Ok, so now what? .....
 
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Ok, so now what? ...a recurring question

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Posts: 1099
 Lea
Lady
(@lea-jhene)
Noble Member     California, United States of America
Joined: 9 years ago

Beautifully written and thought provoking!

Now what? I also wonder that often. The more steps I take into the CD world, yet I still end up with Now What. How far to go, when to stop, what to risk, compulsive actions, Now What.

I try to imagine a balanced life, just a masculine, hetero, loving, responsible, contributing, caring guy wearing women's clothes and shoes. Then the Now What gets me to think about the risk of losing what I have, people, job, a place in the community. And the sad balance looks impossible.

Now What is a reminder that we are free, but there those people and things that we care about, and every action has a potential reaction. It's what gets us to control and discipline both sides of us.

Thank you for sharing!

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Posts: 434
Duchess
(@terrim)
Reputable Member     Long Island , New York, United States of America
Joined: 9 years ago

Thank you Brina for your article. What next ? Is something I have asked myself many times throughout my life. Everyone's situation is different. What is good for you may not be good for me. Some much has changed in our community since I first put on my mother's slip almost 60 years ago. Feeling completely alone for a long time was a reality for many of us. When I met my first sister crossdresser my life changed. For me Balance is my keyword for maintaining my sanity. Thank you again.
Terri

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Posts: 434
Duchess
(@terrim)
Reputable Member     Long Island , New York, United States of America
Joined: 9 years ago

Thank you Brina for your article. What next ? Is something I have asked myself many times throughout my life. Everyone's situation is different. What is good for you may not be good for me. Some much has changed in our community since I first put on my mother's slip almost 60 years ago. Feeling completely alone for a long time was a reality for many of us. When I met my first sister crossdresser my life changed. For me Balance is my keyword for maintaining my sanity. Thank you again.
Terri

Reply
Posts: 13
(@stephtv60)
Active Member     Pombal, Leiria, Portugal
Joined: 7 years ago

Brina,
Thank you for sharing where you are in your life's journey and how you have come to tbe who you are where you are. The important part is that you are looking forward with your question. I am only just starting on my journey, but I have had, in some ways, a very similar beginning. For me perhaps the stripping away of my self-worth was the catalyst for questioning all of the social conditioning since my birth. To build someone new requires breaking down all that was there before right down to the foundations and restarting. This is where your perennial question is so important. Every time I ask myself that question it marks an important point in the journey. I have so very much to learn, and practice, for the outward appearance but I am already at peace with two complementary persona. I know where I want to travel, but I also need to consider those who have helped me throw off my beginnings and nurtured my fledgling desire even if it has caused them heartache. Time will tell how quickly I next need to as myself "so now what?".

Steph

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2 Replies
Managing Editor
(@bmactavish)
Joined: 9 years ago

Noble Member     Iowa, United States of America
Posts: 1094

Steph,

Nicely put. I think I know where I want to go, but things change and the path often diverges. The one thing that I've come to accept is that I am who I'm ever-becoming. I no longer worry about what transpired to get me here or where it might lead. I work more on being a better me each day and rebuilding all that lost self-worth.

All my best,
Brina

Reply
Managing Editor
(@bmactavish)
Joined: 9 years ago

Noble Member     Iowa, United States of America
Posts: 1094

Steph,

Nicely put. I think I know where I want to go, but things change and the path often diverges. The one thing that I've come to accept is that I am who I'm ever-becoming. I no longer worry about what transpired to get me here or where it might lead. I work more on being a better me each day and rebuilding all that lost self-worth.

All my best,
Brina

Reply
Posts: 13
(@stephtv60)
Active Member     Pombal, Leiria, Portugal
Joined: 7 years ago

Brina,
Thank you for sharing where you are in your life's journey and how you have come to tbe who you are where you are. The important part is that you are looking forward with your question. I am only just starting on my journey, but I have had, in some ways, a very similar beginning. For me perhaps the stripping away of my self-worth was the catalyst for questioning all of the social conditioning since my birth. To build someone new requires breaking down all that was there before right down to the foundations and restarting. This is where your perennial question is so important. Every time I ask myself that question it marks an important point in the journey. I have so very much to learn, and practice, for the outward appearance but I am already at peace with two complementary persona. I know where I want to travel, but I also need to consider those who have helped me throw off my beginnings and nurtured my fledgling desire even if it has caused them heartache. Time will tell how quickly I next need to as myself "so now what?".

Steph

Reply
Posts: 21
(@andrea510t)
Eminent Member     Rural, Iowa, United States of America
Joined: 7 years ago

Well written article, Brina. It is easy to see that you are a professional writer. I especially appreciate the point you make about not denying one's feminine self. That along with other people's comments about balance rings so true for me. To invest all of my energy in my feminine self gets life out of balance for me, BUT, to put all the energy it takes to completely suppress my feminine self also creates an unbearable imbalance. Your message of self-acceptance and openness to the future is gratifying. Thank you.

--Andrea

Reply
2 Replies
Managing Editor
(@bmactavish)
Joined: 9 years ago

Noble Member     Iowa, United States of America
Posts: 1094

Thank you for your insights, Andrea! You make a very salient point about balance. Fighting this wonderful, annoying, special, demanding, amazing part of us takes as much if not more effort...and added stress (mentally and physically) than it does to embrace it. The truth that no one wants to admit: we are made up of male and female DNA. It's natural in a world of 7 billion that we can no longer easily separate into 2 categories...male and female. Genetics will always win.

The bigger issue is why there has to be a right or wrong, and...who decides? Humanity has come so far and has a million miles to go. I hope it evolves as fast as technology. I remember when there weren't microwaves...

Brina

Reply
Managing Editor
(@bmactavish)
Joined: 9 years ago

Noble Member     Iowa, United States of America
Posts: 1094

Thank you for your insights, Andrea! You make a very salient point about balance. Fighting this wonderful, annoying, special, demanding, amazing part of us takes as much if not more effort...and added stress (mentally and physically) than it does to embrace it. The truth that no one wants to admit: we are made up of male and female DNA. It's natural in a world of 7 billion that we can no longer easily separate into 2 categories...male and female. Genetics will always win.

The bigger issue is why there has to be a right or wrong, and...who decides? Humanity has come so far and has a million miles to go. I hope it evolves as fast as technology. I remember when there weren't microwaves...

Brina

Reply
Posts: 21
(@andrea510t)
Eminent Member     Rural, Iowa, United States of America
Joined: 7 years ago

Well written article, Brina. It is easy to see that you are a professional writer. I especially appreciate the point you make about not denying one's feminine self. That along with other people's comments about balance rings so true for me. To invest all of my energy in my feminine self gets life out of balance for me, BUT, to put all the energy it takes to completely suppress my feminine self also creates an unbearable imbalance. Your message of self-acceptance and openness to the future is gratifying. Thank you.

--Andrea

Reply
Posts: 21
(@andrea510t)
Eminent Member     Rural, Iowa, United States of America
Joined: 7 years ago

Why does there have to be a right or wrong? My take on it (philosophy light--more sugar than protein ...LOL) is this:

In order for out society to function we require rules of behavior -- even wolves in a pack have social behavior rules. In many ways these rules serve a valid purpose, and part of our pack animal DNA makes us feel good about following the rules. It means we fit in, we belong, etc. However, most of us also have problems with low self esteem so we can make following the rules something of a morality fetish. Again, maybe no problem as long as it pertains to the necessary rules--although these folks often come across as rather self-righteous. The problem begins when we make it important to follow rules that aren't necessary, such as our choice of dress, gender expression, etc. Then we have the low self-esteem self-righteous people having a hissy fit because it somehow gives them a sense of moral superiority. I'm sure there are deeper layers to this, but that is my 'arm chair psychology' view point.

Reply
Posts: 21
(@andrea510t)
Eminent Member     Rural, Iowa, United States of America
Joined: 7 years ago

Why does there have to be a right or wrong? My take on it (philosophy light--more sugar than protein ...LOL) is this:

In order for out society to function we require rules of behavior -- even wolves in a pack have social behavior rules. In many ways these rules serve a valid purpose, and part of our pack animal DNA makes us feel good about following the rules. It means we fit in, we belong, etc. However, most of us also have problems with low self esteem so we can make following the rules something of a morality fetish. Again, maybe no problem as long as it pertains to the necessary rules--although these folks often come across as rather self-righteous. The problem begins when we make it important to follow rules that aren't necessary, such as our choice of dress, gender expression, etc. Then we have the low self-esteem self-righteous people having a hissy fit because it somehow gives them a sense of moral superiority. I'm sure there are deeper layers to this, but that is my 'arm chair psychology' view point.

Reply
Posts: 7
(@cdmandy1970)
Active Member     picton, new south wales, Australia
Joined: 7 years ago

OMG as i read your article i was sitting here stunned its like you truly read my mind, everything you said described me and my mind perfectly I'm still sitting here as i type this just blown away that it describes my past in every way and where i am at in life now
You have written this so beautifully Brina and you are such a wonderful writer
Thank you again for making so much sense and making me realise new things i had not thought of in such a long time

Reply
Posts: 7
(@cdmandy1970)
Active Member     picton, new south wales, Australia
Joined: 7 years ago

OMG as i read your article i was sitting here stunned its like you truly read my mind, everything you said described me and my mind perfectly I'm still sitting here as i type this just blown away that it describes my past in every way and where i am at in life now
You have written this so beautifully Brina and you are such a wonderful writer
Thank you again for making so much sense and making me realise new things i had not thought of in such a long time

Reply
2 Replies
Managing Editor
(@bmactavish)
Joined: 9 years ago

Noble Member     Iowa, United States of America
Posts: 1094

Mandy,

If I can help one person ease their stress, smile a little more, or even stop the latest need to purge, then I'm happy. I believe that our minds keep trying to tell us that this is who we are and instead of fighting it, we should find a way to embrace it (within the complexities of our lives.) My life was always worse when I tried the hardest to bury it, not that there weren't times when I felt mostly male and embraced that role. This is just a part of me and an important part...it just took me too long to understand it. Hopefully, others will benefit by reading my thoughts and talking with the others on this wonderful site.

Brina

Reply
Managing Editor
(@bmactavish)
Joined: 9 years ago

Noble Member     Iowa, United States of America
Posts: 1094

Mandy,

If I can help one person ease their stress, smile a little more, or even stop the latest need to purge, then I'm happy. I believe that our minds keep trying to tell us that this is who we are and instead of fighting it, we should find a way to embrace it (within the complexities of our lives.) My life was always worse when I tried the hardest to bury it, not that there weren't times when I felt mostly male and embraced that role. This is just a part of me and an important part...it just took me too long to understand it. Hopefully, others will benefit by reading my thoughts and talking with the others on this wonderful site.

Brina

Reply
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