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My Summer of Discontent
With the fog of the passage of time, one memory stands out in glaring Technicolor and Panavision! It was late August 1968, during my “Summer of Discontent”. It was also the Democratic National Convention. And why does this memory stand out with such blinding clarity?
Like so many I started out crossdressing in my early teens by trying on my mother’s bras and girdles. I remember the erotic feeling my pubescent body experienced putting these garments on. When I was fifteen my parents and sisters were out for a long weekend, so I went for it! I put on underwear including nylons, stuffing the bra with extra nylons. I found a late 50’s era ball gown my mother had stored way back in her closet, a low-cut bright Kelly green with a built-in petticoat. I put it on, then sat down to the mirror to try my hand at makeup. I used a powder base, then some blush. I applied some eye shadow, then a generous amount of mascara, followed by a bright red lipstick. Then the pièce de ré·sis·tance- a Marilyn Monroe style wig my mom had. When I put it on and looked into the mirror (albeit the makeup was far from perfect), I saw a rather cute girl looking back at me. I was hooked!
I continued dressing whenever I could during my teenage years, but the pressure of school, social life and chores kept me from practicing my passion except occasionally. Then I met Rodney. Rodney and I went to the same college in Chicago and shared many classes together. Being a nerd like me we shared the same interests. What was really important is Rodney had an apartment in a Brownstone on Waveland and Kenmore, directly across from Wrigley Field. Today these buildings are known as the “Rooftops”. Back then they were just an open roof where we go and watch the Cubs while listening to the play-by-play from Jack Brickhouse (pre-Harry Caray) on WGN. Rodney and I became good friends.
One Saturday afternoon, following a substantial amount of illegal beer (we were both 19), Rodney pulled out a photo of a very pretty girl and asked me if I knew who it was. My response was, “Your girlfriend- your sister”? To my surprise he said, “No, that’s me!” It almost knocked my socks off, and the floodgates opened! Before the day was out Rodney (who called herself Barbara) had made me up, given me one of her dresses to wear and topped it off with a ‘Ronnie Spector’ wig. I became Paula! And I must admit, thanks in large part to Barbara’s makeup skills, and a lot of padding in the right places, I looked (and more importantly felt) like a very pretty young girl.
Thus began a weekly tradition of getting ‘dolled up’ and sitting around the apartment drinking cheap wine. Then one Saturday we decided to ‘go for it’ and venture out. We hopped on the ‘El’ and went down to the Loop. We wore white blouses, mid-knee skirts and flats. We looked like a couple of secretaries downtown enjoying the day. I recall shopping at Marshal Fields. We capped the day off at White Castle, where a couple of guys hit on us. As we got bolder we ended up on Rush Street on Saturday nights taking in the dance clubs. Sure, we were underage, but Illinois driver’s licenses back then did not have photos, and all the bouncers cared about was that you were pretty. Pretty girls got in free as an enticement for the guys to come and pay a cover charge. For a farm boy from rural Illinois, who had become a city girl, it was wonderful!
Now bear in mind this was the late 1960’s. I do not think the words “crossdresser”, “transsexual”, "transgender", or “non-binary” even existed then or if they did they were certainly not in my lexicon. The most common names for girls like us were “transvestite” or “female impersonator”. In the late 60’s a male dressing as a female, even in Chicago, was illegal. We didn’t care we were having too much fun. Chicago in the late 1960’s was a relatively safe place as long as you knew what parts of town to stay away from. Also, while the “Summer of Love” had just taken place the previous year, guys were still fairly prudish and girls rarely ‘put out’ unless they were ‘trashy’. That’s why the dance clubs were so much fun.
My “Summer of Discontent” began at the end of the spring semester in 1968. Prior to the introduction of the ‘lottery’ in late 1969, the draft system was comprised of a multitude of ‘eligibility’ categories. The most coveted was the 2-S Student Deferment. If you were engaged in a “field of study” at a recognized educational institution you were deferred from the draft until your studies were completed. That meant those with the financial means could stay out of the draft by being in school. By the summer of 1968 I was a fourth-year undeclared junior, who’s only goal was to stay out of Vietnam. But then for some reason, and I do not know why to this day, I decided to drop out of school and not return in the fall. Within a week I was 1-A “Eligible for the draft”.
Knowing my fate, my summer was spent in a boozy stupor. Sure, I would go to work in the morning, but my afternoons and evenings were spent drinking cheap wine and even cheaper beer. Then came August and the 1968 Democratic National Convention. For those of you who have not heard the story of the 1968 Democratic Convention I must tell you it was a tumultuous occasion that has been described by some historians as a “Police Riot”. I didn’t know about that at the time. What I did know was Barbara and I were having a great time listening to music and joining in the melee whenever the opportunity presented itself. On the evening of August 28th Barbara and I were on Michigan Avenue not too far from the Conrad Hilton hotel. It was a fairly warm night. I was wearing a white blouse, mini skirt, and wedgies. I had replaced my dark brown ‘beehive’ wig for a blonde shoulder length ‘flip-up’ with a headband. Both Barbara and I were pretty far gone, or to put it more accurately we were ‘drunk as skunks’!
Suddenly, the crowd which had been milling about shouting slogans began yelling and throwing things at the police. Then things suddenly went from bad to worse! I vividly remember the Chicago police on that night. This was before the days of riot gear. They were wearing blue hardhats and carrying nightsticks. It was a sea of blue! They weighed into the crowd like a herd of charging buffalo. It was pure mayhem! I was knocked down, then dragged by a policeman. In the process he grabbed my hair and pulled off my wig. Then all hell broke loose! Realizing I was a guy, he proceeded to give me a working over with his nightstick that I can still remember. He kept calling me ‘faggot’ and pounding! He would probably still be pounding on me if a surge in the crowd had not come along pushing him away from me.
All I remember afterward is somehow Barbara got me away from the crowd. She had even retrieved my wig! I vaguely recall her leading me back to the subway to catch the train back up to Addison and her apartment. I was dazed, confused, and traumatized over what had happened to me. I was severely beaten just because I was wearing woman’s clothes! I was also the wiser in that I realized being a crossdresser was not all ‘fun and games’ and there were some serious implications in doing so.
Five months later I was in uniform and a year later I volunteered to go the very place I spent so much time trying to stay away from. Then came more college, marriage, family, a successful career, and my days as Paula were left far behind me. But I think it was that traumatic experience on that August night in 1968 that not only kept me away from crossdressing for almost fifty years, but also made me into the quasi-homophobic person I described in an earlier article here at CDH.
Today I am fully enjoying being Paulette. No trauma, no guilt, just having a good time exploring my feminine side. However, I am reminded it was not always so easy and accepting being a crossdresser. I guess that is why I get so upset when someone says we crossdressers are not truly members of the ‘trans’ community. My membership was paid on August 28, 1968 with bruises and broken ribs, so I think I have paid my dues in full!
Thank you so very much for taking the time to read my article. Now please feel free to leave a comment in response to my article and to answer one or more of the questions I’ve posed to you below:
- When you were in your late teens or early twenties did you ever attend a dance or other large ’straight’ social gathering as a girl?
- If you did, did you find some guys were attracted to you, and if so, how did that make you feel?
- When you have been out in public as a girl have you ever feared for your safety?
Again ladies, thank you and I look forward to your responses!
Sincerely, Paulette
@sometimespaulette Oh Paulette, Sorry to be late to the party but you sure brought me back in the day. I too remember a lot from those times but almost never talk about them and usually just shut down. I was at UWM across the border in Milwaukee and joined just as the lotto got me. I saw things nobody should ever see but the ghosts from that time are never too far away. I never dressed then and just wanted to be a manly man but my company saw that I was different and anointed me the company mascot. I didn't know that I was intersex and didn't dress until years later but it seems that my fellow soldiers recognized something different in me. And now here we all are, crossing electronic paths. What a strange odyssey we travel. I'm looking forward to Keystone and Diva Las Vegas and hope to share a drink with you and the others. Hugs, Marg
Hi Marg, I know what you mean. I NEVER talk about my overseas 'experiences', other than the fun 'goofy' times (and there were many)! However, I must admit it all came rushing back when I was a civilian in Operation Iraqi freedom in 2003, and came under fire by Republican Guardsmen, when with a Marine detachment. I realized you NEVER get too old to recognize the sound of an AK-47!!! Take care, Lovely Lady! 💋 Paulette 💋
@sometimespaulette Paulette The AK47 has a very distinctive sound,to this day I remember it well.In 1969 I was with the 82nd AIRBORNE 2/505 Echo Recon and that was the weapon of choice for the VC and NVA in our area of the Mekong Delta.Even back then,on a peaceful night,my thoughts would drift to high heels,bras,girdles ,makeup,dresses and wigs.Now I live those days as often as I want to fully dressed and feeling great.Ladies ,thank you for your service and welcome home sisters.
@sometimespaulette Thanks Paulette and Michelle too, Yes, the sounds and smells are always close by but I also learned how to waterski. My problem areas are helicopters, low flying jets, hospitals and burns. If you survived the medevac from Guam you landed at my burn center. I thought that I had seen everything working in hospitals and clinics before the army but nothing prepared me for that duty station. Not a day goes by that I don't go back there. I still get hyper when I enter a medical facility and my brain tries to put me on duty and then I realize that I'm back in the world and it's not my job anymore. My father ran a mash unit with Patton and went in on D-Day and was always at the front but when he came home he never talked about it. When I got home I finally understood why, and also never talked. It took me over 4 hours to just try to write these few lines. Play some CCR and have a drink on me. Hugs to you and all my sisters who served. Marg
You cannot imagine what a privilege it was for me to have you share this! And I just played "Fortunate Son" in your honor!!!♥️♥️♥️
@sometimespaulette Ha! So good, and much more fun than Run through the Jungle or Buffalo Springfield. I save those for the 2 AM play. I saw John Fogerty at a small concert a few years ago and we all went back to the day. Hugs, Marg
@margprodue On a Tugboat there was not place to hide or run to.
The most awesome Music the world has ever know came out of those times.
Oh Lynda, that sound so right on both counts and on a tug you couldn't ski like some of the PBR crews. lol Welcome back to the world, Marg
@margprodue Wonderful side story sweetie. I can add it to the list of things I didn't know about Marg. LOVE YA AND MISS YA. Thank You for your service. LuvNHugs, TERI
@borealis OMG Teri, There's a thousand stories in the naked city and this has just been one. Actually I was 30 years out before I even mentioned that I served. Not ashamed but just struggling. My wife is still astounded when we will be caught out in a pouring rainstorm and I won't cover up and walk directly through the puddles. Additionally, I am always the one that they send in when some kid is hurt or somebody is dying. Stay safe my sister. It will be great to see you again. Hugs, Marg
@sometimespaulette Another Ha! The hits just keep coming. I've got that on my jukebox and play it regularly. My kids like it too now. What a great intro. Too bad that the Hilton doesn't have a jukebox Hugs, Marg
I had my boys convinced that CCR, The Animals, DC5, Rolling Stones, etc. were contemporary groups until they got old enough to know better! 😁
♥️♥️
@margprodue Marg,To this day walking thru the rain does not bother me in the least.However low flying helicopters and irrigation canals which have a certain odor twice a year get to me.I will talk about the funny things that happened but nothing else.WE had a favorite saying in Recon,"Drive on,it dont mean nothing".On leave after Nam,at home,my nightmares started and I remember Dad telling Mom,"Dont touch him,let him be,he will come out of it by himself".Thanks Dad ,you were right.Fast forward 50 some odd years and I have found peace in being Michelle,maybe I can get the VA to pay for my ever expanding wardrobe.HAHAHAHA,LOL.
@heels234 Michelle, that is quite a novel idea to have Uncle Sam equip us with a more modern and attractive civilian uniform. I think that a red scoop top with a black blazer, pencil skirt and pumps would be a fitting therapy wrap for me. Now if it only wouldn't take 4 years of red tape to get it through the VA. lol Hugs and welcome back to the world sister, Marg
@margprodue Sounds good to me Marg.I like your style.Question,Does the VA use a fashion catalog or the ARMY T O and E book of required equipment?HAHAHAHA Welcome home sister and all my sisters.
Actually Michelle, I think the Army might use the Quartermaster's Surprise Manual. If its anything like my original uniform style it will be 7 sizes too big, have built in itch points, come pre-wetted, and have a reverse temperature control (extra hot for warm weather and freezing in colder weather. Oh, and it will of course be vintage fashion (made in 1943). I did look at the catalog and all the models on the runway seemed to be walking in rain? I think that they could use some of our vast clothing knowledge but they probably wouldn't listen to me cause I was just a Spec 5. Maybe there's some retired brass here on the board that could talk to them. lol Thanks for the welcome home sister, it means a lot. Hugs, Marg
@sometimespaulette Wow, what an incredible story Paulette! I honour you and your comrades who followed you into the services. I’m a tad younger but was fully engaged in the anti war movement where I volunteered one summer when I was 14 helping draft dodgers in Toronto. Many of them were so haunted and traumatized.
it shocks and saddens me that a member of a force dedicated to keeping order and protecting citizens would beat a pretty girl, never mind fine young men. It blows my mind that many of you went to war protecting that cop’s right to openly be a thug.
I wonder if my summer being involved with draft dodgers led me to pursue a calling of being a therapist and later pioneering psychedelic therapeutic protocols and a training program to treat early childhood and post traumatic trauma. I honour you all with deep gratitude.
Hi Lea, Thank you so much for your comments and insight! Those were different times indeed, but maybe not as different as we think. By the way, you live in my favorite city in North America. Before moving to Phoenix I lived for almost fifty years in the Seattle area and had an office in Vancouver (on Hastings, then Seymour) for many years. I was not actively crossdressing at the time, and only realize now how much fun I could have had if I had been doing so. Do you know my good friend Trish White. I believe she is active in the Cornbury Society. She is a great person and I love her dearly. ♥️♥️Paulette ♥️♥️
@sometimespaulette Hi Paulette, Vancouver is a paradise for cross dressers. It’s one of the coolest and most accepting cities, certainly in North America, if not the world. Incidentally when moved here I started the Phoenix Academy train therapists. 😉
I met Trish at the last Cornbury dinner, which was the first one I attended. For those of you who don’t know, the Cornbury Society has been running since the mid 80’s and holds dinners for girls to get together twice a month around the city. I’ll say hello the next time I see her!
❤️❤️❤️
Trish joined us for Diva Las Vegas last October. We had so much fun! I have a photo of us and two other girls standing under the "Four Queens" sign on Fremont Street. (Somehow very appropriate!) 😁
I am hoping to get up your way to make an event sometime this summer. If not YVR, I hear there is an annual one in Port Angeles. Since I didn't renew my NEXUS card it's more of a hassle going between the US and Canada.
♥️♥️♥️
@sometimespaulette Yes! Esprit will be a blast! This will be my first time. I hope to meet you soon. ❤️
Wow Paulette, what an article.
It should go beyond CDH.
The blonde hair turned up screams Leslie Gore.
Thank you, Paulette, for taking the time to write such an amazing article.
With affection,
Christine
Thanks Christine,
It was a life changer for me, but I became pretty homophobic. I didn't crossdress for amost fifty years, That all changed a few years ago when I had another "life-changing" experience. I wrote about it in another CDH article.
By the way, I see you live in Tucson. My BFF, Elle lives there as well. She is full-time and on HRT. She works at UA. We get together every few weeks at Gentle Bens, or we meet halfway in Casa Grande. Maybe you would like to join us one of these days.
We are headed to Palm Springs in a couple of weeks for a Desert Crossroads event. A real fun group of ladies!
Let's stay in touch.
♥️Paulette ♥️
Fair winds & following seas!
Peggy Sue
US Navy Retired
Viet Nam veteran (1968-70)
@catgurl
Hi Peggy Sue, Your little inspirational message came at just the right time! As we start approaching Memorial Day, I get a bit down thinking about all those who never had the chance to have a great marriage, a wonderful family and a satisfying career (and quite honestly I start feeling a bit guilty). So thank you again!
PS: You look Fabulous in your photos!
♥️Paulette ♥️
@sometimespaulette Unfortunately, I was deeply closeted in my teens and early twenties as I lived at home in a very conservative household. I do feel that I missed so much by not being able to experience the things that I could have as a young girl blossoming into womanhood. Rather than live in the past though, I am now trying to live each day to the fullest and exist in the world as the woman I have always been.
Hi Lauren, I like your attitude. I have the philosophy "you can't steer the boat staring at the wake". I think that is why I am enjoying being Paulette so much these days. She may be an 'old gal' but, thanks to her attitude, she keeps me young!
hello all Veterans,
1969 I was in my 3yr of college, my lucky # 53. Being from a small rural county in less than 1mo (report for physical card arrived). Lucky I joined the Navy for 6yr and spent my time on a Tugboat pulling Swift Boats to and from. Like other sounds and especially smell (below deck engine) and I am back.
Lynda
@lyndajones Hi Lynda, I think you nailed it. 68 and 69 was a rough time for the draft (especially right after TET). If you were from a small town your number was sure to come up (especially before the lottery). That's why I worked diligently to keep my II-S alive and well (until my summer of discontent.) But in retrospect, things worked out for the better. And if you are like me (and I suspect you are) about this time of year I get a bit down the closer we get to Memorial Day thinking about those who did not enjoy a full life, with the great 'adventures' I have had!
@sometimespaulette So right, I have led a life full of wonderful adventures, 3 awesome children, 2 wives who accepted my Crossdressing (DADT). And great travel adventures.
Will drink one tonight to those who did not return, and to those who returned damaged.
Paulette. Thank you so much for your article. I am just now learning to put into context what I have known for 45 years. I’m bisexual and genderfluid. I am neither male more fully female although I do lean towards the female more and more as the years go by. I am married to a wonderful woman who knows I am bisexual but swings from forbidding me to explore to “go ahead, just don’t tell me about it.” It has been a difficult journey and now at age 55, I am entertaining something I thought I never would. Coming out to the world. Leaving my past (and some of my present) behind. Thanks for reminding me that it isn’t all fun and frolick. There are serious consequences for living as I am. I just have to own up to them and accept them. Hopefully, one day, society will be even more accepting.
Hi Brooke, You show courage undertaking your journey, and I am sure the road has had its share of rocks and potholes. But to misquote Shakespeare "To Thine Own Self be True" means so much when we are faced with difficult situations! But it still doesn't make it any easier!) Take care! Hugs, Paulette
Paulette,
Thanks for the wonderful article you posted. I have been out in public dressed as a woman and feared for my safety when a guy started giving me second looks,
Kerri
Hi Kerri, I know what you mean about staying safe. I always recommend to the 'new girls' who are just venturing out for the first time to carefully choose where they go. I prefer malls, coffee shops and wine bars. Public places. I occasionally will make a drag bar or such, but only with friend, and then with some mace in my purse. It seems the 'creeps' just love to hang out around drag bars and gay clubs to have a chance to find a girl out alone! But then, I guess it all comes down to common sense. And your comment about a guy giving you those "looks". I get it! That's when that 'sixth sense' kicks in. I must admit I like to 'flirt' on occasion, but when the red flags go up I get out! Take care. Hugs, Paulette
Wow, wow, wow what a great article. I too am a native illinoisan, but from the far north, safe suburbs of Mundelein. I remember changing my license when I was 17. Back then a license was just a 4-5 layer piece of paper with no photos and definitely not covered in plastic. Since my birth year on the license was 56 all I did was go to my SS# and with a straight edged razor blade and cut out a :4" there and replace the "6". Voila Jackie is now 19 the legal drinking age when I was a freshman in college. I could buy beer go to bars...
What a great story.
Hi Jackie, Many a happy memory from Mundelein. My best buddy from the service was from there and we spent many a happy hour at his folks place when home on leave. Darn, those Illinois licenses were easy to alter back then! I don't think I know of anyone in my circle who wasn't "drinking age" (at least according to their license)! By the way, where did you go to college? After attending Northwestern to keep out of the draft I ended up graduating from SIU on the GI Bill. (Of course, SIU was the 'Party School' because it was so far from Chicago and parents)!
I was a young lass (lad?) in '68, my oldest sibling was 17, turned 18 that fall. I was aware of the riots in Chicago, we watched them. Both my mom and dad were visibly shaken and upset at was the police were doing.(We lived in a small town in the rural west and this stuff "just didn't happen in America"), naïveté working it's magic. When I was older and married, my wife went on a week long business trip and the kids were at grandparents 350 miles away. So I was dressed all week when not at work. Two of our lesbian friends (who knew I dressed) took me to a every welcome type of bar on Friday before my wife was due back Saturday eve. I had a blast and danced several dances after they finally coaxed me into accepting an offer. When we went out to their car we ran into some trouble from some slightly drunk idiots who decided they didn't like "our kind" and wanted to start a fight with us, especially me. Just then some bikers rolled up on some really nice Harley's and as fate would have it , they were very butch, and tough looking. They scared them off and made sure we got to our car safely. I have only gone out dressed once or twice since then, but bear spray was always handy in my clutch.
Hi Kristen,
I sure didn't realize it was history in the making at the time, but is was pure mayhem! In my later life I was active in the news business, covering war zones, etc. I think the Chicago riots taught me to stay on the edge of the crowd- don't get in the middle!!
By the way, what happened to you seems to take place more frequently than anyone cares to note! It seems to be these "bozos" love to hang around places where CD'ers and gays hang out just to find an opportunity to cause us some grief! I guess they need to get a life! Like I said, I tend to hang out in malls and such, but when I do make the drag clubs (which I find to be a blast) I go with two or three other girls. There may not be safety in numbers, but I always make sure I am the fastest runner in the group, heels and all! (LOL)
Where are you in Washington? We lived in the Puget Sound area (East of Lake Washington) for over forty years, but finally got 'rained out', so here we are in Arizona!
Take care,
Hugs, Paulette
What an Amazing Story Paulette, You were so Lucky to have those experiences and at the same time so unlucky to have some of those experiences.. We Are Lucky to have you here!! I never did the dances or even went out dressed But I had Very Long Hair in the late 60's & 70's which led to Bullying in and out of school , along with the wrath of "certain" family members.. I can't even imagine if I had tried dressing then in public! As I look back (Thank You) I'm sure those experiences helped keep me an ultra "closeted girl" for many years.. Thank You Paulette You are an Inspiration! Jill
Hi Jill,
I hate to admit it but I was one of those bullies. I suspect it was my way of hiding the fact that I enjoyed dressing as a girl whenever I got the chance. I guess its pretty normal. I have a lot of CD'er friends who ended up in the Marines or some other macho group in the military as a way to overcompensate. I remember I volunteered to jump out of perfectly good airplanes! (LOL)
What really makes me sad is it's one thing to be confronted by a bully, they can be handled by just staying away from them. What is really tragic is when family members become hostile. What is even sadder is so much of that hostility is due to a lack of understanding, or perhaps even denial they may have had some of those very same feelings.
Take care my friend. Hugs, Paulette
Thanks for the memories of "the draft" a.k.a. The Selective Service System. It sure interrupted my cross dressing activities back in the 1960s. When I mention "the draft" around people today, they look at me with blank faces. Imagine compulsory military service in America today?
I sure know what you mean Peggy! The pre-lottery draft was a great "motivator" to find ways to stay in school. The draft was like the Sword of Damocles hanging over your head. I remember a book I read years ago called "Working Man's War" where the author argued that the poor, and those without means to attend school, bore much of the burden of the Vietnam war. He may have been right. I was from a small farming community in Illinois and I recall virtually all my classmates, who could not afford to attend college, were drafted almost immediately out of high school. I guess that is why in some ways I identify with the Charlie Sheen character in Oliver Stone's "Platoon". I too was a 'college boy' who for (as I said in the article) 'reasons unknown to me', dropped out of school and volunteered. It was so long ago wasn't it Peggy. I hope our Grand kids do not have to experience anything like it! Hugs, Paulette
Great article Paula. I remember those Vietnam days. Watching the draft lottery on TV. Wondering how my birthdate would land when it came my time. I turned 18 in 1975. Vietnam was over, but we weren't sure. I remember the 68 DNC riots. Looks like you were living the dream before that.
I also remember a lot of bad things in my life. Would I change it? Some of it for sure. But it might change where I am now. So....
Love,
Gwyn
ps.. you are pretty!
Hi Gwyneth, It is very hard to explain to the young people today what it was like back then isn't it? The idea that if "your number came up" you were pretty much in line to be 'cannon fodder'
Looking back I can't believe how foolish- not bold just foolish, I was to spend as much time as I did dressed as a young girl in the late 1960's, doing the club scene (and getting away with it). I knew transvestites (as we were called back then) were not exactly looked upon with favor, but I didn't really realize what the repercussions would have been had I been discovered (until that night)! If I thought the beating from the cop was severe, I can imagine what would have happened if some guy who was making out with me found out I was a guy. I probably wouldn't be here today! .
Take care,
Hugs,
Paulette
I remember hearing horror stories from some happenings in some pretty redneck bars. Why a transgurl would seek out companionship in those places boggles my mind. Maybe a deathwish. Back then, I'm not sure how I would have reacted if I was making out in a bar and got a crotch surprise.
Hi Gwyn, Definitely a deathwish on their parts. I had the crotch thing under control back then. I wore a very very tight panty girdle that kept things up and out of the way. If a guy tried to cop a feel 'down under' all he got was a handful of smooth lycra and spandex! Now the 'topside' was a whole different story!!
That is quite some tale Paulette.
I am slightly younger than you and live in the U.K. but do vaguely recall the late 60's and news reports from the states with various riots with police going in with batons. It all seemed very ugly and quite a time of turmoil.
I was preteens and finding my way around my sisters clothes and dressed secretly. At that age I did fear reparation if I was caught dressing and knew that it was 'not right' by others but I felt differently of course!
I did have opportunities to dress for fun and openly. I did attend a an event as a girl with the families blessing. I know there that a boy was certainly eyeing me up but no further than that. I never went to clubs or bars as I wasn't out and probably would never have done so as they were risky for the obvious reasons.
Once I started to go out in later life I was always fearful of being read and was called out occasionally but I didn't really fear any physical violence but was, and still am, cautious of where I go.
What a different and intolerant world we lived in. I see the protest and rage in the media about Transphobia by this new generation and recall a speech where an ex Prime Minister of this country, Harold Mac Millen, who said 'You have never had it so good'. If these youngsters realised what you went through and how we suffered in silence perhaps they would realise that they are indeed very lucky that we are able to be free and not have fears such as we did back in the day, nor the bruises that you and others regularly received.
Hi Angela, I know what you mean. As we both know there may be situations today where we are accepted (at least to a degree), there are still many places where our desire to explore our feminine side would not only be frowned on but met with a hostile reaction! I really feel sorry for the girls like us living in small towns and villages because for all intents and purposes not much has changed.
As to those "good old days", I was foolish to have been as open as I was back then. But then, I was just a dumb kid from the farm thoroughly enjoying 'pretending' to be a girl and having a good time when guys 'hit on me'! I never considered the repercussions until that night the cop discovered I was a guy an took his anger and hatred out on me.
Regardless of the past, I hope your journey has been as rewarding as mine. Hugs, Paulette
I consider Paulette a good friend and have heard this story before. Those of you that are younger and freely crossdress in public now might not know the real dangers that were the 1960's to the 1980's. Across the board, blacks, whites or any group that was nonconforming stood a good chance of being singled out as the enemy. WE as a society have made huge strides in if not understanding at least in not giving a shit what others do. But the haters are still out there. Be diligent in your adventures, avoid the areas where miss information breeds, and be prepared to fight for your life if necessary. Thank You Paulette, Hugs to ALL, TERI
You are so right my Dear Friend! The haters are still out there, and that is why I, like you, caution the younger girls to be VERY CAREFUL where they go and what they do. The 'creeps' are out here and love to have a chance to prey on girls like us! The number of 'trans' girls murdered every year is staggering, and unfortunately most do not make the news! XOXO Paulette
@borealis Hi Teri ,its Michelle.In 1970 after returning from Vietnam,I was stationed at Fort Benning Georgia.When finances and time permitted,we were given passes to go off post and explore the civilian world.On one such occasion a bunch of us from the same platoon walked into a restaurant,sat down and ordered our meals.We were toldand I quote,"I ll feed the white guys,I wont feed the black guys".We got up as a unit and proceeded to walk out the door,but not before I told the owner what he could do with his restaurant.No blows were exchanged.Four hours later I was explaining to my CO {Commanding Officer }the situation.He calmly listened to me and replied,I am supposed to yell at you,I just did".He calmly said,'Go get lost,Good job."I had a great Captain for a Co.The haters are still there,be careful and stay safe.
Paulette -
I remember the days of the draft and the lottery. I attended college as well and had the student deferment. I also remember the DNC riots. Those were tumultuous times in our country. As others have said they were times when if you were different you could expect to be treated poorly.
My crossdressing stopped during my high school years out of fear of being caught. I did have an experience in college where I attended a Halloween party dressed as a woman and had the help of my girlfriend getting ready. I remember being nervous and it being a lot of fun. Until a couple years ago I had only dressed on a couple of very rare occasions after failed marriages. I never realized the importance of my dressing or how much a part of me it was. A couple years ago it came up in a conversation with my wife and since that time I have started dressing again and exploring my feminine side, learning and realizing that Suzanne is part of me. I have no plans of transitioning but will continue my journey of discovery.
Thank you for sharing your story.
XOXO
Suzanne
Hi Suzanne, You are so right about those days. When I look back I realize how much trouble I could have gotten into if the cop had succeeded in throwing me into the 'paddy wagon' and I would have ended up in the Cook County jail in general lockup dressed as a girl! Today, I have a whole different outlook on being Paulette. She is, and has always been, a part of me. I just tried to suppress her for a very long time! Take care. Hugs, Paulette
Oh my god, I have lived such a sheltered life! I recall watching Mayor Daley’s police riot as a 15 year old. Later I participated in a few anti-war rallies, even spoke at one…rather inarticulately and no one got the joke. But from my preschool age through much of my adult life I lived in desperate fear of being seen for what and who I was (and am).
So short answer is 1) no, at that age I hid everything about myself, 2) I have been propositioned by guys, but it was not my thing, and 3) since around 2010 I have been out in public as a woman more times than I can count, in my neighborhood, around town and on several cross country road trips. I even had an engine problem that flared up near a GM dealer just north of Muskogee, and a flat tire on a UHaul as I went through Wichita. Never once have I had an remotely threatening experience.
Hi Kim, It really was a different time and place wasn't it? At least you had the courage to stand up and express yourself at one of the rallies. I over-compensated the other way by becoming "Mr. Super Trooper"! As I mentioned in an earlier article' it took me almost fifty years to come to terms with who I was and am.
It also sounds to me like you are sensible where you go and what you do. I look at what is happening today and I realize there are places where girls like us are just asking for trouble by going to the 'seedier' places (though I must admit I will occasionally take in a drag bar!). Take care, Hugs, Paulette
Hi Paulette, well, three months after that campus rally I was in basic training… totally stateside.
And yes, it has taken me all those decades to accept myself. Truth be told, I still struggle with self acceptance and still live two distinctly different lives. I am trying to shift the balance away from the center, to the point where most of my life is lived as a woman.
I am pretty reserved by nature, so but for a few early forays to gay/drag clubs in Houston, most of my real life experience has been in everyday places doing everyday things. I do feel bad for those of us who are victimized. My advice is “be situationally aware” and forego certain places, times of day and people.
Thanks for responding! Loved your story!
Kim
Paula, your story is so touching and the writing is so good! I felt like I was there, following as your shadow, experiencing a side of crossdressing so different.
I admire how you had a friend, and how you both went out as pretty girls. The beating sounded scary, if not one of those moments of life flashing before you. Then the rest of life after.
I'm happy for you that finally you get to enjoy the freedom of being you. Thanks for sharing, your story is inspiring.
Thank you, Lea for your kind words.. It was so long ago, but it had such an impact on me that I stayed away from crossdressing for almost fifty years. What was worse is it made me over compensate to where I became part of the problem. And you are right, it is so much better today being able to explore our feminine nature without guilt or fear of retribution. I hope your journey is as exciting and fun as mine is. Take care. Hugs, Paulette
As I’ve slowly been transitioning over the past 5 or so years, I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m not going to care what others think of myself. I’m happier now than when I was forced by marriage to stifle my desires. Now I’m full time Sherry. I have found most people are accepting and peaceful with me. Even my church has welcomed me for who I’ve become. I’m out to just about everyone I know. I dress in a feminine “male” attire at work, but wear my breast forms with my shirts. I’m happy now and at peace with who I am.
Hi Sherry, I am so happy you have been able to find satisfaction and peace with your new self. I know so many girls who are so conflicted by guilt and fear. While I am only a "sometimes" Paulette, I too am fully at peace and happy with who I am. In fact, I find Paulette has made me a better person in so many ways. I also have discovered, as you have, that people are so much more accepting these days. I look forward to hearing more from you about your journey! Hugs, Paulette
Thanks for the reply. I’m really enjoying my life and have found the inner peace I have today. It’s so much easier than hiding from myself and the world.
Just WOW, Paulette! Thanks for writing such an excellent story, totally enjoyed it! I'm just a couple of years younger than you but I remember the riots in Chicago! I was a sophomore in college that summer (Rutgers - Newark NJ) and was 2-S. I started crossdressing about age 5 when I discovered lipstick! And trying on mom's underwear, shoes and dresses when I was alone (not much opportunities back then!). But like you, college and later being drafted before the lottery had me running to the USAF recruiter who signed me up for 4 years. Not a lot of dressing while in the AF. When I got out and before I got married the first time, I'd "borrow' some of my mom's stuff and take it to my apartment where i'd dress and watch TV or listen to music at home alone.When I got married, I never said anything to the wife, just sneaking her makeup and clothes (2 sizes smaller than I was) when she was out. Got divorced after 23 years and remarried. I dressed in secret until 23019 when I came out and told her I was a CDer. I wrote an article on that and she;s been my biggest supporter! I have been out with her shopping and lunching and never felt threatened. I've found that being an older gal doesn't seem to attract that much attention, thank goodness!
Hugs,
Kathryn
Hi Kathryn, I love your photos, and wish I could be drinking tea with you in Florida! (Besides tea, I suspect we could get into all kinds of mischief!)
The young people today don't realize what the world was like back then. That highly valued 2-S was like gold! I think it was when the marines started drafting I became motivated to enlist! It's one thing to overcompensate for being a CD'er by doing 'macho' stuff, but the marines would be 'over the top' (figuratively and actually)!
By the way I think you hit on it when you said being an older gal is a bit safer. We definitely seem to blend in better! However, I must admit when I am 'out and about' and some "dirty old man" winks or smiles I sway my butt just a little bit more! I would love to stay in touch. Hugs, Paulette
Hey Paulette, just a forgotten item re: the draft...I was overseas in Libya when my lottery number came up...341! Can you believe it? Had I hid for another six months before enlisting, I'd have never gone in. But, I don't regret it at all, gave me a chance to travel throughout Europe and led to my eventual career, a dentist. So, all good.
Hugs,
Kathryn
PS: Sure, let's keep in touch!
Hi Kathryn, I know what you mean. I think the lottery came in about a month after I was in. I do remember when I was in basic they changed from serial numbers to your SSN. We had to re-stencil all of our clothes and such! I have never looked to see what my number was. And I promise now that I have the cost of a new luxury car in my mouth, I WILL NOT make any dentist's jokes! (LOL) Hugs, Paulette
