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This thing (whatever crossdressing is to me) has been nothing but a burden. When combined with the added stress from all of the years I've been avoiding it, I've reached a point where I finally need to deal with it.
I have read many articles on ways to stop the urge to dress, but mostly found them to be sexist and ridiculous. A few come from a more religious view, damning someone worse for their clothing choices than murder, which just seems ludicrous. After reading through countless articles, I can honestly say that those that dress regularly seem far saner to me than those in denial (or at the very least they are happier.)
So here I am, about a year into this journey, and I haven't done much of anything but worry myself sick. I ask myself countless questions without even looking for answers. Although I’m fairly new to this site, and I haven’t really been active, I have decided to reach out to all of you, this community.
I choose to remain anonymous and not explain my life, because that simply doesn't matter... However, reaching out does matter in my personal search for answers (especially if the thought process I am sharing is relatable to anyone else in need of help.)
I have a few supportive friends (including my roommates). The way I told my roommates (a male and a female) was almost more like issuing a warning. I told them individually that I’m not sure how far I’ll go, but I can't stress myself out worrying about hiding everything (from small stuff like mail to more obvious things such as deciding to shave my legs).
I was fortunate in that both of they were very supportive and chose to recognize me as the friend I've been. They supported me by claiming that this doesn't change anything. When I told them I would get it if they moved out, he laughed and she expressed sadness that I didn't feel comfortable talking to her sooner.
This has reduced so many worries; I recommend to anyone wanting to experiment with anything to share it with your more accepting friends! They remind you error is part of "trial and error," and that it's OK to have some bumps along the way. I feel very lucky, but I think that's just kind of how friendship works.
With all of my friends' support, and my own determination, I have a huge problem... I haven’t really accepted myself. This is why I'm even writing this article. I have so many fears, a lack of information, and I am stuck in this state of ambivalence. So I ask all of you, a community full of wisdom that shares such similar experiences all based around the same topic... How do I proceed? What does it take to accept this aspect of yourself?
To get over my fears I want to just dive right in! This is a challenge, though…
-I haven’t dressed in several years, although the urges never stopped.
-I am poor, and I'm not willing to shop offline (yet).
-I have no confidence; I am scared.
-I am not sure of any preferences (or my size... I need a cheap way to figure out what I like and how things fit).
-I know nothing about style/fashion.
I don’t know where to start, and I am much too stubborn to borrow anything. My goal can be broken down into two things:
- A better sense of understanding as to how important, or what, crossdressing is to me.
- To learn how to have fun with it and not be so ashamed…
I have finally learned that this is something that doesn’t just go away. I'm not sure what other goals I need at the moment, how far my interests will take me, or even why I'm doing this. And yet… I have decided that I am doing this and it's time to figure it all out. I appreciate any tips, or advice, and the time you've taken to read this.
(Also, I get the whole “take as much time as you need” thing. Honestly, though, if I don’t just jump in, nothing will change… Something has to change, and with as much caution as I've been taking, I don't think I will be doing anything I'm uncomfortable with.)
Ahhhh- Being "Different_ a maverick-not going along with the crowd-- It is difficult-It does complicate ones life--However--Look around---If you wanted to be a successful music star/actor/ballerina/chef/racer car driver--or anything a little "out there"--you have to Focus--you have to learn to put aside peoples skepticism that Very few people Can actually secede at becoming a sports star--success isn't always being the Best. but becoming the best " we" can be personally - the only time we completely Fail--is when we don't Try-- we have to function in society (hold a job ect--) because we need luxuries like a roof over our heads & Food---but we don't have to 100% into the crowd & societal "Norms" people who become Rock stars or drag queens have to spend enormous amounts of time & energy learning their Craft--& only 1 out of a million make it to the Top--but the Top is not what we should be aiming for--Happiness IS-- Being "Poor" is not an excuse for not succeeding to some level--there are thrift shop to buy clothes--Even if you are in a low wage job--you may have to trade your buying coffee or junk food for clothing money but that is a choice--mabe you will have to work more hrs or take a second PT job to have clothing money--that to is a choice-- If you Want something--Go for it--don't whine or make excuses---figure out how to make it happen -step by step-
Nameless one;
Well this is interesting... Do you realise that by telling your roommates, that you're already more out than many on this site?
Janedon's comments about thrift shops are right on... That's the way for learning a little about your clothing preferences.. Take back what you don't love.... Look for the bigger stores though, they tend to have more items go through them just because of their size, and don't say "I'll come back for that later", if it's good, it'll be gone.
Now, as to hiding... On this site? Why? Share a little of yourself, but not so much as to allow people to find you (and trust me, they won't be trying to without an invitation) Get on the chat and join in the conversations, trust me, the simple confirmation that there are lots of people like you will make a difference to how you feel about yourself, and it'll be checking the "I'm doing something" box as well. All of us started out hiding and alone, and all of us understand the confusion and fear. You're early enough to that realisation that you can explore, and decide to do what makes sense to you without having spent the better part of a lifetime beating yourself up over it. You're already ahead of the curve, and you can have the "I'm happy with who I am" feeling, and enjoy a life of it.
Do it with Dignity and for yourself, and you'll be fine. There was a beautiful article on this site that I can not find which talked about 90% of fears being useless, We've all been there or are still there, but approaching it with dignity will allow you to overcome the ones that are stressing you, and with the minimum of stress if you come across someone who wants to project their world view onto you.
I hope this helps you, I spent many more years until I reached this point, and starting to talk earlier is my only regret, The stress of beating myself up wasn't and isn't worth it.
-Molly
Nameless one;
Well this is interesting... Do you realise that by telling your roommates, that you're already more out than many on this site?
Janedon's comments about thrift shops are right on... That's the way for learning a little about your clothing preferences.. Take back what you don't love.... Look for the bigger stores though, they tend to have more items go through them just because of their size, and don't say "I'll come back for that later", if it's good, it'll be gone.
Now, as to hiding... On this site? Why? Share a little of yourself, but not so much as to allow people to find you (and trust me, they won't be trying to without an invitation) Get on the chat and join in the conversations, trust me, the simple confirmation that there are lots of people like you will make a difference to how you feel about yourself, and it'll be checking the "I'm doing something" box as well. All of us started out hiding and alone, and all of us understand the confusion and fear. You're early enough to that realisation that you can explore, and decide to do what makes sense to you without having spent the better part of a lifetime beating yourself up over it. You're already ahead of the curve, and you can have the "I'm happy with who I am" feeling, and enjoy a life of it.
Do it with Dignity and for yourself, and you'll be fine. There was a beautiful article on this site that I can not find which talked about 90% of fears being useless, We've all been there or are still there, but approaching it with dignity will allow you to overcome the ones that are stressing you, and with the minimum of stress if you come across someone who wants to project their world view onto you.
I hope this helps you, I spent many more years until I reached this point, and starting to talk earlier is my only regret, The stress of beating myself up wasn't and isn't worth it.
-Molly
Dear Nameless! I have recently begun "full dress" after many years of closet dressing, and ridicule. I suggest you have your female roommate go shopping with you at a thrift store. (something like Salvation Army etc.) I was able to do this with my friend Mary who did the "purchase" at the checkout. It gave me the means to determine sizes at little expense. CIS women have an eye for size and your friend will be able to come close to what size you might wear. If it doesn't fit you; simply donate it back so that the store can benefit from another sale. Best of luck to you. Going public will be scary, but as others have said - just telling your roommates has brought your inner woman out. Best of luck!
Michelle
Dear Nameless! I have recently begun "full dress" after many years of closet dressing, and ridicule. I suggest you have your female roommate go shopping with you at a thrift store. (something like Salvation Army etc.) I was able to do this with my friend Mary who did the "purchase" at the checkout. It gave me the means to determine sizes at little expense. CIS women have an eye for size and your friend will be able to come close to what size you might wear. If it doesn't fit you; simply donate it back so that the store can benefit from another sale. Best of luck to you. Going public will be scary, but as others have said - just telling your roommates has brought your inner woman out. Best of luck!
Michelle
Michelle is on target. & if you have any self doubts think about an article that appeared in the Wall Street Journal a few years ago: "caught between male and female". the author states that our brains in a certain area are somewhat or very close to the female brain. so accept that you are what God made you and good luck!
Michelle is on target. & if you have any self doubts think about an article that appeared in the Wall Street Journal a few years ago: "caught between male and female". the author states that our brains in a certain area are somewhat or very close to the female brain. so accept that you are what God made you and good luck!
All great advice so far. I will add-don’t feel like you have to find ALL the answers right away. You are way ahead of the game by realizing at your young age that these feelings/needs do NOT go away AND by already having at least a couple allies close at hand. Take time to read the articles and forum posts here (and not JUST the recent ones-there are a lot of great older posts that many of our members have not even read yet that have lots of great information and thoughts. Chances are any question you have has been at he least talked about here already at least once. At age 54 I am still figuring out my own path but know that Cyn will never again be shut away(see some of my articles if you wanna know more details of my life story). And don’t be afraid to open up to folks here(not saying you have to give your phone number or email LOL) cause the knowledge that you aren’t alone I’m your feelings is powerful and freeing. Your two biggest assets in becoming WHOEVER you want to be? Confidence! And a smile!
Cyn
All great advice so far. I will add-don’t feel like you have to find ALL the answers right away. You are way ahead of the game by realizing at your young age that these feelings/needs do NOT go away AND by already having at least a couple allies close at hand. Take time to read the articles and forum posts here (and not JUST the recent ones-there are a lot of great older posts that many of our members have not even read yet that have lots of great information and thoughts. Chances are any question you have has been at he least talked about here already at least once. At age 54 I am still figuring out my own path but know that Cyn will never again be shut away(see some of my articles if you wanna know more details of my life story). And don’t be afraid to open up to folks here(not saying you have to give your phone number or email LOL) cause the knowledge that you aren’t alone I’m your feelings is powerful and freeing. Your two biggest assets in becoming WHOEVER you want to be? Confidence! And a smile!
Cyn
Nameless one,
It was only about 2 years ago that my CD compulsion surfaced, and I've had issues similar to yours. Someone advised "take baby steps first", and that's about what I did. Outside of home, I'm still in "stealth" mode: shoes, socks, jeans and tees and belt all . from the women's side, but not obviously so. Underneath, panties and a cami ( and sometimes a bra). Couple of skirts and Mary Janes for indoors, and a wig for the day when I can venture out.
Style is too personal for me to give advice; I happen to be a jeans & tee person, so this works pretty well for me. Size will always involve some trial-and-error, but that's why store have a "return" option. For what it's worth, my sizes: I'm 5'10", 150#, 33-34 waist. Men's shirts on the cusp between M and L. Women's tees XL, tops usually 1X;
dress 12 or 14; skirts L; panties XL. Then there are shoes: I'm a 12W in men's, but I have done well with 13W and even one 12W in women's from Payless (which is going out of business and has my size at bargain prices),
I hope this gives you a starting point, and best of luck to you on your CD journey.
Bettylou
Nameless one,
It was only about 2 years ago that my CD compulsion surfaced, and I've had issues similar to yours. Someone advised "take baby steps first", and that's about what I did. Outside of home, I'm still in "stealth" mode: shoes, socks, jeans and tees and belt all . from the women's side, but not obviously so. Underneath, panties and a cami ( and sometimes a bra). Couple of skirts and Mary Janes for indoors, and a wig for the day when I can venture out.
Style is too personal for me to give advice; I happen to be a jeans & tee person, so this works pretty well for me. Size will always involve some trial-and-error, but that's why store have a "return" option. For what it's worth, my sizes: I'm 5'10", 150#, 33-34 waist. Men's shirts on the cusp between M and L. Women's tees XL, tops usually 1X;
dress 12 or 14; skirts L; panties XL. Then there are shoes: I'm a 12W in men's, but I have done well with 13W and even one 12W in women's from Payless (which is going out of business and has my size at bargain prices),
I hope this gives you a starting point, and best of luck to you on your CD journey.
Bettylou
Ahhhh - sizing. One easy way to get your approximate size (you will learn that women’s clothing sizes are not all that consistent) is to take your measurements then go online to several shops and look up their sizing guidelines. It’s a good way to start.
Hugs,
April
April,
Good advice, but it reminded me of a pitfall for those who shop online. I just "inherited" a top and a cami from my wife, who ordered from someone in China. Asian sizing is NOT the same as US sizing. Good for me; for her, not so much. She had to reorder, and one of the items she wanted wasn't available in her true size.
Bettylou
April,
Good advice, but it reminded me of a pitfall for those who shop online. I just "inherited" a top and a cami from my wife, who ordered from someone in China. Asian sizing is NOT the same as US sizing. Good for me; for her, not so much. She had to reorder, and one of the items she wanted wasn't available in her true size.
Bettylou
Ahhhh - sizing. One easy way to get your approximate size (you will learn that women’s clothing sizes are not all that consistent) is to take your measurements then go online to several shops and look up their sizing guidelines. It’s a good way to start.
Hugs,
April
ask your female roomate. she might be a wealth of info. also, jump into chat on here. were more than willing to help.
