Thank you for sharing your innermost thoughts. I think this kind of discussion is healthy.

Reply
Page 2 / 2

©[current-year] Crossdresser Heaven | Privacy Terms of Use | Link to usContact Vanessa | Advertise with Crossdresser Heaven

 
[kleo_social_icons]
Subscribe To Our Newsletter

Subscribe To Our Newsletter

Join our mailing list to receive the latest news and updates from Crossdresser Heaven.

You have Successfully Subscribed!