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I have been thinking about writing an article for some time now but going back and forth about a subject. I guess during these troubling times of a pandemic and self- isolation and self-reflection, the topic now seems appropriate.
Like other girls I started my fascination with cross dressing at an early age. I would wear my older sister’s clothes and dream about being a girl. I was almost found out by my father and was petrified with fear but actually exposed myself to my sister while wearing some of her clothes. She was taken back by my appearance, and that was not the response I was hoping for so I played it off as a joke. That turned me off for quite some time. I was in my early teens and I put my fantasy out of my mind. I felt I was the only person who did such a thing. High school, college and the service followed and my embarrassment and fascination with dressing disappeared. Along with marriage, children, buying and taking care of a house, a 40-hour work week and even a part time job to make ends meet. I was too busy and poor to think about dressing, let alone buy feminine clothes.
As a health care professional, I worked nights so with my wife at work and my children at school, I was home alone and my availability and desire to dress increased. I accumulated some things when I had the courage to go shopping and started purchasing things online. Of course, I couldn't have them delivered to my house, so I obtained a P.O. box. I stored them in large plastic bins in my garage and crawl space, always afraid someone would find them. When I wasn't exhausted from work I would bring some items in the house and enjoy being Jenna even for a short time. Guilt would set in and on some of my feminine things mold grew and I took that as a sign to purge my items. Of course, I missed dressing, and would purchase other things from time to time. Life went on, my kids grew up, they got married and we now have grandchildren and within the last few years. Both my wife and I retired!
I know this is a story that is most likely a carbon copy of many girls here, however, this is where my story has a twist that I haven't read from others on this site. I am bisexual! My wife does not know of my desire to cross dress and in addition have an attraction to men when I'm dressed as Jenna. I know a lot of you would say I should come clean to my wife but I don't think she would handle this bombshell very well. No matter how I try to curb both my crossdressing and my attraction towards men, I always get drawn back into the dressing, back into that attraction to other men!
Thank You for taking the time to read my story! Hope we all can have an exchange of thoughts and ideas! Please feel free to answer one or more of the questions I’ve posed to you below.
- Have you ever felt the urge to be with a man or even fantasized about being with a man when you are dressed en femme?
- Have you been living in secret like me and can’t bring yourself to come clean with your wife or significant other?
- Did you totally lose the desire to cross dress after getting married, working a full-time job, raising children, and just not seeming to have the time to cross dress during that particular time of your life?
Hugs to you all! Jenna
Hi Jenna your story is exactly the same as mine, I've been living in that crossdressing closet for years, only venturing out when my wife is out and about, sometimes she goes away for a few days and i can be Rozalyne all day long without fear of her catching me out, I'm also bi and i have an urge to be with a man when I'm dressed up as Rozalyne, it's not so much coming out it's what the consequences will be, I've retired too and like you I'm a grandad and in January this year i became a great grandad, so I've got quite a lot to lose if I'm not accepted by my wife and family, thanks for sharing your story with us x hugs Rozalyne x
Rozalyne! Thank You for your kind message! It's good to know I am not the only CD with this issue. Congratulations on your becoming a great grandad, that is exciting and very happy for you! Hugs. Jenna
My wife got tired of the crossdressing and divorced me. We had other major issues but when she said she wasn’t a lesbian, I knew she did accept the crossdressing in bed. I am totally straight (most cross dressers are) but I sometimes fantasize about men but have no interest in pursuing that. Hope that helps. This is my first post. It feels great to help someone who struggles with their crossdressing. I read a lot of articles to understand myself. Keep posting and reading...You’ll get the advice you need from someone who understands and has experienced what your going through.
Josephine. Thank You for your message and keep posting! That was my first article and I was nervous, not about sharing but if I may catch some grief. I'm glad I did and hope to write more articles in the future! Hugs Jenna
Hi Jenna You are right. Your story is a lot like many of us here. It is how we deal with it that makes it a little different. Your desire to be with a man when dressed seems to be pretty common in our community. It is some thing i did earlier in my life . I used to go out fully dressed to a gay night club. There were many girls like us from many parts of the world. There were also many men that were attracted to girls like us. It was so much fun and exciting. I got to experience what a girl felt like when being noticed and pursed by a man . I discovered i was not attracted to men. I enjoyed their attraction to me and i played with it . The more feminine I dressed the more attention I got. It wasn't sexual for me it was for them. I loved hearing how pretty and sexy i looked. I liked the feeling i got when men got sexually aroused by me. I did not like when they touched me or kissed me. Separating our gender identity and our sexuality can be hard for many of us. They are so intertwined. I needed a men to confirm my identity. I think that is true for a lot of us. I think it is true for a lot of cis woman also. My sexual desires were always being with a woman in fantasy and in person. I love every part of the female body. I love their personality, How they think and react to given situations. It just turns me on sexually. I must admit that some trans girls did the same for me but i really did not distinguish much between cis and trans girls. . Our sexuality and our gender identity are different and they should be addressed differently. Most importantly be true to your self. Accept who you are and begin to like and eventually love who you are. Then go from there. Enjoy your journey of self discovery. Luv Stephanie
Stephanie! Thank You so very much for your thoughtful and encouraging message. I loved everything you said and it brought a tear to my eye! I'm so grateful that I could share my story and thankful for all the wonderful and kind replies to my article! Hugs Jenna
Jenna - you are not alone. I just wish there was an easy answer or a switch we could flip and have everyone accept who we are. Your gender preference and sexual preference are different. As a man I consider myself bisexual but leaning more towards women. As Sharon I am only attracted to men. That is when my feminine side and sexual preference interact with one another. I wish there was an easy answer to the path that society and choices we had lead us down. You feel trapped and not being able to fulfill your urges plays mind tricks on you. During this time to all of my sisters out there I remind you too - you are not alone and most important - you are who you are and that is good.
Thank You Sharon for your kind message. I have gotten nothing but kind and helpful replies to my article. It's good to know that there are so many thoughtful and considerate girls here on CDH. Hugs Jenna
That story really hit close to home with me. I was crossdressing secretly through high school and college. Then the real world came along and I didn’t have the opportunity to dress en femme. Then I got married, had a child, busy job, and everything else. I was finally getting time to dress and the passion has come back in force. Sometimes when I’m dressed, I do want to be had by a man. Other times not so much. I finally got hormones and things are progressing nicely. I have talked to my wife, but she will not have any part of this branch of my life. I don’t want to lose her so I just deny anytime I bring it up.
Marlie
Marlie. Thank You for sharing your story and best of luck with your journey. It's a very emotional and difficult path to follow but you need to do what you feel is best for you. Good luck! Hugs Jenna
This sounded a lot like me. I was too poor when married to crossdress. I got divorced and raised two children. I did a little then but was too poor to buy much. After they left home I got remarried and started to crossdress more, I am lucky that my wife will accept a little cross-dressing. But there is a line I can not cross.
Megan! We all take different paths and follow different dreams! It's part of life and why all of us are not alike. I understand and the important thing is being happy. Best of luck to you. Hugs Jenna
Hey Jenna, for me I had come to terms with being bisexual,myself, many years before this burning desire I now get at time to forsake my own gender and make great efforts showing off, mostly to me, but sometimes others how much of a girl I just love to be haha. So when i discovered how amazing those lace panties felt , it also had another byproduct effect which was exacerbate my bisexual behavior... I can't say I'm too surprised by that one tho. It just made more sense really as I run further into a gender identity switch, certain activities I liked to do with the same gender just became way more appealing to preform taking on my feminized roll, which also helps achieve that much level of of being a girl.
With love Lacey
Lacey! Thank You for your reply and good luck with your journey. Just as long as you are happy and I hope you find that special person to go through life! Hugs Jenna
Hi and while my story is a bit different than yours in alot of ways it's the same. I am bi/pan sexual as well and while I never considered a relationship with a man, I have expored my sexuality with them. I have only dabbled at cross dressing in my life at best, but I knew I wanted more than just that. After years of being unhappy and seeing no end in sight I just told my wife, here's where I differ.. I told her I am planning on transitioning. I spent my life as you did, not following my dreams or desires. Military, marriage, kids, more work sports. Everything for everybody else, I finally realized I will never be happy unless I pick myself just once. So I did. We are still married but no longer in an intimate way. I have changed my stance on men now as well, I often consider relationships are possible now with them. I am 9 months into transition and have never been happier.
The point I am trying to make is sometimes you have to put yourself first, even if it's just once. Good luck and my best wishes!
Traci Lynn
Tracy Lynn. Thank You for your lovely reply and best of luck on your transition. I know how difficult it must have been for you to tell your wife about your dreams and desires. Follow your path and enjoy your amazing journey! Hugs Jenna
hi jenna.. thank you for sharing.. pandemic and social isolation induced self reflection do makes one wonder...
most of the time I crossdress just for me, but there are times when I crossdress I want to be desired and I imagine myself with a man☺☺..so I guess I might be bi... but irl I can't muster up enough courage to act on it.. and with the way I am, I guess I'll never know (or maybe I don't want to know?..)
I am in my thirties now and from the looks of it (based on the shared opinion and responses) I might now very well be staring down the barrel of responsibility and selflessness ...
anyway thanks again for sharing such thought provoking article..
Selilah. Thank You for taking the time to reply and share your opinion. I understand about the fear factor involved with such a big step. It wasn't easy for me either but like many girls on CDH have pointed out, you should be true to yourself. I'm finally happy with my life and need to continue with my feelings. Hugs Jenna
Hi Jenna
Just read your post and wanted to tell you that your not alone with your feelings about wanting to dress en femme and your not alone about wanting to be with a man
Crossdressing for me and looking like a lady is what makes me feel feminine and want to be with a man.
The first time I got the courage to be with a man i was on vacation away from where I live and no one knew me.
I actually slept with a man and it was the most incredible experience I ever had .I
I always thought that I was 100% heterosexual but now I'm not sure that I am
It sure opened my eyes on my views about being bisexual and I understand it better than I used to i
I hope this helps you to know that you aren't alone in your life and I hope that you will find time to be Jenna in every way possible
Love to you ❤
Jannie
Jannie! Thank You so much for your kind and thoughtful message. I knew there had to be girls like us. You don't really see it or hear about it on CDH. I just wanted to put the subject on the front burner and take it from there. Thanks again and stay safe! Hugs Jenna ❤
Hi Jenna
you are right there hon, your life is a carbon copy of mine although I never outed myself to any family members and I have been caught by my wife once while dressed. The results of that are an entire article unto themselves.
To answer your question I dont consider myself bisexual but that is in the label only as when I am dressed and being Gail I do think quite often about sexual attraction to other men. When I am not being Gail I find that I have no sexual attraction towards men.
I dont think there is an easy answer hon as I feel that when we are dressed as females then we have the wants and needs to feel all things female, this includes being considered an attractive partner for a male and the desire to experience sexual interaction as the female part of the pair. Does it make us bisexual, perhaps but I merely attribute that as a label and consider that when I am Gail I want to be Gail with all that it includes.
I haven't yet acted on my desires partly because there aren't a great deal of men that are attracted to CD's and partly because I suppose it is like losing your virginity, once travelled down that road its not possible to not have travelled that road
Love as always
Gail
Gail. Thanks for your reply and sorry it took so long to respond to you. Bisexual is a label just like Any other classification we want to give ourselves. I think there are more men out there that are attracted to CD's then you think. Many are but don't want to be labelled a homosexual, there We go with the stereotypes and naming again. It's part of our society and something we have to live with. Maybe you would change your mind about traveling down that road if you met the right guy. Whatsoever road you take, enjoy the journey and stay safe. Hugs Jenna ❤
Hi thanks Jenna, you are probably right there may be a few more men that are attracted to us gals but dont want the label that comes with acting on that attraction. I have been out a few times and when I have been out have had the opportunity to chat to a few men on occasions but never had the offer to go any further. I think with the right person and a few champas under the skirt I may take it to its natural end but its the afterwards that is my main concern as it is as I said a road that cant be untravelled. One day given the right circumstances who knows we could be here talking about our date nights like a couple of teenagers heheheh
Take care my love
Love as always
Gail
Gail. You never know what is around the corner of life. I have talked to a few girls here and I truly believe Mr Right is out there for me. I have to keep the faith because it is something that keeps all of us going in our lives. Looking forward to chatting with you soon. It doesn't have to be like a couple of teenage girl but that would be wonderful too. Love you! Hugs Jenna ❤
Hey Jenna,
I laughed to myself hon its been a long long long time since I have thought of myself as a teenage girl but it is one thing that I do miss having had the opportunity to sit around in a nightie talking about boys and giggling. I love the optimism hon it really sits well with me being the glass half full gal I am and I agree I think there is a Mr right out there for us just have to be in the right spot and at the right time to be able to get an opportunity to meet him. When I do meet him I do dream of being able to dance with him and that first romantic kiss...... hmmmm
Love as always Gail
Hi Jenna my name is kristielynn n I have been dressing up in sexy lingerie and sexy dresses stockings and heels .. I have been having the same urges or fantasy to be with a man.. like when I am dressed up in lingerie I wanna enjoy watching porn and I imagine I am the lady who is being treated like a slut
Hi Jenna,
I’m new here and just found your post. Thank you for that. I feel pretty much the exact way you do. It’s so nice to know I am not alone. Wow can I relate!
Evy
I just noticed your post and I am so sorry for not replying! I've also been having trouble signing in to my account but that is not an excuse. Please forgive me! Hugs Jenna ❤
